Newest Entrant To Dumb Criminals Hall of Shame

Police seek Darth Vader-masked robbery suspect

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Video: 'Dumbest Criminal' Caught Gallery: Wild Bank Robberies

FERNDALE, Mich. -- Ferndale police are seeking a man who wore a plastic Darth Vader mask before pulling a butcher knife and robbing a convenience store. Authorities said the holdup happened about 1:35 p.m. Monday at the Get & Go store in the Detroit suburb north-northwest of Detroit. Police said the man fled after demanding all the cash from the register. (Isn't that what robbers always do, flea?)

But Lt. William Wilson told The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak the suspect made a "significant mistake" because he was in range of a store surveillance camera before he donned the mask. Holy Moley.

Police described the suspect as a white male, 5-foot-10, 180 pounds, with dark hair and a goatee. He was wearing a blue V-neck sweater with a gray T-shirt and dark pants.

This description could fit about 100,000 white males living in the Detroit metro area so police are expecting a quick call from a friend, relative or deadly enemy, to report the robber. Police also to plan to appeal to the crook, via television and the distribution of leaflets in the neighborhood where the robbery occurred, to turn himself in because the area is so dangerous that police officers frequently sign out for patrol duty of the area but go for coffee and donuts instead. The city is banking on the new plan where criminals can turn themselves in, thereby conserving valuable public safety resources to use in the fight against criminals who will not take advantage of the voluntary confession process to avoid a confrontation with cops which could leave them dead or severely crippled.

The Ferndale chief of police, a petite woman who weighs only 92 lbs., said she was unwilling to confront the robber for fear of bodily injury. Instead, she proposed to make a public appeal on local TV to the robber to return the stolen money, turn himself in to police. and plead guilty to a life sentence without chance of parole. "It's a win-win outcome for everyone," she said.

Other sectors of the population felt the chief's plan was an act of cowardice, designed to protect her own ass and her double DD breast implants, a claim vehemently denied by a spokeswoman for the chief, who pointed out that the implants were only double CCs and that the chief always wore chest armor, which helped her to appear more imposing and to back down cereal killers in bread lines at the homeless shelter.

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Information from: The Daily Tribune, http://www.dailytribune.com

How To Arrest An Alligator - A Field Guide to the Prevention of 'Gator Education

Florida Cops Hog-Tie and Cuff Young Alligator Trying to Enroll in School

Sep 13 2010

• Mature alligator, 15-17 feet long>>>>
  

OLDSMAR, Fla. — Cops in Florida sucker punched a young alligator and then tied it up and handcuffed it in a display of unnecessary force. The 7-foot-long, immature 'gator was spotted by a crossing guard at a Tampa-area school where it tried to enter the school with some papers, which later turned out to be an enrollment application. School officials said they would not have enrolled the 'gator even if the cops had not taken the 'gator out. "The state would not pay us to educate an alligator," said a member of the school administration who spoke only on condition of redundancy. "The state would not pay us to educate an alligator," he redunded.

As the crossing guard and three heavily armed cops waited for a trapper to arrive, the alligator started walking toward the school with the other children. The cops then roped the gator's neck and tail as it rolled and thrashed. Its tail broke off chunks of stucco from a nearby wall. None of the other children were roped or otherwise deterred from entering the school.

Cops later secured the 'gator's mouth with black electrical tape and handcuffed its back legs. Florida Fish and Wildlife officials took custody of the 'gator until the trapper arrived. When the cops drug the 'gator into the bed of his truck the trapper examined the 'gator's enrollment application and shook his head silently, apparently sympathizing with the 'gator's wish to get an education and move out of the swamps, which now are heavily polluted in Florida.

Florida Meeks contributed to this article from Senegal

Of Boobs and Identities

FL woman gets breast implants with stolen identity

September 12, 2010

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (KSLA) – A Florida woman, right, is being charged with credit card fraud after allegedly stealing another woman's identity, and then using it to pay for bigger breasts.

Florida police say that 29 year old Shatarka Nuby (interestingly, the diminutive of "nubile"), stole the identity of another woman. The victim discovered she was over 19 thousand dollars in debt on five fraudulent credit cards that had been opened in her name.

Nuby used one of the five cards in Fort Lauderdale to have her breast implants replaced with larger ones and to have her arms thinned by liposuction.

According to police, Nuby has a history of trouble with the law over identity fraud. She had to serve just under a year in a county jail on fraud charges in three incidents just in 2008.

The physician has asked for restitution, stating, "They're not Nuby's boobies, they're mine!"

Meanwhile, Shatarka is disappointed with her efforts to make a herself into a new woman. Despite the slimmed down guns and amped up gals, she now finds herself, once again, flat broke.

What U.S. Movie Goers Should Do

Woman Sues Theater for Wasting Her Time

Friday, September 10, 2010

A woman in China has done what many of us would like to do. Chen Xiaomei, a lawyer in Xian, Shaanxi province is suing a movie theater and a film distributor for wasting her time by playing twenty minutes of advertising before a film.

Chen Xiaomei claims she was unreasonably treated by the cinema’s owners and the distributors of the film she went to see, because she was not warned there would be 20 minutes of adverts prior to the screening of the main feature. She is demanding a full refund (35 yuan), an extra 35 yuan in compensation for emotional damages and a written apology, reports the Xinhua agency.

In addition, Xiaomei is calling for the Polybona International cinema in the northern city of Xian to publish the length of advertisements on its website, in the lobby or on its customer hotline. In total, they should be less than five minutes, she says.

U.S, filmmakers and theatre owners are taking advantage of "captive" audiences to bombard them with commercials, w'hich are not what movie goers pay to see.

The film was Aftershock, a big hit in China. Chen’s lawsuit has been accepted by the People’s Court in Xian. Link

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Naked Yoga Videos - Nude Yoga Video - Sara Jean Underwood's Nude Yoga in Playboy

The ancients were not uncomfortable with the public display of the human body. They wrestled nude, danced nude, ran nude and exercised nude. The original Olympic games were conducted in the nude. Naturally, this included Yoga, with its parallels to the Kama Sutra.

After centuries and the introduction of Western notions of modesty, Nude Yoga is making a comeback. The following video features Sara Underwood, illustrating several common Yoga poses in the nude. Note the gracefulness and fluidity of Ms. Underwood as she moves through a series of Yoga poses similar to the Yoga routines found in most Yoga Clubs and Salons throughout the U.S., widely known as Hatha Yoga.

The staff of BizarreStuff hope you find this video not only beautiful and graceful, but enlightening, in Ms. Underwood's recognition that the human body can be a thing of beauty, not a source of shame, and the athletic uses to which it can be applied.

Naked Yoga Videos - Nude Yoga Video - Sara Jean Underwood's Nude Yoga in Playboy: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

The Graywolf

Pa. Woman Takes Workplace Feud To The Limits

Police: Feuds led Pa. woman to shoot colleagues

Sep 10 2010

MARYCLAIRE DALE - Associated Press Writer

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(AP Photo/ Joseph Kaczmarek)

Police gather at the scene of a workplace shooting at the Kraft Foods Inc. facility in Northeast Philadelphia on Thursday Sept. 9, 2010.

PHILADELPHIA — A Kraft Foods plant worker was suspended from her job because she was feuding with colleagues, then returned minutes later with a handgun and fatally shot two of them and critically wounded a third, police said Friday.

Yvonne Hiller, 43, was escorted from the plant after being told of the suspension about 8:30 p.m. Thursday. But she returned from her vehicle with a .357 magnum, threatened a guard with her gun to get past security, and made her way to the third floor, where she found her victims in a break room, police said.

Hiller told one woman she was free to leave, then fired just three shots, one at each victim, Homicide Capt. James Clark said.

Hiller had been involved in a series of arguments and a few physical altercations in recent years in the mixing area where she worked, police said.

After leaving the break room, Hiller went down a hallway and fired shots at the supervisor who had suspended her along with an employee who was using a walkie-talkie to alert police and co-workers to her whereabouts, police said. She missed both of them.

Hiller then went to a second-floor office, where she called police to tell them what she had done. She had put her gun down by the time officers found her there, Clark said.

The victims were identified as Tanya Renee Wilson, 47; Latonya Sharon Brown, 36; and Bryant A. Dalton; 39, all of Philadelphia. Wilson and Brown died at the plant.

Dalton, shot in the neck, was in critical condition at Jefferson University Hospital, police said.

Hiller was charged with two counts of murder, one count of attempted murder, aggravated assault and other charges. She had a permit to carry the gun, authorities said.

Hiller has worked for Kraft for about 15 years. The Northfield, Ill.-based company makes Oreo cookies, Philadelphia cream cheese, Oscar Mayer bacon and other products.