California Man Uses Bunghole To Smuggle Contraband Into Jail

March 17, 2011
Man "Keystered" Cellphone, MP3 Player, Headphones, Cash, Pot Into California Jail

Sentenced and jailed Tuesday on a narcotics conviction, a California man smuggled a Kyocera cell phone, an MP3 player, ear bud headphones, marijuana, tobacco, and $140 in cash into a county lockup by hiding the contraband in his rectum, investigators allege.

The items were recovered when Lake County corrections officers strip searched Earl Lee Vogt and tossed his cell. The searches Wednesday evening were prompted when a jailer detected the smell of marijuana in the 29-year-old tattoo artist’s cell.

Vogt and his anus, gateway to his rectum, are pictured in the accompanying mug shots. (Yech) He was sentenced Tuesday to nearly four years in prison and immediately remanded to the custody of the sheriff’s department. Investigators believe that Vogt “keystered” the contraband to get it into the lockup, according to one official. While the cash was found in his cell, the other items were found inside a sock.

When questioned by a sheriff’s deputy who thought he was feeling discomfort, Vogt denied being in pain, though he noted, “My ass is bleeding.”

Vogt claimed that he had obtained the marijuana from another inmate in exchange for a second MP3 player he had smuggled into the northern California lockup. Jail officials doubted this assertion, for no apparently good reason since they found another MP-3 player jammed up his ass. With this guy it wouldn't be surprising to learn he had smuggled an I-Pad in via his rectum.

In light of the contraband seizure, Vogt was charged with a felony count of smuggling a controlled substance into prison and unauthorized possession of a wireless communication device, a misdemeanor. It is unclear how Vogt planned to recharge the phone, a Kyocera Metro. What was clear is that there was no after-ass market for the phone. Eweeeeh!

Airlines Turn to Cheap, Passenger Provided Entertainment in Cost Cutting Move.

March 21, 2011

As airlines struggle to regain profitability amid tough economic times and rising fuel costs they are examining new methods to attract and keep passeners at lowest cost. "Pretzels, peanuts, free cokes snd attendant cleavage just won't work any more with a new, younger and more demanding class of travelers," said an unauthorized, self-designated spokesman for the liquor industry. "The airlines are trying everything they can think of short of robbing passengers at gunpoint."

Naked woman entertains passengers on Delta flight to New York

Ben Mutzabaugh, USA TODAY

Passengers on a Delta flight likely got more than they bargained for Saturday night after an allegedly "emotionally disturbed" woman stripped naked on their Chicago-to-New York journey.

The Associated Press wrote, "the incident happened on a Saturday night as Delta Flight 6562 began its descent into Kennedy Airport," adding that a "Newsday news manager who was on the flight said flight attendants tried to cover the woman with a blanket while she yelled 'No! No! No! She was joined by a dozen or more male passengers and two female lesbians.

The Chicago Sun-Times reports the woman -- estimated to be in her late 20s -- "stripped nude during the flight and was restrained on the plane and taken into custody by local law enforcement upon landing, Delta spokeswoman Betsy Talton] said."

The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey says the woman was taken to a Queens hospital. She is not expected to face criminal charges, according to NBC New York.

Airline officials offered to give the former model another round trip ticket if she would repeat her performance but a spokeswoman for the FAA indicated that could be a violation of FAA regulations.

Posted Nov 29 2010

'Playboy centerfold' tries to jump from JetBlue flight in midair

Ben Mutzabaugh, USA TODAY

"A buxom Playboy centerfold tried to bust out -- midair -- from a jet yesterday amid a bad case of high anxiety." That's the word from the New York Post tabloid, which says the incident happened Thursday afternoon on JetBlue Flight 522 from Orlando to Newark. The Post reports the "sexy 21-year-old model" apparently leapt out of her seat, began ripping off her clothese, and tried to force open the aircraft's cabin door, according to law enforcement officials. "She said she's gone through this before, but never this bad, and didn't have . . . her medication," an unnamed source tells the Post. The publication says the woman -- reportedly featured as a cover model in a debut edition of "the Singapore version of Playboy" -- was in federal custody as of late Thursday with charges "pending."

A spokeswoman for the airline said "no one wants to punish or prosecute this very sexy lady who is a professional entertainer." Only a few, close minded Baptists made formal complaints.

Half-naked airline passenger forced from aircraft.

Early last year a female passenger flying from L.A. to Houston, was detained on arrival at Houston's Hobby Airport, because of the very scanty attire she was wearing which exposed her breasts almost completely and left very little to imagine in her 'nether" region. Again, passengers defended the woman and said more airlines needed to provide such passenger diversions to relieve the monotony of flying.

A spokeswalrus for the FAA said, "Hruumph."

Operation Bad Medicine - An Eskimo High

March, 2011
Beware the Ides of March

A tightly knit organization of criminal professionals zeroed in on one of America's most venerated and cherished spring-summer rituals in the NY metropolitan area, the neighborhood ice cream vendors on wheels.

Dispensing Fudgesickles, rainbos and ice cream drum sticks to innocent children with one hand these common crooks sold the powerful narcotic, oxycodone, to their parents and grandparents with the other hand.

The organizational chart for the "Popsickle crime group, headed by a New York businesswoman is shown above. 31 adults and adulterers were involved, distributing more than 43,000 pills valued at a million dollars.

This Will Show Those Rotten Bastards

Miffed Chinese Owner Strikes Back At Auto Manufacturer

Qindao, China
March 18, 2011

The video below depicts a group of Chinese men committing the sin of destroying a Lamborghini Gallardo in Qindao, on the northern coast of China. The frustrated Chinese owner of the $200,000-plus Italian sports car wanted to show his disappointment over bad customer service from Lambo.

The Lamborghini Gallardo was bought six months ago, but the engine failed to start on Nov. 29, 2010. The owner contacted the Lamborghini dealer in Qingdao who transported the Gallardo to their maintenance center.

The engine problem wasn't resolved, but instead the bumper and chassis were damaged during transport. The owner complained to the dealer but the dealer refused to take responsibility. The angry owner contacted Lamborghini CEO Stephan Winkelmann, the brand's after-sales service manager for the Asia-Pacific region, and the brand's owner Volkswagen Group, but the problem still was not resolved.

Angry about the service, the owner felt his consumer rights were ignored. He decided the best way to gain attention was to destroy his car on the 15th of March, which is also World Consumer Rights Day. He hired people to publicly destroy his car with hammers to make his statement. This protest was made to provoke public support and goad the manufacturer to respect his consumer rights.

The workers hired to destroy the vehicle were required to wear identical blue jump suits and hard hats, to prevent the spread of bubonic plague. Bubonic plague?

Keeping World Priorities in Order - First Things First

NJ hot dog mecca sues deli over name

Mar 17 2011

CLIFTON, N.J. — As war rages in Afghanistan, the U.S. wallows in political squalor, and Japan is poised on the brink of nuking its own people back to the stone age, American businessmen keep their priorities in order when it comes to that venerable American institution, THE HOT DOG.

One of New Jersey's hot dog institutions isn't sparing the sauerkraut (or the horse manure) when it comes to a competitor five miles away.

Rutt's Hut in Clifton has filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against the owners of Mutt's Hut. The world waits in a state of suspended animus as the great wiener war is launched in New Jersey, current Mafia capital of the U.S.

Claiming the mutts at Mutt's Hut are stealing their good name, slandering their reputation, besmirching their product and swiping their customers, the Rutts at Rutt's Hut have hired some of New York's top legal guns to send the Mutts packing and restore the dignity of the real Rutt dog.

The Rutt family and their dogs are a Garden State institution, stretching back 83 years, whereas the upstart owners of Mutt's, who are of Arabic origin, are accused of encroaching on the Rutt's territory.

Rutt's, which is known for "ripper dogs," that are fried in lard until the skin rips open, revealing the fatty guts of the dogs, claims Mutt's it trying to capitalize on the 83-year-old restaurant's reputation.

Mutt's changed its name from Adam's Bagel & Deli in January.

Ahmed Mohamed, believed to be Muslim, who is the son of Mutt's co-owner, told The Record newspaper they changed the name because a co-owner had held a trademark on it since 2006 and wanted to use it.

Attorney Gregg Paradise, who represents Rutt's with a straight face, says there's evidence that customers are confused about whether the restaurants are affiliated, allegedly not being able to distinguish between a Mutt and a Rutt, despite the many burqas and prayer rugs and customers prostrating themselves facing Mecca to be found at Mutt's during Muslim prayer hours.
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Yes, It's Florida Again - Kook Capital of America

Meet Mitchell Tice.

The beaming Florida Keys man, 40, was arrested last night and charged with stealing a box of sex toys.

Tice, a breakfast cook, swiped the items in January after breaking into a utility trailer owned by a couple for whom he then worked. Tice also allegedly pinched two laptop computers and a wig, according to a Monroe County Sheriff’s Office report excerpted here.

Tice was linked to the theft after his girlfriend, Pshantel Scott, told detectives that her beau “had placed a bag of dildo’s (sex toys) under their bed.” Scott, 38, added that Tice told her he stole the sex toys “from his boss’s trailer.” He planned to use them and then advertise them on Craig's list.

Pshantel apparently objected to the use of the used dildos on herself, claiming she deserved new sex toys, not sleazy, used dildos.

Scott turned over to police the hot items, which “were placed into property.” The sex toys were later shown to the restaurant owners, who “positively identified the items as theirs.”

The owners were overjoyed to retrieve their collection of sex toys and said they had missed them as their sex life deteriorated into mundane sex acts that were boring.

As news of the bust and the restaurant owners' activities spread, business at the restaurant was markedly off. At least one former restaurant patron was concerned about what he might find in his soup.

Charged with felony burglary and two misdemeanor counts, Tice is being held in lieu of $4000 bond at a county lockup.

Casanova For the Ages - It Was the Moped That Did It - Hot

Female Cop Rejects Moped Man's Sex Bribe
Suspect, 22, busted for illicit offer of sex that backfired


MARCH 14--When a female cop pulled him over last night for driving his moped erratically on an Indiana interstate, Adam Yarbrough, who thinks of himself as a ladies man, first tried to bribe the officer with $5, then with a kiss, and finally upped the ante to a promise to have sex with her. Wow! Try to imagine the look of shock on this Don Juan's face when his multiple offers were declined.

Instead, Officer Christin Rudell managed to resist the irresistible Lothario's three-pronged offer and busted Yarbrough for felony bribery, according to an Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department report. The dashing Yarbrough is pictured in the mug shot above, wearing his irrisistible face.

Yarbrough was pulled over at 11:45 pm last night after Rudell spotted him “swerving in his lane” on his green moped. After Rudell, 31, ticketed him for several vehicular infractions, Yarbrough said, "How about we call it even and I give you five dollars and you just get rid of this ticket and let me go?"

Though Rudell explained that “there would be no exchange and that he needed to take the citation,” Yarbrough persisted. This time, according to the report, Yarbrough said, “OK if you won't take the money how about I give you a kiss? And well I haven't had sex in a while so how about we do that, too?"

Rudell then arrested Yarbrough for attempted bribery.

Yarbrough “continued to make sexually explicit remarks” and yell profanities, Rudell noted, adding that she asked him several times to lower his voice. When he refused to comply, the cop added disorderly conduct to his charges.

Yarbrough is being held in lieu of $120,000 bond at the Marion County jail.