Bizarre Stuff

26 Million Year-Old Penguin Reconstructed From Fossils

2012-02-29T22:21:00.002-06:00

Scientists reconstruct long-extinct giant penguin

Feb 29 2012

NICK PERRY, Associated Press

This undated graphic illustration released by University of Otago on Wednesday, Feb. 29, 2012 shows a giant penguin called a Kairuku. It's taken 26 million years, but scientists say getting the first glimpse at what a long-extinct giant penguin looked like was worth the wait. Experts from New Zealand and the United States have reconstructed the fossil skeleton of one of the giant sea birds for the first time, revealing long wings, a slender build and a spearlike bill that have them describing it as one elegant bird. (AP Photo/University of Otago)

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) — It was a slender bird, with long wings and a spear-like bill to catch swift ocean prey. And scientists say the first glimpse of the extinct giant penguin species was worth the 26 million-year wait.

Experts from New Zealand and the United States reconstructed a fossil skeleton of one of the giant sea birds to reveal a body shape unique from known penguin species with features that have them describing it as one elegant bird.

The bird they dubbed Kairuku — Maori for "diver who returns with food" — stood about 4 feet 2 inches (1.3 meters) tall and lived in the Oligocene period, about 26 million years ago. The research on Kairuku was published this week in the Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology.

The first Kairuku bones were discovered 35 years ago in New Zealand by Ewan Fordyce, a professor of geology at New Zealand's University of Otago. He recently teamed with Dan Ksepka, a research assistant professor at North Carolina State University, to reconstruct a skeleton from multiple sets of fossils, using a king penguin as a model.

"It's pretty exciting," Fordyce told The Associated Press. "We've got enough from three key specimens to get a pretty reliable construction of its body size."

Fordyce said the bird's elongated bill may have been useful in catching swift prey and its large body size likely helped it swim farther and dive deeper than modern-day penguins.

The bird is about a foot (30 centimeters) taller than the largest modern penguin, the emperor. It would have weighed about 132 pounds (60 kilograms), 50 percent more than an emperor.

When Kairuku was alive, most of modern New Zealand was submerged beneath the ocean. The scientists believe the remaining isolated, rocky land masses helped keep the penguins safe from potential predators and provided them with plentiful supplies of food.

Fordyce said there are several reasons why the giant penguins might have become extinct: It could have been from climate change, the arrival of new predators, or increased competition for food from seals and other creatures.

What Do Sharks Eat When They're Really Hungry?

2012-02-28T14:03:00.004-06:00

Other Sharks: Shark Swallows Shark

Divers on Australia's Great Barrier Reef recently snapped rare pictures of a wobbegong, or carpet shark, swallowing a bamboo shark whole.

Given the relative sizes of the animals, this is the equivalent of an Australian swallowing a Filipino, whole, head first.

Snake Aficionado's Reptile Collection Seized

2012-02-26T20:32:00.006-06:00

NC man loses $49k collection of poisonous snakes

Feb 25 2012

HENDERSONVILLE, N.C. — A North Carolina man is losing his exotic reptile collection worth $49,000 after police found dozens of venomous lizards and snakes in his home.

Fifty-one-year-old Walter Kidd of Hendersonville pleaded guilty Friday to 30 misdemeanor charges of possessing endangered animals and failing to properly label containers of poisonous snakes.

Police seized the reptiles in August after Kidd was bitten by an exotic venomous snake and rushed to a hospital. Officers said his mobile home was packed with snakes in plastic containers.

Kidd's attorney says the reptiles were not a danger because they were kept inside his home. "Stay out of his house and you're safe," according to his lawyer, a local dimwit.

The reptiles were taken to the state natural sciences museum in Raleigh.

Most Bizarre President Ever

2012-02-25T17:12:00.006-06:00

Dead ex President the 'Best,' Harris Poll

06 Feb 2012

By Jimbomax wire

In one of the most bizarre stories in modern U.S. History, the bigoted, war monger, insensitive, mean-spirited, unforgiving and Alzheimer racked Ronald Reagan was selected as the best modern U.S. President.

The man who couldn't even keep track of who the U.S. was attacking militarily at a given time and who relied on his ex movie actor wife, who consulted with clairvoyants, to advise him what to do, outdistanced both Franklin Roosevelt and John F. Kennedy in the public's opinion: 25% Reagan, 19% Roosevelt and 15% Kennedy.

Reagan's bumbling, mumbling, misinformed style and his disdain for the poor and disabled; together with his penchant for judging the character of other world leaders by the way they ate jelly beans, apparently swayed the public.

Historians were appalled by the public's selection of the classically dumb Reagan as the best President in modern U.S. history. One scholar almost lost his lunch when informed of the selection.

Flying High

2012-02-24T10:23:00.005-06:00

previous

Will Kane

February 16, 2012

Ray Pirro was probably hallucinating while flying, a coroner says.

Cessna 172 crashed near Barstow and Garfield.

A Tracy man who stole a single-engine plane from the Concord airport before crashing it in Fresno was so "extraordinarily" high on methamphetamine that he probably couldn't see straight, authorities said Wednesday.

Ray Pirro, 52, died when the four-seat Cessna he was flying apparently ran out of gas and crashed in a Fresno field Feb. 5. No one else was injured.

It wasn't the first crash for Pirro, who didn't have a pilot's license and went to prison in 2003 and 2008 for stealing cars. He crashed his own plane in 1988 when he ran out of gas, but he suffered only minor injuries, according to Federal Aviation Administration records.

An autopsy conducted after last week's crash showed that Pirro had a methamphetamine concentration of 2,500 nanograms per milliliter of blood, said David Hadden, the Fresno County coroner. A concentration of around 300 is considered toxic, Hadden said.

"This indicates that's he's a heavy user; we feel that this guy has been using for a long time," Hadden said. "But he was still too high to fly an airplane, that's for sure."

Hadden said Pirro would probably have been hallucinating, paranoid and suffering from extreme mood swings when he was flying the plane.

"That's almost certainly what caused him to crash," Hadden said.

Felix Boston, 61, the owner of the stolen plane, said that when emergency crews arrived at the crash site, they found that the cockpit was filled with "Pop-Tarts, energy drinks, chips and Cheez Whiz."

Pirro had to take drug tests as part of his parole for auto theft, authorities said. He passed a test Feb. 2, two days before the plane was stolen, said Luis Patino, a spokesman for the state Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation.

Pirro was not a licensed pilot, although he was listed as the owner of a single-engine, 1959-vintage Cessna plane, according to Federal Aviation Administration records.

Pirro crashed that plane just 17 days after he bought it in 1988. The National Transportation Safety Board blamed inadequate training after he ran out of gas and crashed just short of the Tracy airport, records show.

The plane was found nosed over. Pirro fled the scene without notifying authorities, according to records.

Boston, a retired Air Force officer who lives in Walnut Creek, said investigators had told him it appeared his plane ran out of gas before Pirro crashed it in Fresno.

The plane was taken early Feb. 4 from Buchanan Field in Concord. It was spotted in a hangar at the Byron airport later that day, but no one knew then that it was stolen, Boston said.

The Fresno crash happened about 4 p.m. the next day.

Boston said his plane had been locked but that, like most small planes, it could easily be opened with a screwdriver.

"It had a full tank, the headsets were all there, it was ready," Boston said.

He said he had just reupholstered the cockpit.

"I loved that plane, it was my baby - it was the first real plane I ever had," Boston said. "This would make a great movie, wouldn't it?"

Boston was arrested and charged with gross stupidity. Bond was set at $3 billion Euros because Boston was considered a "flight" risk. Ha. ha.

Sexy Couple Shot Down By Voyeur Cops

2012-02-23T11:33:00.006-06:00

Naked, bound woman in Subaru was part of a sexy romp

Chris Woodyard, USA TODAY
Updated 2012-02-15

A little Valentine's Day romantic role-playing went wrong for a Portland, Ore., couple after police found the woman bound and naked in the back of a Subaru driven by her lover, the Portland Police Bureau reports.

By Portland Police Bureau
The woman quickly told the cops that she was playing a role, voluntarily, but the couple was arrested anyway. Nikolas Harbar, 31, and Stephanie Pelzner, 26, were booked on charges of disorderly conduct in the second degree.

After police were tipped that a naked woman was seen bound and
gagged in the back of the blue Subaru Legacy at a supermarket, police went on the lookout. The witness provided police with a license plate number even though the driver reassured him the couple was just fooling around.

The cops were waiting in force -- nine squad cars -- when Harbar and Pelzner pulled their car into the driveway at home. Embarrassed? We suppose.

But nine (9) police cars? A few voyeur cops maybe? Come see the show, fellas.

Would You Want This Man To Be Your Son-In-Law?

2012-02-22T09:44:00.004-06:00

Workman charged with bestiality with a Labrador retriever

By Douglas Stanglin, USA TODAY
2-22-12

A popular building superintendent at an apartment complex in New York state has been arrested on charges of bestiality involving a tenant's Labrador retriever, The Journal News reports.

Kujtim Nicaj, who lived and worked at the Rye Colony apartment complex in Rye, N.Y., until his arrest, is also charged with burglary.

Nicaj's lawyer, Steven Davidson, says his 41-year-old client is "humiliated" by the charges, which he denies, and is worried about providing for his wife and two kids.

The police say Nicaj allegedly broke into the tenant's apartment with a key on Feb. 8 and sodomized the dog.

The newspaper, quoting authorities, says the incident was captured on a "nannycam" set up by the tenant, who had suspected that someone had been entering the apartment.

Hypocrisy Flourishes In Arizona

2012-02-20T18:17:00.003-06:00

Anti-immigrant, gay sheriff has illegal alien lover

Deirdre Hamill, AP/Arizona Republic)

Conservative Sheriff Admits Being Gay

Sheriff Took Tough Stands on Immigration - Lover Revealed as Mexican Illegal

» Sheriff Faces Voters in Arizona - Prospects Dim

Restaurant's Nightmare - Diner's Heart Attack

2012-02-20T17:50:00.004-06:00

By Tiffany Hsu

February 15, 2012

In one of the more unfortunate cases of a company living up to its name, a man dining at the Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas had exactly what was on the menu: A heart attack.

The diner was eating a “Triple Bypass Burger” -- which includes 1.5 pounds of beef and a dozen bacon slices -- this weekend when he began complaining of chest pains, according to a report from FOX5. Paramedics quickly arrived to treat the customer, who is now recovering.

The restaurant opened in the fall and quickly made headlines for its fatty foods, with meals that regularly feature nearly 10,000 calories. Servers are dressed – scantily – as “nurses” who take “prescriptions” from their “patients.”

“Patients” who weigh more than 350 pounds eat for free. “Taste worth dying for!,” the restaurant’s website crows.

The owner, “Doctor” Jon Basso -- who doesn’t actually have a medical background -- said the incident was “horrible."

"It’s not anything to be taken lightly.”

He said the restaurant has warnings about its bad-for-you food on its door and menu but was still a “full house” midday Wednesday.

Basso blasted tourists and others who had mocked the customer, saying they “should be sensitive to the poor guy -- he’s got a mom somewhere.”

“I don’t mind if people demonize me because that’s part of our shtick -- we’re the bad guys of the hamburger industry,” Basso said.

But the eatery is far from the only one that has recently reveled in culinary excess. A number of restaurants have bucked the trend toward healthier food that currently has chains such as McDonald’s boasting of their farm-fresh produce and low-calorie options.

Witness Jack in the Box’s new bacon milkshake, which registers at 1,081 calories for 24 ounces -- or the equivalent of two KFC Double Down sandwiches.

Carl’s Jr. owner CKE is famously unrepentant about its “big fat” burgers, even launching a series of commercials last year highlighting its indulgent menu offerings to its core “young, hungry guy” audience. (But not long after, the chain introduced a line of leaner turkey burgers.)

Even after celebrity chef Paula Deen acknowledged her Type 2 diabetes diagnosis and began repping diabetes drug-maker Novo Nordisk this year, she continued to plug her signature buttery-drenched recipes.

There's a real double standard in the food business. Diners are encouraged to eat healthy but then are faced with menus that are fat and calorie laden.

Man Survives Two Months Without Food In Car Buried In Snow - Yikes.

2012-02-20T14:01:00.005-06:00

Feb. 20, 2012
Stockholm, Sweden

Peter Skyllberg, a 44-year-old man from Sweden, survived two months trapped in his snow-covered car due to a "natural igloo" that formed from the air trapped in the vehicle, the Telegraph reports.

In a stroke of luck, passersby found Skyllberg in his car in Umea, a town a little south of the Arctic Circle, where the Telegraph reports authorities say he was in "really bad shape." He was immediately taken to a nearby hospital, where he is expected to be released in a few days after a full recovery. The temperature in the area had reportedly dropped to -30 F.

Doctor Ulf Segerberg, the Chief Medical Officer at Norrland's University Hospital told the paper in a separate report that, combined with the igloo effect, it's not unheard of a human to survive without food for that long.

"Starvation for one month, anyone can tolerate that if they have water to drink," Segerberg told the Telegraph. "If you have body fat, you will survive even longer, although you end up looking like someone coming from a concentration camp."

The BBC reports that one doctor told the Swedish Vasterbotten Courier that Skyllberg survived by going into a "kind of hibernation."

Segerberg recognized that Skyllberg's survival was against the odds, the Telegraph reports.

"This is a case in a lifetime. Every winter we have people who have frozen to death. But a case like this, with someone caught outside for such a long time, is very rare, because it's very rare that you are not missed by anyone, which seems to be the case in this instance."

So far Skyllberg has declined to be interviewed, the paper reports, and only wants everyone to know that he is doing better.

71 Year-Old Son Delivers 98 Year-Old Mom A Special Gift On Her Birthday, An Eviction Notice

2012-02-18T22:11:00.004-06:00

US man trying to evict 98-year-old mom on birthday

Feb 17 2012

Brian A. Pounds, AP/Connecticut Post

Mary Kantorowski of Fairfield, Conn. is seen at home in a Tuesday, Feb. 14, 2012 photo. Kantorowski, whose son served her with eviction papers on her 98th birthday two months ago, is fighting his efforts to remove her from her home. Her oldest son, 71-year-old Peter Kantorowski of Trumbull, says he's concerned about his/her well-being.

FAIRFIELD, Connecticut (AP) — A woman whose son served her with eviction papers on her 98th birthday is fighting his efforts to remove her from her home.

Mary Kantorowski's oldest son, 71-year-old Peter Kantorowski, says he's concerned about her well-being. When he last saw her eight months ago, she seemed disoriented and was living in poor conditions, he said.

Peter Kantorowski, who owns the house, says his mother has rejected his suggestions to live with him or in a nursing home. A trial is set for March 2.

"I didn't think he would do it," Mary Kantorowski said. "My husband worked hard, difficult jobs to buy this house. He built the garage and did a lot of work on the house and he told me never to leave it."

Her husband, John, died in 1997.

"This is just a despicable situation," her lawyer, Richard Bortolot Jr., told the Connecticut Post newspaper. "Mary has been living here happily paying all the expenses for the house and now her son, Peter, comes along and is telling her, 'Get the hell out,' so he can sell it."

Mary Kantorowski's other son, Jack Kantorowski, told WTNH-TV: "There are no other words to call him. He's just a scumbag."

Bortolot said a probate court stopped Peter Kantorowski from trying to sell the house after the eviction papers were served in December.

Peter Kantorowski says he's just looking out for his mother's best interests.

"I'm not throwing her on the street," he said. "At her age, at 98, I'm sure that she should be with people of her peers. She should have her meals on time."

Man Tries To Turn President Obama On - Gets Turned Down and Arrested

2012-02-17T17:51:00.005-06:00

An unlucky drug smuggler in a plane filled with marijuana was intercepted by F-16s and later arrested after he wandered into President Obama's airspace on Thursday. The president was in Southern California on a fundraising tour when he traveled from Orange County to Los Angeles on-board the presidential helicopter, Marine One. A single-engine Cessna entered the eight-mile restricted airspace buffer around Marine One and did not respond when contacted by air traffic controllers. This caused the Air Force to scramble military jets. The Cessna landed at Long Beach Airport. When federal agents approached the plane intending to question the pilot, it was discovered that the plane was carrying about 40 pounds of marijuana, presumably being smuggled from south of the border. The pilot was arrested and turned over to local law enforcement, who refused to comment on the investigation. The Secret Service would not say how close the plane got to the president, but did say he was never in any danger of getting some high quality weed fresh from Mejico. There is no evidence Obama has ever smoked marijuana, although his predecessor, George W. Bush, was frequently alleged to have been a user of cocaine as a young air force reserve draft dodger.

Oops, Sorry Guys...I Forgot The Explosives

2012-02-17T13:57:00.003-06:00

Terrorism suspect arrested near U.S. Capitol in bomb plot sting

Los Angeles Times | Feb. 17, 2012

An man wearing what he thought was a suicide vest packed with explosives was arrested near the U.S. Capitol in Washington by FBI agents who had been closely monitoring him in an undercover sting operation, officials announced today.

The officials got egg on their faces when the suspect turned out to be an accountant with a sunken chest, wearing a simple, padded vest to make him look more manly.

Paired with the I.C.E. shootout of themselves, it turned out to be an embarrassing week for law enforcement in the hunt for terrorism.

Passenger Accomodates Mother of Screaming Brat - Is Fined For The Effort

2012-02-17T11:07:00.005-06:00

Flier near crying child opens emergency exit for mom

Ben Mutzabaugh, USA TODAY

Having your child throw a tantrum is probably one of the top fears of any parent flying with his or her kids. And sitting near such a child is likely one of the most dreaded annoyances of other passengers.

But the way passengers chose to handle such a situation on a Vietnam flight probably wasn't the best way to go.

The Associated Press has the report, writing:

A mom with a screaming child wanted a quick getaway from a plane on the tarmac in Vietnam and asked for help. The man next to her obliged by opening the emergency exit and triggering the escape slide.

The man – identified by AP as 29-year-old Le Van Thuan – told local authorities he activated the slide so that the woman and her son could get off the plane faster.

However, neither the mom – nor the man – took advantage of the option for a quick getaway. It wasn't clear if that was because the crew intervened or if it was simply because they had second thoughts.

Either way, the man now faces penalties for the move.

An airport official tells AP that the passenger will be fined up to $950. AP adds it will cost the unnamed airline $10,000 to replace the slide. The report didn't make clear whether the man would be responsible for that charge, as well.

Puff, Puff, Puff Until You Puff Yourself To Death

2012-02-15T21:58:00.006-06:00

Electric cigarette explodes in Fla man's mouth

Feb 15 2012

MELISSA NELSON, Associated Press

PENSACOLA, Fla. (AP) — A faulty battery caused an electronic cigarette to explode in a Florida's man's mouth, taking out some of his front teeth and a chunk of his tongue and severely burning his face, fire officials said Wednesday.

Tom Holloway, 57, of Niceville, was trying to quit smoking so he was puffing on the device Monday night when it blew up, fire officials said. Officials have not identified the victim, but a Facebook page under his name was filled with well-wishers commenting on the injury and database searches matched his address with his name.

"The best analogy is like it was trying to hold a bottle rocket in your mouth when it went off," said Joseph Parker, division chief for the North Bay Fire Department. "The battery flew out of the tube and set the closet on fire."

Parker said fire investigators do not know the brand of cigarette, type of battery or age of the device. It appears the battery was rechargeable lithium because a recharging station and other batteries were in the room, he said.

Parker said he has forwarded information about the blaze to the Fire Marshall's Office to include in any databases on the devices. But Parker said he has yet to hear of any similar instances.

Fire Chief Joseph Miller said the victim contacted the department on Wednesday to thank firefighters and told them he was recovering at a hospital in Mobile, Ala.

Thomas Kiklas, co-founder of the Tobacco Vapor Electronic Cigarette Association, said the industry knows of no problems with the cigarettes or batteries exploding.

Kicklas said the cigarettes include a small battery and cartridge. The battery is designed to generate an electric charge when the device is inhaled. The charge sets off the vapor in the cigarette tube.

Kiklas cited a federal report that found 2.5 million Americans used electronic cigarettes last year.

"There have been billions and billions of puffs on the cigarettes and we have not heard of this happening before," he said.

Holloway and his family members didn't immediately answer The Associated Press' requests for interviews.

Dumb Crook No. 6,425,387 in 2012

2012-02-14T22:55:00.003-06:00

Fugitive runs out of gas, calls sheriff for help

Feb 14 2012

Associated Press

EVANSTON, Wyo. (AP) — A 59-year-old fugitive is back behind bars after he ran out of gas in Wyoming and called the local sheriff's office for roadside assistance.

The Wyoming Highway Patrol said Tuesday that Richard Vincent of Prineville, Ore., was wanted in Georgia for violating parole on a murder and escape conviction.

Vincent called the Uinta (YOO'-ihn-tah) County Sheriff's Office which sent state troopers to help him out. When they learned that Vincent had an outstanding felony warrant from Atlanta, he was taken into custody.

Vincent is now being held for Georgia authorities pending extradition.

Dad's Unlikely Story For Showing Porn At Kids' Party

2012-02-13T23:19:00.003-06:00

Dad plays porn instead of 'Smurfs' at kid's party

Feb 13 2012

AP

TREMONTON, Utah (AP) Police Chief Dave Nance tells the Standard-Examiner of Ogden (http://bit.ly/w7SQCs ) the man rented a copy of "The Smurfs" from a Redbox kiosk and loaded the disc into his laptop. But when he turned the projector on for the children, pornographic images flashed on the screen.

Authorities got involved when the father complained somebody had tampered with the DVD. Police found nothing wrong, saying the porn was probably already on Dad's laptop.

Nance says officials aren't pursuing charges because the incident was apparently an accident.

"The Smurfs" was released in 2011 and features animated blue creatures that are chased into New York City by an evil wizard.

Ouch. Cost Saving Endodontistry

2012-02-12T16:45:00.004-06:00

Dentist admits using paper clips in root canals

Jan. 24, 2012
Associated Press

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. -- An ex-dentist has pleaded guilty to Medicaid fraud for using sections of paper clips instead of stainless steel posts in root canals to save money.

Michael Clair, who had a practice in Fall River, is scheduled to be sentenced next week. He pleaded guilty Friday to defrauding Medicaid of $130,000, assault and battery, illegally prescribing prescription drugs and witness intimidation charges.

Some of Clair's patients reported infections after he performed root canals on them, said Grant Woodman, a spokesman for state Attorney General Martha Coakley, whose office prosecuted Clair.

Prosecutors say Clair was suspended by Medicaid in 2002 but continued filing by using the names of other dentists in his practice.

Clair's license to practice dentistry was suspended in Massachusetts in July 2006. Woodman said Clair is no longer licensed to practice dentistry in any state.

Clair's lawyer, John Dingee, didn't immediately return a call seeking comment Tuesday. The 53-year-old Clair now lives in Crofton, Md.

James Kulild, a professor of endodontics at the University of Missouri-Kansas City School of Dentistry, said there are very limited circumstances under which a paper clip could be used during dental procedures. He said a paper clip should never be left in permanently.

"Paper clips do not satisfy the requirements for posts, not only because they aren't made of stainless steel but because their shape and consistency will not allow them to be functionally acceptable to use," Kulild said.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/2012/01/24/20120124dentist-admits-using-paper-clip-root-canals.html#ixzz1mD6Y3JK6

The Sights, Sounds and Odors of Love

2012-02-12T11:51:00.002-06:00

NYC sewage plant to offer Valentine's Day tours

Feb 10 2012

Associated Press

NEW YORK (AP) — It may not smell like a rose but a New York City sewage plant is offering tours for lovers on Valentine's Day.

The tour host and superintendent of the Newtown Creek Wastewater treatment plant in Brooklyn tells the Daily News (http://nydn.us/xEFu6I ) it'll be a unique date, and one that special someone will never forget.

Jim Pynn says the highlight of the tour will be the plant's giant egg-shaped digesters, which break down the noxious waste into harmless sludge and gas.

Pynn says each Valentine's Day visitor will get a Hershey kiss — and at least something to talk about.

Better Late Than Never

2012-02-10T11:24:00.004-06:00

Funeral for man entombed for 27 years in chimney

Aug 12 2011

(AP Photo/Abbeville Police Department)

The chimney of an Abbeville bank building where the remains of Robert Schexnider were found 27 years after his disappearance is seen in Abbeville, La. Described as laid back by the few who remember him, Schexnider left a big question behind: how did he end up in the bank's narrow brick chimney? Was it a robbery attempt gone awry, an accident or a sinister way for someone to get rid of him? All police can say with certainty is Schexnider became trapped in the chimney and apparently died there in 1984. The chimney was his tomb for 27 years.

Now Joseph Schexnider will be laid to rest Sunday in a proper grave with a proper farewell by his family. Still, his brother Robert wonders, how did he wind up in that chimney? Didn't anyone hear any cries for help? Was it a robbery attempt gone awry, an accident or something more sinister?

"At least we know where he is now," Schexnider, 48, said, tears welling in his eyes ahead of his brother's weekend funeral and burial. "At least he's home."

Nearly three decades after he disappeared, much mystery lingers about the case of Joseph Schexnider and involving a small town bank in the southern Louisiana city of Abbeville. Police say Schexnider became trapped and apparently died in the bank's chimney in 1984. But beyond that, they know little more.

"Everybody has an opinion," said Lt. David Hardy, chief of investigations for the Abbeville Police Department. "But no one has evidence to say one way or another."

If Joseph Schexnider did cry out for help, no one heard his pleas. The stench of death was never detected which is hard to believe.

The decades rolled on until last May when a construction worker helping turn the bank's vacant second floor into offices tugged some fabric out of the chimney and was showered with old clothes and human bones.

Described as sweet-natured and relaxed by the few who remember him, Joseph Schexnider was 22 when his family last saw him in January 1984. He had no criminal record, but was wanted for possessing a stolen car.

A lanky, rambling man, Schexnider was prone to wandering at an early age.

In the years after they last saw them, his family, his mother, and two brothers and a sister, had not reported him missing _ and no one searched for him.

"My mother worried about him, but I just said, 'Mom, that's just Joseph being Joseph,'" Robert Schexnider said. "He was always taking off for somewhere."

Joseph first ran off around the age of 9 or 10, Robert recalled, adding his brother had dropped out of high school in the ninth grade.

He worked now and then at this and that, quitting jobs when he became tired and moving on. He was briefly in the Louisiana National Guard, leaving with a medical discharge. One of the few pictures of him shows him in uniform, his dark eyes looking off into the distance.

"He was always going off somewhere," Robert Schexnider said. "He told me he'd seen every state in the country."

Schexnider followed carnivals and once traveled with a circus. He told his brother he hawked cotton candy and peanuts with the shows, traveling with the circus to New York where he was stranded when it left to go overseas.

"He didn't have enough money to get home, so the church helped him out," recalled Francis Plaisance, a city councilman and the pastor of the church the Schexniders attended. "I remember him as being a nice kid."

Plaisance also remembers Joseph as a somewhat simple person. When the church sent a plane ticket to New York for him to come home, Schexnider was unable to navigate the airport.

"We ended up having a pastor up there walking him through it and put him on the plane," Plaisance said.

Jason Hebert, now a detective with Abbeville Police, went to elementary school with Joseph Schexnider. He described him as quiet kid, on the fringe of a group of young boys that made mischief in the town.

"He was just another kid," Hebert said. "Nothing really stood out about him."

With the remains found in the chimney were a yellow long-sleeve shirt, a pair of jeans, blue tennis shoes, and jockey shorts with Schexnider's name printed in the waistband. There also was a magazine and gloves.

He had a wallet with a copy of his birth certificate, a Social Security card and a few pictures.

"There was no sign of foul play," Hardy said. But, he said, there is no way to determine the cause of death.

A DNA test confirmed his identity.

From the way the skeleton was recovered, Hardy said it appeared Schexnider went into the 14-inch-by-14-inch chimney feet first. Because the chimney narrowed sharply at the bottom, he then was apparently unable to maneuver his way back out.

There was no way out at the bottom of the chute, which ended in a 3-inch opening to a narrow fireplace on the second floor of the bank building.

"He was stuck with nowhere to go," Hardy said. If he had called for help _ Hardy points out _ he would have been 20 feet above the street, and encased in bricks.

"His voice would have been carried up and away from the street," Hardy added.

None of the people working on the floor below reported any strange sounds. No one ever went into the seldom-used second floor and reported any strange smells.

Abbeville is home to 12,000 people. Its picturesque downtown is a collection of late 19th-century one- and two-story buildings that have been carefully restored. The flat rooftops are well known to the town children. The two-story brick Abbeville Bank stands on a corner, its roof offering a view across the courthouse and beyond.

Access to the one- and two-story roofs was always an easy climb, Hebert said. He scampered on them as a kid; now as a police officer, he's chased children off the rooftops.

"We played up there a lot," Hebert said. "But I don't remember anyone ever going around the chimneys."

The chimneys on the downtown roofs were capped in 1987, but Schexnider went unnoticed.

His brother won't guess why Joseph went into the chimney, but acknowledged in his final days in town that Joseph had gotten in "with a bad crowd." He was carrying no burglary tools when found or anything to carry away money if he had planned to rob the bank.

Plaisance said he could see it as a misconceived burglary plan on Schexnider's part, however.

"He was the kind of guy who would do things without really thinking them through," Plaisance said.

After so many decades and so few clues, Abbeville Police have declared the case closed.

The Death of Chivalry, Literally

2012-02-10T09:57:00.001-06:00

Man drowns in rescue attempt; girlfriend was already safe

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By Douglas Stanglin, USA TODAY
Updated 19h 14m ago

A 25-year-old man who drowned while trying to rescue his girlfriend may not have realized she had already escaped from her car sinking in the Tennessee River, the Chattanooga Times Free Press reports.

Authorities say Christopher Heaton of Jasper, Tenn., had driven to the spot near Bridgeport, Ala., on Tuesday to meet his unidentified girlfriend at a boat ramp.

Witnesses told police that Heaton spotted her vehicle being swept down the river and immediately dove into the water, the paper says.

But the woman had already escaped and was being helped from the water by a fisherman at a ramp only 20 yards away, according to Jackson County Chief Deputy Rock Harnen.

"He may not have seen her," Harnen says, the newspaper reports.

The newspaper reports that family members, in an obituary notice, said Heaton, a father of two, apparently believed that a small child was trapped in the car.

The Times Free Press says investigators did not immediately know why the woman had driven her car so close to the river.

Motorsickle Maniac On Loose In Iowa

2012-02-09T15:36:00.005-06:00

Iowa Motorsickle Maniac Clocked At 188 MPH Convicted

By Nicole Paseka, The Des Moines Register

COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa – A motorcyclist whose speeds reached 188 mph during a chase by troopers may spend two years in prison after he is sentenced March 8.

James Foldenauer of Council Bluffs, Iowa, was found guilty Wednesday of traveling at excessive speed and eluding a police officer as he drove Aug. 5, 2009, on Interstate 29 near Missouri Valley, Iowa. The speed limit was 70 mph, and he and another motorcyclist were clocked at 89 mph in a construction zone.

The other motorcyclist, a woman, stopped, said Sgt. Bryan Michelsen of the Iowa State Patrol. Foldenauer accelerated his 2003 Suzuki Hayabusa and reached 188 mph near Honey Creek, Iowa.

But that's not the fastest motorcycle chase: Michelsen said he found records from the Minnesota Highway Patrol clocking a motorcycle at 205 mph. Two Iowa State Patrol officers on the ground and one in the air pursued Foldenauer although the police cars couldn't keep up with the motorcycle.

"I don't think he knew we had a plane over him. If he had known that, he probably would have stopped," Michelsen said.

Pilot Scott Pigsley said he was concerned on that day about the safety of not only the motorcyclist, who was wearing a helmet, but also everyone else traveling on I-29 in his path.

"I not only watched him pass on the shoulders at high rates of speed, but I saw him go on the centerline between semis and cars," Pigsley said.

Pigsley followed the motorcyclist across the Missouri River to an Omaha, Neb., residence, where Omaha police officers arrested him.

Michael Murphy, Foldenauer's lawyer, says that the motorcyclist whom the Iowa State Patrol tracked that day was not Foldenauer.

"His motorcycle was an orange motorcycle, kind of a bright orange. Everybody identified a red motorcycle, so that was our problem we had," Murphy said. The Pottawattamie County jury didn't buy it.

Dena Gray-Fisher, a spokeswoman for the Iowa Department of Transportation, said Foldenauer's license will be revoked one year, and he can request a work permit.

Foldenauer has been cited previously for less serious traffic offenses, online court records show.

Michelsen said no one knows for sure why Foldenauer didn't stop.

"I guess we'll never know 100 percent because he never did confess," Michelsen said.

Man Foreclosed By Bank of America

2012-02-09T14:17:00.006-06:00

Feb 9, 2012
Milwaukee

Abandoned homes have become an increasingly common sight amidst a national foreclosure crisis. Yet what may lurk forgotten behind closed doors may be much worse than nothing at all.

Might not be the actual skull of David Carter - a facsimile

A Milwaukee real estate agent entered one such house last month after it was repossessed due to tax foreclosure -- the government can foreclose on a home if taxes and subsequent fees are not paid off within a designated time period -- to find a sight he's not likely to forget soon. The body of the owner David Carter was found on the stairs in a "nearly skeletonized" state after being left there undiscovered for what investigators believe to be up to four years, The Daily Mail reports.

Carter, whose friends and acquaintances described as "smart and generous," even "funny," quit his job as a nuisance control officer for the City of Milwaukee in 2007, telling co-workers that he planned to move to New Mexico, according to the Milwaukee-Wisconsin Journal Sentinel. Instead, it appears that Carter committed suicide. He was found with a bullet wound through his head and a handgun on his chest the day that he would have turned 45 years old.

Sadly, Carter's isn't the first body to be discovered after a seemingly unfathomable amount of time. In England, creditors looking for unpaid bills found the body of a 38-year-old London woman in her rented room in 2006 nearly three years after she's believed to have died. The episode is the subject of a forthcoming film, Dreams of Life, the research for which revealed that the woman was acquaintances with many influential members of London's 80s and 90s pop music scene.

In addition, police last year found an elderly woman's body in a home in Sydney, Australia after she was believed to have died sometime around 2003.

Though Carter and others were found in their homes years after their deaths, the opposite situation -- declaring someone dead prematurely -- has also occurred. A Florida woman is currently suing her lender, JPMorgan Chase, after the bank mistakenly declared her deceased in 2010, which she claimed ruined her credit score. Similarly, a veteran has had to prove his existence four times over in the past two years after the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs stopped paying him his pension benefits on the grounds that he's no longer living.

One in every 627 Wisconsin housing units received a foreclosure filing in December 2011, according to RealtyTrac. In total, the state had the tenth most foreclosure activity of any state.

Take It To The Limit - Road Rage

2012-02-08T11:27:00.005-06:00

Trooper: Irate driver hits man with sledge hammer

Feb 08 2012
Associated Press

RENTON, Wash. (AP) — The Washington State Patrol says an irate driver apparently whacked a man with a small sledge hammer in a road rage dispute.

Trooper Julie Startup, whose father was a Washington State motorists assistance patrolmen who had his name legally changed, says authorities responded early Tuesday to a report of a two-car collision on State Route 167 in the Renton area. They found a 33-year-old Renton man rubbing his left shoulder.

The man, who was driving a Nissan 300ZX, said he'd been hit by the driver of a minivan with a sledge hammer.

Startup says the Nissan and minivan drivers described a lane change and some aggressive driving that ended with their vehicles colliding.

Brett Carter of Bothell was booked into the King County Jail for investigation of assault with a deadly weapon. The unidentified Nissan driver was cited with negligent driving.

Space Cadet Returns Cocaine Stash To Store

2012-02-07T16:10:00.005-06:00

Feb. 2, 2012
Helena, MT

Employees at a local retailer found an illegal surprise in a pocket of a pair of returned jeans on Tuesday.

Photos of two possible suspects identified by police are shown above.

Apparently, the person who brought back the Ariat jeans forgot about the vial of cocaine in the pocket.

Helena Police Chief Troy McGee said police received a call from Murdoch’s Ranch & Home Supply on Tuesday morning reporting that a small glass vial of cocaine was located within a plastic bag in the jeans.

The pants had been returned the previous day. The discovery was made when employees were restocking the jeans, McGee said.

Police are tracking who returned the jeans with the narcotic addition.

Chicken Wing Eating Champ - Barf

2012-02-04T22:49:00.003-06:00

Kobayashi downs record 337 wings at Pa. Wing Bowl

Feb 03 2012

Associated Press

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Competitive-eating champ Takeru Kobayashi (tah-kah-roo koh-bee-yah-shee) conquered Philadelphia's annual gustatory gorge-fest by eating 337 chicken wings in a half-hour before a crowd of nearly 20,000 at Wing Bowl XX.

The Wing Bowl is considered by some to be a tune up for the Super Bowl, to be played Sunday, February 5. Kobayashi will not compete in the Super Bowl.

The Japanese phenom demolished the record of 255 wings set last year by Jonathan "Super" Squibb, a possible heir to the Squibb family fortune.

The Friday morning extravaganza drew thousands to the Wells Fargo Center before sunrise to watch competitors stuff themselves with chicken wings.

Kobayashi claimed a $20,000 cash prize for his victory. It was the six-time Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest champ's first time competing at Wing Bowl, though he consumed a cheese steak in 24 seconds as part of an eating exhibition last year.

Squibb had been trying to win his fourth consecutive Wing Bowl crown, but the Berlin, N.J., man finished a distant second with 271 wings.

No video of the wing fest was available but the video below shows Kobayashi eating an entire pizza in less than a minute.

Vermont Police Pigs

2012-02-02T22:28:00.002-06:00

MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — A prison inmate who makes stationery and license plates pulled a fast one on state police by adding the image of a pig to the state decal on their cruisers.

On the 16-inch car door decals, made by prisoners in Windsor, one of the spots on a cow in a scene with mountains and a pine tree has been changed to the shape of a pig, a derogatory term for police.

A Vermont state trooper discovered the pig while inspecting his vehicle on Wednesday. State police say they believe the decals have been added to about 30 cruisers in the past year.

About 60 altered decals were made over the last couple of years, said Andy Pallito, commissioner of the Department of Corrections, which is looking into who made the modification and when.

New decals will be made by Monday at a cost of $780. The expense will be covered by a surplus in the revolving fund that supports the offender work program, Pallito said.

State police Maj. Bill Sheets wasn't amused by the prank.

"While some may find humor in the decal modifications, the joke unfortunately comes at the expense of the taxpayers," he said Thursday.

The Burlington Free Press newspaper first reported the pig decals.

Wealthy Playboy Adopts Girlfriend

2012-02-02T10:51:00.002-06:00

SUV Plows Into Connecticut Home, Landing Atop Sleeping Man

2012-01-31T16:55:00.006-06:00

31 Jan 2012
New Haven, Conn.

Not the actual SUV

An SUV being chased by police plowed into a home in New Haven early today, landing on top of a man sleeping in his bed. Police and firefighters worked to free the man pinned by the SUV. There were no reports released by the police on the condition of the man or the SUV. The house was severely damaged with a large hole in the side.

Dead Grandmother In Storage Unit For Sixteen Years - Evicted For Non Payment Of Rent

2012-01-30T10:51:00.004-06:00

Jan. 30, 2012
Florida (where else?)

A woman's body found in a Clearwater, Fla., storage unit may have been stored there 16 years ago, WTSP in Tampa reports.

When Ann Bunch died in 1995, the family had her body prepared for burial at a funeral home in Alabama but then ran out of money, according to News Channel 8 in Tampa.

Bunch's daughter, Bobbie Barnett Hancock, decided to place the body in a special container in a unit at U-Stor Self Storage in Clearwater. As Hancock was dying of cancer last year, she told her daughter, Rebecca Ann Fancher, what she had done. Fancher is Bunch's granddaughter.

"She started telling me what she'd done about a month before she died in August," Fancher, 54, of Clearwater told News Channel 8.

After the manager of the storage facility warned that the contents of the storage unit would be auctioned off for non-payment of rent, Fancher admitted to him that the unit contained a body, News Channel 8 reports.

Bus Driving Dog in Australia

2012-01-29T21:37:00.002-06:00

DARWIN, Australia, Nov. 20 (UPI) -- A dog allegedly was spotted driving a mobile home down the street in Darwin, Australia, after learning how to drive by observing his owner, observers claim.

Woodley, a 2-year-old German Koolie, allegedly took the mobile home for a spin while his owner, Richard McCormack was in a store, The Sun reported.

"I came out and saw the bus going down the road. I couldn't believe it," McCormack said.
Woodley in action, via NTNews

This isn't the first time Woodley has tried to take the wheel, his owner explained.

"He sits next to me when I'm driving and in the driver's seat when I'm not. The handbrake is on the dashboard and he's seen me release it many times. He was just copying me. He's tried it on before," said McCormack.

The vehicle was eventually brought to a stop when bystander Phil Newton, 30, jumped in an open window and put the handbrake back on after seeing that a dog was navigating the mobile home.

"This was weird, even for the Northern Territory," he said.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/11/20/Dog-caught-driving-in-Australia/UPI-66641321829811/#ixzz1kuQCtLFP

New York Killer Promises Not To Kill Again If Released On Parole

2012-01-28T17:43:00.004-06:00

January 28, 2011

New York

Charlie Dingle, who in 1983 was convicted of murdering a man in a topless bar and ordering a woman to cut the man's head off, was denied parole after a hearing last week.

Dingle, who maintains his innocence, has continued his violent behavior whilst in prison, the latest altercation taking place only the week prior to his latest parole hearing.

In a teleconference with the board, Dingle promised never to cut anyone's head off again if released on parole. His arguments were not persuasive, however.

English Girl Chickens Out

2012-01-28T16:59:00.002-06:00

Jan. 28, 2011

It's the meal deal nobody should want.

A teenage girl in Birmingham, U.K., who has eaten nothing but chicken nuggets for 15 years, is being warned her favourite food is killing her, according to the Daily Mail.

Stacey Irvine, 17, told the newspaper she was hooked on nuggets when her mom brought them home from McDonald's when she was two. Since then, Irvine has never eaten fruit or vegetables, and loves to split 20 nuggets with her boyfriend as a pastime.

But it's not all fun in McDonald's Playland. Irvine has breathing problems, anemia and was recently rushed to the hospital after she collapsed with swollen veins in her tongue. Despite all this, she can't resist temptation.

"I am starting to realise this is really bad for me," she told The Sun.

Single-item food diets like this one can occur when people are addicted to their food habits, want to lose weight, or even test out a theory. As an experiment in 2010, Mark Haub, a professor of human nutrition at Kansas State University, ate nothing but Twinkies for 10 week and lost 27 pounds and almost five points from his body mass index (BMI).

"What I did, it wasn't healthy behaviour and it did lead to health after [with weight and BMI loss]," he told the Huffington Post Canada. "That's the other layer that is complex. There's a difference between healthy eating and healthy outcomes."

Oh, Just Piss On It Then - Another Floridian

2012-01-15T21:13:00.002-06:00

PALM COAST, Fla.

---- Deputies say a disgruntled north Florida customer urinated in a drive-through bank tube after a teller told him he couldn't buy a money order.

The urine spilled into the lap of the unlucky customer who pulled in behind him Thursday morning.

The St. Augustine Record reports the man mumbled something about bad customer service before driving away.

Flagler County Sheriff's deputies say the next customer alerted bank officials after the liquid spilled on her. The customer and bank officials told deputies the liquid smelled like urine.

Investigators are searching for the man. He could be charged with causing a nuisance injurious to health, which is a second-degree misdemeanor.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/2011/11/03/20111103florida-urine-in-bank-tube.html#ixzz1jaTNoCmY

Hey, What Happened To My Boat?

2012-01-15T10:58:00.003-06:00

Mediteranian Cruise ship runs aground, 4200 evacuated

A sailing boat passes in front of the luxury cruise ship Costa Concordia leaning on its side after running aground off the tiny Tuscan island of Giglio, Italy, Sunday, Jan. 15, 2012. The Costa Concordia cruise ship ran aground off the coast of Tuscany, sending water pouring in through a 160-foot (50-meter) gash in the hull and forcing the evacuation of some 4,200 people from the listing vessel early Saturday, the Italian coast guard said. (AP Photo/Gregorio Borgia)

One would think that after centuries the Mediterranean Sea would be fully charted. Drunk captain and First Mate, perhaps?

Bone Chilling Ride On California Freeway

2012-01-13T18:02:00.005-06:00

Bones on board: Driver busted in HOV lane with fake skeleton

John de Leon on January 5, 2012

Bonehead: Skeleton used by driver in HOV lane.

A driver learned the hard way that having a plastic skeleton ride shotgun won’t earn you the right to use the HOV lanes.

Just after 7:30 p.m. on Dec. 20, a trooper stopped the driver of a silver Mazda for driving at 82 mph and making several unsafe lane changes on northbound Interstate 5 near 272nd Street, the State Patrol said. The trooper noticed that a “passenger” in the car was actually a plastic skeleton in a hooded sweatshirt.

At least the skeleton was belted in.

The driver was ticketed for speeding, unsafe lane changes and an HOV violation.

Neat Way To Go - No Mess, Nothing To Bury

2012-01-13T17:09:00.001-06:00

Man sucked head-first into wood chipper

January 12, 2012

A Northern California man died Thursday after getting sucked into a giant wood chipper, authorities said.

The man was helping remove tree branches and debris from a house in a rural area outside Nevada City, about 60 miles northeast of Sacramento, when he apparently got sucked in while feeding something into the chipper.

The man was a professional landscaping crew member who was sucked head-first into the machine after he became ensnared in some rope.

"It was a huge chipper capable of processing full-size trees," Sgt. Hap Penaluna told the paper. "It's just a tragic accident." He was like a toothpick.

The man's name has not been released

Brainy Idea Foiled In Egypt

2012-01-13T16:36:00.005-06:00

420 pounds of cow brains seized at Cairo airport

Jan 13 2012
BEN HUBBARD, Associated Press

Not actual cow brains - a facsimile

CAIRO (AP) — Officials at Cairo's international airport confiscated 420 pounds (190 kilograms) of frozen cow brains Friday from three Sudanese travelers who planned to sell them to Egyptian restaurants, authorities said.

An airport official said it was the fourth time this week that customs officers there had foiled an attempt to smuggle cow brains into the country, reflecting the growth of a moneymaking scheme made possible by some realities of international supply and demand: Cow brains are cheap in Sudan, and Egyptians like to eat them.

A pound of raw cow brains bought in Sudan for less than a dollar can be resold in Egypt for six times as much, airport officials said. That means Friday's haul could have earned the men more than $1,500.

Restaurants specializing in liver and brains are popular in Egypt. Both items are deep fried and often eaten in pita bread with spicy red sauce.

Airport officials discovered the brains Friday while inspecting large freezer boxes brought in by three travelers on a flight from Sudan's capital, Khartoum. After inspecting the boxes, the officials confiscated the brains since they couldn't ensure they had been preserved in a sanitary manner.

The brains will be burned, the officials said, speaking on condition of anonymity under airport rules.

Bungee Cord Snaps Sending Aussie Lass On A Terrifying Adventure

2012-01-10T18:48:00.005-06:00

Tourist survives 365-foot plunge when bungee cord snaps

Laura Bly, USA TODAY

Any adventurous vacationer who's considering taking a leap of faith on a bungee jump might want to consider the gut-wrenching experience (see video above) of 22-year-old Erin Langworthy, an Australian tourist who fell from the Victoria Falls Bridge over Africa's Zambezi River to the crocodile-infested, rapids-strewn waters below on Dec. 31. Langworthy told Nine Network television that she blacked out briefly after the bungee cord broke and she hit the river on the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe.

The stretch of the Zambezi below Victoria Falls is so intimidating that its one-day rafting trips are touted as the world's most challenging.

"You get sucked under and then you pop up so it's very disorienting -- I didn't know which was up or down," said Langworthy, who was still attached to a trailing cord by the ankles. She said the broken cord repeatedly snagged, so she "had to swim down and yank the bungee cord out of whatever it was caught on to make it to the surface."

"Luckily we had been rafting, so I remembered some of the safety tips," she told ABC's Good Morning America on Monday.

After reaching the Zimbabwe bank of the river, Langworthy was evacuated to a hospital in South Africa with cuts, bruises, and a broken collar bone.

Officials say more than 150,000 adrenaline addicts have safely taken the $120-per-person plunge at Victoria Falls since bungee jumps started there 17 years ago. (I considered it during my own Victoria Falls trip, but opted for rafting after reading several cautionary tales about wrenched knees and detached retinas.)

The most miraculous part of this incident, however, was the statement of the company that operates the bungee cord suicide leap that insisted it stands behind the safety of its bungee cords. Talk about disconnect.

As for Langworthy? She told Good Morning America she'd consider a repeat performance - but not anytime soon.

Corpse Sued By Woman Injured in Teen's Death

2012-01-09T22:14:00.002-06:00

Dead Teen Sued for Losing Control of Flying Body Parts

Posted by Lindsay Mannering
December 30, 2011

You think you've heard it all until I tell you that an appeals court in Illinois recently ruled that a woman is allowed to sue a dead teen's estate for injuries caused by his flying body parts. The 18-year-old boy was running across the Amtrak tracks to catch another train but didn't make it -- he was hit by an oncoming train going 70 mph and his body was torn apart by the force and flung onto a nearby passengers' waiting platform. The woman, 58, was struck by a sizable chunk of the boy's body and was knocked to the ground, breaking her leg and wrist. The court ruled that the boy's death was "reasonably foreseeable" and that his estate can be held responsible for his negligence.

I'm sorry, but who goes around suing a dead teen whose body was ripped to shreds in one of the most gruesome ways imaginable?

I can't say that my first or even fiftieth instinct after being pummeled to the ground by half of a bloody torso would be to raise my fist in the air and declare that whoever had the nerve to let their body explode and land on me will most certainly pay in court. Even if my leg was shattered, I still can't imagine going after the dead teen's estate.

The family of the deceased has suffered enough -- their son was blasted by a train. It doesn't get much worse than that. And to think that they have to endure a woman nitpicking her way into their bank accounts is disgusting. It's not like this kid had millions -- what is she hoping to gain from this lawsuit?

It won't make her leg any better. I can't imagine it'd help her heal in any way, shape, or form. I don't think a normal person would feel good about suing for injuries caused by a dead teen's flying body parts. Yeah, he did something incredibly stupid, but I think he paid the price. He's dead. His body was blown to bits. No need to drive the point home with what seems like a frivolous, greedy, and hurtful lawsuit.

If you were in the injured woman's shoes, would you sue, too?

Blog readers's opinions are solicited for an informal poll. Tell us what you think.

Penis Cutting Epidemic Unexplained

2012-01-09T21:01:00.004-06:00

Arraignment Delayed for Penis Cutting Wife

Catherine Kieu Becker, 48 (Garden Grove P.D.)

January 9, 2012

SANTA ANA, Calif. - The arraignment of Catherine Kieu, a 48-year-old woman accused of cutting off her husband's penis and putting it in the garbage disposal was delayed Monday.

Catherine Kieu, of Garden Grove, was indicted last Thursday on one felony count of torture and one felony count of aggravated mayhem. She also faces a sentencing enhancement for personal use of a knife.

If convicted, Kieu could get life in prison without the possibility of parole.

Her case has been continued until Feb. 2.

Prosecutors say Kieu spiked her 60-year-old husband's tofu dinner with drugs on July 11 of last year.

Kieu then allegedly tied him to his bed with nylon ropes and cut off his penis with a 10-inch kitchen knife.

She then stuck the member in the garbage disposal and turned the disposal on, mutilating the organ, according to prosecutors.

Kieu was the one who called 911, and authorities say she told responding officers that her husband "deserved it."

Her husband was treated and released from UC Irvine Medical Center, where doctors were unable to re-attach his penis, their being nothing but shreds of meat to retrieve from the disposal.

Police say they believe Kieu was upset at her husband for filing for divorce after 16 months of marriage.

But this doesn't account for the rash of penectomies by the partners of men. It's getting dangerous to go to sleep of get drunk.

Over the past 10-15 years there has been spurt in the number of penectomies performed on husbands and lovers by irate women. This usually involves the male having used his penis to have intercourse with another woman. Increasingly women are cutting off the penises of their sexual partners when angered over trivial matters such as the arrangements for house guests.

Psychologists suggest the outbreak may be due to the male penis serving as a symbol of control over women, or older suggestions of penis envy. Whatever the reasons, it is extremely hazardous to men's principal sexual organ.

Kieu and her husband were married on Dec. 29, 2009, and Kieu's husband, who has not been identified, filed for divorce in May 2011.

They continued living together in a condominium complex in Garden Grove.

For reasons known only to Kieu and her lawyer, she has pleaded not guilty to the charges against her after making a confession when she called 911.

She remains jailed on $1 million bail.

Bizarre Name Leads To Pot Bust, Arrest

2012-01-09T20:33:00.004-06:00

January 9, 2012

A Wisconsin man with the bizarre name of Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop was expected to be charged today with possessing a small amount of marijuana and a knife.

Maybe today is a slow news day. Maybe everyone's had it up to HERE with election news. Maybe everyone's grumpy because of those New Year's diet resolutions. Who knows. But many people apparently needed a laugh today. How else to explain why this story skyrocketed around the blogosphere Monday for no good reason other than ... the dude's got a pretty funny name.

But this story gets even better. Reuters reports that Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop -- pause for pronunciation and chuckle -- used to be named Jeffrey Drew Wilschke. He had his name legally changed last November.

Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop's arrest made headlines in Oregon, Texas, Florida, Vancouver... We could go on, but you get the idea.

Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 30, was already on probation for a weapons violation when he was arrested Thursday at a Madison-area park following complaints from neighbors, according to Reuters. The drugs and knife were allegedly discovered after his arrest.

No reason was given why the former Mr. Wilschke changed his name other than because he might have grown weary of everyone misspelling Wilschke.

One More Good Reason To Avoid Florida Like The Plague

2012-01-06T10:49:00.004-06:00

Palm Beach, Fla.
Jan 6, 2012

Invasion of the giant pythons

Giant Burmese pythons have stablished themselves across thousands of square miles of Florida's Everglades, where outdoor workers now routinely find them. The state had held out hope that bays, inlets and open seas would form a natural barrier, keeping the non-native snakes, often discarded pets, from spreading to the Florida Keys and beyond. But that might not be the case.

Research published this week finds that even newly-hatched pythons can survive in seawater for up to a month.

"The fact that this study has ruled out one of the most hoped-for forms of physical barriers, saltwater, as preventing the spread of invasive pythons in Florida puts even more onus on human action to prevent the spread of these damaging reptiles," U.S. Geological Survey Director Marcia McNutt said in a release. "This study demonstrates the distinct possibility that pythons could spread to new suitable habitats one estuary at a time."

Researchers with the U.S. Geological Survey tested the ability of 24 hatchling Burmese pythons that they had caught in the Everglades to survive given different types of water to drink. Some got fresh water, some brackish water (such as the slightly salty water found in mangrove swamps) and some full-strength seawater.

The hatchlings given brackish water survived an average five months but two lived more than 200 days. The hatchlings given only seawater survived on average one month, but one lived for 200 days, until the researchers ended the experiment. The paper is in the January edition of the Journal of Experimental Marine Biology and Ecology.

The research shows that open ocean, bays or shorelines aren't necessarily the protection against further python migration that state officials had hoped they would be.

The paper is the first rigorous scientific research to document what's been known anecdotally for some time: Burmese pythons don't mind taking a dip in the ocean. "A few weeks ago, one was seen swimming across Florida Bay," says Gordon Rodda, a research zoologist and expert on the snakes with the U.S. Geological Survey in Fort Collins, Colo.

While it's unlikely the snakes would swim "straight across the Gulf" to make it to Texas and Louisiana, Rodda could easily imagine them hopscotching up the coastline or between the islands in the lower Florida Keys.

"They might bypass a wildlife management area just by swimming around it. You can't just stick a big fence out into the Gulf of Mexico," he says.

Research has shown that snakes often prefer to swim rather than crawl because it uses less energy. One group of pythons that had been radio tagged in the Everglades stayed put for months until the water levels rose enough that they could swim and then they took off, Rodda says. "Swimming is a very efficient way to get around, and they will use it."

Burmese pythons are considered one of the largest snakes in the world and can grow up to 20 feet and 250 pounds.

They are native to Southeast Asia but were introduced to Florida via the trade in exotic pets. It's believed that some either escaped or were released, and formed breeding colonies beginning in the 1990s.

No one knows how many Burmese pythons there are in Florida. "That's the million-dollar question everyone wants answered," says Kristen Hart, lead author on the paper and a biologist with the U.S. Geological Survey in Davie, Fla. Some back-of-the-envelope calculations have come up with "tens of thousands," she says. There have been reductions in animals such as muskrats and marsh rabbits, and that might be because of the pythons, she says. "They eat everything from birds to mammals to alligators. If you were to design the perfect predator, it might be the python," Hart says.

The snakes kill their prey by asphyxiating them by constricting their ability to breathe while holding them in place with their teeth. Dead prey is swallowed whole. Last October, workers in the Everglades killed a 16-foot python that had just eaten a 76-pound deer.

The pythons are not considered a threat to humans, but have been known to eat dogs, cats and deer. Officials are especially concerned about endangered species, of which there are 31 in Florida whose size and behavior patterns make them vulnerable to the pythons

The pythons are known to have reached Key Largo, where there is evidence they're eating the endangered Key Largo wood rat, says Ken Warren of the South Florida office of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. They've also been known to eat rare round-tailed muskrats.

While there have been sightings of pythons all the way down to Key West at the tip of the Keys, there's no evidence of established breeding populations in the Keys. "Obviously that's what we're trying to prevent," Warren says.

How the pythons got that far south isn't known, he says. "Whether they managed to get down there by swimming or crawling across a bridge or hitching a ride, we don't know," Warren says

Teen Age Girl Gets Naked For Music Teacher

2012-01-04T22:51:00.006-06:00

Cops: Teenager tricked to strip

TACOMA, Wash. —

Not the actual teenager

Authorities in Washington say a former Tacoma Community College music instructor tricked a teenage voice student to take off her clothes off while singing in hopes she would reach lower octaves.

The Tacoma News Tribune reports 37-year-old Kevin Gausepohl is charged with seven counts of communicating with a minor for immoral purposes and one count of obstructing a law enforcement officer.

Investigators say he told a Gig Harbor High School student he was conducting a study on how sexual arousal affects vocal ranges. The girl was 17 at the time. She was attending the school as part of the Running Start program that allows high schoolers to take college courses.

It was not made clear in the police report whether or not the girl was sexually aroused and whether or not the research was successful.

Things are different in college.

Gausepohl resigned his position with the community college.

Take That, You Scoundrels - A Cowbone's Wrath

2012-01-03T17:51:00.004-06:00

Wednesday, 28 Dec 2011

A Hawaii man was charged with four counts of assault after allegedly attacking a group of men with what is believed to be a cow's thighbone, police on the Big Island said Wednesday.

Officers responded to a report of a brawl outside a Kailua-Kona bar on Christmas Eve and arrived to find four men with injuries from an attack. Bar patrons were holding Gregory Haas, 45, who witnesses told police attacked the men with the bone.

"He did indicate that he did actually find it in pastureland here in the Kona area," Lt. Gerald Wike said Wednesday. The weapon was recovered at the scene and taken as evidence. Police are sure it's a bone from a large animal and are trying to determine with certainty that it's from a cow.

"It's unusual someone using that as a weapon," he said. "This is the first that I have experienced an assault taking place with what appears to be an animal bone."

The attack in the Gold Coast Center parking lot was "unprovoked," Wike said, adding that Haas appeared to be intoxicated.

One of the victims, 40, was hit in the head and airlifted to a Honolulu hospital in critical condition. He has since been discharged and returned to the Big Island, Wike said. Another man, 25, was treated at Kona Community Hospital for cuts to his head and released. Two others, 65 and 49, received injuries that did not require medical attention.

He was charged with one count of first-degree assault and three counts of second-degree assault.

A preliminary hearing has been scheduled for Thursday, according to the Hawaii County prosecuting attorney's office. Haas could not be reached Wednesday at Hawaii Community Correctional Center, where he is being held in lieu of $55,000 bail.

And You Can Keep The Change

2012-01-01T13:19:00.003-06:00

Cops: Man tried to use $1M bill at NC Walmart

Dec 31 2011

Associated Press

LEXINGTON, N.C. (AP) — Do you have change for a million-dollar bill?

Police say a North Carolina man insisted his million-dollar note was real when he was buying $476 worth of items at a Walmart.

Investigators told the Winston-Salem Journal (http://bit.ly/u7ZrEN ) that 53-year-old Michael Fuller tried to buy a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other items. Store employees called police after his insistence that the bill was legit, and Fuller was arrested.

The tip-off was that Fuller was wearing a pink mask and was carrying a pistol when he attempted to pass the phony million dollar bill. KMart stores do not keep a million dollars at each store to make change so there was no way the many could have gotten the correct change. He also wasn't offered an opportunity to open a KMart credit card account.

The largest bill in circulation is $100. The government stopped making bills of up to $10,000 in 1969. This move was made as a convenience to small shop owners and street peddlers who seldom could make change for, say, a $10,000 bill to purchase an Eskimo Pie.

Fuller was charged with attempting to obtain property by false pretense and uttering a forged instrument. He is in jail on a $17,500 bond, and it isn't clear if he has an attorney. He is scheduled to be in court Tuesday.

Florida: Most Bizarre State in the Nation

2011-12-30T09:51:00.007-06:00

Florida was weird as only it can be in 2011

Dec 30 2011

As we, the editors of BizarreStuff, have learned from 3 years of editing this blog, the state of Florida is filled with the weirdest people and the most bizarre events of any other state in the United States.

We don't know what it is about Florida that attracts such bizarre people, engaging in some of the weirdest activities on the planet but it is undeniably the case. Florida's only rival is Australia, and even Australia, an entire country, cannot rival the single state of Florida.

On the domestic front, Montana probably comes in second with Texas occupying the third position. But Texas has more than 20 times the population of Montana. On a per capita basis that probably gives Montana the edge.

Part of the explanation for Montana might lie in the fact that Montana was originally populated by a large number of Texans who moved there to get away from the cold Texas winters. All jokes aside, a lot of Texans were early pioneers in populating Montana and bizarre genes run deep.

Now Brendan Farrington, an AP writer, confirms in his story below what we have found, with his own observations about bizarre occurrences in Florida for only one year, 2011. Does Florida advertise for these people or is it something in the water?

BRENDAN FARRINGTON, Associated Press

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) — Did you hear about the giant Lego man that washed up on Siesta Key beach? What about the man who walked into a bar, ordered a beer and disappeared for 30 minutes to rob a bank, only to return and finish his drink? Or how about the puzzling story of the baby grand piano that showed up on a sandbar near Miami?

That's Florida, where weird is an everyday event.

Over the past year, a 92-year-old woman fired four shots at a neighbor who refused to kiss her, a Delray Beach man cut off a piece of a dead whale that washed ashore — planning to eat it — and an 8-year-old girl gave her teacher some marijuana and said: "This is some of my mom's weed."

The piano was a mystery for about a month. On Jan. 1, 2011, the charred instrument showed up on a Biscayne Bay sandbar, a couple hundred yards from shore. A 16-year-old student eventually admitted he put it there as part of an art project. A day after it was removed, someone set up a table with two chairs, place settings and a bottle of wine.

It's still not clear how the 100-pound, 8-foot-tall Lego man washed ashore. The local tourism bureau hoped to use Lego man to promote the area, but the man who found it has placed a claim on it. He can keep it if the owner doesn't collect it before early next year. As for the bar-bank robber, he was arrested at his watering hole, not too long after the holdup.

Author Tim Dorsey, whose novels include Florida strangeness both real and fantasy, said the state is an odd place because of its diverse, highly transient population.

"There's pockets of strangeness all over the country, but here it's a baseline lifestyle. There, it's the aberration. There, it's the tail end of the bell curve. Here, it's the peak of the bell curve," Dorsey said.

Young people made up a large part of the peculiar tales.

In Palm Beach County, an elementary school teacher opened an end-of-the-year gift from an 8-year-old student's grandmother and found toiletries and a loaded handgun. A Tampa woman upset with her 15-year-old son's bad grades forced him to stand on a street corner with a sign that read: "Honk if I need an education."

A 15-year-old Florida Keys girl who is a big fan of the "Twilight" books and movies was afraid that her mother would get upset by the bite marks her boyfriend gave her after they acted out her vampire fantasy. She made up a story about being attacked; doubtful investigators got her to tell the truth.

Deputies arrested an 18-month-old's father after they found the man passed out in his mobile home while the toddler was in the yard picking up beer cans and drinking them.

Pasco County deputies said a woman walked into a bank with a 3-year-old boy and robbed it. A homeless man held up a Tampa bank, fled on a city bus and handed out stolen cash to passengers.

And while he didn't rob it, an unhappy Palm Coast bank customer left quite a deposit. He urinated in a drive-thru bank tube and drove off.

Animals always account for a fair share of odd news. At the Miami airport, a Brazilian trying to get through security was caught with several baby pythons and tortoise hatchlings in his underwear. A woman found a 7-foot alligator in her bathroom, and a man stored his dead cougar in a freezer.

In north-central Florida, an Ocala ice cream shop got rid of its costumed mascot — a waving vanilla cone — because passers-by kept mistaking him for a hooded Ku Klux Klansman.

In unusual crime stories, two managers of a Lake City Domino's Pizza were charged with burning down a rival Papa John's as a way to increase business. Two deaf men using sign language were stabbed at a Hallandale Beach bar when another costumer thought they were flashing gang signs.

And finally, a North Naples man who was pulled over for a traffic violation called 911 and reported a shooting nearby to get out of a ticket. He still got a ticket and was also charged with making a false 911 call.

There Went Santa Claus - Driving Across Idahohoho

2011-12-30T00:46:00.005-06:00

Wash. man arrested with marijuana wrapped as gifts

Dec 29 2011

COEUR d'ALENE, Idaho (AP) — A Washington state man faces felony marijuana trafficking charges after an officer found 3.3 pounds of marijuana wrapped up as Christmas gifts during a traffic stop in northern Idaho.

Jason D. Palmer, 36, of Springdale, Wash., was arrested Dec. 22 as he returned from a trip to Montana, where he had been visiting family. He was bringing back some Christmas gifts for his friends in Washington state but apparently couldn't resist sampling some of the gifts.

Kootenai County sheriff's officials said Palmer was stopped east of Coeur d'Alene because his vehicle was repeatedly changing lanes and following other drivers too closely. The officer said he smelled marijuana as he approached the vehicle. In other words, Santa was stoned.

"When I made contact at the window, the odor increased its potency," the deputy wrote in his report.

"Santa" Palmer told the officer he was a medical marijuana cardholder and had a small amount of "medicine" in the vehicle.

"I asked him what was in the presents and he stated some 'sweaters,'" the deputy wrote.

But a drug-sniffing dog indicated the packages contained something other than sweaters. There were drugs when the officers opened them, court records said.

Deputies also seized $800 in cash Palmer had with him.

Palmer's 12- and 14-year-old sons, who were in the vehicle with him, were taken into custody on suspicion of frequenting, or being in the company of someone in possession of a controlled substance. Prosecuting attorney Barry McHugh told The Associated Press on Thursday that the boys will not be charged. Oh happy day.

Palmer was released after posting a $20,000 bond and a preliminary hearing is set for Jan. 13, court records said. The judge ordered a public defender be appointed for Palmer.

Czech Man Loads Luggage With Snakes, Reptiles and Poisonous Vipers - Yech!

2011-12-27T22:31:00.010-06:00

Buenos Aires, Argentina
December 27, 2011

A Czech national faces 10 years in prison after Buenos Aires airport screeners found 247 (245) living snakes and reptiles -- including poisonous vipers -- in the bulging suitcase he tried to check on a flight to Madrid.

The "organic substances moving inside" the bag were packed in clear plastic containers, workers at the Iberia Airlines desk at Ezeiza Airport discovered after the bag was X-rayed. Some are reported to be extremely rare and protected by the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species.

Among the writhing cargo were South American pit vipers, yararas and several young boas. Two snakes were dead, and authorities said more would have died from lack of oxygen had they been loaded onto the plane.

Karel Abelovsky, 51, who appears to be a simpleton, was charged with attempted smuggling. How he ever believed he could pass through airport security with 247 (245) live snakes and vipers in his suitcase is strong evidence for the simpleton hypothesis.

It was not clear what the fate of the 245 still living snakes and vipers would be when the simpleton smuggler is arrested and jailed. The Buenos Aires Zoo has no facilities to handle a sudden influx of 245 new residents, many poisonous and hungry, and releasing them in the area surrounding the airport did not appear to be a viable option because the airport is surrounded by dense housing development and numerous schools.

An airport baggage handler with no knowledge of reptiles offered to take the suitcase home with him overnight until a very brief phone call to his wife nixed the arrangement.

Jail authorities also refused to allow the prisoner to keep the reptiles in his cell, citing concerns that some of the poisonous vipers could escape into adjacent cells, frightening other inmates.

The incident happened Dec. 7 but was just reported today. 20 days with poisonous snakes at the airport?

California Parolee Sentenced To Ten Years For Sexually Assaulting Chihuahua Puppy

2011-12-26T22:42:00.010-06:00

Man who sexually assaulted chihuahua gets 10-years in slammer

December 24, 2011

Not the actual chihuahua

Robert Edward De Shields, a Sacramento parolee convicted of sexually assaulting a chihuahua, was sentenced to 10 years in prison and must now register as a sex offender.

A jury last month convicted De Shields of strangulation and sexual abuse of the 8-month-old chihuahua. He was high on meth at the time of the attack, prosecutors said.

De Shields is confined to a wheelchair and had rented space in a South Sacramento home. When the homeowners came home one day in March, they found De Shields holding the scared dog, prosecutors said. The next day, the dog was missing, but found in the garage with De Shields. The dog was in pain and shock, prosecutors alleged. De Shields insisted the chihuahua had wanted it and had come onto him.

A veterinarian later found severe injuries to the dog's rectum and internal organs. The chihuahua was not required to make an appearance in court, prompting an objection by De Shields' court appointed attorney, citing the right of every defendant to confront his accusers. The lawyer was later assaulted by angry members of PETA outside the courtroom. The lawyer was taken to a local hospital where he required 217 stitches to suture his wounds sustained during the attack. He immediately filed a motion to withdraw as De Shields' attorney, which was denied by the judge.

De Shields has been in and out of prison since 1992. Because of the case's additional requirement that he register as a lifetime sex offender -- unusual for an animal-cruelty case -- he must now serve his sentence in state prison, where he will regularly be sexually assaulted by dog-loving prisoners. Under the state's prison realignment system, he would have otherwise served the time in county jail, where he would have been regularly sexually assaulted, too, the Sacramento County district attorney's office said.

Efforts were underway by PETA and the SPCA to have De Shields confined to the infamous Alcatraz prison in San Francisco Bay, which closed in 1963, was briefly occupied in 1970-71 by a group of American Indians and is now a California State Park and tourist attraction. One million visitors a year who visit the island would be able to boo and throw rocks at De Shields for a fee, providing much needed relief for the state's prison budget.

Truck Driver Wins $300K Lamborghini and Crashes It Six Hours Later

2011-12-22T01:25:00.006-06:00

Cops say summer tires worthless on icy winter roads.

Santaquin, Utah
Dec. 21, 2011

A truck driver with 6 kids and lots of bills won a $300,000 Lamborghini sports car. He was taking friends and family out for joy rides when he spun out and crashed the luxury car. He now plans to repair it and sell it.

Good idea. It's not a good car for a family of eight.

Man Drives 6000+ Miles With Wife's Corpse

2011-12-20T18:05:00.006-06:00

TONASKET, Okanogan County — An elderly Canadian man drove more than 6,000 miles with the dead body of his 75 year-old wife seated next to him in the car. The situation was discovered when the man called authorities to ask whether or not he could cross the Canadian border with his wife's corpse. The Canadian couple were vacationing in the U.S. when the man's wife bought the farm whilst sitting next to her husband in the car. He was uncertain how to proceed and just kept driving while he pondered his options. Meanwhile, the body of his dead wife decomposed.

No foul play was suspected. However, there is a ton of paperwork that must be completed.

Quest For Bigger Penis Causes Man's Death

2011-12-16T15:39:00.003-06:00

Dec. 16, 2011

Authorities say a New Jersey man who died after having his penis injected with silicone was trying to get it enlarged.

The woman police say gave the injection, resulting in his death, has been charged with manslaughter. She made her first court appearance Tuesday.

The Essex County prosecutor's office says 34-year-old Kasia Rivera gave 22-year-old Justin Street the injection in May. She has pleaded not guilty but remains in jail on $75,000 bail.

Street died the day after his injection. His death was ruled a homicide following an investigation and a medical examiner's determination he died of a silicone embolism.

Rivera also faces charges accusing her of the unauthorized practice of medicine out of her East Orange apartment. Authorities say they're investigating whether she gave other people similar injections.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/12/13/national/a141817S30.DTL#ixzz1gjhdIPZo

Alabama Republican Tries To Wipe Out Lesbianism, One Lesbian At A Time

2011-12-16T12:12:00.006-06:00

Jillian Rayfield December 12, 2011

An anti-gay Alabama Republican, shown here, was reportedly making secret sperm donations to at least nine New Zealand women he met over the internet, unbeknownst to his wife back in America.

Bill Johnson, who made a failed bid for governor of Alabama in 2010, anonymously donated sperm to lesbian couples in New Zealand, according to a report by the New Zealand Herald.

Johnson has spent much of the last year in Christchurch, where he moved without his wife and her three kids (from a previous marriage), in order to help the country’s recovery from the February earthquake, which apparently created a lot of lesbians.

All the while Johnson was reportedly trolling the internet under the username “chchbill” for women who needed help getting pregnant. He reportedly had exchanges with at least nine women — among them several lesbians — at least three of whom are now pregnant. He believes lesbians who are impregnated by straight males will not produce gay children.

From the Herald:

The Herald on Sunday approached Johnson on Thursday at a restaurant in Christchurch where he had just finished dining with one of the women he had successfully impregnated. The woman had a very satisfied look about her.

Johnson said the urge to become a biological father was “a need that I have”.

“I am married to the most beautiful woman in the world. When I married her I knew we couldn’t have any more children. She had a hysterectomy 10 years ago,” he said. “There is nothing my wife would want to give me more in the world than a child of my own.”

“Reproduction and having children is as basic a human need as eating,” he told the Herald. "You see me here, eating, don't you? Would you like to watch me donate sperm, too?"

His wife, Kathy Johnson, said the revelations were “the utmost form of betrayal.”

“This is a really, really difficult time for our family,” Kathy Johnson said in an email to the Mobile Press-Register. “I’m still in disbelief and very hurt, and our family has a lot of healing to do.”

You bet, sister. A lifetime of healing a cancerous wound known as Republicanism.

Johnson ran as a Christian conservative in his 2010 bid for governor, during which he said he was against gay marriage. He finished fifth out of seven Republican primary candidates.

Sex On The Subway Train

2011-12-15T09:37:00.002-06:00

here

Toronto
Dec. 14, 2011

A clearly inebriated, otherwise drug impaired or supremely uninhibited couple, began an open sexual episode on a Toronto subway car. When ejected from the train by authorities, they continued their sexual escapade on the platform of the train station, where their activities were videotaped by a disinterested bystander.

Nonplussed, the couple continued their activities until they were arrested by police and charged with lewd behavior.

Sexual Discussion Between Irate Couple On Subway

2011-12-15T09:04:00.002-06:00

New York City Subway Shout Out

New York, NY
Any date

An angry couple on a New York subway got into a lurid discussion of their sexual activities, or lack thereof according to the female. A video of their argument was made by a curious passenger. Graphic language is employed by both parties to the argument.

It is not known if the couple subsequently reconciled. It is hoped they did not. The woman clearly in unhappy in the relationship and wants her partner to have a more active appendage.

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhSxSX6B58Wkgk5e4o

Book Urinator Strikes in Nebraska

2011-12-12T00:09:00.005-06:00

Cops: Library books pissed on.

LINCOLN, Neb. -- Officials at the Bennett Martin Library in Lincoln have removed and destroyed about 150 books after someone urinated on the biographies bookshelf. Right wing bigots have turned to banning biographies recently because they are not censored. "Dirty words are used by people and quoted by their biographers," said a tight lipped shrew from a local book banning group. "We don't want our children learning that important public figures used dirty words."

The Lincoln Journal Star says Monday that officials don't know when it happened, why it happened or who did it, but the smell left no question about what did it. A police report puts the loss at $3,900.

Tammy Teasley of Lincoln City Libraries says she was removing older, outdated books from circulation on Nov. 28 when she detected the odor on the shelves on the second floor in a corner of the building.

Teasley says the person was likely intoxicated and found a secluded spot in the library to relieve themselves. She says the remaining books on those shelves will be moved elsewhere.

The Bigger They Come The Further They Fall

2011-12-08T19:29:00.007-06:00

There was a time, not that long ago, when big butts on women (outside of Cuba and one or two other Caribbean and Latino countries), were considered to be undesirable, garish and ugly. Women dieted and undertook strenuous exercise regimes in an effort to diminish the size of their posteriors. (Remember the Fat Broad cartoon character?) Now, some women feel cheated because their butts are not big enough. Big butts have become fashionable, to be altered with the changing seasons and tastes of the women involved. Eventually, all that additional injected silicone, bacon fat, glue, epoxy and cement has to go somewhere and that somewhere is down, to a huge, sagging butt, if you survive the medical hazards. What price vanity?

Freak Cannon Ball Blows Through California Home

2011-12-08T00:06:00.003-06:00

MythBusters' cannonball rips through house, van

SAN FRANCISCO —

Zany experiments testing scientific theories in real-world settings have earned the TV show "MythBusters" a devoted following, but a stunt gone awry met with an unhappy audience when an errant cannonball went shooting through a California family's bedroom.

Sheriff's deputies are still measuring how, exactly, the cannonball flew from a bomb range in the rolling hills flanking a suburban San Francisco Bay area neighborhood and rocketed into the front door of a home and through its master bedroom before landing in a neighbor's parked minivan.

Hosts for the Discovery Channel show fired the cannonball Tuesday as they filmed an episode testing whether other types of projectiles shot from a cannon would pick up the same speed and have the same impact as the steel ball. Later, the production team plans to film flying stone cannonballs at a rock quarry in Northern California.

Instead of hitting a string of water-filled garbage cans, however, the cannonball passed over the barrels, crashed straight through a protective cinderblock wall and careened off the hill behind it, said Alameda County Sheriff's Department spokesman J.D. Nelson.

"It missed the target and took kind of an oddball bounce," Nelson said. "It was almost like skipping a rock on a lake. Instead of burying it into the hill it just went skyward."

No one was injured, and the home's residents didn't even wake up until the broken drywall settled on top of them, Nelson said.

The show's co-hosts planned to go to the neighborhood to speak with those affected Wednesday afternoon, and a meeting was called with the entire production staff to understand what went wrong.

"We are really, really grateful and glad that no one was hurt," co-host and executive producer Adam Savage said in an interview. "Discovery is committed to making this right and making sure that everything that has been damaged is as good or better as before this started."

Producers have used the cannon they built at the county's bomb range, which is tucked in a valley in the suburb of Dublin, more than 50 times without incident, said Nelson, the department's liaison to the show.

Once it was launched, the cannonball traveled about 650 yards, bounced in front of the home, then tore through the front door and exited through a wall on the back of the house.

The projectile then bounced at least once more and crossed the road before smashing the window and dashboard of a gold minivan, where it came to rest.

Jasbir Gill, who owns the minivan, said he and his children had just gotten home.

"It's scary," Gill told the Contra Costa Times (http://bit.ly/umCZnD). "I was in the van five minutes before this happened."

"Mythbusters," which is produced for Discovery Channel by the San Francisco-based Beyond Productions, issued a statement through publicist Katherine Nelson on Wednesday saying all proper safety protocol had been observed.

"Beyond Productions is currently assessing the situation and working with those whose property was affected," she said.

The show, according to its website, mixes "scientific method with gleeful curiosity and plain old-fashioned ingenuity to create (its) own signature style of explosive experimentation."

President Barack Obama appeared on a segment last year aimed at testing whether the Greek mathematician Archimedes actually used only mirrors and the reflected rays of the sunset to set fire to an invading Roman fleet.

Penn State Recruitment - Friendly Showers

2011-12-07T14:53:00.005-06:00

Penn Stateville, PA
Almost Any Date

Parents, trust your child with this man, a papal look alike, and philanthropist who helps young boys with promise(s)! Possible lucrative college athletic scholarship; free seats on the 40 yard-line for all family members for all Penn State home games; guaranteed B.A. degree in P.E. without attending class; personally autographed photo of Joe Paterno; possible early retirement for dad and a kitchen makeover for mom, when junior signs a $4,000,000 contract with an NFL team.

Oh, and free, hot showers with the coaches while horsing around with and getting to know them, your future mentors. And don't forget the facilitating coach's wife, dear ole mom.

The American dream come true. Rags to drags.

Suspicious High Yen Automotive Dust-Up In Japan

2011-12-05T22:16:00.008-06:00

Jap Cops Suspect Foul Play - Insurance Execs Outraged

Tokyo
Dec. 4, 2011

In what one investigating officer described as a narcissists' convention, eight Ferrari's, two Mercedes-Benz and a Lamborghini were involved in a 14 car, luxury car collision Sunday on a Japanese highway. The resulting property damage was estimated to be in excess of $1,000,000. Sadly, none of the drivers or passengers were injured in the massive pile-up.

The Japanese association of insurers called for an investigation of alleged 'suspicious circumstances.' At least 5 of the car owners had been denied payment for previous property damage claims.

"It's hard to believe no one was injured in a multiple car collision of this magnitude, and that not one cheap Honda was involved" said an insurance company executive, Yokomodo Sukshoyani, who requested anonymity but did not get it. Another investigating officer said the scene resembled a staged Kamikaze event, on the eve of Pearl Harbor Day, Dec. 6. "These people were making some kind of a statement," he said. The officer was admitted to a psychiatric ward overnight for evaluation.

Florida Swings Again

2011-12-03T23:51:00.004-06:00

Fla. man charged with killing couple with bat

The Murder Weapon >>

Dec 03 2011
KELLI KENNEDY, Associated Press

MIAMI (AP) — A North Florida man has been charged with two counts of first-degree murder after authorities say he beat a man and a woman to death with a baseball bat and then photographed their bodies.

Authorities said Saturday that Craig Arron Lede, 40, of Spring Hill is being held without bond after telling investigators that he killed John Ketsemidis, 29, and Dana Nelson, 28, at Lede's house on Wednesday when he became enraged that a debt couldn't be repaid. The suspect also allegedly drove to the home of the male victim's mother the next day trying to get money while the female victim's body was stashed in the trunk of his car.

"The defendant stated he killed John and Dana because he was tired of being 'screwed over,'" Hernando County Sheriff's Detective Randy Wiliamson wrote in an arrest affidavit. "The defendant demonstrated how he swung the baseball bat and struck both victims. The defendant stated he photographed the bodies and intended to keep the picture as a trophy..."

According to a news release from the sheriff's office, Ketsemidis' mother called authorities Friday in a panic because she hadn't heard from her son in a few days. She told authorities that Lede had come by her house on Thursday, telling a bizarre story that her son was at a local hospital and that he needed money. Lede was driving her son's BMW, she said.

Hernando County sheriff's deputies headed to Lede's home that afternoon in an effort to locate Ketsemidis — they had also traced him to the address through an ankle-monitoring device he was wearing because he was on probation. There deputies noticed what they believed was a body wrapped in a blanket on the garage floor, according to the news release.

"At that time Craig Lede became very nervous and asked the deputies to leave unless they had a search warrant," according to the statement.

Lede, who is unemployed and had a warrant for a probation violation, was immediately taken into custody. It's unclear if he has an attorney. It's clear he going to need anger management counseling.

As deputies pursued an arrest warrant, Lede began talking to investigators at the sheriff's office, authorities said,

Lede said the couple came to his house late Wednesday night and that Ketsemidis said he couldn't repay money he owed him, the news release said. Authorities said Lede became enraged and used a bat to strike Ketsemidis in the head, knocking him to the ground, and then to strike Nelson in the head.

"Once the victims were down and helpless, the defendant struck them in the head and upper body repeatedly causing eventual death," the arrest affidavit says. "The defendant then used his camera to photograph the deceased victims."

Keep It Quiet, Dammit

2011-12-03T22:56:00.003-06:00

Man choked in movie theater for disturbing the film

Anne-Marije Rook
2011-11-28

According to the Seattle Police Department, a man was attacked while watching a movie at Majestic Bay Theatre for disturbing the film.

The police report states that the incident occurred during the five o’clock showing of “Tower Heist” on November 21.

The victim of the attack was watching the movie when his phone rang. After silencing his phone, the victim checked to see who had called him and the suspect, who sat a few seats over from the victim, yelled at the him to turn off his phone.

Five minutes later, the victim received another phone call and the suspect yelled at him again.

At some point during the movie, the victim spoke to himself and the suspect told him to keep his mouth shut.

The suspect then left the theater twice, brushing the victim’s legs as he walked past him.

When the suspect returned to his seat the second time, he grabbed the victim’s throat with both hands. The victim stated that he couldn’t breathe and tried to pull his attacker’s hands off him. The attack lasted for about 30 seconds and the suspect subsequently grabbed his backpack from his seat and left the theater.

While the officer did not observe any visible injury, three witnesses confirmed the attack.

The incident was referred to the Seattle Law Department for assault.

The victim was sorry he didn't heed the theater's warning to silence all cell phones. He'll probably be more responsible in the future, or carry his own handgun.

Facial Flame Out

2011-12-03T18:39:00.003-06:00

Kim Grice, a 29-year-old mother of three, endured a situation most have only seen on TV.

The actual fire, caught on video>>

While having cysts removed from her head at the North Okaloosa Medical Center in Crestview, Fla., Grice's face erupted in flames in a phenomenon known as a flash fire, ABC News reported. The flames make it difficult to distinguish Grice's facial features.

While the source of the fire is currently under investigation, ECRI Institute vice president for accident and forensic investigation Mark Bruley told ABC News the occurrence is not uncommon.

"There are between 550 and 650 surgical fires a year," Bruley told ABC, adding fewer than 30 of them cause injury.

Such was not the case for Brice who was airlifted from the medical center to the University of South Alabama Burn Unit on Tuesday morning, according to the Crestview Bulletin.

"I am in shock. This is not what happens with a routine outpatient surgery," Kim's mother, Ann Grice, told the paper "She had headaches and the doctor was going to remove three cysts and biopsy them but something went bad wrong and my daughter is now in a burn unit with burn specialists and I still do not know what happened. No one will tell me why or how this happened to her."

North Okaloosa Medical Center spokeswoman Rachel Neighbors released an official statement about the incident to the Northwest Florida Daily News:

"We are conducting a thorough review to fully understand what happened in a deliberate effort to prevent such an event from occurring again. Our highest priority is always the safety of our patients."

Does the medical center every make an undeliberate effort at prevention?

Whether or not Grice and her family will be suing the center remains to be seen but not for long. What PI lawyer isn't salivating over this case? A scorched Grice will have many millions of reasons to console herself.

MSNBC reported that more than half of surgical fires happen inside a patient's airway, known as flaming throat, or on the patient's upper body, while a quarter of surgical fires happen on other parts of the body. Fewer than 10 percent of surgical fires actually happen within the body cavity.

MSNBC reports the tools linked with igniting surgical fires:

About 70 percent are ignited by electrosurgical tools commonly known as Bovies, devices that use a high-frequency electric current to cut tissue or stop bleeding. Twenty percent of fires are sparked by hot wires, light sources, burrs or defibrillators. About 10 percent are touched off by lasers.

In 2007, Swedish news source The Local reported that a 40-year-old woman caught fire during an operation to remove hemorrhoids. The flammable antiseptic solution came into contact with the electrical current being used for her electrosurgery; the woman survived, but had to be treated for burns, The Local reported.

Beware all ye users of Preparation H.

French Father Gives Son Deadly Bath For Acting Out At School

2011-12-02T21:53:00.006-06:00

Dad Drowned Son in Washing Machine for Chilling Reason

Sasha Brown-Worsham
November 28, 2011

Actual washing machine >>

Three-year-old Bastien never had a chance when his 33-year-old father Christophe Champenois pushed him into a washing machine. The toddler died from his injuries, which were allegedly inflicted because he acted out in his preschool class. But the real reason, according to his grandmother, is much more chilling.

The boy's grandmother told Le Parisen that Bastien was an "unwanted child." She reported that the day Bastien was born, his father was "drinking with his friends and told me he didn't want the child." So for three years, the father abused the child until one day he finally killed him. And it wasn't the first time he had placed the child in the washing machine, according to The Huffington Post.

The father was unavailable to comment.

Hunter Shot In Ass By Own Dog

2011-12-01T23:33:00.003-06:00

Dog steps on gun, shoots Utah hunter in buttocks

Nov 30 2011

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A Utah bird hunter was shot in the buttocks after his dog stepped on a shotgun laid across the bow of a boat.

Box Elder County Sheriff's Deputy Kevin Potter says the 46-year-old Brigham City man was duck hunting with a friend when he climbed out of the boat to move decoys.

Potter says the man left his 12-gauge shotgun in the boat and the dog stepped on it, causing it to fire. It wasn't clear whether the safety on the gun was on at the time or if the dog disengaged the safety before stepping on the shotgun.

Potter says the man was hit from about 10 feet away with 27 pellets of birdshot. He says the man wasn't seriously injured, in part because he was wearing waders. The man was treated at a nearby hospital.

The dog was adopted by a local animal rescue group that promises to use the dog as a poster dog in a public campaign opposed to hunting.

California Mom Does Son's Friend

2011-11-29T23:21:00.004-06:00

Cops: Woman charged with having sex with 12 year-old

Nov. 29, 2011

A 43 year-old Orange County woman, described by some as a "hot pepper" has been charged with having sex with her son's friend, authorities said last Thursday. Her son and his friend are both 12 year-olds.

Patricia Ann Serrano, shown here, faces multiple counts of lewd acts on a child under 14, and could have her sentence enhanced for substantial sexual conduct with a child, according to the Orange County district attorney's office.

Serrano, the "hot pepper," is accused of having sex with the boy twice -- in a car and in her home, according to the district attorney' office.

The boy's mother discovered Serrano kissing her son in a room but didn't see any wrongdoing. She did become suspicious and called the police.

Serrano was arrested on Tuesday and is being held in lieu of $100,000 bond.

The D.A.'s office said the case is ongoing and asked anyone with information to contact them.

Searching For Love In All The Wrong Places

2011-11-29T09:15:00.003-06:00

Wandering wolf inspires hope and dread

Nov 28 2011 03:39AM CST

JEFF BARNARD, Associated Press

This Aug. 4, 2010 photo provided by the Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife shows a male wolf from the Wenaha pack after being fitted with a radio collar in northeastern Oregon. A young male from the Imnaha pack has become a celebrity since striking out for a new territory in search of a mate in September. His position has been tracked by GPS transmissions from his collar, showing he zigzagged 730 miles to end up 320 miles from home. Lately he has been in the southern Cascade Range. (AP Photo/Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife)

GRANTS PASS, Ore. (AP) — A young wolf from Oregon has become a media celebrity while looking for love, tracing a zigzag path that has carried him hundreds of miles nearly to California, while his alpha male sire and a sibling that stayed home near the Idaho border are under a death warrant for killing cattle.

Backcountry lodge owner Liz Parrish thinks she locked eyes with the wolf called OR-7 on the edge of the meadow in front of her Crystalwood Lodge, on the western shore of Upper Klamath Lake, and hopes someday she will hear his howls coming out of the tall timber.

"I was stunned — it was such a huge animal," said Parrish, who has seen her share of wolves while racing dog sleds in Alaska and Minnesota. "He just stopped and stared. I stopped and stared. We had a stare-down that seemed like a long time, but was probably just a few seconds.

"He just evaporated into the trees. I stayed there awhile, hoping he might come back. He didn't."

Cattle rancher Nathan Jackson has not seen or heard the wolf, and hopes he never does.

"In this country, we worked really hard to exterminate wolves 50 years ago or so, and there was a reason," said Jackson, who ranches on the other side of Upper Klamath Lake from Parrish's lodge.

"A lot of people who don't have a direct tie to the agricultural community tend to view wolves as majestic, beautiful creatures. They don't seem so majestic and beautiful when they are ripping apart calves and colts."

Last February, OR-7 was in a snowy canyon in northeastern Oregon, when a state biologist shot him with a tranquilizer dart from a helicopter, then fitted him with a tracking collar and blue ear tags. State biologists have been able to chart his journey from GPS positions transmitted from the collar. They show he has traveled 730 miles on his meandering route, getting as far as 320 miles from home. And each time he crosses a county line, OR-7 makes it into the newspapers and on TV news.

The conservation group Oregon Wild has begun a contest to give OR-7 a different name, hoping to make him too famous to be shot, either by a poacher, rancher or government hunter. One entry came from as far away as Finland. The first came from a little girl in OR-7's home territory of Wallowa County, who suggested "Whoseafraida."

Shitty Deal Exposed In Florida

2011-11-29T08:54:00.005-06:00

3 face prison time in special toilet paper scam

Nov 26 2011

Don't trust your toilet paper supplier. In a Federal case in Florida, 3 people who worked for a Septic tank company tricked customers into buying more than $1 million in unnecessary toilet tissue and other products because of alleged Federal regulations. In some cases enough toilet paper to last more than 70 years was sold to unwary customers.

The trio pleaded guilty in federal court to conspiring to commit wire fraud.

The Miami Herald reported (http://bit.ly/uNgbS7 ) that they worked for FBK Products. A phone number for the Riviera Beach-based company was not working Saturday. We wonder why?

The toilet paper crooks face up to two decades in prison when they are sentenced in February.

Tight-Lipped Suspect

2011-11-28T21:28:00.000-06:00

Man arrested for suspicious behavior. During questioning by police the man was very tight-lipped and refused to answer questions, including his name.

Road Runner Photo Gallery - Booking photos - Road Runner

Woman Has Butt Enlarged - Gains 75 Pounds

2011-11-20T16:40:00.004-06:00

Cops: Woman had butt enlarged with cement.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Not the actual woman - a substitute butt

A woman who wanted to work at a nightclub started searching for someone who could perform plastic surgery at a cheap price to give her a curvier body. She wanted a bigger ass. Police say what she found was a woman posing as a doctor who filled her buttocks with cement, mineral oil and flat-tire sealant.

Oneal Ron Morris, 30, was arrested Friday after a year on the lam and has been charged with practicing medicine without a license with serious bodily injury.

Police photos show Morris as a small-framed woman with bee-stung pouty lips, arched eyebrows, oversized hoop earrings _ and a large backside. She was released from jail on bond.

The victim, who is not being named due to medical privacy laws, paid $700 for a series of injections in May 2010. She was referred to Morris by a friend.

Morris injected some type of tube in several sites around her bottom, pumping it full of a toxic concoction that included cement. Morris reassured the woman when the pain became too intense, police said.

Morris told the woman not to worry; she would just keep injecting her and it would all itself out.

After visiting two hospitals because of severe pain and infected sores on her butt she left without telling the doctors what she had done. Her mother eventually took her to a hospital on Florida's west coast, where alarmed doctors pressed her for information. They alerted the Department of Health.

The doctors knew no licensed physician in his right mind would ever do such a thing.

The victim is still recovering from the surgery and says it's too painful to work. She also has racked up numerous medical bills.

She gained a great deal of weight, concentrated in her butt. It was not clear if she ever got the nightclub job she sought.

Super Stupid Pilot Locks Self In John And Creates False Hijacking Scare

2011-11-19T23:20:00.008-06:00

Nov. 19, 2011

Not the actual pilot. A substitute dummy.

A really dumb pilot for Chautauqua Airlines, operating a flight from Asheville, S.C. into La Guardia NY for Delta Airlines, locked himself in the lavatory of the aircraft 20 minutes before the scheduled landing. Unable to free himself, he compounded his stupidity by giving a male passenger with a thick foreign accent the password necessary to gain entrance to the cockpit and the co-pilot and flight attendant, to summon them for help. The latter wisely refused to open the door to the flight deck but radioed ahead to describe the situation. Just as the co-pilot was being cleared for an emergency landing, the dumb captain fought his way out of the toilet and declared all was well, except for his brain which was in terminal lapse.

No plans have yet been announced by Chautauqua for the involuntary retirement of the brain dead pilot. Does anyone else think major airlines should operate their own aircraft?

Woman Fused to Recliner - Allegedly Rotting

2011-11-18T11:25:00.005-06:00

Missouri woman found fused to recliner in home

November 18, 2011
Kansas City

A suburban Kansas City woman was left sitting in a vinyl recliner for so long that her skin had fused to the chair and she had to be pried out to be taken to a hospital after suffering an apparent stroke, authorities said.

It was not immediately clear which of the two women shown above was the one fused. Authorities are still investigating and announced the investigation could take several months to a year and would require the 24/7 cooperation of the alleged victim in blue.

Oops...Man Loses Stomach Due To False Cancer Diagnosis

2011-11-14T22:57:00.004-06:00

After rounds of chemotherapy and surgery that removed 80 percent of his stomach, Graham Lord learned he never had stomach cancer.

Australia - Nov. 14, 2011

The 59-year-old is now suing Australia's Central Coast Local Health District, after he said a 2010 post-op evaluation shed light on the false diagnosis.

"I was told that the tissue taken from me during that gastrectomy was examined through the pathology department at Royal North Shore [Hospital] and the lymph nodes that were taken out showed no evidence of cancer," he told the Sunday Telegraph. A second test confirmed the results.

Lord said he has suffered from anxiety and depression as a result of the surgery and can no longer eat sitting down.

"He would be seeking an apology from the hospital in terms of an admission of liability and compensation for his injuries," Anna Walsh, Lord's lawyer, told ABC Sydney.

Walsh told the Sunday Telegraph that a pathologist at Gosford Hospital, where the initial flub occurred, already apologized to Lord.

And The Bull Walked Around Ole

2011-11-10T16:47:00.004-06:00

Maui bull freed after giant tire stuck on his head for 20 hours

Nov 09 2011

By JENNIFER SINCO KELLEHER - Associated Press

(AP Photo/Triple L Ranch, Zachery De Ponte)

In this photo provided by the Triple L Ranch, Skywalker, a rodeo bull, is shown with a giant tire that was stuck to his head for about 20 hours in Kula, Hawaii Tuesday Nov. 8, 2011. The bull was unable to eat or drink with his head lodged in a truck tire dumped on the property. Ranch owner Paige De Ponte doesn't know how the tire ended up on Skywalkerýs head but she's hoping his plight raises awareness about using the rural Kenaio area as a dumping ground.

The 800-pound bull, named Skywalker, couldn't eat or drink after he got his head lodged in the truck tire that someone dumped at the Triple L Ranch in Maui, ranch owner Paige De Ponte said.

"He was uncomfortable and it took all day to get him out," she said Wednesday.

No one could get near the cranky bull Tuesday until Skywalker became exhausted enough for ranch worker Kawika Manoa to use a piece of wood to pry off the tire, which weighs more than 50 pounds. Skywalker didn't put up a fight and then went straight for the water trough after being released from the rubber ring, De Ponte said.

She didn't know how the tire ended up around Skywalker's neck, but she said she hopes his plight will raise awareness about using the rural Kanaio area, in the upcountry region of the island, as a dumping ground.

"My message to the public is to please remember that Kanaio is a community where generations have lived and prospered. Our open-range ranch has been here for 50 years and never have we ever seen such an event like this," she said. "I hope Skywalker's unfortunate predicament was more of a godsend at a time when we need people to recognize this beautiful place as a treasure and that small farmers such as ourselves depend on the public to respect us and the land more than ever."

The Maui News (http://bit.ly/uiIwF0) first reported Skywalker's predicament Wednesday.

The white bull seemed to be fine after the ordeal, De Ponte said, adding that no one has ever been able to stay on him for the full eight seconds during any Maui rodeo. None of the ranch's 17 other bulls has been successfully ridden either.

De Ponte's husband, Louis "Bully" De Ponte, was a champion bull-rider. He died in March.

Parents To Be Committed For Psychiatric Evaluation

2011-11-08T19:32:00.004-06:00

Couple with 19 children conceive number 20.

Los Angeles, CA
Nov. 8, 2011

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, in the rear in photo only, already have over- contributed to the world population explosion, which just reached 7 billion, by bearing 19 children.

The couple, who have exploited their bizarre reproductive habits for profit, just announced their 20th impending contribution to the population explosion.

Mimicking a pair of over-sexed rabbits, Michelle and Jim Bob have seen little of their children over the years because they spend most of their time coupling in the bedroom, or the garage, or the bathroom, or the kitchen, or the yard.

Public authorities have called for the involuntary separation of the couple to prevent their adding to the world's woes by continuing to add children.

When asked to comment by reporters, Jim Bob said, "Hey, man. I just like to screw. What's wrong with that?"

Black Rhinos Take Helicopter Trip Enroute To New, Secret Refuge 1500 Miles Away

2011-11-07T21:57:00.004-06:00

Rhino Airlift Photos: Black Rhinoceros Transported To New Home By Air

Nov. 7, 2011
South Africa

To protect them from poachers who threaten their extinction, 19 critically endangered black rhinoceroses are being helicoptered out whilst under sedation, loaded onto awaiting land vehicles and transported 1500 miles across South Africa to Limpopo province and relocated in a secret area.

Suspended by their ankles, the 10 minute helicopter airlift has been determined to be the safest and least traumatic method to rescue these magnificent animals from almost certain extinction.

"I Think That I Shall Never See A Poem Lovely As A Tree"

2011-11-06T19:03:00.006-06:00

Nov. 6, 2011
Arlington, Texas, USA

The author of this famous line, the American poet Alfred Joyce Kilmer, no doubt had never seen the tree depicted in this photo. Nature is capable of producing some grotesque life forms.

Whilst there are many beautiful trees, just as there are many beautiful poems, there is some lousy poetry in the world and a fair share of hideous trees.

Kilmer, 1886-1918, was killed in the First World War at the Second Battle of the Marne at the age of 31. He can perhaps be indulged because he didn't have the opportunity to see that many trees.

Jonah (Joanna?) And The Whale

2011-11-05T23:30:00.001-05:00

Surfer

Halloween, 2011
California Coast

A bikini clad surfer and her friends in a kayak narrowly escaped becoming lunch when two huge, hungry, humpback whales suddenly surfaced, jaws wide open feeding. Another kayaker was able to video record the frightful event.

Jonah (Joanne) And The Whale?

2011-11-05T23:22:00.000-05:00

Surfer

Halloween, 2011
Santa Cruz, CA

A bikini clad surfer and a kayak narrowly escaped becoming lunch for one of two, huge, humpback whales that suddenly surfaced with jaws wide open, feeding. Another kayaker captured the event on her video camera.

Murmuration: Chance Encounter Captures Stunning Phenomenon Of Starlings (VIDEO/PHOTOS)

2011-11-04T11:40:00.000-05:00

Starling flock creates moving art in the sky

Murmuration: Chance Encounter Captures Stunning Phenomenon Of Starlings (VIDEO/PHOTOS)

A murmuration is a ritual act of a flock of birds (starlings) in preparation for roosting for the night. The birds swirl in synchronized motion for hours prior to nesting for the night, as a survival technique. No bird wants to be the first to land and all strive to be at the center of the flock and thus less susceptible to predators. Their synchronized flight creates waves of undulating birds that is natural art in motion.

This scene was captured on a chance encounter in Scotland, on Nov. 2, 2011 and was videotaped by two women in a row boat.

Rebel Water Hydrant Attacks Car

2011-11-02T19:47:00.002-05:00

A water hydrant rebelled and showed its power by lofting a vehicle into the air.

Hang 'Em High - Maybe Not - Down With Realism

2011-11-02T19:25:00.005-05:00

Hanging-man Halloween display draws complaints

Oct 31 2011

DUBLIN, Ohio — An Ohio homeowner has moved a Halloween decoration of a hanging man because police said some busybodies found it too realistic and spooky. These were adults who were afraid of Halloween decoration.

Officers in the Columbus suburb of Dublin said they received five complaints about the 6-foot figure hanging in a tree close to a road. Police told WSYX-TV ( http://bit.ly/vGZmY3) that people found the display disturbing and feared it could cause a traffic accident.

No one could remember any instance of a traffic accident by a simulated man hanging on Holloween, however.

The homeowner, who asked not to be identified, tells the station that Halloween should be creepy and that his decoration was "all in good fun."

But he moved it to a tree closer to his house and away from the street. Where it used to hang, he has placed a sign that says: "less realistic decoration."

The cops were completely out of line in harassing this man and violating his First Amendment rights because some of his neighbors objected. What if he had put up a display of JESUS hanging on a cross?

___

Man, Literally 'Falls' Into Police Custody

2011-10-31T18:29:00.004-05:00

Hidden suspect falls through ceiling, cops waiting below

Oct 31 2011

PORTLAND, Ore. — Police officers in Oregon say a domestic disturbance suspect more or less fell into their hands _ through the ceiling.

Portland police were called Monday to a home to deal with an intoxicated man reported as threatening relatives. Lt. Robert King says they found him barricaded in the attic and determined he wasn't a threat, so they began to leave with the intention of following up later.

They say that's when they heard a crash and turned to find the man had fallen through the ceiling and onto the living room floor.

Twenty-one-year-old Aaron Deon Kinsey was not injured in the fall. But he was booked on domestic violence charges, fourth-degree assault and harassment.

Another Exotic Pet Released By Its Owner - In The Nick Of Time

2011-10-28T19:07:00.006-05:00

A 16-foot python found in the Everglades had eaten a 76 pound deer

Oct 28 2011

EVERGLADES NATIONAL PARK, Fla. — Officials in the Florida Everglades have captured and killed a 16-foot-long Burmese python that had just eaten an adult deer.

Scott Hardin, exotic species coordinator for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission, says workers found the snake on Thursday. The reptile was one of the largest ever found in South Florida.

Hardin says the python had recently consumed a 76-pound female deer that had died. He says it was an important capture to help stop the spread of pythons further north.

Impregnable Woman

2011-10-27T23:28:00.007-05:00

Stuttgart, Germany

A German man was unable to impregnate his wife, shown on the right, because he was infertile. He hired his neighbor, who resembled him, for several thousand Euros, to have sex with his wife, in spite of heated protests from his neighbor's own wife.

After 72 nights of sexual intercourse with his neighbor's wife over a period of months, the husband demanded that his neighbor be tested also. He too, was found to be sterile, which forced his own wife to admit that their two children had not been fathered by him.

When the original 'wannabe' dad demanded the return of his money, his neighbor refused, saying he had done what he was hired to do, have sex with his neighbor's wife, but he had not guaranteed she would become pregnant.

The wife, smiling through it all, and making note of her own, significant (ass)ets, said it was not her fault and that she would be willing to continue the arrangement with the neighbor or another man or men in an effort to give her husband the child he wants.

Performance Art By Brooklyn Artist: Giving Birth Publicly To Her First Child In An Art Gallery

2011-10-27T16:18:00.012-05:00

Brooklyn-based performance artist Marni Kotak, gave birth to her first child in front of a public audience at the Microscope Gallery in the Bushwick section of Brooklyn, New York, which was converted into a birthing room on Monday, Oct. 17, 2011. The birth was assisted by a midwife. Mother and child were reportedly in good condition, post partem.

Kotak is shown here advertising the upcoming performance at the gallery.

Seventeen spectators attended the free performance. No one fainted and there were no rain checks in case the fetus was uncooperative.

Kotak video recorded the birth to show to her son when he is older. Some psychologists think there is a chance her son may not want to see his mom in the nude during a blood bath that was his birth.

How To Speak Republican (aka Repugnican)

2011-10-26T22:03:00.009-05:00

Talking to a Republican can be frustrating. Often, it seems as if they are speaking a different language -- and in many cases, they are! For this reason, in the hopes of facilitating cross-party dialogue and mutual understanding, the following is a compilation of the first comprehensive Republican-to-English dictionary, featuring words commonly used by Republicans, and their English translations, alphabetized for your convenience:

For some typical Republicans, see photos

America (United States of): A country located in the N. Western Hemisphere that is #1 in everything good.
Bible: A sacred text that provides incontestable answers when thumped.
Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008.
Capitalism: A system of economic organization that has never been tried.
Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now only celebrated to see who can score the most expensive gifts.
Compromise: (uncommon) A form of political suicide.
Coast (East): A very bad coast of the continental United States.
Coast (West): Another very bad coast inhabited by a lot of Democrats.
Communism: The incorrect belief espoused by Jesus Christ (see above.)
Condescending: Accurately informed.
Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended immediately if not liked.
Corporations: Special persons who are ineligible for execution and can be re-organized when out of money.
Deficits: 1) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Democrats that threaten to bankrupt the country. 2) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Republicans that don't really matter.
Democrat: A political party.
Election: A method of selecting representatives of the people, no longer in use.
Elitist: Very Well Qualified.
Endangered Species: Animals that have it coming.
Evolution: A theory of human origins that is way out of line, ignores Jesus Christ and should not be taught in public schools.
Extremist (Liberal): One who espouses political beliefs that are held only by a large majority of Americans.
Fact: Information that has been posted to a RedState comment board.
Floozy: Republican wife or girlfriend
Forest (National): Trees that have it coming.
Gut: Region of the body from which important decisions should be made.
Homosexuality: A membership-only lifestyle organization that perpetuates itself through youth recruitment and gutter morality.
Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President Obama despite the many similarities between them.
Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation techniques, privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to carry concealed semiautomatic weapons in elementary schools and churches.
League (Ivy): an association of eight Eastern universities and colleges, an education from which automatically qualifies an individual for important political office.
Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot.
Marxism: A political and economic philosophy developed by Karl Marx and perpetuated by New York Times columnist Paul Krugman.
Media (Mainstream): Where you won't hear anything important.
Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct.
Mexicans: Brown people who have it coming.
Mountaintops: Ancient rock formations that have it coming.
Muslims: Other brown people who have it coming.
News: News from Fox News
Obamacare: A Federally-mandated program to address the national oversupply of grandparents through euthanasia.
Organic: Something eaten by lesbians.
Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting for the principle of "No Taxation With or Without Representation."
Poll: A survey used to determine, within a margin of error, what percentage of Americans are right. Frequently flawed.
Poverty: The condition of having inadequate financial or material resources due to not trying hard enough.
Propaganda: The politically motivated dissemination of biased information, opinion, or data through its publication in the New York Times.
Punishment (Capital): The legally authorized killing by the State of someone who is thought to be guilty by 12 uninformed people who are not given all the facts.
Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse to white people.
Regulation: Rules issued by a government agency for no reason.
Ronald Reagan: A fictional character based loosely on Moses.
Scientist: A person who employs a rigorous scientific system of observation, experiment, measurement, and verification to perpetuate his own personal Godless left-wing agenda.
Social Security: A redistributionist Ponzi scheme that is sacrosanct.
Socialism: An economic system invented by President Franklin Roosevelt.
Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue if they are lower for rich people.
Torture: A method of intensely painful, brutal interrogation not classified by the government as torture.
Terrorist: A person to whom a person who threatens to destroy the U.S. economy unless his demands are met cannot be compared.
Unbiased: Giving equal weight to both sides of a mirror.
Wealthy (the): People who earned every penny they possess by hard work and the sweat of their brow with no government assistance.
Up: A direction which, depending on circumstances, can be down.
Warming (Global): A carefully measured, anomalous, anthropogenic increase in the earth's atmospheric and oceanic temperatures that isn't happening.
Welfare: A government program to distribute Cadillacs to unwed mothers.
Yes: (no translation available)
No: Used as a substitute for yes.

Trucker Loses Brawl With 25 Million Bees

2011-10-26T00:01:00.003-05:00

Oct 24 2011
BRIAN SKOLOFF - Associated Press

SALT LAKE CITY — Truck driver Louis Holst has never been scared of bees, but he's rethinking his next long-haul load a day after being swarmed by 25 million of the stinging insects.

Holst and his wife, Tammie, picked up 460 bee hives in South Dakota and were about 36 hours into their drive Sunday night when he hit a sharp bend in a construction zone on Interstate 15 in southern Utah. The twist in the road toppled his trailer and sent the bees into a frenzy.

"First responders came and drug me and my wife through the front window," Holst said Monday. "Then we panicked."

Swarmed by bees on the highway, Holst said he ripped off his shirt and began swatting the air. His wife ran.

"We just started swinging our clothes," he said. "They stung her all up and down her neck."

Authorities closed the southbound lanes of I-15 near St. George for several hours while area beekeepers headed to the scene to try to corral the insects. The road was reopened early Monday morning, and Holst said most of the bees were either dead or gone.

"Nobody was prepared for anything like that," he said.

At least two first responders also were stung at the scene, said Utah Highway Patrol Cpl. Todd Johnson.

Holst, 48, of Gig Harbor, Wash., said he got 10 stitches to close a gash on his forehead and was stung about a dozen times. His wife, too, suffered stings, bumps and bruises.

The 25 million bees were headed from Adee Honey Farms in Bruce, S.D., to near Bakersfield, Calif., where they stay for the winter before being used for pollination come spring, company co-owner Richard Adee said.

Assault By Frozen Armadillo

2011-10-23T09:23:00.007-05:00

Oct. 2011

Dallas police are searching for a man who allegedly used a frozen armadillo to attack a woman who had been trying to buy the critter.

Unfrozen armadillo photo

Investigators told Fox 4 News-Dallas Fort Worth that the fight started in an apartment parking lot Sept. 29 when the suspect was selling the carcass to the alleged victim, who planned to eat it.

The pair were haggling over the price when police said the man hurled the armadillo at the 57-year-old woman twice. The woman was struck in her leg and chest, and suffered bruises, police said.

So far, investigators have been unable to track down the suspect, who they said could face assault by armadillo charges.

According to the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, Texas law prohibits the sale of live armadillos (the armadillo involved was frozen and thus presumably dead), but some Texans still savor the meat. Some developed a taste for armadillo during the Great Depression of the 1930s, when it was known as “Hoover Hog” and “poor man’s pork.”

However the 57-year-old woman wasn't born until 1954, two decades after the Great Depression so it is unlikely she acquired her taste for armadillo meat 20 years prior to her birth.

--Molly Hennessy-Fiske in Houston, who did not notice the apparent time disconnect.

The Darwin Awards, Only 10 Months Late

2011-10-21T21:48:00.004-05:00

The Darwin Awards are out!! That was in January, 2011.

Left: Typical Darwin Award Winner

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. A hospital spokesman where the man was taken declared his condition critical. The bullet passing through his forehead missed his brain.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. The inspector's was not and he was fired.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.. Understandably, he shot her. At his murder trial the only issue presented to the jury was whether or not the punishment fit the crime. A panel of Chicago jurors decided it did and acquitted him.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and given to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the boy told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly delivered. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. An Arkansas man with a perfect DNA match for everyone living in the state wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided to throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. He lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief in he head, rendering him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. Worse, the whole event was caught on videotape. The liquor store owner, another perfect DNA match for everyone in Arkansas declined to press charges and gave the man a free case of beer.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." At trial he pled guilty to assault and robbery and to gross stupidity, the latter of which the judge threw out because New York has no law forbidding gross stupidity.

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... Frustrated, he walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER] Michigan also has no law forbidding gross stupidity.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he found the taste of the gasoline very odd. Police arrived at the scene to find the man curled up in a foetal position next to a motor home, retching violently. The man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. He was not charged because Washington has no crime prohibiting the theft of raw sewage by mouth. Raw sewage is provided free by the city to interested parties.

In the interest of bettering mankind, share these with friends and family....unless one of these individuals is a friend or relative of yours.

*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce, and they vote!!!!! Most of them are Republicans.

Bull Moose Takes Late Evening Dip In Family Pool

2011-10-17T23:43:00.005-05:00

MANCHESTER, N.H., Oct. 11 (UPI) -- A New Hampshire man said it took him and about a dozen other men 4 1/2 hours to free a young bull moose that fell through the cover of his swimming pool.

George Trapotsis of Manchester said he went out into his yard to investigate a noise about 9:15 p.m. Friday and spotted the moose, which he said likely decided to charge his fence into the pool area because he was spooked by a light turned on by Trapotsis' wife Joyce, the New Hampshire Union Leader, Manchester, reported Monday.

Trapotsis said the moose fell through the pool cover and into the water. He said he and neighbor Leo Desrochers worked quickly to untangle the animal from the cover.

"Then he was as happy as he could be swimming around in the pool," Trapotsis said.

A Manchester police officer and state Fish and Game Conservation Officer Geoff Pushee arrived and the four men soon found they could not move the moose on their own.

The police officer called a local fire station for help and before long about a dozen men were using ropes attached to the moose's antlers to steer it out of the pool.

Pushee said the moose, a 600- to 700-pound bull, was "a little stubborn" after his exodus from the water, but the men eventually coaxed it to return to the wild.

It was not immediately clear if the moose had urinated in the pool whilst swimming about.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/10/11/Moose-rescued-from-pool-after-4-12-hours/UPI-10851318316400/#ixzz1b6aoPEsf

De Silvestro - Swiss Race Car Driver Goes Airborne

2011-10-16T21:47:00.002-05:00

And she only got her hands burned?

A Swiss race car driver, Simona de Silvestro, escaped this fiery crash at an Indy race with only her hands burned. Click play to see the whole show.

How Do You Steal A 15 Ton Bridge?

2011-10-15T19:51:00.005-05:00

Brothers charged with stealing western Pa. bridge

Oct 15 2011

Disclaimer: This may not be the actual bridge. In fact, it isn't but is similar.

NEW CASTLE, Pa. — Two brothers have been charged with stealing a western Pennsylvania bridge and selling the 15 1/2 tons of scrap metal for more than $5,000.

Police say 24-year-old Benjamin Arthur Jones and 25-year-old Alexander Williams Jones of New Castle used a blowtorch to break up the bridge in late September or early October. They face felony charges of criminal mischief, theft, receiving stolen property and conspiracy.

Authorities say Alexander Jones told a recycling company employee that he had permission to carve the bridge for scrap and showed the employee cellphone photos of the bridge. The recycling company called police.

The 50-foot-long by 20-foot-wide Covert's Crossing Bridge was in a wooded area about 60 miles north of Pittsburgh.

The brothers' phone numbers weren't listed, and it's unclear whether they have attorneys. It's also unclear whether they have brains. Stealing a bridge.....what the.....?

Little Libya (oops) USA

2011-10-15T12:31:00.003-05:00

Oct. 15, 2011
NY, NY

In a scene that resembles Libya, Egypt, Iran, Yemen, North Korea, China and other police states, cops in New York City brutalize peaceful protesters of mega thefts by Wall Street goons as a part of Occupy Wall Street.

Frightened tycoons, concerned about the loss of their $200 million annual bonuses for fleecing average Americans with Ponzi schemes and other forms of financial hucksterism, call out the obedient police to put down the protests, which are bad for business.

Meanwhile, the Obama quasi-Repugnican administration sits idly by, with a "ho hum," as it watches Americans being trampled and roughed up in the streets by brutal cops for exercising their First Amendment rights to free speech and peaceful assembly, in protest of the financial plundering of the U.S. by the one per cent and the administration's indifference to massive, long-term unemployment.

Rash of Bizarre Sex Acts Worldwide

2011-10-14T22:11:00.009-05:00

Oct. 14
New York, NY

"Oh my God....I think I'm...yes, yes, yes.."

The Beatles may have started it with their famous lyric, "Why don't we do it in the road?" but in a worldwide outbreak of spontaneous, planned, and "just gotta do it, right here, right now" sex, couples are taking their sex acts to the next level, some as high as 1,000s of feet in the air.

Humping over a barrel, doing it in the hotel spa, or having your sweetie ride you while you ride your horse may be odd, but one couple decided to do the nasty whilst sky diving.

In a video clip that's been making the internet rounds, the couple, with their lower parts photographically blurred, are seen doing it while plummeting through the sky.

The pair, who went up for a sky dive, apparently got carried away in the small plane and were doing it on the floor of the aircraft. When they reached their jump destination, unwilling to withdraw, they both jumped from the plane in full coitus, humping their way through the air as their chutes billowed out above.

There are no known laws regulating free falling coitus, though some Christian groups no doubt will be lobbying their favorite sex pervert legislators to put a cap on airborne sex, doing their damndest to keep sex in the dark gutters where it belongs. Nevertheless, having nothing else worthwhile to do, the FAA and several law enforcement officials have announced investigations into the lewd acts in the sky.

Meanwhile there was no word from the sky diving sex pots whether or not they achieved airborne orgasms and whether or not it was as good for her as it was for him. Stay tuned.

Building Design Flaws

2011-10-13T22:34:00.005-05:00

Aljeciras, Spain
Oct. 13, 2011

In a major design flaw a Spanish architect and a building contractor constructed an apartment house that has a stairway to nowhere, complete with mini handrail, and an inaccessible balcony.

The building contractor blamed the mistakes on the architect. The architect insisted the contractor should have realized the stairs had nowhere to go and that there was no access to the balcony on the side of the building.

The bank that financed the project threatened to sue both for negligence and gross stupidity.

A bystander suggested a duel between the architect and the contractor.

Hello Dildo - Not So Safe, Safe Sex

2011-10-13T12:02:00.005-05:00

April Bonjour, Northern California Woman, Sues Sex Toy Manufacturer After Horrifying Accident (In the photo April's feet are on the outside; standard missionary position.)

10/12/11 California - Where else?

After a horrific experience with a sex toy sent her to the hospital, a Northern California woman is suing a Southern California "marital aid" manufacturer for personal injury and emotional duress.

Yreka resident April Bonjour states in her suit that, late last year, she and her boyfriend were using a vibrator made by Pipedream Products when she suddenly noticed that something was wrong.

"During usage I felt a sharp pain inside my vagina," she wrote. "My boyfriend quickly removed the toy, it was covered with blood."

Bonjour initially thought she might have just started her period, but she realized something else was definitely happening when she continued to lose blood to the point where she began slipping in and out of consciousness.

"My son was woken up so we could go to the hospital," she wrote. "He thought was dying...[and] quite frankly so did I."

Once at the hospital, Bonjour's condition stabilized after she was administered several pints of blood.

After the incident, Bonjour attempted to get some compensation from Pipedreams, but the company refused and she filed suit.

Mountain Biker Taken Out By Cruisin' Antelope

2011-10-11T21:40:00.005-05:00

Oct. 10, 2011

A mountain biker got the surprise of his life when a 300 lb. antelope in full stride came sailing out of nowhere and took him and his bike out. The 17 year-old biker was rendered temporarily unconscious by the blow and his helmet demolished, though he was not otherwise seriously injured. After spending a precautionary night in a hospital he undoubtedly will think twice before again encroaching on the antelopes' domain.

No one is sure why the buck zeroed in on the biker but it is clear he knew what he was doing. As can be seen in the video clip it was very purposeful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2oymHHyV1M&feature=player_embedded

Enraged Dad Beats Wife To Death With Flashlight

2011-10-11T17:36:00.004-05:00

Man Beats His Wife to Death for Understandable Reasons

Facsimile of the actual murder weapon

October 7, 2011

A New Hampshire dad, Chris Smeltzer, returned home from work one day to find his wife had murdered their 4 year-old son, attempted to murder their 7 year-old daughter, who survived, and was trying to hang herself.

He grabbed the nearest weapon, a flashlight, and beat his wife to death.

Now, society must decide whether or not Chris' enraged response, admittedly wrong, requires him to spend the next 10 to 20 years of his life in prison.

What would you have done as a parent under the same or similar circumstances? Answer in the comments section below.

The Editor