Bridge Not Over Troubled Waters - Contractor In Trouble

Michigan bridge is 2 inches too long

June 27, 2011

SAGINAW TOWNSHIP, Mich. — A new 385-foot-long steel pedestrian bridge is 2 inches too long, forcing officials to delay installation of the span across a Michigan river. Fortunately, it was not 2 inches too short. Just to be clear that's off by 2 inches out of a total of 4620 inches, .00043 per cent.

Saginaw County Road Commissioner Engineer Ryan P. Whiteherse tells The Saginaw News that a crew installed one segment over the Tittabawassee River in Saginaw County's Saginaw Township last week but pulled it out when it discovered the fit wasn't right.

Whiteherse says taxpayers won't foot the bill for alterations on the $688,000 project. He says the fix is covered under a construction contract. (Why can't they just cut 2 inches off of one end?)

The contract had called for the bridge linking Saginaw and Saginaw Township to the Saginaw Valley Rail Trail to be in place this week.

Now, the bridge sits in four pieces near the river, about 85 miles northwest of Detroit. See photo insert. No pedestrians are currently allowed on the bridge to nowhere.

Jail Inmate Asserts Constitutional Right To Veiw Porn In Jail

Jail inmate: Lack of porn violates US Constitution

Jul 03 2011 09:13PM CST

MOUNT CLEMENS, Mich. — A Michigan jail inmate says he's being subjected to cruel and unusual punishment because he can't have pornography.

In a handwritten lawsuit, 21-year-old Kyle Richards claims his civil rights are being violated at the Macomb County Jail. Richards says denying his request for erotic material subjects him to a "poor standard of living" and "sexual and sensory deprivation."

The Michigan Department of Corrections did inform The Detroit News that prisons allow some pornographic material, though it's banned at the jail. The American Civil Liberties Union says prisons have a lot of leeway.

If porn will keep the inmates quiet and reduce the incidence of prison rape, it is a good, low cost correctional tool. Whacking off in the privacy of one's own cell reduces tension and thus stems violence, one of prisons' biggest problems.

Richards was charged with bank robbery after police followed a trail of snowy footprints and dropped money to his apartment from a bank robbery scene in January in Fraser, north of Detroit. He is clearly dumb and porn might help keep him from thinking, a dangerous activity for him.

Richards pleaded guilty. Sentencing is Aug. 2.

New York Motorcyclist With A Death Wish Gets It

NY motorcyclist protesting mandatory helmet use hits head, dies

Jul 03 2011

ONONDAGA, N.Y. — A man riding bareheaded on one of about 550 motorcycles in an anti-helmet law rally lost control of his cycle, went over his handlebars, hit his head on the pavement and died, police said Sunday.

The motorcyclist, 55-year-old Philip A. Contos, likely would have survived the accident if he'd been wearing a helmet like the guy in the photo, state troopers said.

Contos, of Parish, hit his brakes, and his motorcycle fishtailed and went out of control, flipping him over the handlebars, police said. He was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Pissed Off Hawk Attacks Bicyclists

Bicyclists getting smacked by angry bird

Jul 02 2011

PENDLETON, Ore. — Bicyclists in eastern Oregon say they're getting whacked on the head by an angry bird.

Riders in Pendleton, Ore., told the East Oregonian that a male hawk is dive-bombing them because they're too close to a nest he's guarding in an old cottonwood tree.

Bicyclist Mack Temple says the bird came in from behind like a fighter plane and whacked his helmet. Another rider, Charlie Newhouse, says the attack on his helmet was "like getting hit with a baseball bat." He says the talons went in through the helmet.

Bird-watchers say the large bird is a Swainson's hawk. The riders say he's been vigilant for a few nesting seasons, but hasn't been as aggressive as this year.

From the looks and size of this hawk the bicyclists would be well advised to select another route for the time being.

Bird-watchers say the hawk will ease up once his brood learns to fly.

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Man Guards Family Jewels In Money Deposit Bag

SPARTANBURG, S.C., June 29 (UPI) -- Authorities in South Carolina said they arrested a man who was observed by a store clerk with his private parts in a money deposit bag.


The Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office said a clerk at the Hot Spot store in Spartanburg told deputies the man, identified as Alan Ray Walker, 47, of Cowpens entered the store Sunday and headed for the toilet.

The clerk said she next saw the man exit the store's office about 15 minutes later with his pants on the floor and his penis inside a plastic money deposit bag. She said the man left after an argument and handed the bag to another clerk on his way out.

The sheriff's office said a deputy found Walker in his truck and he was found to be in possession of a substance that tested positive for cocaine along with a glass pipe, a .25-caliber handgun and $4,200 cash.

Walker was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, grand larceny, possession with intent to distribute cocaine and unlawfully having a handgun. He was taken to the Spartanburg County jail in lieu of $20,000 bond.

A police indecency complaint that is too small to read is pictured above. It basically says the man had his penis inside a plastic money bag. It was not immediately clear why anyone cared. No photo of the man's actual penis was released by police.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/06/29/Police-Man-put-genitals-in-money-bag/UPI-62541309330800/#ixzz1R0znhaDb

The Car With No Sex Ap-peel.

Pennsylvania man's banana car peels through Flint

Jul 01 2011
FLINT, Mich.

A Pennsylvania man cruised into Flint, Mich., this week in his giant, motorized banana and parked it on the bricks of Saginaw Street.

Some looked confused. Many snapped pictures. Three teen aged boys tried to peel it.

Banana car owner Steve Braithwaite tells The Flint Journal he had no idea how much he was going to enjoy people laughing and smiling at him.

The Coopersburg, Pa., resident with Flint ties brought the former pickup truck back through the area, more than two years after buying the original vehicle from a junkyard in Genesee County's Argentine Township.

Braithwaite decided one day he wanted to turn a Ford F-150 into a banana and travel the world in it.

So, what he calls his "crazy desire to do something ridiculous" became a yellow-tinged reality.

Florida - One More Time - This Time Over Lack of Penis Envy

Florida man taunted over penis size goes on rampage, to apologize, do community service, attend anger management training


JUNE 28--2011

TSA screener Rolando Negrin, 46, the Transportation Security Administration employee charged with assaulting a coworker who taunted him about the small size of his penis after his genitalia were exposed by a full-body scanner has agreed to attend anger management classes, pay a fine, and write a letter of apology as part of a settlement of his criminal case, records show. Pictured in the above photo, Negrin looks angry.

Negrin beat the crap out of a fellow employee with a police baton while demanding an apology in a parking lot at Miami International Airport. Negrin, pictured in the mug shot and in the scanner shot, told cops that Osorno was his chief tormentor and subjected him to “psychological torture” in front of fellow employees. Now his small penis is all over the Internet.

The disclosure that the prosecution of Negrin had been deferred came yesterday in a Circuit Court filing by state prosecutors.