Want to Smoke a Rembrandt? What about a vintage Cezanne or perhaps a Renoir?

Apr 5 09 Customs says art was framed with marijuana

It wasn't the beauty of the paintings that caught of the eye of Customs agents, who usually are more focused on Penthouse or Hustler.

It was their drug-sniffing dog turning up his nose at the art that stopped the show.

Federal officials in Arizona say a man was taken into custody after Customs and Border Protection officers found 90 pounds of marijuana hidden in the frames of six large paintings in his vehicle.

Officers selected the man's vehicle for a routine inspection Friday at the border crossing in Douglas, Ariz., and their dog showed an interest in the paintings. "These are sophisticated dogs, some trained in Europe, and they know good art when they see it," said a customs agent. "But they also are trained to sniff out nacotics."

An X-ray revealed the paintings contained marijuana in the frames.

The agency says the paintings were professionally done and the frames were nicely constructed. The paintings were transporting some high quality pot, destined for upscale users.

The man was turned over to Immigration and Customs Enforcement. He had not been charged.

It Isn't Rocket Science Dudes. Labrador on left, Pit Bull on right. Notice the difference.

Nebraska man sentenced for firing crossbow at neighbor
Apr 02 2009 08:39PM CST


A 49-year-old man was sentenced to two-to four years in prison for firing a crossbow at his neighbor after a dispute about the breed of a neighbor's dog last June. The neighbor said it was a pit bull; Carlos Lupercio said it was a labrador. Lupercio went home, returned with a crossbow pistol and fired at his neighbor, just missing.

Police said alcohol was involved in the incident. Lupercio gave indications of cognitive dissonance. The neighbor said Lupercio was a lunatic.

Lupercio pleaded no contest to terroristic threats and animal neglect. The judge credited him for 282 days of jail time.

Peruvian Man in Sexual Marathon For Seven Days: Erection Shown Below

Peru farmer hospitalized with eight-day erection

Fri Apr 3, 1:01 am ET
LIMA, (AFP) – A Peruvian farmer underwent an operation after complaining of severe pain from an eight-day erection, a doctor at a hospital in the northern city of Sullana said.

"The patient arrived at the hospital in great pain because of the erection," surgeon Nelson Carrasco told AFP, adding that the 53-year-old had not taken a sexual stimulant or alcohol.

He said the patient, whose identity was withheld, suffered from priapism, a persistent erection of the penis often due to a blood clot in the erectile tissue.

Carrasco said the man underwent surgery at the Sullana hopsital, about 1000 kilometers (600 miles) north of Lima.

But he added, "We are looking for the cause of the priapism because if we don't find a solution it could reappear again."

Several men at the press conference held by the attending surgeon and his patient asked if it were possible to induce temporary priapisms. The surgeon laughingly offered to give the men free dickectomies instead.

Several of the patient's female friends crowded around the surgeon, to ask if the man's problem would re-appear soon and if it was a permanent condition.

When the patient was asked why he had waited 8 days before seeking medical attention, he replied, "Are you loco my friend? My wife would have killed me. My girlfriend would have done worse. And my neighbor's wife? She comes over every morning after her husband leaves for work. These women are insatiable. I need to move to Arequipa or some other place in the south."

Women (and Wonderbra) Support National Cleavage Day in South Africa

Bianca


Drooling at cleavage displayed for good cause
April 07 2006 at 03:38PM



By Rivonia Naidu

Men across the province were distracted on Friday as thousands of KwaZulu-Natal women displayed their cleavages in support of National Cleavage Day (NCD).

Wonderbra brand manager Samantha Paterson said NCD was designed to celebrate women's independence and power in all facets of life, from their careers to their relationships to their own destiny.

"It gives women a chance to be beautiful and glow in the furtive, yet appreciative, glances their cleavage evokes from men," she said.

If you did not get the opportunity to show off your cleavage on Friday, you still have tonight to wear those V-neck shirts, deep plunging strappy and halter-neck tops.

NCD celebrations started early on Friday morning when women "strutting their stuff" in Edgars, Foschini and Truworths at La Lucia Mall, Gateway Shopping Centre and the Pavilion handed out free Cosmopolitan magazines to customers.

Another activity planned for Friday night is the mega-party at Billy the Bums in Windermere.

Paterson promised if you are found wearing a wonderbra, a free G-string will be yours.

Cafe Vacca Matta are also throwing a Las Vegas party, sponsored by Jack Daniels, and will be giving away lots of prizes.

One competition at Cafe Vacca Matta is the "Best Cleavage".

So, ladies, head out and indulge and celebrate being a "true South African woman".

Shortly after the announcement, South African embassies worldwide reported a sharp increase in inquiries from men wanting to find out what the requirements are for immigration to South Africa.

Damn. It's Too Late to Get a Bigger Box - Got Any Ideas?

Deceased and wife, Ann Hines
(Before death)







South Carolina man's corpse cut to fit coffin

Apr 03 2009 01:04PM CST

By JEFFREY COLLINS - Associated Press Writer


James Hines was a giant _ a 6-foot-7, 300-pound preacher and funk musician so big that after he died in 2004, a macabre rumor began circulating in this small town that the undertaker had to cut off his legs to fit him in the coffin.

This week, after years of whispers, Hines' body was exhumed, and the gruesome story appeared to be all too true.

The coroner's office said only that it had found "undesirable evidence," and a criminal investigation has been opened. But Hines' widow said investigators told her that his legs had been cut off between the ankle and calf, and his feet had been placed inside the casket.

"It's just like pulling the scab off an old sore. I was kind of like smoothing things out. But now it's like starting all over again," Ann Hines said Thursday, with her attorney, Abner Beasley, at her side, two days after investigators pulled the casket from the ground, lifted the lid, photographed the contents and returned it to the earth, all without leaving the graveyard.

Under South Carolina law, destroying or desecrating human remains is punishable by one to 10 years in prison.

"It's also punishable by a big dollar award to the grieving widow," said Beasley.

Reached this week, a man who identified himself as the owner of Cave Funeral Home, which handled the funeral, declined to comment.

The allegations were so startling that funeral directors around the country are talking about the case.

"You hear old wives' tales about this around the turn of the century, but, no, this was a shock to me," said Doggett Whitaker, a past president of the National Funeral Directors Association.

Ann Hines said that she and her family went to the funeral home after her husband's death to make the final arrangements, and she picked out a standard-size casket. At the funeral, only the top half of the lid was open, showing Hines from the chest up, she said. She said nobody ever suggested a bigger box.

Funeral directors sometimes pull up the knees or shift the padding in the coffin to make sure the body fits. But the best solution is usually a longer casket, Whitaker said, adding: "Just being upfront and honest with the family is the best path to take."

Hey, Honey -- Keep On Buying This New Cereal, It's Delicious.

Phone Sex Operator








Cereal box typo sends callers to phone sex line

Apr 02 2009 07:03PM CST


An Oregon company has ordered new packaging for its Peace Cereal after a typo on the box sent callers to a phone sex line instead of the cereal maker's 800 number. Instead of reaching Golden Temple of Oregon, callers were greeted by a recorded voice asking, "Do you love sex? ... Isn't that why you called?"

Spokeswoman Elissa Brown said Eugene, Ore.-based Golden Temple ordered new packaging when the mistake was discovered in December and new boxes have been shipping out for weeks.

"Since then we've been receiving about 500 complaints a day about the newer packaging. We're rethinking the targeted customer base for our products."

However, 13 varieties of the cereal were on shelves Wednesday at one Halfway, Md., grocery store, including seven varieties in boxes bearing the incorrect telephone number. By store closing all of the mislabeled boxes had been purchased.

"I don't know why," said store manager Mead Broadhead, "but we're sure thankful it was part of God's plan."

Mother Jones ---Nothing to Sneeze About?

Hayfever? Just Blow Your… Knob?



Julia Whitty | Tue March 31, 2009 7:22 PM PST


William K. L. Dickson for the Edison laboratory, Wikimedia CommonsHealth alert: Spring and hayfever go together like, well, sex and sneezes. All those flowers. All that green grass. Kachew.

But guys get a break on this one. A neurologist from Tabriz Medical University in Iran proposes that a well-timed ejaculation will clear your bunged nose.

The logic goes like this: the nose and genitals are both connected to the sympathetic nervous system that controls certain reflexes. A blocked nose is caused by swollen and inflamed nasal blood vessels irritated by an infection or by pollen in the air. But during ejaculation the sympathetic nervous system constricts blood vessels across the body. That should soothe the swollen nasal blood vessels, freeing the airway for deep, er, that is, normal breathing.

Sina Zarrintan, the neurologist, says he hasn't actually tested this yet. Right, and the pope doesn't have wet dreams.

But if it works, whacking off could offer many advantages over decongestant drugs, which can cause hypertension and make congestion worse over the course of a few days, writes Zarrintan in Medical Hypotheses.

He suggests masturbating or having sex whenever the symptoms are bad enough to warrant another ejaculation. And when aren't they? The patient can adjust the number of intercourses or masturbations depending on the severity of the symptoms, he says. The best scrip of all: Take as needed. No prescription necessary.

Work this in with a little sneeze fetishism and it gets downright fun to be miserable in the spring—if you're a guy, that is. Global warming gets some much-needed kink.