Wrangle Up Some What?

McDonald's charts new directions in western cuisine

Jan. 15, 2010
Somewhere Out West

A McDonald's, located in one of the western states, judging from the scenery, has pushed exotic food to the lower limits with this novel menu item. It must be very expensive because each serving requires one steer.

A McDonalds' spokesperson, speaking on condition of ignominy, said each McDonald's franchise has discretion in serving special or local items, other than the standard burger fare. The spokesperson said she had not talked with anyone who had sampled the new item so she could not comment other than to say it was very unusual.

Catholic College Student Arrested For Peeing On Illegal Nativity Scene

Cops: Catholic college student urinated on city Nativity display

JANUARY 12--A Pennsylvania man who attends a Catholic college was arrested Sunday morning after cops spotted him urinating on a Nativity scene constructed in a city square. Nathan Strawn, 22, was caught in the act by a Wilkes-Barre cop, according to a criminal compliant filed in Luzerne County Magisterial Court. Strawn, whose "genitals were completely exposed to multiple persons," tried to flee when Patrolman Brian Gist ordered him to stop urinating. Strawn, a King's College student, was arrested after a short chase and later charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, public drunkenness, and desecration of a venerated object. The Nativity display, which was due to be removed, had been donated by St. Mary's Church of the Maternity and placed in Wilkes-Barre's downtown Public Square. Strawn, pictured above, is free on a $10,000 unsecured bond.

Finding Needles in Haystacks To Be Modernized - Hailed As Important Breakthrough

Jan.13,2010
A Secret Location

DARPA is the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, a US government organization that performs research in military technology. One of their current projects, the Fine Detail Optical Surveillance (FDOS), hopes to develop optical equipment sensitive enough to literally find “a needle by moving along the surface of a haystack.” That phrase is actually in the specs:

The program can be described as developing the technology and systems analogous to that required for rapid imaging and identification, without the need for scanning or focusing of the optical receiver, of a needle, by moving along the surface of a haystack, where the location and type of needle in the haystack is uncertain. The amount of money budgeted for the program to date is $438 million, excluding the cost of the drone aircraft (see photo insert), that will be used to carry the device. The cost of each drone is approximately $26 million and 30 of the aircraft already are on order.

An unauthorized spokesperson for the agency, who was not authorized to speak, said the new device, when completed, would be a significant discovery for all those people in the world who have lost needles in haystacks, or their heirs, who inherited the haystacks.

Untold tons of hay now sit moldering and unusable for fear that an animal fed the hay might choke on the needle or suffer injuries to its digestive tract.

Another interesting off-shoot of the research will be the effort to determine why so many needles are lost in haystacks, when compared to pins or livestock, for example. A team of scientists from 7 universities will undertake to answer this question with the stimulus of a $115 million grant from NASA. That puts the total project costs at $1.3 billion but will finally resolve a problem that has been a scourge in the farming and livestock industry for more than 200 years.

A Shocking Tale From Washington

Wife allegedly switches wires on saw to shock hubby

Jan 11 2010


OLYMPIA, Wash.— Court papers allege that an Olympia woman, angry that her husband left her, tampered with his power tools so that he received a powerful electric shock. Carolyn Paulsen-Riat was booked Friday into the Thurston County Jail for investigation of third-degree assault, domestic violence, and second-degree malicious mischief. A judge released the 33-year-old woman on her own recognizance.

The Olympian newspaper reported that court documents said that on Jan. 1, the man was using a 220-volt table saw when he received the shock, knocking him to the ground. Thurston County sheriff's deputies said the man did not need to go to a hospital.

In the documents, deputies said the woman told them she had reversed the wires on his power tools because she was angry he was leaving. "I'm a good looking woman, good cook, and great in bed. What's his problem?" she told deputies.

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Information from: The Olympian, http://www.theolympian.com

Be Sure to Get the Special At Fast Food Joints Because You Get "Free" Soda

Mom always said fast-food joints serve crap. Now there's proof: A study published in the International Journal of Food Microbiology revealed there is actual fecal matter lurking in fast food soda. Microbiologists from Virginia found that 48% of sodas tested at 30 fast food restaurants contained coliform bacteria, which is typically fecal in origin. What's worse is that most of the bacteria found were antibiotic resistant. From the study:

These findings suggest that soda fountain machines may harbor persistent communities of potentially pathogenic microorganisms which may contribute to episodic gastric distress in the general population and could pose a more significant health risk to immunocompromised individuals.

Not to worry. Surely the poor, minorities, and children who are targeted by (and who statistically frequent) fast food chains most often will have no problem tackling higher medical costs associated with recovering from fast food-borne pathogens. Right?

And surely it should be a great comfort to all fast food patrons to know they are drinking free shit with every meal.

NYC Subway Riders Strip to Underwear For No Pants Day

Hundreds strip in NYC for no-pants subway ride

Jan 10 2010


(AP Photo/Seth Wenig)

People gather in a subway station during the 9th annual ''No Pants Subway Ride'' in New York, Sunday, Jan. 10, 2010.

NEW YORK— Hundreds of New Yorkers have been riding the city's subway trains in their underwear.

They stripped down to their undies on Sunday for the ninth annual No Pants Subway Ride.

The idea is to act like nothing unusual is going on.

Participants met up at six locations throughout the city. They formed groups and dispersed to subway stations to catch trains. Once inside the subway cars, they began calmly removing their pants and folding them up.

Most people read magazines or chatted with their companions like any other straphanger.

The event started in 2002 with just seven people. It has spread to other cities.

The stunt is organized by Improv Everywhere, a group that says its mission is to cause "scenes of chaos and joy in public places."

Holy Smoke - Where Does the Line Begin?

A Nanga Sadhu, or naked Hindu holy man with his face smeared with holy ash exhales smoke after puffing marijuana at a transit camp on the way to Gangasaga