July 6, 2012 Russia

  There’s irony, and then there’s the story of Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov, pronounced "FagMuk" a 49-year-old Russian woman who woke up at her own funeral only to have a heart attack and die when she realized what was going on. Mukhametzyanov had been falsely declared dead after collapsing with chest pains, the Daily Mail reports. When she awoke, she was lying in a coffin, with mourners filing past and saying prayers. She screamed, and passed out again.

“Her eyes fluttered, and we immediately rushed her back to the hospital,” her husband says. “But she only lived for another 12 minutes in intensive care before she died again, this time for good.” The hospital says it’s investigating the incident. “I am very angry, and I want answers,” the husband says. “She wasn’t dead when they said she was and they could have saved her.”

The husband's brother pointed out that the casket had to be paid in advance and was no longer usable.  "Who wants a used casket?  And, the half dead woman would not want to use the same casket she was about to be buried in.

Free Meth At St. Louis, Mo. Walmart

Cops: Woman Shoplifted Ingredients and Cooked Meth Inside Walmart

•  Yamiche Alcindor, USA TODAY

6/10/12

CAPTION

By Associated Press

A woman in St. Louis, Mo. was arrested this week after police said she was caught shoplifting and cooking a small amount of methamphetamine inside a Walmart, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports.

The chemical concoction was found inside a soda bottle in the woman's purse after a Walmart employee confronted her about stealing cosmetics from the store.

Later the store's security and police discovered a 20-ounce bottle containing the drug. The Walmart was then evacuated. No one was injured.

A Walmart spokesperson said it was against company policy to cook meth on Walmart property.

A Walmart spokes-idiot emphasized Walmart would cheerfully refund the cost of any ingredients paid for by the customer prior to their use in making the meth.

The trend of cooking small quantities of meth for personal use--referred to as "one-pot" batches-- is on the rise, the paper reports.

"There are lots of one-pot cooks," St. Louis County police Lt. Mark Cox told the paper. "But taking it into Walmart is very unusual."

Alleged Record Claimed to be a Croc by Doubters

Guinness: Philippine Crocodile Said Largest in Captivity

 Jul 01 2012 

JIM GOMEZ, Associated Press

MANILA, Philippines (AP) — Guinness World Records has declared that a huge crocodile blamed for deadly attacks in the southern Philippines is the largest in captivity in the world. The giant reptile has brought pride, fear, tourism revenues and attention to the remote town where it was captured.

The saltwater crocodile named Lolong, which was captured last September in Bunawan town in Agusan del Sur province, measures 20.24 feet (6.17 meters) and weighs more than a ton, Guinness spokeswoman Anne-Lise Rouse said in a statement on Sunday. The reptile took the top spot from an Australian crocodile which measured more than 17 feet (5 meters) and weighed nearly a ton.
Bunawan Mayor Edwin Cox Elorde said the news sparked celebrations in his farming town of 37,000 but also fostered concerns that more giant crocodiles might be lurking in a nearby marshland and creek where villagers fish.
"There were mixed feelings," Elorde said by telephone. "We're really proud because it proves the rich biodiversity of our place but at the same time, there are fears that Lolong may not be alone."

Lolong has become the star attraction of a new ecotourism park and research center in the outskirts of Bunawan and has drawn thousands of tourists since news of its capture spread. Elorde said his town has earned 3 million pesos ($72,000) from the modest entrance fees at the park, with most of the money being used to feed and care for the crocodile and for park maintenance.
Environment and Natural Resources Secretary Ramon Paje welcomed the Guinness announcement and the growing attention being given to the crocodile, saying it would help people realize the biodiversity of their surroundings and the need to protect it. He said he would recommend that the government help Bunawan become an ecotourism destination.

The crocodile was captured with steel cable traps during a three-week hunt after a child was killed in 2009 and a fisherman went missing. Water buffalos have also been attacked by crocodiles in the area, officials said.

About 100 people led by Elorde pulled the crocodile from a creek using a rope and then hoisted it by crane onto a truck. It was named after a government environmental officer who died from a heart attack after traveling to Bunawan to help capture the beast, Elorde said.

Elorde said he saw a bigger crocodile escape when Lolong was captured and villagers remain wary of fishing there at night. He said he has formed a new team of hunters and is seeking government permission to start hunting the second crocodile.  The captured croc doesn't look very comfortable in it's new apparel.

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Next Time Use the Jawbone of an Ass

Man uses slingshot to fire marbles at speed camera

Published - Jun 27 2012 09:27PM CST

Associated Press

ELLICOTT CITY, Md. (AP) — Police in Maryland say a man has been charged with assault for using a slingshot to fire glass marbles at a speed camera van.

Authorities say Bruce Lawrence May of Ellicott City was arrested Tuesday. The 50-year-old Lawrence was also charged with destruction of property and reckless endangerment. He was released on $3,000 bond.

Howard County police say that at about 5 p.m. Tuesday, the van was near Manor Woods Elementary School when the operator heard something hit the side of the vehicle. The operator saw a minivan pass and saw the driver with a slingshot fire another projectile at the speed camera van.

Police say that May had received two speed camera violations recently.

Dismembered, Misremembered Legs Found

6-28-12

Near Butte, Montana

Hikers discovered a pair of men's legs, no longer attached to a torso, in a rural area north of Butte.  The hikers had no idea who the legs belonged to but a search of the surrounding area was undertaken by police, who had discovered nothing by dark.

The search will resume in the morning, hopefully with the help of some police tracking dogs.

If you have a friend or neighbor with missing legs, you are urged to contact Montana authorities, who have blocked off the crime scene.  And the legs have been sent to the Montana forensic lab in Missoula, for analysis.

Airline Offers Fare Discount Option When Seated Next To Corpse

Flier seated next to corpse receives partial fare refund

USA TODAY 6-26-12

A Swedish woman who complained she had to sit near a dead passenger on an overnight flight from Amsterdam to Africa has received a partial refund of her fare.
Lena Pettersson, a reporter for Sweden's public Sveriges Radio, tells the Expressen newspaper her seatmate appeared extremely ill when she boarded a Kenya Airways flight.

Pettersson said the man "was sweating and was having convulsions" in view of the attendants, but that the crew nonetheless closed the cabin doors and pulled away from the gate. Pettersson -- bound for the Tanzanian city of Dar es Salaam -- says the man died shortly after takeoff and she had to sit within a few feet of his corpse as the flight continued on its long overnight route to Africa.

Most media reports say that the incident happened on a Kenya Airways flight from Amsterdam to Dar es Salaam. However Kenya Airways does not offer regularly schedule service on that route, so -- presumably -- the incident came on a connecting itinerary via Kenya Airways' hub in Nairobi.

The Daily Mail of London, also citing the Swedish language Expressen newspaper, writes the "cabin crew appeared at a loss as to what to do next, so flight attendants wrapped the corpse in a blanket as best they could and laid him out across three seats, Expressen reported."

Pettersson says attendants were able to move most other passengers to empty seats away from the man's corpse, but – with no other empty seats available – she remained just across the aisle from the dead passenger. She described the man as tall, saying his feet stuck out into the aisle after he was laid on the empty row of seats.

She complained to Kenya Airways after she returned from her holiday to Tanzania. After "several months" of back-and-forth correspondence with the carrier, Kenya Airways reimbursed her about $713 – or about half the cost of her round-trip ticket.

Not the actual dead flyer, but tall.

"This feels much better. It is reasonable," Pettersson is quoted by The Local as saying to Sveriges Radio.

Where Was Child Protective Services?

Pet piranha bites off Illinois toddler's fingertip

Published - Jun 23 2012 09:41AM CST

Associated Press

CHICAGO (AP) — Chicago-area parents thought their pit bull was to blame when they heard their 18-month-old daughter crying and discovered one of her fingertips had been severed.

Turns out, the culprit was a piranha the family kept in an aquarium.

Doctors determined the bite wasn't from a dog after the girl was rushed to a hospital by ambulance Tuesday night.

Cook County Sheriff's Department spokesman Frank Bilecki tells the Chicago Tribune (http://trib.in/NldQUB ) the girl's father cut open one of two piranhas and found the fingertip. He says doctors tried to reattach the fingertip, but he didn't know if they were successful.

He didn't immediately respond to messages left Saturday by The Associated Press, and a hospital spokesman couldn't provide the information.

Bilecki says the parents were distraught and aren't facing charges.  They did point out they were continuing with plans to adopt a black python one of their friends was giving away because it had become aggressive and had squeezed the life out the family's tabby cat.