Rash of Bizarre Sex Acts Worldwide

Oct. 14
New York, NY

"Oh my God....I think I'm...yes, yes, yes.."

The Beatles may have started it with their famous lyric, "Why don't we do it in the road?" but in a worldwide outbreak of spontaneous, planned, and "just gotta do it, right here, right now" sex, couples are taking their sex acts to the next level, some as high as 1,000s of feet in the air.

Humping over a barrel, doing it in the hotel spa, or having your sweetie ride you while you ride your horse may be odd, but one couple decided to do the nasty whilst sky diving.

In a video clip that's been making the internet rounds, the couple, with their lower parts photographically blurred, are seen doing it while plummeting through the sky.

The pair, who went up for a sky dive, apparently got carried away in the small plane and were doing it on the floor of the aircraft. When they reached their jump destination, unwilling to withdraw, they both jumped from the plane in full coitus, humping their way through the air as their chutes billowed out above.

There are no known laws regulating free falling coitus, though some Christian groups no doubt will be lobbying their favorite sex pervert legislators to put a cap on airborne sex, doing their damndest to keep sex in the dark gutters where it belongs. Nevertheless, having nothing else worthwhile to do, the FAA and several law enforcement officials have announced investigations into the lewd acts in the sky.

Meanwhile there was no word from the sky diving sex pots whether or not they achieved airborne orgasms and whether or not it was as good for her as it was for him. Stay tuned.

Woman Avoids Expense of Calling Locksmith - Dies Instead

Stuck in basement window, cheapskate Ohio woman suffocates

Apr 13 2011

LEBANON, Ohio — An Ohio man came home from an out-of-state trip to find the body of his wife stuck in a basement window, where she suffocated after apparently locking herself out of the house, authorities said Wednesday.

David Kline found the body of his 44-year-old wife, Esther, on Tuesday and called 911, police said. He told the dispatcher that his wife wasn't breathing.

"I just found my wife downstairs, and she's hanging partly in a window, and I think she's dead," Kline told the dispatcher in a very calm tone of voice.

Authorities believe she may have locked herself out; she had sent her husband a text saying: "I wish the spare key was here." The spare had apparently been borrowed and not returned, possibly by her husband.

The window is about 3 feet wide and a foot high. The woman was about 3 and 1/2 feet wide and a foot and a half high.

"It was a narrow opening, smaller than a person's body," police Sgt. Jeff Mitchell told the Middletown Journal. "Not a whole lot of maneuvering room, because it's below ground in a window well."

Kline became stuck when she tried to get through the window feet first, and scuff marks on the wall from her shoes indicate she struggled to push herself free, Mitchell told The Enquirer. But stuck she was.

She may have been pinned in the window for about nine hours, coroner's investigator Doyle Burke said. It's hard to determine time of death from slow asphyxiation. It can be a slow, agonizing death.

"Essentially she couldn't breathe," Mitchell said. An unnamed CSI said it was a case of too little window and too much woman.

The Warren County coroner's office said the death was accidental without any evidence to support that conclusion. The woman could have been held in place by a jealous lover until she was dead. She could have been launched through the window by an angry neighbor. Who knows?

Esther Klein's body weight was not released by the coroner's office at the request of the local Weight Watchers Center where she had been dieting for 25 years, according to a neighbor who said Klein probably topped 220 pounds.