Naked German Busted For Trespassing On Railway Property

German man's stress-calming naked walk backfires - Get's busted for trespass?

Sep 10 2010

BERLIN — A German man's habit of taking naked walks to reduce his stress levels backfired when his latest escapade triggered a police search and closed down a rail line. Police in the western city of Solingen said Friday that a woman out walking her dog saw the man, who jumped onto the train tracks and fled. She found his clothes nearby and reported the sighting to police. An unconfirmed report indicated the woman was sniffing the man's clothing when approached by the police.

Police closed the rail line for 1 1/2 hours Thursday night and sent up a helicopter to try and locate the man. He eventually turned himself in, saying he panicked after being seen and fled home.

The 42-year-old told officers he often took naked walks because it helped him combat stress.

The man could now face a fine for trespassing on railway property.

Koran Burning Crusader Backs Down - Wants a Piece of the Action

Would you trust this man to be your pastor and spiritual advisor? Not if you are a Muslim. Probably not unless you were a brain dead southern bigot. Meet the Right Reverend Terry Jones, self-proclaimed pastor of a tiny Pentacostal church in Florida, who is an avowed hater of Islam and Muslims.

To demonstrate his hatred of Islam and its followers he scheduled a special "prayer day," on Sep. 11, the anniversary of the World Trade Center destruction, to burn a stack of Korans, the Bible of the Muslim faith. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a Koran for a Bible.

As part of his 15 minutes of infamy, the Right Reverend was persuaded by U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, in a personal phone call, to cancel his book burning. The heavily mustached minister with the stand-up crew cut hair had refused all previous entreaties to call off his "show." Quoting grammatically incorrect scripture, Jones said God didn't approve of Muslims and he was God's emissary in Florida.

Bullying himself further into the NYC Mosque controversy, an issue about which he is totally ignorant and unqualified to comment, Jones now says he wants to meet personally with the Iman who heads the Mosque construction effort, no doubt for a "friendly exchange of ideas." His 16 or 17 congregants back in Florida will doubtless be saddled with the expense of his trip to the Big Apple, as the self-proclaimed spokesman for American Christianity.

*In late breaking news, Pastor Jones claimed the New York Iman had agreed to move the mosque but the Iman said there was no such agreement, so Jones said he might continue with his Koran burning plan, just not on Saturday, 9/11. Meanwhile a Texas evangelist said he had bought a ticket for Jones to fly to NY on Friday night, possibly to meet with the NY Iman. At least Jones' parishioners won't have to foot the air fare for Jones' publicity generating trip to NY.

J-Lo Triggers Assault-Arson in Dispute Over Ass Size

Another Reason to Avoid Movies Starring Jennifer Lopez, If You're Married To A Jealous Woman With a Big Butt

Meet Shannon Wriska, to your right.

The Florida resident, 34, is facing arson and battery charges after a dispute with her husband over a Jennifer Lopez movie escalated into her allegedly torching his go-kart and boat.

According to a Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office report, Wriska's husband told cops his wife "is very jealous and did not like him seeing Jennifer Lopez in the movie.” Cops noted that Wriska and her husband Robert bickered about the curvy Latina actress throughout last Wednesday night before heading to bed.

At one point, when Robert asked Shannon to move over in the bed, she yelled, “So you’re saying I’ve got a fat ass?” She then stormed out of the couple’s home. When Wriska, pictured in the mug shot at right, returned the following afternoon, witnesses reported seeing her push and scratch her husband before setting fire to his belongings. As she fled the scene, Wriska, a mother of three, threatened to put the couple’s dogs to sleep.

Investigators did not disclose which Lopez movie triggered the argument between the Wriskas, in an effort to keep down the number of assaults and arson in the county. An unauthorized, unnamed source with little credibility told anyone who would listen that he believed Ms. Wriska does, in fact, have a fat ass, one of the fattest in Santa Rosa county.

Ms. Wriska had no comment because she wasn't asked.

Way Up There On the Stupid List - Pythons At McDonalds?

Two dolts charged in Australia after python wrestling demonstration

Sep 09 2010

MELBOURNE, Australia — Two men were arrested after bewildered diners at a McDonald's spotted them wrestling a 5-foot python named Boris in the restaurant parking lot, police said Thursday.

Victoria state police say the men stole the 8-year-old black-headed python and a lizard from a pet shop on Wednesday. They then brought the snake to the McDonald's parking lot, where they began wrestling with it in front of puzzled customers, police said. No one had any idea why they were doing this.

The men, aged 22 and 24, were arrested and charged with burglary and theft. Police didn't release their names or their IQ's which clearly were sub-moronic.

"In all honesty, it's just a case of dumb and dumber," Detective Sgt. Andrew Beams told Australian Broadcasting Corp. "Anyone who gets out there with a one-and-a-half meter python in a McDonald's car park _ they're pretty dumb." The men did not even offer the python a Big Mac or fries, according to a police spokeswoman who declined to provide any further information about the incident or her name, on the grounds her name was nobody's business. Frustrated reporters shot her the bird, which she returned.

The snake also was returned to a relieved Jodie Graham, owner of the Totally Reptiles pet shop, who immediately began hugging and kissing the bewildered snake. First wrestling, then kissing. The lizard is still missing.

"He (Boris) was a bit cold and stressed so I have him in the tank warming up," she said. "I am just glad to get him back." Boris declined any further comment until he had eaten a pair of live mice.

Black-headed pythons are native to northern Australia. They are not venomous, and aren't likely to bite unless they're hunting prey or being forced to wrestle in a public parking lot.

Lustful Residents of Lustful Court Oppose Street Name Change - Urge Uptight Neighbors To Join Them in Lustfulness

Some Lustful Court residents tire of sinful street name, others not so much

Sep 08 2010

MACON, Ga. — Some residents of Lustful Court in a central Georgia community say they're tired of being kidded and want the street's sin-friendly name changed. Others oppose the name change, opining that it truthfully reflects the activities of its residents.

Bibb County Commissioner Lonzy Edwards brought up a possible name change Tuesday after receiving complaints.

Lustful Court resident Michelle Washington (see photo insert) says the name sparks laughter and confusion when she tells people where she lives. She said she makes a good, honest living in her current employment and doesn't think the name adequately reflects that.

Yoshonda Patterson says she thinks the name gives people the wrong idea about the neighborhood on the east side of Macon. She claims it makes strangers think the residents are engaging in sexual intercourse. When asked how she could explain the numerous children playing in their yards, Patterson says they all are adopted. She insists no one on the street has intercourse with anyone.

After listening to residents, commissioners decided they'll consider the change if enough neighbors start a petition. The commissioners pointed to the costs of changing the street name sign, residents having to purchase new stationary, and the ease of selling houses on the street because of the street name's appeal to lustful buyers. "There's a large market of sinful buyers out there, eager for the chance to make their mark with a dirty street name," said a local Realtor who declined to identify herself on the grounds of anonymity. A phone call to a local realty office revealed that the Realtor's name is Dusty Bottoms and she exclusively sells homes on Lustful Court.

The street is in a subdivision and no one could recall where the name originated. An elderly bystander claimed the subdivision developer chose the name after discovering his secretary fornicating with a potential buyer in the bedroom of the model home. With the cooperation of the secretary the subdivision sold out in record time.

When interviewed, several of the couples living on Lustful Court admitted to doing it in the road while observing the street sign. They claimed the street name was like an aphrodisiac which they did not want to lose. A few said they could see the sign from their bedroom window and used it as a sexual stimulant when their own lust level was running low.

Ms. Washington said she believes Dusty Bottoms is employing the same techniques as the developer's secretary to market homes for sale on the street.

Macon is about 90 miles south of Atlanta.

American Hunk Attracts Hot Young Women At Public Beach

Hot hunk attracts sexy young women with cool beach chair maneuver

Sep. 8, 2010

An unidentified American male was spotted at a beach where he was attracting the attention of some very hot young women. When queried about his technique for gaining the attention of women he indicated that all you need do is eat, eat and then eat more. Though his diet sounds bizarre, you can't argue with the results. A picture says a 1,000 words and this one is no exception.

He also explained the chair maneuver. "All you have to do," he said, "is sit down for a few minutes and then stand up. Anyone can do it if they eat enough."

The young women depicted were reciting a primitive love chant commonly used in the South Pacific islands. They were chanting: "Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck," in unison. It's not hard to get the message from the chant, just by changing one letter. The unidentified hunk was quick to pick up the hint.

The United States Supreme Court Justices' Great Apostrophe War

Sep. 7, 2010

Washington D.C.

With too much time on their hands due to the diminishing number of cases being accepted for review by the Roberts Court, the Justices have returned to one of their longest running disputes, the correct use of the possessive apostrophe following nouns that end in "s."

Three dissenting justices—it used to be four—are breaking with their brethren on the apostrophe issue.

Frank Wagner, the soon-to-be retired reporter of decisions for the Supreme Court, revealed the split in a two-part interview with the National Law Journal. The job of his office includes checking opinions for typos, misspellings, grammatical errors and deviations from Supreme Court rules.

But there’s no use in changing apostrophes of dissenting justices who disagree with the court's prevailing rule on possessives that requires an apostrophe only after the final “s” in “Congress.” Wagner tells the NLJ that over the years, four justices informed his office that they preferred “Congress’s” and he sees no reason to impose conformity. One of the dissenters has since left the court, leaving only three holdouts. Wagner declined to name the members of either the double apostrophe faction or the single apostrophe group.

Wagner uses the example to illustrate differences over plural possessives, although the word “Congress” would likely come under the Associated Press’ rule governing singular proper names ending in “s.” (Its rule also calls for a single apostrophe.) AP’s headache-inducing entry on apostrophes is more than 6,200 words long.

In the first part of the interview, the NLJ notes a prior split over whether the more formal word for pot should be spelled “marijuana” or “marihuana.” Wagner’s predecessor asked the justices to vote, and the “j” spelling won out, NLJ Supreme Court writer Tony Mauro wrote in the Green Bag.

The accompanying photo of the justices, taken 10 years ago, is not a reflection of the apostrophe split, but of another great split of recent vintage, one that almost brought the nation to its knees with the resulting rogue wars, fat cat tax cuts, lax regulation of financial institutions leading to a financial meltdown, dedicated neglect of the environment, a huge increase in unemployment, large increases in inequality and poverty, turbulent upheaval in the housing sector, and diminished reputation and standing of the U.S.in the global community.