Latest Blockbuster Pizza Hits U.S.Markets

Dec. 27, 2010
Somewhere, America


Wu-Tang Pizza Ain't Nuthing To Fuck With

A new style pizza with an unabashed advertising slogan is all the rage this holiday season. Claiming to have 'special secret' ingredients that appeal to the edgier crowd, the pizza is only available to customers over the age of 18 and is limited to only six cities in the U.S. at this time: San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Atlanta, New Orleans and Mavscat, Texas.

The pizza, in uncooked form, is also available in most obscure, not-well-known grocery stores with no image to worry about, for preparation at home.

This is bad because... Wait. Why is this bad?

Motivated, Ambitious, and Resourceful Teen Scolded by Authorities

December 20, 2010
Jared Taylor, The Monitor

EDINBURG — A man told police he found his 16-year-old son in bed with a naked woman more than twice his age. The teen had allegedly hired her to have sex him.

Edinburg police responded to the 100 block of East Wells Street at 3:47 am Friday to a call of an act of prostitution in progress. The police had to move fast, before the act was over. Upon arrival, police found Dulce Liliana Nava Cardenas, 35, (apparently pictured above) naked and about to perform a sexual act, according to the filed criminal complaint. However, according to the teen's statement, she was about perform an awesome act of initiation. The young man had paid Nava $150 for this privilege.

After her arrest, Nava confessed to police that she accepted cash for the sexual favors and that she allowed the teen to touch her breast with his hands, the complaint states.

Nava was formally charged with indecency with a child and prostitution Friday afternoon in Edinburg Municipal Court. Bond was set at $2,000. If convicted of indecency with a child, Nava could face up to 10 years in prison and up to a $10,000 fine. Prostitution carries a maximum penalty of 180 days in jail and up to a $2,000 fine. Nava was released from the Hidalgo County Jail early Monday morning. We hope the authorities will exercise great leniency towards this teacher of life.

Let all enterprising and curious young men everywhere be forewarned - make sure dad doesn't hear you bring the hooker into your room.

Thanks for your support

December 26, 2010
MavScat, TX

Many thanks to you, our readers, for your support during my rehab stint.

It was truly a humbling experience. I realize I am not truly a junkie, but simply suffer from the ever so common internet-stupidity obsession suffered by surfers everywhere.

I met many good people in rehab- celebrities, politicians, preachers, and sports stars. Fortunately, this experience also provided volumes of material for Bizarre Stuff.

Freed from the confines of those four padded walls, I am now able to once again entertain myself with news of strange occurrences, cataclysmic upheavals, men jumping on cops' backs and demanding free public transport to Cuba, penis and vagina festivals in Japan, abandoned and barbecued grandmothers, men having sex with their patio tables, severed arms being thrown out with the trash, feces falling from the sky, and banana ripening machines that explode in the night.

Python Guards Cocaine Stash in Italy

Cops: Dangerous giant snake discovered guarding cocaine

Dec. 6, 2010

Police in Caserta, Italy were surprised to find a huge, white python guarding a stash of cocaine in a house occupied by a drug ring. The cops entered to plant listening devices in an effort to record the drug dealers discussing business. The python, a rare albino, was not very effective in preventing police from planting the "bugs" in the house.

Indoor Marijuana Farm Outed By Car Crash

ELLICOTT CITY, Md. — A Baltimore area man has more than just insurance claims to worry about after a car crashed into his home.

Police in Ellicott City say the crash revealed that 44-year-old Richard Marriott had an indoor marijuana farm.

Marriott and another person were uninjured when a BMW driven by 20-year-old Bryan Bolster hit the house and burst into flames on Dec. 10. Bolster died.

Howard County police say fire investigators found the drugs. Police got a search warrant and found nearly 20 large marijuana plants. (See photo inset) Marriott was arrested and was being held Wednesday on $15,000 bond. A hard nosed judge refused to accept the plants, valued at $20,000, in lieu of a cash bond.

Marriott's lawyer, Leonard Shapiro, tells The Baltimore Sun that the marijuana was for personal use, not distribution. He says his client is cooperating with authorities. An unauthorized spokeswoman for the authorities said the authorities "ain't buying it." Marriott remains in jail for the holidays, with no weed to ease the pain of his loss.

An unidentified spokesperson for Marriott's homeowners' insurance carrier said the plants would not be covered under the personal effects category of his policy because they were not considered ordinary or necessary household furnishings.

Modern Crook Tries Variation Of the Old 'The Devil Made Me Do It' Excuse

Cops: Conn. renter sells owner's stuff

Dec 24 2010

SOUTHBURY, Conn. — Police say a Connecticut man made $18,000 by selling antique cars and other stuff stored in a garage and two barns behind his rented residence.

On Left: Probably not the real Deane Moss but an imposterr

The stuff wasn't his. And it was worth $265,000, not $18,000.

Deane Moss was charged with first-degree larceny and 15 counts of third-degree burglary. He was released after his initial court appearance.

Moss rented the 6,500-square-foot Southbury home from the owner a year ago with a lease that expressly barred him from entering the storage areas.

He entered them and sold a 1940 Ford Coupe, a 1956 Chevrolet Bel Air, a riding mower, appliances and dozens of other items stored there.

Moss told police he suffers a chemical imbalance that made him delusional and think he owned the home and was selling his own stuff.

No one thought to ask why a single man would rent a 6,500-square-foot house?

Lobbying The Hard Way

Dec. 23, 2010
Belgrade

Romanian lobbyist takes dramatic, futile action

A disgruntled state-employed electrician hurled himself from a balcony overlooking the chamber of the Romanian parliament. His 23 foot plunge was in protest of government economic policies that have cut wages, whilst raising taxes and curtailing government programs.

The man's injuries were not life threatening and had little effect on legislators, half of whom walked out of the chamber in protest of the other half.

The only evidence of the man's dive was a loud thud when he hit the floor.