Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Hooker and Shill Duke It Out for South Beach Sleazeball Championship

TV pitchman battered hooker in South Beach hotel room brawl MARCH 27

--Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers. Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room. According to an arrest affidavit, Shlomi met Sasha Harris, 26, at a Miami Beach nightclub on February 7 and subsequently retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face (she photo).

Once Shlomi escaped the dreaded "tongue lock", a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of sex and blood mixed emanating from their persons," police reported. "It was a real turn-on," said one cop, speaking on condition of asking to speak on condition. In a very brief telephone interview, Harris declined to answer questions. Asked if she worked as a hooker, Harris declined comment. Asked is she wanted to make a statement, Harris refused to answer.

As seen in the other mug shot, Shlomi was also injured during the fracas and, court records show, was treated at Mount Sinai Medical Center. Police called the fight a draw, setting up a possible rematch in a bedroom of some other South Beach hotel.

Shlomi told reporters Harris had a fierce right cross which, when combined with the tongue lock had him temporarily on the bed sheets. "I only got out of that one by breaking every bone in her face while viciously kneeing her in the groin," said Shlomi. "But it was a fair fight and I think it's reasonable to call it a draw. I'm looking forward to a rematch but I'm going to wear a mouthpiece and brass knuckles for that one," he said.

Asked by a female reporter if he thought that would be fair against a woman much smaller than he. Shlomi replied, "Fair, schmair.....next time I'm going to bust out every tooth in her mouth. That should put an end to the tongue lock, without jeopardizing her career. I don't wanna keep no one from working."

Monday, March 30, 2009

Was This Part of the Job Description?

This dude really gets around. Second appearance on Bizarre Stuff. Needs to consult a urologist.

Man accused of urinating on Connecticut casino worker
Mar 30 2009 07:14PM CST

Police said a New Hampshire man was arrested early Monday after allegedly urinating on an employee at the MGM Grand Casino at Foxwoods. Police said the man, 39, began urinating inside a concourse trash can and then on a casino employee.

Police charged the man with breach of peace. They said he was intoxicated and was arrested without incident.

After wringing out his pant leg, the casino worker returned to his post but gamblers complained of a strong stench of urine. The employee was sent home and docked one day's pay. His boss said he should have stepped aside to avoid being pissed on.

The employee quit, telling his boss, "Piss on you."

The man was scheduled to appear April 14 in New London Superior Court. The pisser, not the pissee.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

What Constitutes a Dumb Crook?

2/29/09 Barrow, AK

Several of our readers (well, one, to be honest) have asked what the qualifications are to earn the classification of dumb crook. We were stumped, frankly, and had to ask around. After discussing it with several friends in law enforcement (well, one to be honest) and a panel of 2 lawyers (to be honest only one showed up), we were able to put together a composite picture of an archtypical dumb crook. All you have to do is print and cut out the photos of each of the dumb crooks depicted above and superimpose two of them on top of a third (in any order) and you will have your typical dumb crook. Try it. You'll be astounded. It doesn't matter what the order, it always comes out as a dumb crook.

Editor in Chief

Possibly the Dumbest Crook Ever

(None of these men is Jerome but could have been. They all are dumb crooks and these are their police mug shots, to prove it.)

AP 3/28/09
Harrisburg, PA

Jerome Blanchett, of Harrisburg, needed money so he decided to pull a robbery. He went to a convention center near Harrisburg. John was in a hurry and didn't read the convention center marquee, announcing a meeting of 300+ nacotics officers. Jerome hid in the men's room to surprise his victim. When a retired police chief, John Comparetto, exited a stall, Jerome pointed a gun in his face and demanded money. John gave Jerome his money and his cellphone. Jerome used the cellphone to call his girlfriend to tell her he had robbed a mark and now had the money they needed.

When Jerome fled the convention center he was pursued by John and approximately 100 of his police colleagues who were taking a break in the lobby. They corralled Jerome as he was trying to get in a taxi. He did not put up any resistance when surrounded by 100 cops.

Jerome was speechless when approached by a reporter seeking a statement.

Police traced the number called by John, and arrested his girlfriend, as an accessory.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Lifestyles of the Overly Rich and Famous - 100+ rooms?

L.A. 3/28/09

The widow of producer Aaron Spelling is placing "The Manor" in the exclusive Holmby Hills neighborhood on the market for a jaw-dropping $150 million, making it by far the most expensive home for sale in the U.S.

The French chateau-style mansion has 56,500 square feet of space on more than 4.7 acres and is the largest home in Los Angeles County. Among the neighbors are the Los Angeles Country Club and, not too far away, the Playboy Mansion.

Candy Spelling's late husband produced hit shows such as "Charlie's Angels," "Dynasty" and "Beverly Hills, 90210." He died in 2006.

"Everything there is glamorous, and is luxurious and it's really great scale," said Sally Forster Jones, an agent with Coldwell Banker Previews International in Los Angeles, which is co-listing the property. "There really is nothing to compare it to."

Spelling told The Associated Press that she let her dog Madison, a soft-coated Wheaten Terrier, help pick out the best real estate agent for the task. She had her security bring the dog into the room every time she met one of the candidate agents and watched how the dog reacted. If Madison didn't like them, Spelling crossed them off the list.

Prospective buyers won't have to worry about passing such scrutiny, Spelling jokes.

"Not at all," she says.

The mansion, built in 1991, is gated and features a winding driveway that leads up to the three-story house, which includes ceilings that reach up to 30 feet high, Jones said.

While some published reports put the tally of rooms in the mansion at well past 100, Jones couldn't provide an exact count.

Spelling says she doesn't know either.

Lets All Have a Ball

Diners can 'have a ball' at testicle festival


The fundraising idea may seem a little "nuts," but Oakdale's annual Testicle Festival is always a big hit. On Monday, volunteers with the town's Rotary Club plan to fry up 400 pounds of the private parts of bulls and serve them to diners who pay $50 each to eat these tasty critters, also known as mountain oysters.

Rotary Club President Clyde Barker said the Club was issuing an iron-clad guarantee that everyone dining at the festival will have a ball.

New Twist Ends Old Tradition

Twenty-two students at St. Mary's College of California have done something their predecessors famously did 50 years ago: cram into a phone booth.

Teams competed to fit as many bodies as possible into a phone booth on the campus green Wednesday, a half-century after Life magazine published a now-famous photograph of 22 St. Mary's students stuffed into a phone booth, a popular college stunt in the 1950s.

Current students matched the number in the 1959 image, though they failed to break the campus record of 24 set in 1984.

After the stunt, 2 women reported being raped and one groped during the ordeal and one man sustained a broken arm. The raped women were unable to identify their attackers because they were unable to move their heads due to the cramped conditions inside the phone booth.

St. Mary's officials say a South African team set the world record of 25 in 1958.

After today's episode, St. Mary's announced its decision to prohibit any future attempts to stuff a phone booth on campus grounds.

If At First You Don't Suceed, Drink, Drink Again

(Substitute Drunk Woman)

Woman arrested 3 times in 3 days for drunk driving

Mar 26 2009 06:27PM CST

A 60-year-old Washington woman arrested for drunken driving three times in three days while vacationing in Wisconsin has been sentenced to a month in jail. The woman was arrested first at 2 p.m. March 11, 2008. A deputy saw her try to drive out of a ditch, wearing only one shoe and had a blood-alcohol level of 0.21, authorities said. The legal driving limit is .08.

Twenty-four hours later, the woman was arrested after her car got stuck in snow in a park campground that was closed for the winter. The woman told an officer she had had four or six cups of wine.

"I am still finishing up the box of wine in my car from yesterday," authorities reported she told the officer.

Authorities found a box of Black Fox wine in the car.

The woman spent 12 hours in jail. She was released and headed west, but was arrested a short time later after someone reported her driving "all over the road," according to a police report.

An officer found a partial bottle of wine in her car. She had a blood alcohol-level of 0.16.

Court records released Wednesday show the woman was sentenced last week to 30 days in jail and fined more than $3,000.

Flipping Off Cops Protected by First Amendment

Judge Rules Flipping the Bird Was Free Speech

Mar 26, 2009, 02:29 pm CDT
By Debra Cassens Weiss

A motorist who flipped off a police officer and received a disorderly conduct ticket has won a ruling that his gesture was protected by the First Amendment.

David Hackbart first gave the bird to a motorist who blocked his parking space, and then to a voice telling him to stop—which turned out to be that of an officer, according to the opinion (PDF posted by the Wall Street Journal) by U.S. District Judge David Cercone of Pittsburgh.

"Hackbart, in this instance, was expressing his frustration and anger when he gestured with his middle finger to both the driver behind him and to [the officer]," Cercone wrote. "Both gestures are protected expressions under the First Amendment, unless they fall within a narrowly limited category of unprotected speech such as obscene speech or fighting words."

Cercone granted Hackbart's motion for summary judgment and allowed the civil rights lawsuit to proceed to trial on related issues, according to the Wall Street Journal Law Blog. Hackbart is claiming the incident caused him physical pain and suffering, emotional trauma, humiliation and distress, according to Legal Blog Watch, citing a story in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review.

A woman pictured above demonstrated her opinion of the ruling when asked by a reporter outside the federal courthouse. She flipped off both the reporter and the photographer.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sex in the Car Wash - Part II

In a follow-up to a previous bizarre story posted here last October, the Saginaw County, Michigan man who was arrested by police for having his way with a car wash vacuum, wihout paying, had his day in court, a day he probably would have preferred skipping. Considering the severity of the offense, which necessitated the removal of the vacuum in October, and its total replacement, by order of the state Health Department, the man was sentenced to serve only 90 days, with credit for time served. He was released after sentencing. The man declined an original interview and photo op in October because he had not yet been disengaged from the vacuum. The only photo obtained at the time was of the man's manacled wrists, behind his back.

So here he is again, folks, in case you missed his wrists in October. Still somewhat vacuum shy the man would only allow himself to be photographed in drag, disguised as a female exterminator or a hospital orderly.

Man gets 90 days in jail in vacuum sex act case

Mar 26 2009 04:58AM CST

A man police caught performing a sex act with a car wash vacuum has been sentenced to 90 days in the Saginaw County Jail.

Jason Leroy Savage must also submit to drug testing.

The 29-year-old Swan Creek Township man was sentenced Wednesday in Saginaw County Circuit Court. Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure last month.

Police say Savage was arrested after a resident called officers early on Oct. 16 to report suspicious activity at a car wash in Thomas Township, about 90 miles northwest of Detroit.

Savage's attorney, Philip Sturtz, didn't immediately return a message seeking comment.

Fake Justice, Fake Wedding, Fake Betty Crocker Wedding Cake, Fake Consumation

Fake, Fake Justice of Peace

Fake Justice accused of performing fake weddings

Mar 25 2009 07:09PM CST

Sheriff's officials in Arizona say a man impersonated an elected justice of the peace and performed several weddings whose legality are now in doubt. Yavapai County Sheriff's spokesman Dwight D'Evelyn says 41-year-old Allen Elfman (not pictured above) was arrested Tuesday on charges of fraud, forgery, criminal impersonation, impersonating a public servant and tampering with a public record.

D'Evelyn says a county court administrator brought the case to the attention of the county attorney's office, when one of the parties to one of the fake weddings attempted to obtain a divorce. An application for temporary alimony and child support was denied because the fake marriage was invalid. Sheriff's detectives have found at least four couples who also were (not) married by Elfman.

It isn't clear how long Elfman is accused of not marrying couples, but at least one of the fake weddings he performed dated back to late 2007. "There could be hundreds of unmarried couples out there filing false tax returns and giving birth to bastards," said a clerk at the Sheriff's office, who was not authorized to speak to reporters. "He only charged $20, which should have set off some alarms. But they just wanted to get married on the cheap." she continued.

One of the women not married by Elfman complained that she had been living in sin for more than a year and probably would go to hell. "And to think I saved myself for my husband all those years and then threw it all away on a man I am not even married to," said the angry woman. "I should have just slept with all those other men who wanted me to." she complained. Her fake husband could not be reached for comment.

D'Evelyn didn't know if Elfman had an attorney. "He'll probably impersonate an attorney and represent himself," said D'Evelyn, speaking on condition of not being quoted for this story.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

What? Me, Superstitious? It Was the Broad's Fault

Marijuana Grow Room

AP 3-25-09

A broken mirror brought a man bad luck on Tuesday. Police said a woman called 911 to report she had been cut by a mirror that had fallen on her. When police and firefighters responded they also found a sophisticated marijuana growing operation, including 130 plants growing in a mylar-wrapped room, with lamps and a ventilation system.

A resident of the duplex, a 46-year-old man, was charged with felony level drug manufacturing. He refused to cooperate with the arresting officer, claiming a constitutional right to grow weed.

The woman was treated at the scene but charged only with stupidity, which is not a misdemeanor. She was released on her own recognizance.

The man was arrested and is being held on $20,000 cash bail. He requested that the woman who called 911 not be permitted to visit him.

Further arrests are expected.

Real, Real, Fake, Fake


Police say woman used fake ID to get fake breasts

Mar 24 2009 07:02PM CST

Police are seeking a woman they said used a false identity to get breast implants and liposuction, then skipped town. Huntington Beach police said Monday that a 30-year-old woman opened a line of credit in someone else's name in September 2008 and had the procedures worth more than $12,000 performed at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery.

Employees said she never returned for follow-up visits.

Police asked the public to be on the lookout for the breats in the right hand photo. "The ones on the left are her old breasts and it would be impossible to find them now. These on the right are the ones that cost the big bucks," said a police sergeant, who was studying the photo on the right carefully in order to be able to make a positive identification if he found them.

Police said the woman faces charges of commercial burglary, grand theft and identity theft.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Farting Banned in Florida

Fla. student suspended from bus for passing gas

Mar 23 2009 10:15PM CST

An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus Monday to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe. The bus driver handed the teen the suspension form the next day.

Polk County school officials said there's no rule against flatulence, but there are rules against causing a disturbance on the bus.

The teen said he wasn't the one passing gas.

Whether he did it or not, he might have gotten off easy. A 13-year-old student at a Stuart school was arrested in November after authorities said he broke wind in class.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head - On the Internet?

Web love triangle ends in a tragedy
Posted 1/22/2007 8:25 AM ET

The "prize" he killed for. (Not the real woman, a reasonable substitute)

By Carolyn Thompson, The Associated Press
BUFFALO — He was an 18-year-old Marine headed to war.
She was an attractive young woman sending him off with pictures and her lingerie.

Or so each thought.

In reality, they were two middle-aged people carrying on an Internet fantasy based on seemingly harmless lies.

When a truthful 22-year-old was drawn in, authorities say, their cyber escape turned deadly.

"When you're on the Internet talking, you haven't got a clue who that is on the other end," Erie County Sheriff's Lt. Ron Kenyon said. (editor's note: You do if it's your mom or your brother.)

When Brian Barrett was shot to death Sept. 15 outside the factory where he worked to help pay for college, investigators and his family were stumped, the family becausen they ran into a tree stump on the way to the scene.

Barrett, 22, was an aspiring industrial arts teacher, an accomplished high school athlete who had coached Little League all summer and helped his father coach soccer. Those who knew the Buffalo State College student described him as quiet and unassuming.

He had clearly been targeted. There was a bullseye painted on his chest. Barrett was shot three times at close range in the neck and left arm after climbing into his truck about 10 p.m. at the end of a shift at Dynabrade in Clarence, 20 miles outside of Buffalo. The shooter missed the bullseye. His body was found two days later when a co-worker spotted his pickup in an isolated part of the company parking lot.

"He was just a nice kid, a gentleman," said Starpoint High School Athletic Director Tom Sarkovics, who was Barrett's baseball coach for two years. "I don't think anybody could say a bad thing about him." (Obviously, his co-worker had lots of bad things to say about him.)

On Nov. 27, Barrett's 47-year-old co-worker and friend, Thomas Montgomery, was charged with Barrett's murder. The motive, investigators said, was jealousy over Barrett's budding Internet relationship with the same 18-year-old woman Montgomery had been wooing since the previous year.

What neither man knew was that the woman was really a 40-something West Virginia mother using her daughter's identity to attract Internet suitors. Cyberspace, it appeared, was enough for her, and it was a near certainty she would never have met either man.

"The game would have been over at that point and time for sure," Kenyon said, with no knowledge of what he was talking about. He just likes to hear himself.

When Montgomery began chatting with the woman in 2005, the former Marine portrayed himself as perhaps a previous version of himself — a young Marine preparing for deployment to Iraq, Assistant District Attorney Ken Case said, without knowing if this were true or not.

For a time, they communicated strictly through chat rooms and e-mail.

Then the woman began sending gifts to Montgomery's home, Case said. Pictures of the woman's daughter, her lingerie and a set of custom-made dog tags arrived at the pale yellow suburban house that Montgomery shared with his wife and two teenage children.

Montgomery's wife intercepted one of the packages, Case said. She wrote back to the woman at the return address, and included a family portrait to make her point.

"As you can see, Tom's not 18," Case said she wrote. "He's married and he's a father of two. He's 47 and I'm his wife." And, believing she was writing to an 18-year-old: "You've obviously been fooled."

The West Virginia woman — whom authorities will not identify — remembered a friend named Brian that Montgomery had mentioned. She recalled enough of his computer screen name to contact Barrett to ask him about what Montgomery's wife had told her.

Soon Barrett was in regular contact with the woman. Despite knowing the truth about Montgomery, the woman remained in contact with him as well, Case said.

The woman made no secret of the fact she was chatting with Barrett, Case said, and Barrett talked about the relationship at work. Montgomery, authorities say, became jealous.

Sheriff's investigators believe Barrett's killer wore camouflage and a ski mask when he approached Barrett in the parking lot with a .30-caliber rifle and fired at close range. No evidence of this was ever found, however.

Montgomery is being held without bail after pleading not guilty to second-degree murder. Tall and with thinning hair, glasses and a mustache, he said nothing at a procedural court appearance on Jan. 10. He was gagged. He is due back in court in June.

His wife, whom authorities have not named, has begun divorce proceedings, Case said. She did not respond to a message left at Montgomery's home in suburban Cheektowaga or answer a reporter's knock there but she did tell a friend she definitely was not going to look for Mr. Next on the Internet.

An Internet crime expert said the case illustrates the dangers that lurk on the web, a really meaty observation that bears repeating but we won't.

"I'm hoping that this case will make people think twice about what they do online and what their actions can cause in the long run," she said.

When asked about the first expert's views, another expert, speaking on condition of proximity said, "Fat chance. These people are so horny they would have cybersex with a goldfish. But a 47 year-old man getting so jealous about some cyber chick he's never met that he shoots his friend? He needs to get his head rewired. Instead he'll get his butt expanded with some real love at the state penitentiary."

You Just Gotta Learn When to Leave Well Enough Alone

Montana pilot's crash linked to 2007 crash site
The Associated Press
Posted: Friday, Mar. 20, 2009

BILLINGS, Mont. Friends of a veteran pilot killed in a crash in southern Montana say he had set out to photograph the site where he had crashed two years ago.

Investigators from the National Transportation Safety Board are beginning to investigate Tuesday's crash that killed Sparky Imeson of Helena.

The 64-year-old Imeson took off alone from the Bozeman airport. Two friends say he had intended to document the site of a 2007 crash in the Elkhorn Mountains that left him with a compression fracture to his back, broken ribs, a broken toe and cuts on his head.

He found the location but made the mistake of repeating his previous visit there.

Searchers on Thursday found the wreckage of his Cessna 180 shown above, after Sparky's remains were removed in a small, canister vacuum bag.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Aussie Bikers Duke It Out in Sydney Airport

Bikers brawl through airport; One dead

Mar 22 2009 03:35PM CST

Warring bikers brawled through Australia's largest airport Sunday, beating one suspected gang member to death and brandishing metal poles "like swords" as they rampaged through the main domestic terminal in front of terrified travelers.

Police said a group of suspected gang members was ambushed as they disembarked from an airplane.

"A fight ensued, the fight moved through various parts of the terminal," said Police Detective Inspector Peter Williams. He said 15 men were involved in the violence, which rampaged from the ground floor up one level to the departures hall before most of the men fled.

Williams said one man died in a hospital from head injuries after the brawl, which appeared to bear out warnings of an impending biker war in Sydney.

"They came running through picking up the big metal barrier poles and swinging them like swords at each other," witness Naomi Constantine told the Australian Broadcasting Corp.

"I saw one of the men lying on the ground and another man came up with a pole and just started smashing it into his head," she said.

Four men, aged 21 to 25, were charged in connection with the fighting, police said. The others escaped, some of them by hailing taxis, local media reported. No charges were immediately laid.

Police did not identify the gangs suspected in the violence.

Authorities fear a gang war is brewing in Sydney following a string of drive-by shootings and an explosion last month outside a fortified Hell's Angel's clubhouse.

Economic Depression Increases the Number of Naked Women

More women needing cash go from jobless to topless to bottomless

Mar 22 2009 02:08PM CST

By KAREN HAWKINS - Associated Press Writer

Stripper Eva Stone (not shown above) raved about the work at the Pink Monkey gentlemen's club in Chicago, on Feb. 19, 2009. Stone is a 25-year-old dancer with a bachelor's degree in graphic design who hopes to go back to graduate school this year to pursue a master's in education. She took up dancing four years ago when her student loan companies wouldn't stop calling.

As a bartender and trainer at a national restaurant chain, Rebecca Brown earned a couple thousand dollars in a really good week. Now, as a dancer at Chicago's Pink Monkey gentleman's club, she makes almost that much in one good night.

The tough job market is prompting a growing number of women across the country to dance in strip clubs, appear in adult movies or pose for magazines like Hustler.

Employers across the adult entertainment industry say they're seeing an influx of applications from women who, like Brown, are attracted by the promise of flexible schedules and fast cash. Many have college degrees and held white-collar jobs until the economy soured.

"You're seeing a lot more beautiful women who are eligible to do so many other things," said Gus Poulos, general manager of New York City's Sin City gentleman's club. He said he got 85 responses in just one day to a recent job posting on Craigslist.

The transition to the nightclub scene isn't always a smooth one _ from learning to dance in five-inch heels to dealing with the jeers of some customers.

Some performers said they were initially so nervous that only alcohol could calm their nerves.

"It is like giving a speech, but instead of imagining everyone else naked, you're the one who's naked," Brown, 29, said.

Eva Stone, a 25-year-old dancer at the Pink Monkey, said dealing with occasional verbal abuse from patrons requires "a thick skin."

Makers of adult films cautioned that women shouldn't rush into the decision to make adult movies without considering the effect on their lives.

"Once you decide to be an adult actress, it impacts your relationship with everyone," said Steven Hirsch, co-chairman of adult film giant Vivid Entertainment Group. "Once you make an adult film, it never goes away."

The women at the Pink Monkey say dancing at a strip club might not have been their first career choice, but they entered the business with their eyes wide open. The job gives them more control and flexibility than sitting in a cubicle, and "it's easy, it's fun and all of us girls ... look out for each other," Brown said.

For some, dancing is temporary, a way to pay for college loans or other bills. Others say they've found their niche.

Dancers at the upscale Rick's Caberet clubs in New York City and Miami can make $100,000 to $300,000 a year _ in cash _ even with the economic downturn, club spokesman Allan Priaulx said.

Priaulx said 20 to 30 women a week are applying for jobs at the New York club, double the number of a year ago.

"In the past, people have said this industry is recession-proof," said Eric Wold, director of research for financial services firm Merriman Curhan Ford. "I definitely don't see that; maybe recession-resistant."

Strip club dancers and managers said they're drawing in the same number of customers, but fewer high rollers.

"They're not getting the big spenders," said Angelina Spencer, executive director of the Association of Club Executives, a trade group for adult nightclubs. "They're not getting the guys who come in and drop $3,000 to $4,000 a night anymore."

Still, the clubs' operating structure leaves them with low overhead and profit margins of up to 50 percent, Wold said.

Dancers are independent contractors, paying clubs a nightly flat fee depending on how long they work. At the Pink Monkey, for example, dancers who arrive at 7 p.m. Sunday through Thursday pay a $40 "house fee," while women who don't arrive until midnight pay $90. And they keep their tips.

Wold and others say it's almost impossible to estimate the size of the adult entertainment industry because few companies are publicly traded. He does pay close attention to three that are: Lakewood, Colo.-based VCG Holding and Houston-based Rick's Caberet, which own clubs, and New Frontier Media, a Boulder, Colo.-based adult film producer and distributor.

All three are profitable.

Rick's Caberet had $60 million in revenue in its 2008 fiscal year, up from $32 million the year before, Wold said, and he estimates VCG will have $57 million for last year, compared with $40.5 million in FY2007. New Frontier Media generates more than $400 million in consumer buying a year.

Larry Flynt, whose half-billion dollar Hustler empire publishes magazines, produces and distributes films and operates a casino, said he's continued to do well. But he doesn't expect those who are solely in the film business to survive.

"A lot of the small studios are out of business now, there's no doubt about that," Flynt said.

Adult magazines also are struggling along with the larger publishing industry, and have to cut pages like everyone else.

But the economic realities aren't keeping jobseekers away.

Vivid Entertainment's Hirsch said the number of women in his business has doubled in the last couple years, with roughly 800 working as adult actresses. "It is more competitive than I've seen it in 25 years," he said.

That doesn't mean all the newcomers are planning on lengthy careers in the industry.

Stone, who has a bachelor's degree in graphic design, took up dancing four years ago to help pay her student loans. She plans to go to graduate school this year to pursue a master's in education.

Brown, meanwhile, has a ready answer for those critical of her career choice.

"I have job security," she said.

See if you can guess what frightened this man: 1) He just learned he had been drafted by the NFL as a defensive tackle; 2) He just learned that his ex-wife of six months gave birth to quadruplets, named him as the father and is seeking child support for four children for the next 18+ years; 3) He just learned that the IRS claims he owes $27,350 in back taxes, plus penalties and interest; 4) He just learned he has been laid off by his employer of 15 years, which filed for bankruptcy and declared it had failed to fund its employees' 401k retirement accounts; or, 5) all of the foregoing.

The winner of the contest will receive a small bag of coins for use at any Chucky Cheese Restaurant. In case of a tie, the tiers will thumb wrestle for the prize unless one of the tiers has no thumbs, in which case the prize will be forfeited by the thumbed entrant.

All entries not postmarked on or before April 1, will not be entered in the contest.

The Management

The Continuing Saga of the Torched Toilets

Clorox offers $5K to wipe out SF 'toilet torcher'

Mar 21 2009 12:39AM CST

The Clorox Company is offering a $5,000 reward and a year's supply of toilet cleaning products for tips leading to the arrest of San Francisco's notorious portable potty pyromaniac.

The Oakland-based chemical company deployed a "potty patrol" team in the city Friday to make residents aware of its offer marrying marketing and community service.

Since November, more than two dozen construction site toilets have been set on fire in the city, causing an estimated $50,000 in property damage and leaving a trail of foul-smelling evidence.

Perhaps one of the sturdier, French stand-alone toilets (see photo) would deter the vandal(s). But then again, they really aren't that portable.

This perpetrator probably had an early childhood traumatic experience with a traveling toilet.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Tough, Independent Texas Trucker - Dead

Houston Chronicle (Date unknown)

Last words of a Texas trucker

He was about to unload his haul of heavy pipes and started to loosen the safety straps, and a guy said, "Better wait for the crane to do that." And the trucker said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got it.” Then a 4-ton pipe rolled off the truck. And he got it.

New Jersey Caves In To Women Who Want Slick Whistles.

NJ scraps plans to ban genital waxing

Mar 20, 4:33 PM (ET)


TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - New Jersey is smoothing out differences over a plan to ban bare-it-all bikini waxing.

The state on Friday decided to reverse course on the proposal after angry salon owners complained about losing business ahead of swimsuit season. Thousands of women planned a show-all march in downtown Trenton to protest the state's attempt to ban their right to snip their pubes. "Men can walk around in public with bald heads. Why shouldn't women be permitted to walk around in public with their........oh, never mind." said a 32 year-old mother of two, carrying a sign that read, "Slicker is Quicker."

Several N.J.lawbakers said they were beseiged by calls and personal visits from their wives, their daughters, their female constituents and in at least one instance an 85 year-old grandmother, carrying a sign that said, "Leave Our Pubes Alone."

"It was an unnecessary issue," said spa owner Linda Orsuto. "In New Jersey especially, where the government has been picking our pockets for so long, it was like, 'Just stay out of our pants, will you?'"

The state Cosmetology and Hairstyling Board proposed banning so-called "Brazilian" bikini waxing after two women were hospitalized for infections following the procedure.

On Friday, Consumer Affairs Director David Szuchman effectively killed the plan. In a letter to the board, Szuchman says he won't support the ban, and since his office oversees the board, the ban would never be approved.

"Many commenters have noted that the procedure can be safely performed. I, therefore, believe that there are alternate means to address any public health issues identified by the board," Szuchman wrote the board. He encouraged the board "to begin an immediate review of the training necessary to safely provide this service, and to establish appropriate protocols and safeguards. We don't want our state's beautiful beaches marred by a bunch of women who look like they got a bad bad haircut,"he commented while holding up a photo of a conventional non waxed woman bather and another woman who has used the procedure.

The ban was considered after the women complained to the board about their injuries; one woman filed a lawsuit.

Technically, genital waxing has never been allowed in New Jersey - only the face, neck, abdomen, legs and arms are permitted. But because bare-it-all "Brazilians" weren't specifically banned, state regulators didn't enforce the law.

No other state is known to explicitly ban the procedure, according to cosmetology experts.

Genital waxing can be dangerous because the hot wax can irritate or tear delicate skin in the bikini area, resulting in infections, ingrown hairs and rashes, according to skin care experts. It also hurts like hell.

Despite such risks, millions of American women - and some men - choose to have the hair down there ripped away, and a majority of salons in New Jersey offer the procedure for $50 to $60.

Salon owners worried that customers would travel across state lines to get the popular - and painful - procedure, or try to wax themselves.

Orsuto, who owns 800 West Salon & Spa in Cherry Hill, a Philadelphia suburb, said she was relieved.

Orsuto estimated that bikini waxing brought in about $90,000 last year. That's a substantial amount of business for her salon, which performed about 1,800 treatments - most of which were Brazilian-style.

"We were panicking," she said.

Don't Mess With My Kid. I Raised Him and Taught Him Good Manners

Woman allegedly punches, bites her son's principal

Mar 18, 3:07 PM (ET)

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) - A Rhode Island woman faces charges after allegedly punching and biting her 11-year-old son's school principal after being told the boy was being suspended. Police said 30-year-old Aleyda Uceta also bit an officer trying to arrest her after Friday's incident at Roger Williams Middle School in Providence.

She was charged with assault on school officials, assault on police officers and resisting arrest.

Principal Rudolph Moseley Jr. was allegedly assaulted after he told Uceta that her son would be suspended for three days for refusing to go to a room for misbehaving students.

Police said Uceta punched Moseley in the face and bit his left arm.

Attempts to reach Uceta by phone for comment were unsuccessful

Pesky Pythons on Worldwide Rampage

KATHERINE, Australia, March 16 (UPI) -- An Australian woman said a python slithered onto her property and swallowed her 12.8-pound dog.

Patty Buntine said she became concerned Wednesday when her Maltese terrier mix, Bindi, did not show up for breakfast at 7 a.m. in her Katherine, Australia, home, the Northern Territory News reported Monday.

"She was always there so I got worried and went to look for her," she said. "I went around the side of the house and that's when I found the snake. It couldn't move and had its head up in a striking position.

"It's belly was bulging -- it looked like a great big coconut was inside it. I knew straight away that it had ate Bindi," she said.

Snake catcher David Reed of Reedy's Reptiles came to Buntine's home to collect the reptile.

"I've had a lot of calls about dogs that have been bitten by snakes, and I have even had an olive python that had eaten some new-born puppies, but never one like this," Reed wrote on his Web site, www.reedysreptiles.com.

He said that by swallowing Bindi, the snake had consumed 60 percent of its body weight. He said the reptile was still digesting its meal nearly a week after the incident.

Reed apparently hasn't been keeping up with snake news dot com lately because he failed to mention the world champion creature eating python from the Florida everglades that ingested an alligator, until it died from indigestion. Then there was the python that ate a pregnant sheep. It killed him, too. The python shown above is a youngster compared to these other big guys, at only 32". He's practicing by eating golf balls. (shown in x-ray) Pythons seem to be the dumb blondes of animal food selection. Golf balls?

Pythons used to be seen only in horror movies. Now you can have one show up as a guest for morning tea. But our own puny, adolescent python would be no match for the Florida python that tried to swallow that alligator in a case of mistaken identity. The gator, dissatisfied with its new surroundings, ripped the python's gut open from the inside out, creating a God-awful mess and making the python wish it had selected from the Lite menu instead. (See story and photo below)

California Department of Corrections Man of the Year - Charles Manson

(AP Photo/California State Prison, Corcoran)

This photo of inmate Charles Manson was taken Wednesday March 18, 2009 at Corcoran State Prison, Calif. The photo of the 74-year-old Manson was taken Wednesday as part of a routine update of files on inmates at Corcoran State Prison, where he is serving a life sentence for conspiring to murder seven people, said Seth Unger, spokesman for the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation. Over the years Manson has repeatedly told the Parole Board that he was not rehabilitated, didn't intend to be rehabilitated, and didn't want to be paroled....that if he were paroled he would go find someone to kill, maybe one of the members of the Parole Board or one of their family members. The Board always has honored his request.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Fido Munches Moolah

A North Carolina family's dog didn't eat the children's homework, he ate mom's money. Kelley Davis said she had an extra $400 in cash to deposit after working extra hours as a physical therapist. She told the News & Observer of Raleigh that on Friday she planned to deposit the money, but it wasn't in her pocket.

She remembered leaving it in the bedroom and it occurred to her that the family's 2-year-old greater Swiss mountain dog, Augie, might have eaten it.

Davis, 42, said when she took Augie for a walk Saturday, she found parts of three $100 bills and five $20s in his leavings. She washed them with a garden hose and hopes to find enough pieces to exchange them for cash.

A local bank executive said he thought that would be a shitty deal and questioned whether the bank had an obligation to accept feces covered bills.

A professor at the North Carolina State University Veterinary School said the money shouldn't hurt the dog.

Augie said he felt richer for the experience but didn't care for all the attention.

Several neighborhood children were seen following the dog around in hopes of making a score.

To Wax or Not To Wax: That Is The Question.

Mar 19 2009 07:34AM CST

By BETH DeFALCO - Associated Press Writer

New Jersey is drawing the line when it comes to bikini waxing.

The state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is moving toward a ban on genital waxing altogether after two women reported being injured in their quest for a smooth bikini line.

Both women were hospitalized for infections following so-called "Brazilian" bikini waxes; one of the women has filed a lawsuit, according to Jeff Lamm, a spokesman for New Jersey's Division of Consumer Affairs, which oversees the cosmetology board.

Technically, genital waxing has never been allowed _ only the face, neck, abdomen, legs and arms are permitted _ but because bare-it-all "Brazilians" weren't specifically banned, state regulators haven't enforced the law.

"The genital area is not part of the abdomen or legs as some might assume," Lamm said.

Officials with the National Cosmetology Association and National-Interstate Council of State Boards of Cosmetology said they were unaware of another state that has banned genital waxing.

Regular bikini waxes would still be allowed.

Genital waxing can be dangerous in that the hot wax can irritate or tear delicate skin in the bikini area, resulting in infections, ingrown hairs and rashes, according to skin care experts.

Despite such risks, millions of American women _ and some men _ choose to have the hair down there ripped away, and a majority of salons in New Jersey offer the procedure for between $50 to $60.

The state Board of Cosmetology meets next on April 14 and will decide whether to move forward with banning the procedure, made popular in Brazil to accommodate skimpy thong bikinis.

A disinterested male observer wondered if the Board didn't have other, more important business to consider. He also said he foresaw real enforcement problems. "Are you going to have police officers stopping women at the beach and asking them to pull their thongs to the side for an inspection?"

A recent poll of American men found the men were almost evenly divided in their preference for waxed or furry. As a result, a growing number of women are getting only half of their pubis waxed, leaving the other half wild and bushy. A woman exiting a waxing salon after getting the new style said she dates several different men, with different tastes. "This way none of them can complain. You know the old saying about half a loaf is better than none? Well that's certainly applicable here," she said.

His Insanity Defense Failed? You Gotta Be Kidding.

Texas death row inmate Andre Thomas is shown in this undated handout file photo released Friday, Jan. 9, 2009 in Huntsville, Texas. Thomas, who has a history of mental problems is being treated at a prison psychiatric unit after authorities said he pulled out his only good eye and ate it. He similarly had plucked out his right eye before his trial in 2004. (AP Photo/Texas Department of Criminal Justice, FILE)

Just to make sure we're clear here: this dude viciously murdered his wife and two children, stabbing them and tearing their hearts out, ripped out both of his own eyes from their sockets and the jury found him sane. All Texans are a little crazy, but what do you have to do in Texas to be insane? The Court of Criminal Appeals judge, Cathy Cochran said he was "crazy" but not insane. Well isn't that a distinction without a difference, yer honor?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Why Not Charge Him With Growling, Too?


La. police arrest growling man on drug charges

Mar 17 2009 07:15PM CST

Authorities arrested a 32-year-old Texas man on drug charges on Thursday after construction workers saw him on his hands and knees, eating mud and growling like a dog. A woman who accompanied the man from Texas told investigators he had been wandering around the complex and eating dog food.

An offcial from a local psychiatric clinic, speaking on condition of not being taken seriously because she knows nothing about the man, the circumstances and the drugs he had taken, nevertheless remarked that "dog-man" constituted a threat to the public, and his hostile, doglike behavior was analagous to being threatend with a gun. She said her husband, who had taken an online course in animal criminalistics about 10 years ago, before being asked to leave the program, ssid he believed the local animal control center could classify the man as a canine and euthanize him without a hearing. But he cautioned the law could have changed in the span of 10 years or he may not have remembered correctly. The woman confirmed the man had a very poor memory due to being dropped on his head from a second story window when he was a toddler. At the time of writing, it remained uncertan whether the man-dog would be arraigned before a magistrate or released to the parish animal control unit for killing.

Sheriff's Lt. Horace Womack said a small bottle of PCP, a half-pound of marijuana and one-fourth ounce of crack cocaine were seized during the man-dog's arrest.

The man was booked with possessing all three drugs with intent to distribute them. He was placed in a cell where jailers at the DeSoto Detention Center could keep an eye on him in case he attempted suicide.

When comtacted for comment, the Director of the Louisiana office of the S.P.C.A said it sounded like another instance of police brutality. "The police try to classify these people as animals in order to by-pass the criminal justice system, and euthanize them," he commented before rushing off to lunch.

Abner Wilcox contributed to this story from DeRidder, La.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy Hour at Montague County Jail - A Texas Resort For Criminals

Possible inmates>>>>>>

Texas Jail an Animal House Mar 16 2009 10:48PM CST

By ANGELA K. BROWN - Associated Press Writer

The undated handout photo above, provided by the Montague County Sheriff shows a trustee holding area of the Montague County jail in Montague,Texas, before it was refurbished. Sheriff Paul Cunningham said he was stunned while touring the jail for the first time just hours after being sworn into office Jan. 1, 2009.

For months, perhaps longer, the Montague County Jail was "Animal House" meets Mayberry. Inside the small brick building across from the courthouse, inmates had the run of the place, having sex with their jailer girlfriends, bringing in recliners, using drugs and chatting on cell phones supplied by friends or guards, according to authorities. They also disabled some of the surveillance cameras and made weapons out of nails.

The doors to two groups of cells didn't lock, but apparently no one tried to escape _ perhaps because they had everything they needed inside.

The jailhouse escapades _ some of which date to 2006, according to authorities _ have rocked Montague (pronounced mahn-TAYG), a farming and ranching town of several hundred people near the Oklahoma line, about 65 miles northwest of Fort Worth.

There were whispers in the past year about an affair between a female jailer and male inmate, but folks dismissed the rumors as small-town gossip. It was not until late last month, when a Texas grand jury returned a 106-count indictment against the former sheriff and 16 others, that the inmates-gone-wild scandal broke wide open.

The indictment charged Bill Keating, sheriff from 2004 until December, 2008, with official oppression and having sex with female inmates. The others indicted include nine guards _ seven women and two men _ who were charged with various offenses involving sex or drugs and other contraband. Four inmates also were charged.

Local, state and federal authorities are still trying to figure out how this small-town Texas jail was turned into something resembling a frat house for criminals.

The new sheriff, Paul Cunningham, said he was stunned while touring the jail for the first time just hours after being sworn into office Jan. 1. Cunningham, who had not worked for the county before his election in November, immediately ordered the jail closed and moved the nearly 60 inmates to another institution.

"It literally scared me _ not for myself but for the employees," Cunningham said. "How somebody kept from being killed was beyond me."

Cunningham, who defeated Keating in the Republican primary last spring, suggested that Keating lost interest in the jail after that and turned his back on the place.
Separately from the indictment, Keating, 62, faces up to 10 years in federal prison after pleading guilty in January to charges he coerced a woman into having sex with him by threatening to jail her on drug charges.

The investigation began with a tip last fall from inside the jail.

An official received a handwritten letter on notebook paper from an inmate arrested on charges of kidnapping his girlfriend. The inmate, Luke C. Bolton, said they met in 2007 when she was a jail guard and he was behind bars on another charge. He said their sexual relationship started in a jail shower and continued during her late-night visits to his cell.

The former jailer is among those indicted. Bolton remains in jail.

Current employees said they were shocked by the scandal.

"People say, `How could you not know?' Well, it didn't go on during our shift," said Jerrie Reed, who works the day shift. Reed said the then-sheriff sometimes asked to see female inmates privately in his office, but she assumed they were informants. She said none ever seemed upset as she led them shackled to and from Keating's office.

The jail will reopen this week following about $1 million in repairs, needed after years of damage by inmates, Cunningham said. Also, the entire department is getting new uniforms, badges and vehicles.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Assault By Sandwich

(Possible Attacker)

McGriddle Attacker Still At Large
Peoria perp pelted McDonald's worker over breakfast sandwich snafu

MARCH 16--The Peoria Pelter remains on the loose. A week after a McDonald's employee was assaulted with a "hot greasy McGriddle sandwich," Illinois cops have yet to make an arrest. According to a Peoria Police Department report, a copy of which you'll find below, Patricia Munguia, 38, was hit in the face by a McGriddle thrown by a drive-thru customer angered that his sandwich did not include an egg. As reported by Officer Anthony Allen, though Munguia was "physically assaulted by a breakfast sandwich," she declined "medical attention for the assault by the sausage sandwich." Munguia provided cops with what she believed was the license plate of the sandwich tosser (who she described as a regular customer), but the tag "came back no record on file." If the police report is any indication, it does not seem that Peoria cops are aggressively pursuing the fast food flinger, who is described as a six-foot tall black male weighing 230 pounds. Officer Allen advised Munguia to call cops "if the suspect comes back to assault her again with breakfast food."

This Will Knock Your Socks Off !

(Not the actual perp - a reasonable facsimile)

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
This dude is one of them.

Mr. Nicodeme Petion, 41, was arrested in Fort Pierce, Fla., sittin’ in his car with his pants down, porno magazines and condoms nearby, and a sock over his stuff (suspected of being “used,” if you get my drift). Fort Pierce Tribune

Where's the harm? Give the guy a break.

Dummy Uses Dummy, Dumbly

Wash. man caught in HOV lane with unbuckled dummy

Published - Mar 13 2009 07:18PM CST

You forgot to buckle up, dummy! A commuter who put a homemade dummy in the passenger seat to sneak into the car pool lane was caught Wednesday near Seattle. But it wasn't because a cop realized the passenger was fake. Instead, the State Patrol trooper noticed the dangling belt buckle on the passenger side and suspected a seat belt violation.

Patrol spokeswoman Christina Martin told The Herald of Everett that the driver acknowledged trying to beat traffic by using the HOV lane.

He created his passenger by draping a rain jacket over plastic piping, topping it off with a Halloween mask of Gandalf, the "Lord of the Rings" wizard, a beard and a baseball cap.

The trooper issued a $124 ticket and confiscated the dummy.

Dad Does Daughter For a Quarter of a Century

Austrian incest suspect Josef Fritzl faces justice

Published - Mar 14 2009 01:09PM CST

By VERONIKA OLEKSYN - Associated Press Writer

(AP Photo/Matthias Schrader)

A security man stands in front of the court in St. Poelten, where Josef Fritzl will stand trial in St Poelten, Austria, on Friday, March 13, 2009. The trial against Josef Fritzl, who is accused of imprisoning his daughter for 24 years and fathering seven children with her in a windowless cell, starts on Monday, March 16.

For almost a quarter of a century, Josef Fritzl allegedly held his daughter as a sex slave in a cramped, rat-infested cellar where he fathered seven children with her.

This week, the notorious Austrian with icy blue eyes faces justice in what is being billed locally as the "trial of the century." The question is what justice will mean in the case of a 73-year-old who has confessed to imprisoning and repeatedly raping his daughter Elisabeth for 24 years in a windowless dungeon he built beneath the family's home.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Wonder Where They Found the $600?

Police find cocaine and marijuana in woman's bra

Mar 2, 4:12 PM (ET)

WINONA, Minn. (AP) - A 20-year-old woman faces drug charges after police found cocaine and marijuana hidden in her bra. Buffalo County police notified authorities in Winona Thursday that a car headed their way may have been involved in a drug deal.

A Winona officer pulled over the vehicle and searched the woman. Deputy Chief Tom Williams said that turned up about 100 grams of marijuana and 4.25 grams of cocaine in her bra. He says she was also carrying about $600 in cash.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Woman = Monkey? You Be The Judge

Malaysian man claims he mistook woman for a monkey, and shot her.

Mar 13 2009 07:56PM EST

Police said a man in Malaysia shot a woman as she picked sapodilla fruit in his tree thinking she was a monkey. Police chief in eastern Pahang state Yahaya Othman said the woman was gathering fruit Thursday when the man shot her. Yahaya said the man came home and saw rustling in the tree and fired into it. "Then there was screaming ... and only then did he know it was a woman and not a monkey."

He said the woman was hospitalized with a wound to the abdomen but her condition was stable Friday.

He said police were investigating the man, a volunteer security corps member, for illegally discharging a firearm, which carries a maximum prison term of two years.

Interviewed in the hospital, the shot woman said the man who shot her should be shot.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

What Do You Do With a "Hot" Bulldozer?

Stolen bulldozer buried at Texas golf course for 10 years. Looks like new. Must see to appreciate.

Mar 12 2009 09:21PM EST

A golf course in Texas had a heavy duty hazard: A bulldozer reported stolen a decade ago was found buried under a fairway.

The Dallas Morning News reports Thursday that investigators located the bulldozer at Canyon West Golf Course in Weatherford.

Detective Tyler Farrell with the Tarrant Regional Auto Crimes Task Force says a former golf course worker contacted authorities after noticing part of the bulldozer while fertilizing the course.

Farrell says a tractor also used to build the golf course was reported stolen after work began in 1996 and has not been recovered. It was speculated that the thieves, probably workers building the golf course, buried the dozer, intending to return for it later but forgot about it.

A suggestion that the entire golf course be dug up with the recovered bulldozer was rejected as cost inefficient. "You can't dig up a $40 million golf course to try to locate a $10,000 tractor," said the CEO of the Golf Club. His 7 year-old daughter, who was present at the interview, asked, "Why not? It would be fun."

Weatherford is 30 miles west of Fort Worth, which has no bearing on anything mentioned in this story. The editor said we needed to fill out the block.

Man Arrested in Texas and Charged With Child Endangerment

(The motorsiclist and the toddler)

Texas, March 20, 2009

A unknown Texas man was arrested for riding a motorsickle at high speeds through the Texas hill country with an unrestrained toddler hanging on desperately from his waist. Texas State Troopers were unable to apprehend the "Mad Motorsiclist," as he has been dubbed by the news media, despite shooting out his rear tire and blockading several roads. "It's like they disappeared into thin air," said one deputy, speaking on condition of misogyny because he was not authorized to speak to anyone, including his family, by a Travis County Domestic Court.

A spokeswoman for the Texas Department of Public Mayhem, speaking only because forced to by her boss, said an order had been issued to use deadly force on the sickle jockey and anyone in his company, including the toddler, who also was an accessory to the murder of several hundred Texas bluebonnets, an endangered species. It was speculated the man would make a run for On the Border, one of his favorite restaurants, because he was displaying a small flag advertising the eatery on his motorsickle, which could also have been a Mexican flag, so maybe that's wrong.

"We'll git 'em," said a crusty old Texas Ranger from the corner of his mouth, who was not authorized to speak because his mouth is currently wired shut due to a broken jaw sustained in a high speed motorsickle chase.

P.S. This activity is not expected to occur until March 20, 2009. If there are any changes we will notify all interested parties via this or a supplementary post.

Man Claims He Is His Own Country: Must Undergo Mental Evaluation

DUI defendant claims he's his own country

Published - Mar 11 2009 07:30PM EST

A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he's his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday he cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam.

Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. As he said in court: "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania." He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial. He then dozed off in his seat, apparently believing he had made his case and charges would be dismissed or a trial date set.

Defense attorney James Connell, Witmer's standby counsel, said a challenge to the traffic stop would need to be filed as a pretrial motion. His client did not respond when asked if he understood. The judge postponed any trial setting until after the mental evaluation.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The American Market, A Chinese Perspective

Chinese workers laid off because of falling U.S. demand for useless junk.

FENGHUA, China — Chen Hsien, an employee of Fenghua Ningbo Plastic Works Ltd., a plastics factory that manufactures lightweight household items for Western markets, expressed his disbelief Monday over the “sheer amount of garbage Americans will buy. Often, when we’re assigned a new order for, say, ‘salad shooters,’ I will say to myself, ‘There’s no way that anyone will ever buy these.’ ... One month later, we will receive an order for the same product, but three times the quantity. How can anyone have a need for such useless garbage? Why would anyone want to shoot their own salad?"

"We make so many useless things for export to the U.S. that I sometimes think the Americans take pride in owning completely useless products. And the more useless and unnecessary the product the more the Americans want it. There is a huge demand for very cheap pieces of colored plastic that have no use at all. The only thing that can be done with them is to throw them away. We tried giving them for free to Chinese people and all they did was throw them in the trash."

"I hear that Americans can buy anything they want, and I believe it, judging from the things I’ve made for them,” Chen said. “And I also hear that, when they no longer want an item, they simply throw it away. So wasteful and contemptible. If they would ship them back to us we could make many more useless items for them at even lower prices. We also could make many useful and beautiful products for Americans but our wholesalers tell us they cannot sell such products to the Americans because they would last too long and lead to unemployment in the garbage disposal industry. I have never studied economics but some of the best Chinese scholars, who studied in the U.S., assure us this is the best way for the economy."

Our discussion ended when one of Mr. Hsien's bosses dropped in to give him a copy of an order for 50,000 plastic fake pens that will not write. When Mr. Hsien told him he could make the same pens, only writable too, at no additional cost, his boss told him the order was very specific and stated that the pens must not write.

"What can you do?" lamented Chen, "You must manufacture what the customer wants, even if it is stupid, useless junk. Otherwise our workers, who come from the provinces will have to return home, like the workers shown above."

New Contact Sport For Disabled Initiated By Texas Officials

(Not actual home residents - photo of typical fight using actors)

'Fight club' probed at home for disabled
Seven employees suspended at state-run school in Texas; charges expected

Tues., March. 10, 2009

CORPUS CHRISTI, Texas - Seven employees of a state-run home for the mentally disabled in Texas have been suspended for staging fights between residents who were forced to shove, punch and strike each other, authorities said Tuesday.

Police learned of the fights when someone gave a cell phone containing videos of the brawls at the Corpus Christi State School to an off-duty officer on Friday, police Captain Tim Wilson said by phone from Corpus Christi, in the southern part of the state.

"Workers were running their own fight club using clients. It's pretty appalling that someone would think of this," he said.

One of the facility's employees, who spoke on condition of gross imbecility, said the organizers of the fights believed they were helping the residents improve their motor skills, to be able to defend themselves in case of terrorist attacks on the home. Videos of the fights were made for use in an application for federal stimulus funds, according to the imbecilic employee.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, the home's director, Jake Lamotta, Jr., said the employee who spoke to us is an imbecile. "That guy is dumb as a rock," he said.


Ex-N.J. rep pleads not guilty in child porn case
Former assemblyman once championed bills aimed at fighting child porn

Tues., March. 10, 2009
TRENTON, N.J. - A former New Jersey lawmaker who once championed bills aimed at fighting child pornography pleaded not guilty Tuesday to child porn and official misconduct charges in his first public appearance since the state began investigating him in July.

A judge determined Neil Cohen is not a flight risk, so he can remain free without bail — with restrictions. He's not allowed to "loiter or linger" around playgrounds or schools, have unsupervised contact with children under 16 or use the Internet for purposes other than business.

A state prosecutor said Cohen told investigators he had viewed child porn, but he rejected a plea bargain offer.

Cohen, a 58-year-old Democrat from Roselle, sat silently through his arraignment in Superior Court and allowed his lawyer to enter the not guilty plea for him.

Cohen, who was elected to the Assembly nine times, once sponsored a law creating a hot line to report child pornography and other Internet crimes.

He resigned from office in July and checked into a psychiatric hospital after word got out that he was under investigation for child pornography. Other lawmakers tipped off officials about images that allegedly show underage girls engaged in sexual acts.

Deputy Attorney General Anthony Picione said Cohen admitted the images were his and said he had viewed them on the computer in his law office in Montclair and in his district legislative office in Union Township. Computers from both locations were seized.

His lawyer, Mark Tuohey, said Cohen is now receiving mental health treatment "probably for a lifetime."

Indicted on three counts
A grand jury indicted him in December on two counts of child pornography and one count of official misconduct. If convicted on all charges, Cohen could receive up to 30 years in prison.

Picione told Judge Gerald Council on Tuesday that the state had offered Cohen a plea deal that would have called for five to seven years in prison, forfeiture of his state pension and registering as a sex offender.

Tuohey said he rejected that offer "for obvious reasons." He would not elaborate after the hearing.

Tuohey told the judge to expect a motion accusing the state of "overcharging" crimes in what is really a simple possession case.