Everyman's Dream....Oops, Make That Nightmare

California Dude Tired of Erection


4-30-02

A California man has sued BMW North America and a motorcycle-seat maker claiming that a four-hour round-trip ride on his 1993 BMW bike with a "ridge-like" seat gave him "a severe case of priapism (a persistent, lasting erection)" that's lasted 20 months and counting.

While there have been concerns about narrow "banana" bike seats causing loss of feeling in that area -- for men and women -- this is the first report we've seen of way too much.

The product liability lawsuit against BMW and well-known aftermarket seatmaker Corbin-Pacific (reported first by Courthouse News Service in California) was filed in California Superior Court in San Francisco last Thursday by Henry Wolf and his lawyer, Vernon Bradley of Sausalito.

The Wolf v. BMW lawsuit alleges that Wolf has continued to suffer the erection problem since the September 2010 ride -- and, as we know from Viagra ads, anything past four hours is a problem.

The lawsuit for emotional distress says Wolf is "now is unable to engage in sexual activity, which is causing him substantial emotional and mental anguish."

Wolf wants compensation from BMW and Corbin for lost wages, medical expenses, emotional distress and "general damage."

All Bite - No Bark - Yeouch

Breaking up is never easy-- having 32 teeth ripped out is even worse.


A scorned dentist is facing jail time after surgically removing all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her, authorities in London said.

Marek Olszewski, 45, made the mistake of scheduling an appointment this week with his ex -- 34-year-old Anna Mackowiak -- for a toothache, according to the Daily Mail.

So Mackowiak did what any burned beau with a set of pliers and some anesthetic would do: she doped him up, pulled out all his teeth, and wrapped his head with bandages so he wouldn't notice until he left her office.
"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," she told the news site. "But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a bastard.'"

Olszewski could tell something was wrong when he awoke and couldn't feel any teeth in his mouth. But he said Mackowiak assured him that he'd be fine once the numbness wore off, NDTV reported.
"I didn't have any reason to doubt her -- I mean I thought she was a professional," he said.

He was wrong.
"But when I got home I looked in the mirror and I couldn't fucking believe it," he said. "The bitch had emptied my mouth."

Worse, Olszewski's new girlfriend then dumped him because, well, she couldn't date a man without any teeth, the Daily Telegraph reported.

Mackowiak is under investigation for medical malpractice and abusing the trust of a patient. She could face three years in jail for the alleged stunt. Olszewski plans on saving money to get "indents or something."

Dumber, Dumber and Dumbest

Interrupted burglar tries to make trade

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 April 26, 2012 

BREMERTON, Wash., April 26 (UPI) -- A Washington state burglar who was chased off by a gun-wielding homeowner called later in the day to offer a trade for items he left behind, police said.

Bremerton police said officers were called to a Pitt Avenue home around 3 a.m. and the homeowners told them they had awakened to the sound of a burglar in the house and they chased him off with a gun, KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Thursday.

Police said the burglar called the homeowners in the afternoon and breathlessly offered to trade some of the items he had taken from their home for a bag he had left behind, which contained papers bearing his name and an oxygen tank for his emphysema.

The homeowners agreed and the burglar arrived at the home to find police waiting for him.
Police Sgt. Kevin Crane said the burglar, whose name was not released, was very polite during the incident and apologized to the homeowners while he was being arrested.

"It's very unusual," Crane said of the case. "I've never seen this happen before where a burglar contacts the victim trying to make a deal to exchange things he left behind for some of the items he stole from the victims."

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/04/26/Interrupted-burglar-tries-to-make-trade/UPI-52801335474381/#ixzz1tMyQZG8n

Dummy + Dumbbell = Bullet Wound

MODESTO, Calif., April 13 (UPI) 


-- Police -- California man claims he accidentally shot himself by dropping a dumbbell onto a bullet.

Bullet

Modesto Police said the 56-year-old man, whose name was not released, told them he was working out Wednesday night when he accidentally dropped a dumbbell on a rimfire .22-caliber bullet, depicted above, causing the propellant powder in the bullet to be activated and sending it into his shoulder, The Modesto Bee reported Friday.

Officer Chris Adams said police found the story suspicious, but not impossible. He said investigators did not find any guns in the house and witnesses did not report seeing anyone else leave. Adams said officers did find the casing for the bullet.

Adams said the case was closed as a suspicious circumstance investigation.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/04/13/Man-drops-dumbbell-on-bullet-shoots-self/UPI-55211334349408/#ixzz1tMsUybBI

Minimize Waste - Maximize Pleasure

Egypt’s Islamists  have outraged the civilized world by proposing several pieces of legislation that begin the process of rolling back the meager gains made by women in that country over the last decade.
The first proposed law would lower the legal age a girl can marry to 14. The second proposal, inspired by a fatwa from a Moroccan cleric, would grant husbands permission to have sex with their wives within 6 hours of their death.

It was not immediately clear how this process would be managed.  Would it require an official monitor to certify the date and time of each act of intercourse?  How would oral sex be counted?

Egyptian women's groups strongly oppose the measure, arguing it violates the sanctity of the woman's body.  Proponents of the law say it may be the first and only time Muslim males have seen their wives' naked body because of Islam's harsh code of morality.

There are worse ways to die, but then again, maybe not.

4/27/02
China

A Chinese man was reportedly killed last week when a woman squeezed his testicles until he collapsed during a fight over a parking space.

An unidentified 41-year-old woman in China's Haiku City in the Hainan Province rode into town on her scooter to pick her child up from school. The woman tried to park in front of a local store, but the store
owner, the 42-year-old victim, refused to allow it, China News 24 reported.

The resulting fight escalated, leading the woman to call her husband and brother, who in turn got into a more violent fist fight with the shopkeeper, according to the website. At some point in the fracas, the woman grabbed the man's testicles and squeezed them until he collapsed. He was taken to a hospital for treatment and later died.

"Hot Dog" Attack

Police: Hot dog vendor attacks rival 

Apr 26 2012 

Associated Press and Editors of BS

No, it was not a lovers' quarrel or a case of romantic jealousy........

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — An Albuquerque hot dog vendor was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after ramming his food cart into a competitor.

Police say Eric Kilmer used his hot dog cart to run over the legs and feet of rival Vincent Montoya. Other vendors told KOB-TV (http://bit.ly/JIpUAd ) that Montoya is seeking a restraining order against Kilmer.

It was not immediately known why the two were fighting though there was a rumor that Montoya had disparaged Kilmer's dogs and Kilmer claims to sell the best hot dogs in New Mexico.

If Kilmer is convicted, he could face up to three years in prison, a steep price for a hot dog. It was unclear if he had an attorney, even a 'dog' attorney.

Montoya probably can't work because of his injuries and will sue Kilmer for money damages.

With Montoya sidelined and Kilmer broke Albuquerque's hot dog lovers will suffer the loss.

Research reveals that there has not been an instance historically in New Mexico of anyone being killed  by a hot dog vending cart.

From his hospital bed Montoya threatened to get even, using a wrecking ball.  His lawyer discounted Montoya's statements because he was under heavy sedation.