Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Skinny On Skinny Models



Candice Swanepoel 'Scary Skinny' At Victoria's Secret Swim Event

3/30/11

It wasn't so much the new line of Victoria's Secret swimwear that had people buzzing on Wednesday, but Candice Swanepoel's noticeably-thinner frame, according to New York Daily News.

The Daily News calls Candice -- clad in a black halter-style bikini top and tiger print bottoms -- "scary skinny," pointing out "her stick-figure legs and bony arms." The Daily Mail writes of her "concaved stomach," and slimmer jawline.

The South African beauty's measurements are listed as 5-foot-9, 33-23-34, US Size 8 by IMG Models.

Dietician and eating disorder expert Marisa Sherry remarked to CBS News, "I think it's sad. I think Victoria's Secret was always a company that highlighted women's bodies and curves with sex appeal. But over the last few years they have been criticized for accepting thinner and thinner models. And this is a perfect example."

Dr. Michael Rich, head of the Center on Media and Child Health at Children's Hospital Boston, previously told the news outlet that the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last year was "eating disorder porn."

It's true that from some angles, Candice looks like she might have shed too many pounds, but in other photographs she appears to be just slightly smaller than Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima, both of whon have had babies in the last couple of years. Remember, we're operating on a scale of 1 to Model, here.

Also depicted here is Isabelle Caro, the French model, now dead, who gave all new meaning to the concept of runway thin. She got so skinny that she ran away, literally and permanently. Not withstanding, she had just completed a photo shoot in the Far East before her death by starvation.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Amanab The Greek Giant - Unemployed in 1886 - What Else Is New?


My Big, Tall Greek Giant

Mary Karmelek | Mar 29, 2011

The Scientific American supplement from December 4, 1886, featured a drawn reproduction of a photograph taken of Amanab, the “Greek Giant”. Amanab was born in 1868 near Kerassond in Trebizonde—a successor state of the Byzantine Empire located on the southern shore of the Black Sea. At the time of the article, he was 18 years old and measured seven feet nine inches in height, had a head circumference of 26 and three quarter inches, and a chest measurement of four feet four inches. The article notes that Amanab was currently unemployed, but intended “to visit the principal cities of Europe and exhibit himself to the public,” presumably for a fee.

In those days it wasn't considered rude or politically incorrect to gawk at people who were 'abnormal.' They were put on display at carnivals in so-called 'freak shows,' and people paid to see them.

But how do you set a fee for a look at a very big and tall person? Is it by inch, by foot, by gasp or a flat rate?

The article also mentions other “giants” who were contemporaries of Amanab. For example, “A very remarkable Chinese giant named Chang was exhibited at Paris a few years ago. He was larger than the Greek under consideration, his height being eight feet; and, unlike his similars, he was intelligent and educated and spoke several languages.”

Whereas he may not have been as educated as Chang, Amanab can claim literary fame as the model for the Greek giant “Auvassab” mentioned in a discussion on giants in Jules Verne’s The Will of the Eccentric.

17 Year-Old "Entitled" Florida Society Girl Pistol Whips Mom To Force Car Purchase


Cops Say Ivy League-Bound Girl, 17, Pulled 9 mm Sig Sauer on Her Own Mom to Force Car Purchase


3/30/2011

A 17-year-old Florida honor student is being held in juvenile detention over an incident in which she pulled a 9 mm Sig Sauer on her own mother, pistol-whipped her and ordered her, at gunpoint, to go to a local car dealership and co-sign for a car the teenager wanted to buy.

Apparently fearful of interfering with Rachel Anne Hachero's status as an honor student at the exclusive Canterbury School in Fort Myers, as well as the scholarships she has reportedly been offered to attend several Ivy League colleges, her mother declined to press charges over the incident, according to the Naples Daily News and the News-Press.

However, Lee County sheriff's deputies charged Hachero anyway. She faces counts of battery; aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill; and unlawful possession of a firearm by a person younger than 18.

It is unclear what is going to happen with the car for which Hachero's mother co-signed, a black 2004 Nissan 350Z. The vehicle is highly prized among teenagers and other young people for being "hot." In this instance it is so "hot" it may put the teenager behind bars.

The handgun used by Hachero reportedly was previously stolen along with other weapons during a burglary......, like maybe by her boyfriend? This chick is looking for trouble.

The teen's unidentified mother referred a newspaper request for comment to attorney Jay Brizel, who declined to discuss the case. A spokeswoman for the high school also had no comment.

No one is talking but Hachero may be walking.....to the courthouse without the wheels.

Dead Man Walking - Well....Sorta

Corpse Attends Colombian Soccer Match

March 30, 2011
Colombia

A 17 year-old avid soccer fan and player, Christopher Jerome, who was gunned down by street thugs in a non soccer related murder, was taken from his wake on the shoulders of comrades to his last soccer match in the sky, inside his coffin.

Authorities said 200 -300 friends, family and hangers-on of the dead man overwhelmed gate attendants in order to bring the coffin inside the stadium. "It was a near riot," said one synonymous observer, who asked to be identified as someone else, "I'm surprised they didn't try to mount Christopher's coffin on the goal posts, or even attempt a corner kick with his cadaver."

There was no indication whether or not the display was Jerome's wish or the act of some demented friends and relatives. There also was no indication that Jerome watched or cheered his live colleagues on the field during their 3-1 loss. Jerome lay quietly throughout the match.

Someone had placed a very large bag of peanuts on top of Jerome's coffin. He was known for munching on peanuts during time outs and this was the ultimate time out.

The operator of the funeral home responsible for Jerome's burial said the fans needed to bring Jerome's body back soon before it could deteriorate further and begin to smell. The funeral director said her establishment couldn't be responsible for any diseases contracted as a result of handling the body and warned fans that necrophilia is a crime in Colombia.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The One You Can't Tell Your Friends About


Eight Foot 375 Pound Shark Jumps into Texas Fisherman's Boat

Tuesday, Mar. 29, 2011

The Associated Press

FREEPORT, Texas -- It's the catch of a lifetime, but it's not clear whether a Texas fisherman landed an 8-foot shark or it landed him.

Twenty-nine-year-old Jason Kresse (KRES'-ee) of Freeport says he and two crew members were dumping fish guts in the Gulf of Mexico about 3:45 a.m. Monday when they heard splashes in the distance and then something hit the side of their 25-foot boot.

A shark in an apparent rush to feed had jumped into the back and was thrashing around. Kresse says the crew couldn't get close to the 375-pound fish to toss it back in the water.

Out of water, the fish died an agonizing death several hours later.

The shark is on display at a seafood business in Freeport, about 55 miles south of Houston. Kresse says he plans to have it mounted. The shark was not asked its opinion about being displayed dead.

On arrival in port with the giant, dead fish, which had to be removed from his boat with a fork lift, Kresse was required to purchase a shark fishing permit.

Read more: http://www.modbee.com/2011/03/29/1620456/375-pound-shark-leaps-into-texas.html#ixzz1I18Wpexi

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Burger King Spring Break Brawl in Florida


How did you spend your spring break? Ideas from Florida.

March 15, 2011
Panama City, FL

MARCH 24--Meet Kimesa Smith, Burger "Queen"

The bikini-clad Alabama woman was arrested Saturday night on a misdemeanor battery charge after she had a violent meltdown over a Whopper Jr. and fries at an oceanfront Burger King in Panama City Beach, Florida.

As seen below, Smith’s antics were videotaped by a fellow diner who uploaded his video to the Internet (and, while filming the melee, exclaimed “This is the best spring break ever.”)

Smith, 31, argued with Burger King employees before jumping atop the front counter, where she swung at workers and threw a large plastic jug at them (the jug apparently was used to collect charitable donations).

Smith, a Montgomery, Alabama resident, also pulled the hair of a fast food worker and threw other items at employees. She was joined in these pursuits by several acquaintances, none of whom were charged.

According to a Panama City Beach Police Department report, Smith tried to pull away after being handcuffed. “Take your damn hands off me, you can’t touch me,” said Smith. While in custody, she “continued screaming and yelling” at a cop and a Burger King employee who identified her for officers.

In an interview, Smith said that the confrontation began after she complained to workers about the tardy delivery of the Whopper Jr. and french fries she had ordered. She recalled exclaiming loudly, “Damn, these folks are slow.”

After waiting 20 minutes for the items, Smith said she flung the bag of food at workers with whom she had quarreled. Smith also copped to, among other things, throwing another customer’s drink at workers, pulling the manager’s hair, and throwing the coin jug.

“We tore the Burger King up,” she remarked. “I don’t play no games.”

Describing herself as a “first-time spring breaker,” Smith, a mother of four, said she had traveled Friday to Florida with friends and three of her children, the youngest of which is two and has cerebral palsy. In anticipation of a night of drinking, Smith, pictured in the above mug shot, said she went to the Burger King to “get something in my stomach.”

After arriving at a police substation, Smith asked cops “where her children were at.” She then told officers “she had her 2 children with her” at the beach. But when an officer sought details about the children, Smith was uncooperative and “very vague.” Cops did not have enough information to report the children as missing.

A restaurant manager told TSG that the eatery suffered minor damage during the incident, but that no worker was injured. Smith, free on $500 bond, has a court appearance next Wednesday.

Arguing that Burger King employees bear some responsibility for the altercation, Smith said, “When I walked in they had no smiles on their faces. We weren’t treated fairly." Having herself previously worked at McDonald’s and Church’s Chicken, Smith added, “I know how to greet my customers.”

“If I knew what was gonna happen,” Smith said, “I would’ve gone to Taco Bell.” Burger King wishes she had, too.





Rather than simply getting drunk, smoking crack, flashing their boobs or taking off their clothes altogether on the beach or in public, this year's crop of spring breakers raised the bar for having fun. They decided to trash a Burger King fast food restaurant.

It is not clear exactly how or why the melee began or went so far out of control but it is clear what ended it: when the restaurant was totally trashed by an out of control gang of "entitled" students on spring break, out to raise hell instead of their grade point averages.

Friday, March 25, 2011

New Defense Strategy for Celebrities


For a song, Willie Nelson's pot case will be resolved
Take note, Lindsay Lohan...

March 24, 2011 3:48 PM
By Steve Butcher


SIERRA BLANCA The Hudspeth County Attorney is ready to make a plea deal with the Red Headed Stranger.

“I’m gonna let him plead, pay a small fine and he’s gotta sing “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” with his guitar right there in the courtroom,” County Attorney Kit Bramblett said this week. “You bet your ass I ain’t gonna be mean to Willie Nelson.”

Nelson was arrested Nov. 26 after a Border Patrol agent smelled pot wafting from Nelson’s tour bus at the Sierra Blanca checkpoint. A little more than six ounces was found on the bus. Nelson was arraigned and on the road again after paying a $2,500 bond.

Thousands of vehicles roll through two Border Patrol checkpoints in Hudspeth County every day and finding pot here and there is pretty common. Bramblett handles 10 or 12 personal use cases every month. The 6.24 ounces that was found when Willie was arrested is above the amount Bramblett can handle in his jurisdiction, but after the packaging was removed, that was no longer the case.

The fine will be $100 and court costs amount to $278. Bramblett said he’s in contact with Nelson’s lawyer. Next time the singer’s tour schedule brings the Honeysuckle Rose close to Sierra Blanca, Bramblett’s office will be notified and Willie will make a scheduled stop at the Hudspeth County courthouse.

“Willie Nelson is 77 years old, and I’m 78,” Bramblett said. “He’s been my favorite artist all my life. We all know he smokes a little pot.”

Posted by Clavin

Original Story: http://www.oaoa.com/sections/article/gallery/?pic=0&id=62359

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Ground Control To Major Tom


Washington D.C. Airport tower silent as planes land

Alan Levin, USA TODAY

March 24, 2011

WASHINGTON — Federal aviation officials are investigating why an air-traffic supervisor at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport failed to answer the radio and phone for at least 20 minutes early Wednesday while controllers at a nearby facility repeatedly called the tower and juggled flights heading to the airport.

Duh! He was drunk or asleep, that's why.


Pilots of two planes were unable to reach the air traffic controller Tuesday night at Washington's Reagan National Airport.

File photo by Julia Schmalz, USA TODAY

Two jets, American Airlines Flight 1012 from Dallas and United Airlines Flight 628T from Chicago, landed safely next to the silent tower shortly after midnight, according to the National Transportation Safety Board.

Neither the NTSB nor the Federal Aviation Administration, which oversees the nation's controllers, said Wednesday whether the supervisor on duty had fallen asleep, gotten locked out of the tower or suffered some other problem.

"The FAA is looking into staffing issues and whether existing procedures were followed appropriately," the FAA said in a statement.

Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood reacted by ordering that two controllers staff the Reagan National tower during the midnight shift. "It is not acceptable to have just one controller in the tower managing air traffic in this critical airspace," he said.

The incident comes as the FAA has received increased scrutiny over controller errors, which have risen as the agency has begun several programs to push for greater honesty.

If the tower controller is found to have been asleep, it could be the latest in a string of aviation accidents and incidents related to fatigue. The NTSB in 2007 urged the FAA to revamp its schedules for controllers because they often work grueling shifts.

Republican members of Congress, most of whom do not use commercial flights out of Reagan, have severely cut the budget of the agency responsible for staffing airport control towers. "Getting the deficit under control is the number one priority of the nation today, even if it means the loss of a few lives in avoidable airline crashes," according to an excessively corpulent Republican Senator. "Americans are going to have to tighten their seat belts (get it) if the rollback of huge tax breaks to the very wealthy enacted under the Bush administration are to be avoided."

A recording of air-traffic radio Wednesday revealed that area controllers made a frantic effort to raise someone in the tower at Reagan National after the American flight initially aborted its landing and radioed other controllers for help.

"I called a couple times on a land line and a supervisor called on the commercial line — and there's no answer," a controller at a regional air-traffic control facility in Warrenton, Va., about 40 miles from Reagan, says to the American pilots.

The controller then advises the American crew that another plane had landed under similar circumstances a year earlier using procedures for airports without towers. "So you may want to think that over," the controller says.

A few minutes later, the controller radios the United pilots to warn them. "The tower is apparently unmanned," he says. "We called on the phone, and nobody is answering."

"That's interesting," the pilot says.

The NTSB is conducting a preliminary review to determine whether to open a formal investigation. Really? What more do they need?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

High Profile Hypocrisy - Fameous Prosecutor of Celebrity Drug Users Arrested for Making A Drug Buy For Himself




David Schubert, 47, prosecutor and drug abuser

David Schubert, the "Mr. Straight" prosecutor of drug felons, including Paris Hilton and Bruno Mars, was himself arrested in Las Vegas whilst making a street buy of cocaine for his own use.

"Hypocrite" Schubert, who has made a name and career for himself as the overzealous prosecutor of the users of illegal drugs was nailed attempting to make a drug buy on the street. According to his 'dealer,' Schubert usually made 3-4 buys weekly of $30-40 worth of cocaine.

The D.A. is depicted here in his hypocrisy suit and also dressed as a common street criminal during booking by police. Schubert inhabits the phony clothing of a 'bidnessman' whilst convicting celebrities and others of violating victimless crimes.

Mr. Schubert once boasted of having seen more inches of celebrity cleavage than George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Hugh Hefner combined. He frequently could be seen in court approaching the defense table and peering intently at the female celebrities' breasts. Ms. Hilton, who was aware of Mr. Schubert's propensities, made all her court appearances wearing clothing that maximized the exposure of her breasts, as in the accompanying photo. Prosecutor Schubert can be seen in the accompanying photos eyeing Ms. Hilton's breasts.

The bigoted D.A., who recommends lengthy prison terms for those he prosecutes, was mum on sentencing guide lines for himself. He did urge that he not be charged with a crime because he allegedly was conducting 'field research' to assemble a common 'profile' that would enable police officers to conduct a full body, deep cavity search of anyone they stopped who fits the profile of a 'druggie.' The suspects' Miranda rights would be waived automatically when stopped for fitting the profile. According to Schubert, Los Angeles County could save $200 to $300 annually in officer time wasted reading guilty suspects their rights. Most suspects don't even listen to their rights and wouldn't understand them if they did according to Mr. Schubert.

In a quick poll conducted by a Burbank H.S. band teacher, that has a plus or minus margin of error of 98%, 95% of respondents favored throwing Mr. Schubert under the bus, to be followed by a life sentence in a Syrian prison if he survives. Some of the zealous prosecutor's actual victims believe that sentence would be too lenient but would accept it if accompanied by continuous water boarding.

It was not believed Mr. Schubert would enter into any such plea agreement, however. Additionally, a plea bargain that involves a lifetime of torture probably would not be approved by a U.S. court as against public policy, unless it was applied to a suspected terrorist or U.S. military personnel who leak information about the U.S. use of torture, permanent maiming, and murder in the war or terror, such as that being used to break and destroy Bradley Manning, a former U.S. Army private, who is being held in maximum security in Florence, Colo. whilst being tortured 24/7 until he breaks down completely and no longer represents a threat to lying U.S. military officials. President Obama has accepted the military's assurances that Mr. Manning is being treated humanely

Moron, Posing As Woman Sues Cruise Line Over Speed


Woman suing Carnival: Ship sailed too fast, made me sick

Gene Sloan, USA TODAY

An Indiana Court of Appeals this week wasted valuable legal resources by taking up the case of a woman who claims she got sick on a Carnival cruise ship because it was going too fast.

According to court documents, Doris Beard of Indiana filed a complaint against Carnival saying that "due to the speed of the ship I became very sick ... the ship was moving so fast everyone on board became sick, even the workers."

The court documents did not say on which ship Beard had sailed.

Beard filed the case in 2009 in a small claims court in Lake County, Indiana, and the small claims court initially had denied Carnival's motion to dismiss the case. In addition to arguing the case should be dismissed on the grounds it had been filed in the wrong venue, Carnival also had argued Beard had failed to file the claim within the one-year statute of limitations provided for in the cruise contract.

Beard noted in her complaint that her body "swayed terrible" on the Carnival ship, according to court documents. "I had bleeding, which I had not has [sic] in three years," the complaint said.

Most ships in the Carnival fleet are capable of sailing at speeds no greater than 22 to 24 knots -- about 25 to 28 miles per hour.

It is generally acknowledged that large ships are steadier and smoother at greater speeds. They tend to wallow and roll when sailing slowly.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

High and Low Level Talks Continue


Unidentified key federal officials discuss whether to have shrimp cocktails or each other for lunch...........mmmmm, mmmm.....good

Washington
March 21,2011

Facing twin crises in the U.S. led attack on Libya and the proposed AT&T, T-Mobile merger federal officials close to both situations and to each other huddled Monday to decide the future of their illicit relationship. Libya's embattled absolute dictator, Muammar Qaddafi (sp.? why can't Muslims agree on a single, common spelling of their names and organizations?) and veteran German battle-axe, Angela Merkel are seen here discussing ways to increase tourism between the two nations.

Qaddafi has warned western leaders that the flow of tourist money to West European nations and the U.S. could dry up if allied forces continue to bomb and kill or maim Libya's ruling elite. Only upper class Libyans can afford the ridiculous prices in Western Europe so they are the only source of tourism from Libya to Western Europe.

****BS special* BizarreStuff's editorial staff has just learned that the two individuals in the accompanying file photo are not Colonel (why hasn't he promoted himself to General after all these years?) Qaddafi or Ms. Merkel. Sorry. We are not sure who they are but are pretty sure they are not discussing official business.

Trident Man Assaults Amateur Photographer


Meet Johnathan Washburn.

The 23-year-old Texan ssaulted a man who made the mistake of photographing the skateboarder Monday night on an Austin street.

An enraged Washburn clobbered the shutterbug in the head with his skateboard after the man refused to delete the image from his camera. The request was made through Timothy Beard, a 19-year-old Washburn pal who has been charged with stealing the man’s sunglasses.

Washburn, facing a felony charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, remains jailed in lieu of $12,000. Beard, hit with a felony theft rap, is also at the Travis County lockup, where he is being held on $7500 bond.

A local hair stylist, speaking on condition of anonymity out of fear of Washburn, estimated it would take Washburn up to 4 hours and 3 cans of hairspray to get ready to go out after arranging his "do."

California Man Uses Bunghole To Smuggle Contraband Into Jail



March 17, 2011
Man "Keystered" Cellphone, MP3 Player, Headphones, Cash, Pot Into California Jail

Sentenced and jailed Tuesday on a narcotics conviction, a California man smuggled a Kyocera cell phone, an MP3 player, ear bud headphones, marijuana, tobacco, and $140 in cash into a county lockup by hiding the contraband in his rectum, investigators allege.

The items were recovered when Lake County corrections officers strip searched Earl Lee Vogt and tossed his cell. The searches Wednesday evening were prompted when a jailer detected the smell of marijuana in the 29-year-old tattoo artist’s cell.

Vogt and his anus, gateway to his rectum, are pictured in the accompanying mug shots. (Yech) He was sentenced Tuesday to nearly four years in prison and immediately remanded to the custody of the sheriff’s department. Investigators believe that Vogt “keystered” the contraband to get it into the lockup, according to one official. While the cash was found in his cell, the other items were found inside a sock.

When questioned by a sheriff’s deputy who thought he was feeling discomfort, Vogt denied being in pain, though he noted, “My ass is bleeding.”

Vogt claimed that he had obtained the marijuana from another inmate in exchange for a second MP3 player he had smuggled into the northern California lockup. Jail officials doubted this assertion, for no apparently good reason since they found another MP-3 player jammed up his ass. With this guy it wouldn't be surprising to learn he had smuggled an I-Pad in via his rectum.

In light of the contraband seizure, Vogt was charged with a felony count of smuggling a controlled substance into prison and unauthorized possession of a wireless communication device, a misdemeanor. It is unclear how Vogt planned to recharge the phone, a Kyocera Metro. What was clear is that there was no after-ass market for the phone. Eweeeeh!

Monday, March 21, 2011

Airlines Turn to Cheap, Passenger Provided Entertainment in Cost Cutting Move.


March 21, 2011

As airlines struggle to regain profitability amid tough economic times and rising fuel costs they are examining new methods to attract and keep passeners at lowest cost. "Pretzels, peanuts, free cokes snd attendant cleavage just won't work any more with a new, younger and more demanding class of travelers," said an unauthorized, self-designated spokesman for the liquor industry. "The airlines are trying everything they can think of short of robbing passengers at gunpoint."

Naked woman entertains passengers on Delta flight to New York

Ben Mutzabaugh, USA TODAY

Passengers on a Delta flight likely got more than they bargained for Saturday night after an allegedly "emotionally disturbed" woman stripped naked on their Chicago-to-New York journey.

The Associated Press wrote, "the incident happened on a Saturday night as Delta Flight 6562 began its descent into Kennedy Airport," adding that a "Newsday news manager who was on the flight said flight attendants tried to cover the woman with a blanket while she yelled 'No! No! No! She was joined by a dozen or more male passengers and two female lesbians.

The Chicago Sun-Times reports the woman -- estimated to be in her late 20s -- "stripped nude during the flight and was restrained on the plane and taken into custody by local law enforcement upon landing, Delta spokeswoman Betsy Talton] said."

The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey says the woman was taken to a Queens hospital. She is not expected to face criminal charges, according to NBC New York.

Airline officials offered to give the former model another round trip ticket if she would repeat her performance but a spokeswoman for the FAA indicated that could be a violation of FAA regulations.

Posted Nov 29 2010

'Playboy centerfold' tries to jump from JetBlue flight in midair


Ben Mutzabaugh, USA TODAY

"A buxom Playboy centerfold tried to bust out -- midair -- from a jet yesterday amid a bad case of high anxiety." That's the word from the New York Post tabloid, which says the incident happened Thursday afternoon on JetBlue Flight 522 from Orlando to Newark. The Post reports the "sexy 21-year-old model" apparently leapt out of her seat, began ripping off her clothese, and tried to force open the aircraft's cabin door, according to law enforcement officials. "She said she's gone through this before, but never this bad, and didn't have . . . her medication," an unnamed source tells the Post. The publication says the woman -- reportedly featured as a cover model in a debut edition of "the Singapore version of Playboy" -- was in federal custody as of late Thursday with charges "pending."

A spokeswoman for the airline said "no one wants to punish or prosecute this very sexy lady who is a professional entertainer." Only a few, close minded Baptists made formal complaints.

Half-naked airline passenger forced from aircraft.

Early last year a female passenger flying from L.A. to Houston, was detained on arrival at Houston's Hobby Airport, because of the very scanty attire she was wearing which exposed her breasts almost completely and left very little to imagine in her 'nether" region. Again, passengers defended the woman and said more airlines needed to provide such passenger diversions to relieve the monotony of flying.

A spokeswalrus for the FAA said, "Hruumph."

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Operation Bad Medicine - An Eskimo High



March, 2011
Beware the Ides of March

A tightly knit organization of criminal professionals zeroed in on one of America's most venerated and cherished spring-summer rituals in the NY metropolitan area, the neighborhood ice cream vendors on wheels.

Dispensing Fudgesickles, rainbos and ice cream drum sticks to innocent children with one hand these common crooks sold the powerful narcotic, oxycodone, to their parents and grandparents with the other hand.

The organizational chart for the "Popsickle crime group, headed by a New York businesswoman is shown above. 31 adults and adulterers were involved, distributing more than 43,000 pills valued at a million dollars.

Friday, March 18, 2011

This Will Show Those Rotten Bastards

Miffed Chinese Owner Strikes Back At Auto Manufacturer

Qindao, China
March 18, 2011

The video below depicts a group of Chinese men committing the sin of destroying a Lamborghini Gallardo in Qindao, on the northern coast of China. The frustrated Chinese owner of the $200,000-plus Italian sports car wanted to show his disappointment over bad customer service from Lambo.

The Lamborghini Gallardo was bought six months ago, but the engine failed to start on Nov. 29, 2010. The owner contacted the Lamborghini dealer in Qingdao who transported the Gallardo to their maintenance center.

The engine problem wasn't resolved, but instead the bumper and chassis were damaged during transport. The owner complained to the dealer but the dealer refused to take responsibility. The angry owner contacted Lamborghini CEO Stephan Winkelmann, the brand's after-sales service manager for the Asia-Pacific region, and the brand's owner Volkswagen Group, but the problem still was not resolved.

Angry about the service, the owner felt his consumer rights were ignored. He decided the best way to gain attention was to destroy his car on the 15th of March, which is also World Consumer Rights Day. He hired people to publicly destroy his car with hammers to make his statement. This protest was made to provoke public support and goad the manufacturer to respect his consumer rights.

The workers hired to destroy the vehicle were required to wear identical blue jump suits and hard hats, to prevent the spread of bubonic plague. Bubonic plague?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Keeping World Priorities in Order - First Things First

NJ hot dog mecca sues deli over name

Mar 17 2011

CLIFTON, N.J. — As war rages in Afghanistan, the U.S. wallows in political squalor, and Japan is poised on the brink of nuking its own people back to the stone age, American businessmen keep their priorities in order when it comes to that venerable American institution, THE HOT DOG.

One of New Jersey's hot dog institutions isn't sparing the sauerkraut (or the horse manure) when it comes to a competitor five miles away.

Rutt's Hut in Clifton has filed a trademark infringement lawsuit against the owners of Mutt's Hut. The world waits in a state of suspended animus as the great wiener war is launched in New Jersey, current Mafia capital of the U.S.

Claiming the mutts at Mutt's Hut are stealing their good name, slandering their reputation, besmirching their product and swiping their customers, the Rutts at Rutt's Hut have hired some of New York's top legal guns to send the Mutts packing and restore the dignity of the real Rutt dog.

The Rutt family and their dogs are a Garden State institution, stretching back 83 years, whereas the upstart owners of Mutt's, who are of Arabic origin, are accused of encroaching on the Rutt's territory.

Rutt's, which is known for "ripper dogs," that are fried in lard until the skin rips open, revealing the fatty guts of the dogs, claims Mutt's it trying to capitalize on the 83-year-old restaurant's reputation.

Mutt's changed its name from Adam's Bagel & Deli in January.

Ahmed Mohamed, believed to be Muslim, who is the son of Mutt's co-owner, told The Record newspaper they changed the name because a co-owner had held a trademark on it since 2006 and wanted to use it.

Attorney Gregg Paradise, who represents Rutt's with a straight face, says there's evidence that customers are confused about whether the restaurants are affiliated, allegedly not being able to distinguish between a Mutt and a Rutt, despite the many burqas and prayer rugs and customers prostrating themselves facing Mecca to be found at Mutt's during Muslim prayer hours.
___

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Yes, It's Florida Again - Kook Capital of America


Meet Mitchell Tice.

The beaming Florida Keys man, 40, was arrested last night and charged with stealing a box of sex toys.

Tice, a breakfast cook, swiped the items in January after breaking into a utility trailer owned by a couple for whom he then worked. Tice also allegedly pinched two laptop computers and a wig, according to a Monroe County Sheriff’s Office report excerpted here.

Tice was linked to the theft after his girlfriend, Pshantel Scott, told detectives that her beau “had placed a bag of dildo’s (sex toys) under their bed.” Scott, 38, added that Tice told her he stole the sex toys “from his boss’s trailer.” He planned to use them and then advertise them on Craig's list.

Pshantel apparently objected to the use of the used dildos on herself, claiming she deserved new sex toys, not sleazy, used dildos.

Scott turned over to police the hot items, which “were placed into property.” The sex toys were later shown to the restaurant owners, who “positively identified the items as theirs.”

The owners were overjoyed to retrieve their collection of sex toys and said they had missed them as their sex life deteriorated into mundane sex acts that were boring.

As news of the bust and the restaurant owners' activities spread, business at the restaurant was markedly off. At least one former restaurant patron was concerned about what he might find in his soup.

Charged with felony burglary and two misdemeanor counts, Tice is being held in lieu of $4000 bond at a county lockup.

Casanova For the Ages - It Was the Moped That Did It - Hot


Female Cop Rejects Moped Man's Sex Bribe
Suspect, 22, busted for illicit offer of sex that backfired


MARCH 14--When a female cop pulled him over last night for driving his moped erratically on an Indiana interstate, Adam Yarbrough, who thinks of himself as a ladies man, first tried to bribe the officer with $5, then with a kiss, and finally upped the ante to a promise to have sex with her. Wow! Try to imagine the look of shock on this Don Juan's face when his multiple offers were declined.

Instead, Officer Christin Rudell managed to resist the irresistible Lothario's three-pronged offer and busted Yarbrough for felony bribery, according to an Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department report. The dashing Yarbrough is pictured in the mug shot above, wearing his irrisistible face.

Yarbrough was pulled over at 11:45 pm last night after Rudell spotted him “swerving in his lane” on his green moped. After Rudell, 31, ticketed him for several vehicular infractions, Yarbrough said, "How about we call it even and I give you five dollars and you just get rid of this ticket and let me go?"

Though Rudell explained that “there would be no exchange and that he needed to take the citation,” Yarbrough persisted. This time, according to the report, Yarbrough said, “OK if you won't take the money how about I give you a kiss? And well I haven't had sex in a while so how about we do that, too?"

Rudell then arrested Yarbrough for attempted bribery.

Yarbrough “continued to make sexually explicit remarks” and yell profanities, Rudell noted, adding that she asked him several times to lower his voice. When he refused to comply, the cop added disorderly conduct to his charges.

Yarbrough is being held in lieu of $120,000 bond at the Marion County jail.

Italian Premier Uses Age As Defense Against Sex Charges


Berlusconi: I'm too old for so much sex

Mar 16 2011
ALESSANDRA RIZZO


(AP Photo/Kerstin Joensson, file)

FILE - This March 3, 2011 file photo shows Karima el-Mahroug, nicknamed Ruby, prior to the Opera Ball in Vienna, Austria. An Italian news agency reported that Italian prosecutors opened an investigation Monday, March 14, 2011, into a newspaper report alleging that two Italians offered cash to a Moroccan official to change the birth certificate of the teenage girl at the center of Premier Silvio Berlusconi's prostitution scandal. Berlusconi faces trial on charges he paid for sex with a Moroccan girl nicknamed Ruby, who at the time was a minor.

ROME — Premier Silvio Berlusconi has sat down with the enemy, telling an opposition newspaper that he is too old to have had all the sexual encounters he is accused of by Italian prosecutors.

The 74-year-old faces trial in Milan next month over charges he paid for sex with a Moroccan minor and used his influence to try cover it up. In court documents, prosecutors have identified 33 women, including the Moroccan teenager, who allegedly prostituted themselves during parties at Berlusconi's villa near Milan.

"Even though I am a little brat ... 33 girls in two months seems like too much even for a 30 year old," the premier said in an interview published Wednesday in La Repubblica, a leftist newspaper that has led a campaign for his resignation in the wake of the scandal.

"It's too much for anybody," Berlusconi is quoted as saying. He insisted he has a girlfriend, whose identity is secret, who was always with him and would not have allowed what the prosecutors allege.

"She would have ripped my eyes out," he said.

Berlusconi spoke to La Repubblica a few hours after Milan prosecutors notified three of his associates that an investigation into their alleged role in the scandal is closed. The move paves the way for the prosecutors' request for an indictment against the three, accused of procuring women for the premier and, for one suspect, handling payments.

Berlusconi has already been indicted in the case and his trial opens on April 6. The premier said he plans to attend all hearings, and to appear on TV to defend himself and the women involved.

The prosecutor's document details how the soirees at Berlusconi's villa allegedly took place: They started with dinner; continued with "bunga bunga" parties in a room used as a disco, in which the women, sometimes masked, performed a striptease or an erotic dance "touching each other mutually, touching or being touched in their intimate areas by Silvio Berlusconi;" and culminated with Berlusconi's choice of a sex partner, or partners.

Berlusconi told Repubblica "I could not believe my eyes" when he read the reports. He said "the girls were just shaking a leg in the disco _ alone, as I've never liked dancing."

The premier also rejected allegations that money changed hands via bank transfers, saying, "How can it be that someone pays for a sexual performance via bank transfer?"

He said he was just trying to help people in need, taking care of everything from dentist and surgery bills to university fees.

Paying for sex is not a crime in Italy, but it is if the prostitute is under the age of 18.

The Moroccan teen, Karima el-Mahroug, known by her nickname Ruby, turned 18 in November, but was a minor at the time of the alleged encounters.

Berlusconi is also accused of abusing his influence when he called police in May to get Ruby out of custody in Milan, where she had been held for an unrelated theft.

The prosecutors say the premier sought to keep his sexual relation with the girl secret. Berlusconi has said he intervened because he believed Ruby was the niece of now ousted Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and wanted to prevent a diplomatic incident.

"I can swear that a week before, I had spoken with Mubarak about this girl for at least 15 minutes," Berlusconi said in the interview. "The interpreters and fellow dinner participants can confirm it."

He insisted he only sought information and did not exert any pressure.

Pakistani Pay As You Murder Plan Invoked


Breaking News Alert
The New York Times
Wed, March 16, 2011 -- 8:55 AM ET
-----

Lahore, Pakistan
March 16, 2011

Pakistan Frees American Killer Who Worked for C.I.A., Officials Say

American officials on Wednesday won the release of a C.I.A.
contractor under investigation for two counts of murder, after spending more than six hours at the jail with the families of the victims, the lawyer for the families told reporters.

The families accepted payment of blood money, the lawyer said. He said he thought the C.I.A. contractor, Raymond Davis, 36, had already left the jail.

The Punjab law minister Rana Sanaullah confirmed on television that the blood money payment has been paid and that Mr. Davis has been handed over to the U.S. Consul General.

It has been reported that the CIA contractor killer's arrest and detention had strained U.S. Pakistani relations with the U.S. insisting the killer be released to U.S. custody in order to be present for a special awards ceremony planned for him.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Newspeak for Total Disaster, Complete Failure, Inevitable Catastrophe


March 14, 2011
Japland

Nuclear fuel rods


News outlets, government spokespersons, public officials even scientists have gradually developed a new, bland form of speech which converts really, really, really bad news into something that doesn't sound so bad, like saying Charles Manson had a difficult childhood or Adolph Hitler was moved around too much as a boy.

In the story below we read that nuclear fuel rods in a Japanese nuclear reactor are FULLY EXPOSED, meaning about the worst possible scenario you can think of. So, the news writer informs us in bland, news speak that it is a "troubled nuclear reactor."

Troubled? Yes,it is certainly "troubled." It is in catastrophic mode and all hell is poised to break loose. Why doesn't the reporter write: "The odds are very, very good that several million Japanese are going to be glowing in the dark in a couple of days?"

I mean that is the real story and the real news. It's bad. Very bad! So say so, already.

And where are the authorities "racing" to? One would think they were already doing something, not racing to do something.


***USATODAY.com Breaking News***Tokyo Electric Power Co. says fuel rods are fully exposed at a troubled nuclear reactor. That reactor and two others at the plant are dangerously overheating and authorities are racing to prevent meltdown.

Cornucopia of Erotic Activity - Don Juan and Lucrezia Borgia




Autoeroticism - The Art of Sex in a Moving Vehicle

Note the striking resemblance between Jessica, 31, and Lucrezia, who celebrated her 511th birthday last April.


MARCH 4--Meet Jason Kircher and Jessica Talarovich.

The Kentucky couple was traveling early yesterday in Louisville when a cop spotted their car speeding and weaving in and out of traffic. The officer's concerns were aroused when he noticed a head bobbing up and down in the vehicle whilst the driver appeared to be unconscious with his eyes closed.

When the officer pulled over the 2005 Toyota, Kirchner, 31, offered a simple explanation for his erratic driving: He was "getting a blow job" from Talarovich while attempting to navigate Interstate 64, according to the police report.

While that admission may explain the grin on Kircher’s face in his mug shot, it did not keep cops from arresting him for careless driving and speeding. And since he failed a series of field sobriety tests--despite having a blood alcohol level below the state limit--Kircher was also charged with drunk driving.

Talarovich, 31, was charged with public intoxication and possession of an open container of alcohol in a car. Going down on a driver in a moving vehicle apparently is not considered a crime in Kentucky.

While investigators noted that Kircher reeked of booze, it is unknown what they may have smelled on Talarovich’s breath. Officers declined to administer a breathalyzer test to Talarovich and refused to get any closer than 15 feet from her during booking.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Bad Hair Day - Or Half-Assed Mohawk




Why Arguing in the Middle of a Haircut Can Lead to a Bad Result


Correction, March 25, 2011


When this item was first posted, on March 10, the editor made a small error and used the wrong photo for Mr. Davis. While the photo posted originally was indeed a photo of a really bad hairdo, it definitely was not a Half-Assed Mohawk.

The correct photo of Mr. Davis and his half-assed Mohawk is reproduced here. The editor doesn't know who the other dude with the weird hair is but he probably could use some of the same advice one would dispense to Mr. Davis: "Get a better barber and enroll in an anger management class.

While on the subject we decided to add another off-beat hairdo that sort of looks Mohawkish in a bizarre kind of way but really isn't, just bad. The editors don't know who he is either but he could use some orthodontic work as well.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

With a name like David Davis (yes, that’s right) and a hairstyle like his, you’d know better than to bug the man in the middle of his haircut, right?

But apparently someone didn’t listen, which led to a ghastly incident with some scissors and a very unusual haircut. Following an exchange of harsh words with his barber that degenerated into physical violence, an angry Mr. Davis ran out of the hair salon where he was being groomed, leaving carnage in his wake, but was soon caught.

It was not clear how police were able to locate him so quickly.

Bizarre Drinking Tool Developed By Cave Men And Women


Cheddar cave dwellers ate their own dead and used their skulls as drinking cups


Photo: Derek Adams/Natural History Museum

Skulls unearthed in a Somerset cave were skilfully fashioned into cups with the rest of the bodies probably cannibalised. There were no Christians around at the time to protest the eating of human flesh.

The cup depicted above was made from a human skull, one of numerous 'skull cups' from the cave. The skulls were scrupulously cleaned of any soft tissues soon after death, even though maggots, worms, slugs and other revolting creatures would have done the job for free.

The macabre collection of bone cups made from human skulls, unearthed in a Somerset cave, are the oldest of their kind, researchers believe.

The extraordinary vessels are the handiwork of early modern humans, who used stone tools to prepare and finish the containers around 14,700 years ago after the last ice age. Coming off a 20,000 year ice age these cave dwellers were taking no chances that they might get caught without enough soup bowls and drinking cups again. They could always eat one another but needed the skull bowls to drain off the blood from their brother and sister corpses and to melt snow for fresh water.

Three cups, made from the skulls of two adults and one three-year-old child, were dug up several decades ago, alongside the cracked and cut-marked remains of animal and human bones at Gough Cave in Cheddar Gorge, south-west England, famous for its delicious cheddar cheese. They have now been re-examined using new techniques.

The human bones show clear signs of butchery, suggesting that the bodies were stripped for meat and crushed for marrow before the heads were severed and turned into crockery.

There is no suggestion that the cups are trophies made from the remains of dead enemies. It is more likely that making skull cups was a traditional craft and their original owners died naturally.

"It would probably take a half day to prepare a skull cup," said Silvia Bello, the palaeontologist who led the study at the Natural History Museum in London. "Defleshing the skull was a skilled and lengthy business."

Researchers said it was impossible to know for certain how skull cups were used, but historically they have held food, blood or wine. Some are still used today in Hindu and Buddist rituals. "To us they can still seem a little strange," said Bello. "I wouldn't have my cereal in one."

Writing in the journal Plos One, the scientists describe revisiting excavated remains from the cave, including a skull cup unearthed in 1987 by Chris Stringer, head of human origins research at the museum. Detailed examination of 37 skull fragments and four pieces of jaw using a 3D microscope revealed a common pattern of hard strikes followed by more finessed stone tool work that turned a freshly decapitated head into a functional cup or bowl.

"This is the first time we've understood how this material was processed, and the fact that the skulls were not just cut and butchered, but were shaped in a purposeful way," said Stringer. These people were making good use of every resource available to them and had no need for grave yards.

The discarded human bones had the same cut and saw marks found on butchered animal bones at the site, and some were cracked open or crushed, as was done with animal bones to expose nutritious marrow. Only the skulls seem to have been treated with special care. The cuts and dents show they were scrupulously cleaned of any soft tissues soon after death.

"They systematically shaped the skulls to make them into cups. They scalped them to remove the hair, removed the eyeballs and ears, knocked off the faces, then removed the jaws and chiseled away the edges to make the rims nice and even. They did a pretty thorough job,' Stringer said.

While scientists go on an on about the so-called precision with which these artefacts were shaped by these primitive cannibals, the cups really look pretty rough and jagged around the edges and it's a real stretch to call them great examples of handiwork.

The smaller cup, made from the child's skull, would have leaked anyway because the cranial bones had not fully fused together, but the larger two might have carried food and up to two pints of stout or other beverage of choice.

"We assume it was some kind of ritual treatment. If there's not much food around they may have eaten their dead to survive. Or perhaps they did this to honour the dead, to celebrate their lives," Stringer added, grasping at straws. Let's face it, they ate each other. End of story.

The cave dwellers were among the first humans to return to Britain at the end of the last ice age. The island was unpopulated and almost completely under ice 20,000 years ago, but as the climate warmed, plants and animals moved across Doggerland, a now submerged land bridge that linked Britain to mainland Europe. Where food went, early humans followed and brought art, craft and toolmaking skills with them.

The ages of the remains at Gough Cave suggest it was home to humans for at least 100 years. The cave is well-sheltered and, with skin flaps over the entrance, would have made a cosy abode, Stringer said, "a little nook where lovers nest and get it on. Just Molly and me...and baby makes three, we're happy in our cave heaven." The residents were ideally placed to hunt passing deer and wild boar, while up on the Mendip Hills roamed reindeer and horses.

In the 1900s, several hundred tonnes of soil were removed from the cave to open it up as a tourist attraction, a move that may have destroyed priceless ancient remains. The skull cup and other bones unearthed in 1987 survived only because they were lodged behind a large rock.

In 1903, field researchers working in the cave's entrance uncovered Cheddar Man, made famous modernly by the "cheesehead" fans of the Green Bay Packers professional football team. Cheddar man is the oldest complete skeleton in Britain at more than 9,000 years old. Because the cave dwellers had no milk producing domestic animals it remains a mystery how they were able to produce their famous cheddar cheese.

A painting of a mammoth was found on the cave wall in 2007. Other artefacts from the site include an exquisitely carved mammoth ivory spearhead.

A precise replica of one of the skull cups, complete with cut marks, will go on display at the Natural History Museum in London from 1 March for three months. Museum visitors will be permitted to sip water from replica for a fee of two quid. The consumption of human blood will not be allowed for sanitary reasons.

Friday, March 11, 2011

How the Hell and Why Did the Chimp Penis Ever Develop Sharp Spines To Begin With?


How the Human Penis Lost Its Spikes - Thank Goodness



March 9, 2011

By Zoƫ Corbyn

Sex would be a very different proposition for humans if -- like some animals including chimpanzees, macaques and mice -- men had penises studded with small, hard spines. (Yikes!)

Now researchers at Stanford University in California have found a molecular mechanism for how the human penis could have evolved to be so distinctly spine-free. They have pinpointed it as the loss of a particular chunk of non-coding DNA that influences the expression of the androgen receptor gene involved in hormone signaling. Got that?

"It is a small but fascinating part of a bigger picture about the evolution of human-specific traits," said Gill Bejerano, a developmental biologist at Stanford who led the work along with colleague David Kingsley. "We add a molecular perspective to a discussion that has been going on for several decades at least."

Published in Nature today, the research also suggests a molecular mechanism for how we evolved bigger brains than chimpanzees and lost the small sensory whiskers that the apes -- who are amongst our closest relatives and with whom it has been estimated we share 96% of our DNA -- have on their face.

Monogamous strategy

It has long been believed that humans evolved smooth penises as a result of adopting a more monogamous reproductive strategy than their early human ancestors. Those ancestors may have used penile spines to remove the sperm of competitors when they mated with females. However, exactly how this change came about is not known.

What can be speculated, however, is why forcible rape became the sexual norm among certain mammals with spiked penises. Female chimps probably were not overjoyed about mating with a male chimp with sharp spikes adorning his penis. Ouch!

David Haussler, who studies the molecular evolution of the human genome at the University of California, Santa Cruz, added that our ancestors' loss of penile spines is our gain today."Couples everywhere can be thankful that this particular piece of DNA was ditched," he says.

Another theory for why the human penis lost its sharp spines is that females threatened to withhold sex if the males didn't make it more fun for the females, too. The female chimp in the above photo is making it clear to her guy that she doesn't care about continuing the family name until he gets a spinectomy.

Sheesh, guy....that hurts.....find someone else. I'm outta here.

Alligator Pot Protector Deemed Inadequate



Calif. pot growers use too small alligator to protect stash


Mar 09 2011

HEMET, Calif. — California narcotics investigators found a $1.5 million marijuana growing operation at a house and an unusual security guard _ a 4-foot-long alligator named Wally.

The Riverside County drug task force team moved in on the Hemet area house on Monday night and seized nearly 2,300 'pot' plants. The commander says agents also found the reptile, described as a "watchgator."

The healthy 55-pound American alligator was turned over to the Phelan-based Forever Wild Exotic Animal Sanctuary, since it is illegal to own gators in California.

A 55 pound alligator is no match for an ordinary pit bull terrier and totally inadequate to protect the amount of pot involved. Wally is more of a pet gator than any real threat to anyone. Experts recommend an alligator at least 10-14 feet long and weighing more than 300 pounds if it is to truly serve as an effective "watchgator." (See photo inset of "Goliath," an adult gator with an attitude.)

The Riverside Press-Enterprise reports 29-year-old John Nathan Donna, who lives in the home, was arrested and booked for investigation of marijuana cultivation and possession. He was released Tuesday on $100,000 bail.

When contacted at home, Donna was too stoned to speak coherently but did indicate he missed Wally, with whom he slept every night.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Robbers Foiled By Own Urine



Swedish bank robbers busted by forgotten urine, their own

Mar 09 2011

COPENHAGEN, Denmark — Swedish bank robbers failed to cover their scent and left three bottles of urine behind after hiding inside a bank vault in Copenhagen for three days; one bottle per day. A 27-year-old robber and his accomplice used the bottles to relieve themselves after sneaking into the vault on a Friday and remaining there until the bank opened again the following Monday.

Whilst inside, the robbers looted 140 safety deposit boxes of at least $500,000 in cash and jewelry. But Prosecutor Frederik Larsen said Wednesday they forgot to take their urine with them when they left "so we were able to get their DNA samples from the bottles." There was no testimony of any commingling of the robbers' urine.

This compelling evidence made it possible for prosecutors to obtain a 21-month prison term for the lead 27-year-old Swede on Tuesday, despite his testimony that his accomplice "planted" his urine in the vault. His accomplice is still at large and the loot hasn't been recovered either. Now who's the dummy?

Bizarre Car - Lamborghini Takes the Low Road



March 10, 2011
Arlington, TX

Italian automaker, Lamborghini, which makes its cars in France, announced a sell out for the next 12 months of its most ostentatious, bizarre, over-indulgent, over priced, outrageous and totally useless vehicle ever, the all new Aventador supercar, guaranteed to make your sensitive friends gasp in horror and to insure the starvation of 8,000 infants in poverty stricken countries throughout the world.

The new Lamborghini will develop 700 horsepower (yes, that's the equivalent of having 700 full grown horses crowded under the hood and will produce roughly the same quantity of offal), yet get 20% better gas mileage than the outgoing model, which means it will get up to 0.13 mpg all the way to the corner grocer and back, if you can make it. The low slung salon, with a ground clearance of only 2 inches, must be trailered on any surface less smooth than polished glass, limiting its usefulness to almost zero.

The biggest obstacle faced by owners of the new car will be having enough fuel to make it to the next petrol stop. (That's Brit-speak for gas station.)

It has been only a week since the supercar's debut at the Geneva motor show, but Lamborghini says its Aventador LP 700-4 is already sold out for the next 12 months.

The new Lamborghini presents a sinister image. It resembles a car from outer space, operated by space aliens intent on burying the planet earth under the detritus of its own (f)ilth.

Lambo, as the car is affectionately known among morons, has "an exceptional order bank" for its new 12-cylinder flagship model, which gives it 6 cylinders more engine than it has any conceivable need for up to 260 mph in town.

"We confirmed our long-term strategy, which calls for stable and significant investments in new products even in difficult times. We see a slow and steady recovery of the market," said Stephan Winkelmann, CEO of Lamborghini in Italy, before being led away by several men in white smocks.

As bad as that all sounds, bear in mind that a huge production tally at Lambo isn't quite what you'd expect to find at just about any other automaker. Lamborghini delivered only 1,302 cars last year, (that' right, only 5 cars per day; the French take long lunch breaks)down from 1,515 in 2009, on total sales of 155 billion Euros.

The U.S. remains Lambo's largest market, there being more morons with more money than they know how to spend there than in any other country on the planet. But the second largest buyer may come as a surprise: China. Last year, 209 Lambos were delivered there, a 150% increase over 2009, evidence that China is rapidly catching up to the U.S. in number of rich morons per 100K population.

The price of the new "Rambo" Lambo will not be released, reflecting Lamborghini's long standing policy that if you have to ask how much it costs you can't afford it.

Wave Of Child Duct Taping Sweeps Nation





Authorities: Toddler and infant duct taping to furniture, walls, becoming newest child care technique and adult entertainment fad.


The U.S.of A.
March 10, 2011

In the latest fad in child care and adult entertainment, American moms and their (usually) boy friends are taping infants and toddlers to the walls of their homes and to furniture. Authorities are indifferent to the trend, releasing the children to their moms after only a few days or weeks, to concentrate on updating computer equipment in their offices to keep accurate records of these instances for file sharing with other agencies and for improved census data collection. "Ten years from now we'll have the most thoroughly documented data base of child abuse by duct taping in the world," said a census official.

In one such incident, a mom was trying to prevent her daughter from falling out of a chair. In another, a young couple, high on crack cocaine, were using the mom's toddler for entertainment, trying out novel positions against the wall. In one incident a couple taped the toddlers favorite toy to the wall, just out of reach of the child and recorded his anguished screams.

One of the duct taping moms is shown in the photo above right.

The boyfriend of one of the moms indicated he planned to submit a video of her child to America's Favorite Home Videos, in the hopes of winning a vacation to a Caribbean island for the couple.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Irish Man Ably Analyzes Current Economic Mailaise

March 8, 2011
Dublin, Ireland

Yesterday, BS published an essay written by one of BS's editors about the real causes and responsibilities for the current U.S. and global economic and financial crisis. Then, this average Irish man in the street puts it all together in a trenchant interview which doesn't pull any punches and places the blame where it belongs. This bloke puts Ben Bernanke, Tim Geithner and the U.S. federal government's Council of Economic Advisers to shame.

To top it off, he generally resembles yours truly, one of the editors of BS.

Be sure to send us your comments and let BS know if the Irishman and the Graywolf are similar in appearance.

Psychological trick

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Elephant in the Statehouse

The Elephant in the Statehouse

From time to time BizarreStuff engages is a little political commentary. In the early days of BS we used to post "Midnight Ramblings," a freestyle commentary on whatever was happening at the time or whatever popped into the editor's head. Gradually, cataclysmic events, such as "The Greatest Barroom Brawl Ever In Which No One Was Killed," and "Duct Taping Your Kid To The Wall," took precedence over these introspective ruminations.

The Iraq war sort of petered out, at least in the news media, the ex Prez went back to shilling hardware and play acting at being a combination statesman, oil magnate and rancher (with 2 cows). Even Tom DeLie got convicted. Mr. Obama made it to the Whitehouse without an attack on the capital by the KKK, and aside from a never ending war without any enemies in Afghanistan a sort of 'normalcy' settled in.

But once again something big and very dangerous is happening in the U.S. today. A great big snow job is being perpetrated on ordinary Americans to convince them that current economic and state budget problems are being caused by the outlandish salaries and pension and health benefits of public employees. And the mainstream media jumped on this story like flies on animal excrement.

These are blatant lies and half truths spun by the corporate media, wannabe Presidents representing tea partiers, immigrant squashers, birthers, the LGBT people bashers and on and on.

What follows is the real story and the exposure of the real parties responsible for our current economic problems.

But first let me assure everyone that the U.S. is not broke.

(An earlier version of the following appeared on March 4, 2011 in Butterflies and Wheels, This revised version is much better.)


Jim Cornehls, Ph.D, J.D.
Copyright, March 07, 2011

State governments and (Republican) Governors currently are going through paroxysms of false hand wringing and despair. They pretend not to know why state budgets are so wildly out of balance. In mock anguish they lament the need to cut education budgets, renege on public employee pensions and cut health benefits for these groups.

Something has to be done to balance state budgets. But the nation can’t simply eliminate all the give-away programs and policies for the wealthy and the big corporations. These are the people and businesses that provide the hand-full of jobs in the U.S. that haven’t yet been moved abroad or phased out in essential cost saving measures.

But wait……there may be yet another (Republican) way out after all. What about all those bloated pension funds and costly health care benefits promised to state employees and their families in return for years of low-paying, unrecognized public service employment? It was the (Democrat [sic]) policies of providing reasonable assurances of old age and health benefits to these public workers that got us into this mess. And, of course, the unions, that allowed public employees to actually bargain for a few insignificant rights. Not in Texas, of course, but in some socialistic northern states.

So if we simply crush those nasty public employee unions, and renege on all those promises to take care of public employees and their families in retirement, we might be able to save the states and balance state budgets without imposing on our rich supporters. After all, these public employees and their families have to be willing to make some sacrifices, just like the Wall Street financiers and mortgage and insurance brokers had to forego multi-billion dollar bonuses for an entire year, in 2009.

The financial crises facing state and local governments were not caused by public employee retirement and benefit programs. They were caused by unregulated and irresponsible profiteering by the people and institutions in control of the major private financial systems of the country, and by individual greed. Under the blind eye of Republican deregulation the “whiz kids” of these entities embarked on one of their most ‘creative’ periods of financial fraud in U.S. and world history. They made Enron, Kenneth Lay, Bernie Ebbers, and Worldcom look like kids playing tinker toys.

The whiz kids invented the derivative. This clever, deliberately misleading financial device created paper values where none previously existed, and permitted financial titans to bundle worthless loans (i.e. loans in or near default) into packages, for sale abroad or to unsuspecting domestic investors. The good loans in the bundle surely would balance out the bad loans and no one would be hurt, or any the wiser.

This enabled the financial whiz kids and their bosses to rake in literally billions of dollars in bonuses annually. And thanks to their friends in the White House and Congress they got to keep an even larger share of the loot than their fathers and mothers. Life was good ----- for the whiz kids.

But the fraud couldn’t last forever. The housing bubble was destined to burst and with it the “junk” derivatives loan bundles. Some of the investors in the “junk” bundles began to smell the odor coming from the derivative loan packages they had purchased from the Wall Street whiz kids. Some of them began to demand a refund or a “do over.” Uh, oh……bad news for the whiz kids. They now owned billion dollar mansions and vacation properties of their own and had to make huge mortgage payments. “We need regulatory relief and financial relief,” became the new mantra.

The whiz kids’ fraud of the public and world financial markets was so immense that their fake empire began to shake and soon crumble. Since the whiz kids and their enablers all were against big government interference with private markets, they naturally turned to the government for a rescue, for a bail out. (“Forget the deregulation stuff for now, this is a real emergency and calls for public assistance.”) Holding as their ace-in-the hole the threat of a complete collapse of world finances, they asked for a financial bailout from the same people they had defrauded, the public. “We’re too big to allow to fail. If you don’t rescue us it will cost you more in the long run.”

So the Federal Reserve Bank and the U.S. Treasury and the administration and Congress all joined the Wall Street/corporate bread line and assembled a huge bailout package for the crooks, more than a trillion dollars and counting.
Whew! The huge bonuses were back for the whiz kids,--they only had to survive without them for a little more than a year. And only one financial titan had to file for bankruptcy protection.

The effects of the financial fraud were not limited to Wall Street. The cancer spread to the entire nation. Millions of ordinary people lost their jobs, their homes and all sources of income. Their inability to spend and pay state sales taxes and income taxes helped fuel a financial crisis for the states and for local governments.

So the whiz kids and politicians, federal, state and local, all agreed that it was the state pension funds and health benefits and even Social Security that were responsible for the states’ financial problems. Outlaw unions, renege on state promises, eliminate programs for the needy and suffocate public education. It’s a bitter pill they all hated to inflict but because these items cost taxpayers too much money, it was the only thing that could work. The New York Times joined the juggernaut with a lop-sided, uncontested* editorial you can read here: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/opinion/06sun1.html?_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha21

WRONG! Here is a simpler, better, honest and fool proof way to solve the states’ financial problems. And the nation and the states are not broke, far from it.

Make those responsible for the problem -- Wall Street, mortgage brokers, insurance giants, big corporations and very rich people -- pay for the damage they have caused. “You broke it, you bought it.”

Rescind the huge tax breaks given to the richest people in the nation by the Republican administration of George W. Bush and Tom (Felonius) DeLay. Require these heavy contributors to the national debt to pay back the taxes they legitimately owe on the immoral benefits they’ve already received at the expense of the American working class.

Require the financial billionaires to refund to the public their fraudulent gains and multi-billion dollar bonuses they received for wrecking the economy. Require the politicians who voted for the huge give away to the rich, to forfeit their own pensions and life time health care to help out the working people of the states and local governments who have been defrauded.

Levy special surcharges on the bloated incomes of the fraudsters to help bail out the states. Require the corporate beneficiaries of government largess to fund unmet state financial needs to pay for legitimate state and local obligations to working people and for education, a cleaner environment and public health.

It isn't rocket science. Place the blame where it belongs. And it can be done.
All honest and fair minded Americans need to remind their state legislators and congresspersons in forceful terms who their representatives work for and that this is not an oligarchy ruled by the rich for the rich.

*Fox news style ‘fair and balanced’ reporting.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Volunteer Nudes Needed To Save Old Growth Forests

stday.com/article/treespirit-project-needs-100-nudes.html">TreeSpirit Project Needs 100 Nudes! | Nudist Day

March 7, 2011

As a public service BizarreStuff is pleased to participate in an artistic effort to help protect endangered, old growth forests and the thousand year-old trees that can be found in a handful of these venues. The TreeSpirit project needs one hundred volunteers to pose nude next to these magnificent works of nature.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Alvarado, Texas Residents Run Amok



Anytime
Alvarado, TX

Residents of the small central Texas community of Alvarado demonstrate their religious zeal and their corresponding disdain for civil government, to wit, the First Amendment to the United States Constitution.

The commercial looking sign over a truck trailer pronouncing Alvarado to be a city under God is located near central Alvarado, just off I-35. The other, a make shift sign on a hillside about 10 miles further south of the town, (click to enlarge) urges the repentance of existing Christians at RepentChristians.org. A local phone number for Jesus and God is provided on an accompanying sign.