Sunday, November 30, 2008

Star Football Player Double Loser

Giants receiver Burress shoots self in right thigh
Published - Nov 30 2008 06:34AM CST | AP


Super Bowl hero Plaxico Burress shot himself in the right thigh when he missed and failed to shoot himself in the foot. Witnesses said Burress was despondent about critical reports of him in the tabloid press. He told a friend if the "news guys" were going to continue to accuse him of shooting himself in the foot every time he opened his mouth, he really was going to do it. Witnesses said Burress was drinking heavily. Because of his drunken condition he was unable to focus clearly, and instead of shooting himself in the foot, the bullet entered his right thigh. He did hold his mouth open while shooting, however, so he was only half wrong. He spent the night in a local psychiatric hospital. Burress was released with his fully-loaded gun just before dawn this morning when he threatened to shoot a hospital attendant in the foot. A NY Giants fan, waiting to see a relative in the hospital, described Mr. Burress as a jackass. N.Y.Giants owner, Wellington Mara, said Burress should be able to play in Sunday's game. "With enough pain killers and steroids he should be ready to go," said Mara. "Plaxico is a player."

(Kudos to Lee Somewhere for correcting the spelling of Mr. Burress's name. The little twit.)

Contributing to this report was Edjuardo Mondragon, on assignment in Madagascar to cover the breaking news that the island nation would lease 40% of its total land area to a North Korean firm for 99 years.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Killer Cat Explodes in Montana - Reverberations Felt in Rio de Janiero, Brazil

Imgart, Montana

A.P. November 29, 2008

A monster cat, weighing 12 pounds, which two days earlier devoured the putrid remains of a Burmese Python and an alligator, with a combined weight of 1200 pounds, in the Florida Everglades, somehow managed to get a ride to rural Montana where she exploded while attempting to eat a live Grizzly bear, weighing more than 1,000 pounds. The ferocious feline managed to eat the entire left hindquarter of the Grizzly before exploding. The blast also killed the hapless Grizzly, which was overpowered by the 1212 pound pussy cat.

A local veterinarian said the cat's explosion was inevitable. "Anytime you have an animal eating 100 times its own body weight at a single sitting, you are going to have pressure build-up in the abdominal cavity.....the abdominal wall of the domestic house cat was just not strong enough to withstand the pressure. The additional mass of the Grizzly's hindquarter pushed the cat beyond her limits."

Dr. and Mr. Susan Allen, of Methane County, MS, the owners of "Killer" Allen, as the feline was affectionately known to Methane County residents, planned a small ceremony for a tissue sample of their pet. Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour, announced that he would have his own cat, Larry Craig, euthanized in honor of "Killer." A teary-eyed Dr. Allen told reporters she did not understand "Killer's" bizarre behavior. "Before all this she had never eaten anything larger than our neighbor's St. Bernard."

Rural Home Security System

Seen recently in my neighborhood: Now here is a security system that would keep out all but the most determined of criminals.  It should be marketed in the tony part of the Metroplex; I think it could catch on.  And if you catch the thief, you can always chain him to the system until the local sheriff arrives.  How's that for bizarre?

Bathroom remodel take two

Suzassippi's Nightmare Continues.

Started tearing out the tub today--boy, did I underestimate this job.  J and I both had an hour and a half to get it in half, and it still doesn't come out.  We are taking a little break from breathing fiberglass at the moment, as the saw battery needs a recharge.  I need a recharge, too.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Dad Brings Xmas Cheer to Kids and Gets Fired, Twice.

Fired ... for taking treats from trash
Dec. 21, 2005. 01:00 AM

ST-HYACINTHE, Que.—A single father of three fired for taking chocolate bars from a garbage bin at a Zellers store will get some Christmas cheer from a charitable organization.

Guy Masse, 47, had planned to give the discarded chocolate to his children, aged 6, 9 and 15, for Christmas. Masse, who was on welfare and had been working at the store only for a couple of months, was first suspended and then fired.

"I think it's inhuman," Masse told CJAD radio station in Montreal of his dismissal.

When told of their father's dismissal and that they would be required to return the stale candy, the Masse children voted to fire him as their father.

Love Trumps Decapitated Daughter

VANDALIA, Mo. -- The mother of a 3-year-old girl whose boyfriend killed and decapitated her daughter in 2001 explained in detail last week how she retrieved her daughter's head from a large trash bin and put it in the woods where she and her boyfriend had left the girl's remains.

She hoped, she said, to make it easier for authorities to one day identify her daughter. She succeeded. The girl's bones were used to trace her to the mother through DNA matching. The mother's DNA was on file with the FBI as a result of a prior arrest and plea bargain, for aggravated assault of a postal employee.

The woman told authorities she did not know the name or the whereabouts of the ex-boyfriend, who left her three weeks after her daughter's murder for another woman. She said she did not report the man because she hoped he would come back to her.

UPS Nov.25,2008

California Men Kill Each Other Over Toy Gun

PALM DESERT, Calif. -- Two people are dead in a Black Friday shooting at a crowded Toys "R" Us in Palm Desert, Calif.

City Councilman Jim Magnuson said police have told him that the victims were two men with handguns who shot each other.

The councilman said his question is: who takes a loaded gun into a toy store? And his answer is: "I doubt it was the casual holiday shopper."

The two men argued about who was going to get the last toy gun on the shelf. One of the men pulled out a gun and shot the other shopper, who was reaching for his own gun and still managed to shoot his assailant. Both men died instantly and the toy gun went unsold. The assistant store manager stated they should have ordered more toy guns. "More shoppers will want to get their own kid the same gun that caused a shoot-out," she said. "We could sell a few hundred of them now if we had them in stock."

A manager at a gym across the street said people rushed in crying and shaking.

One woman said she was in the store looking at coloring books with her two young boys when there was a commotion in the next aisle. She thought it was a scramble for a sale, then heard gunshots. She said her 4-year-old grabbed her leg and said he didn't want to die. The woman grabbed another man's leg and said she didn't want to die either. The man whose leg she grabbed was one of the shooters who said he didn't want to die either, but he did.

Toothless cat devours python and alligator

Oxfart, MS-CRAP (Cat Rally Alternative Press).  A Killer cat was spotted today ingesting the remains of a python which exploded after ingesting an alligator.  What is even more bizarre is the cat has no teeth.  Yes, Killer Allen's teeth fell out not long after she moved to Mississippi and was ineligible for dental care.  She had been previously covered under her domestic (cat) partner's (Penelope) policy.  Penelope was last seen on a front porch of a log cabin in Water Valley, murmuring "What the hell were you all thinking?"  Mississippi has passed constitutional amendments prohibiting domestic relationships, prohibiting abortions (not that there were any physicians in Mississippi who performed them anyway) and prohibiting the consumption of any alcohol other than hard liquor in public places.  It is rumored that the latest prohibition (no beer or wine in public places) is related to excessive use of Johnny Cans.  It seems that whiskey drinkers are better able to "hold" their liquor, thus requiring less clean up time post public events.  

And that's the bizarre news from Mississippi for today.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Exploding Python

Snake bursts after gobbling gator

The predators died in the clash

(Enlarge Image by clicking on it.)

An unusual clash between a 6-foot (1.8m) alligator and a 13-foot (3.9m) python has left two of the deadliest predators dead in Florida's swamps.

The Burmese python tried to swallow its fearsome rival whole but then exploded.

The remains of the two giant reptiles were found by astonished rangers in the Everglades National Park.

The rangers say the find suggests that non-native Burmese pythons might even challenge alligators' leading position in the food chain in the swamps.

Clearly, if they can kill an alligator they can kill other species
Prof Frank Mazzotti

The python's remains were found with the victim's tail protruding from its burst midsection. The head of the python was missing.

"Encounters like that are almost never seen in the wild... And here we are," Frank Mazzotti, a University of Florida wildlife professor, was quoted as saying by the Associated Press news agency.

"They were probably evenly matched in size. If the python got a good grip on the alligator before the alligator got a good grip on him, he could win," Professor Mazzotti said.

He said the alligator may have clawed at the python's stomach, leading it to burst.

"Clearly, if they can kill an alligator they can kill other species," Prof Mazzotti said.

He said that there had been four known encounters between the two species in the past. In the other cases, the alligator won or the battle was an apparent draw.

Burmese pythons - many of whom have been dumped by their owners - have thrived in the wet and hot climate of Florida's swamps over the past 20 years.

the most non-bizarre European Invasion Day

All right, Jbo has been browbeating me that I am just way too serious, write too seriously about too much serious stuff, and have moved away form my formerly "more natural self."  In an effort to take his request (and criticisms) more seriously, I am trying to think of something bizarre.  The trouble is, I am just not a bizarre person for the most part, unless you count the fact that I have married two Republicans.  Not bizarrely, the first match was not made in heaven, and thus, we did not last long when our political wills collided often and with disastrous results, given he was a career officer in the nation's defense system. :)

Much to my delight, current husband converted to voting Democratic.  While I would like to take credit for the change, I have to confess it was really George W. Bush who steered him toward the left and the light, so perhaps that is at least one good thing to come out of the current administration.

And finally, in London, they label the dresser drawers so you can figure out where things are stored.  And that is pretty bizarre.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Turkeys in Oregon Get Even

A.P. Eugene, Oregon, November 25, 2008

Hundreds of wild turkeys invaded the city of Eugene, Oregon, on the eve of Thanksgiving, striking a blow for their domesticated (means they can be killed) brothers and sisters throughout the U.S. The turkey invaders have made a mess of the city, leaving piles of smelly turkey poop everywhere, including the roofs of 1,000s of homes and businesses, tearing up gardens and lawns, raiding dumpsters, trampling cats, terrorizing little old ladies and children, and keeping the local police busy answering calls for assistance.

The police couldn't do much but try to reassure terrified citizens and explain that these turkeys have special rights and are protected by state and federal wildlife laws. The turkeys lawyered up prior to the invasion and their attorney, Tom Turkey, speaking on condition of anonymity, held a press conference to remind Eugenians they could face stiff penalties for killing or injuring any of the birds.

"These birds have been the victims of persecution since the days of the Pilgrims and face annual mass slaughter by the U.S. population, for use in massive turkey eat-ins, where millions of overweight Americans scream at one another and stuff themselves with the flesh of the dead fowl," said Mr.Turkey. He went on to remark, "It's a national disgrace and various international animal rights organizations have been at work for years to end the carnage." "Once a year, in a hypocritical gesture, the President and State Governors grant pardons to 51 turkeys, leaving millions of turkeys to their fates, then retreat to their own mansions to eat other unpardoned birds," said Jane Mockingbird, a member of the Fowl Unprotected for Christ Union (FUCU).

A spokesperson for the National Association of Turkeys (NAT) said more city invasions in other parts of the U.S. were planned for future years. The turkeys' goal is to stage a million turkey crap-in for the nation's capital, possibly as early as next year. "Can you imagine the amount of additional crap that would pile up in Washington? The nation's capital would be shut down by a shit-storm of turkey poop and Congressional crap combined," according to the NAT spokesperson. "And not a darn thing could be done about it by the nations' most powerfull bull-shitters."

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Bizarre Man Thinks God Told Him Where to Carry Cellphone!

AP November 21, 2008

R.J. Richard says he doesn't normally put his cell phone in his chest pocket. But he says it saved his life the one time he did.

The 68-year-old man from Covington, La., was mowing the lawn on his 5-acre property when a stray bullet from nearby woods struck that cell phone. He figured a rock kicked up by his tractor hit him. That is, until he took out the phone and a .45-caliber bullet fell from its case.

Richard told The Times-Picayune of New Orleans he doesn't think it was a coincidence, either.

"I look at this as God telling me to put my cell phone in that pocket, and I'm grateful and humbled," he said.

Doctors told Richard the bullet came at an angle, which along with the cell phone probably prevented serious injury.

Deputies are investigating the case, St. Tammany Parish Sheriff Jack Strain said. He said the case should serve as a serious warning that people should consider the consequences before firing a gun.

However, Strain said investigators don't believe the shooting was intentional.

McDonald's Workers Put Naked Photos of Customer's Wife on Internet

Here's some food for thought: If you have nude photos of your wife on your cell phone, hang onto it.

Phillip Sherman of Arkansas learned that lesson after he left his phone behind at a McDonald's restaurant and the photos ended up online. Now he and his wife, Tina, are suing the McDonald's Corp., the franchise owner and the store manager.

The suit was filed Friday and seeks a jury trial and $3 million in damages for suffering, embarrassment and the cost of having to move to a new home.

The suit says that Phillip Sherman left the phone in the Fayetteville store in July and that employees promised to secure it until he returned.

Manager Aaron Brummley declined to comment, and other company officials didn't return messages.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Divorce Lawyers "Hash" It Out With Spaghetti

November 20, 2008
By Debra Cassens Weiss

A spaghetti spat between husband-and-wife divorce lawyers in New York has ended in dropped charges.

Leslie Barbara was charged with second-degree menacing based on accusations that she threw a plate of spaghetti at her high-profile husband, Dominic, Newsday reported last month. The couple got divorced in 2007 and remarried the same year.

The Nassau District Attorney decided to drop charges after Dominic Barbara asked for the dismissal, Newsday reports in an update. A lawyer who handles criminal defense as well divorce cases, Dominic Barbara has made headlines representing Joey Buttafuoco and Jessica Hahn.

Boob Job Gone Sour

Updated: 4/3/10

After an investigation of 18+ months, BizarreStuff is pleased to announce that it has discovered the woman in the photos above is the same woman in an original story in this blog in June, 2008. The woman disappeared shortly thereafter and left no forwarding address.

We asked Judge Legal Dude (JLD) to investigate this matter. After interviewing the owner of every brothel, bar and backstreet boob job clinic in Ciudad Juarez, Viacunya, Laredo, and Matamoros he was unable to locate the woman the subject of the original post. JLD did suggest a possible cover-up conspiracy because everyone he talked to had the exact, same response, as if they had been coached. The judge, who speaks only broken Spanish asked one of the witnesses to write it out for him. "Salgate de aqui tu apendejado hijo de tu madre."

Noting that the expression contained two key words: son (hijo) and mother (madre), JLD thought it might have religious significance, as in: "The father, the son, and the holy........shit......there's no mother in that expression. Just forget it. Friggin' Spanish.

Anyway, the main purpose this dumb story I wish I had never gotten involved with, was to point out the dangers of crossing the border into Mexico for quickie, el cheapo boob jobs. Only two months after her boob surgery, the boobs of this woman became discolored and turned dark brown. (See photos above.)

The woman's companion, and father of their two children, is a big fan of milky white boobs, which, according to him and a half dozen other men who had slept with her in the past 12 months, was the color of the woman's boobs prior to her boob surgery. The woman also pointed out that her youngest child, only 18 months, refused to nurse after the woman's boobs turned dark brown.

For this story the woman was interviewed and photographed twice, the first time in a Mexico City basement and subsequently in Playa del Carmen on the Caribbean coast.

The Management

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Scalia Does It Again

It appears that Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia just doesn't know the rules about ex-parte contacts or socializing with parties or their attorneys who have cases coming up on appeal that Scalia will be called upon to judge. Or, he just doesn't give a damn, because he has a lifetime appointment and can get many more paid vacations from fat-cat lawyers, well-healed parties in litigation, and possibly a few crooks on the side. This time it's with a hot-shot plaintiff's lawyer from Houston who got in on the ground floor with Vioxx litigation

The editor of this blog strongly urges the good judge not to go hunting with Dick Cheney again because the soon-to-be no longer Vice President has a penchant for shooting his own hunting partners. Plus, Cheney is probably not in a very good mood because he only has a few more weeks in which he can torture people, preferably innocent people, and claim it's to protect Americans from terrorists.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Lot of People Seem to Want to Get Nekkid

Worst employee No. 8: Jamie Day, bartender

The story: Day was arrested after a bar patron called police to complain that Day was bartending in her birthday suit. She was charged with misdemeanor lewd entertainment. The county suspended the tavern's liquor license for 30 days and fined the owner $500. (Source: Fox News)

Monday, November 17, 2008

It Pays to Dance Sluttily

Woman Banned for Dirty Dancing Settles Suit for $275K
Posted Nov 14, 2008, 11:01 am CST
By Debra Cassens Weiss

A North Carolina woman who claimed her constitutional rights were violated when she was banned from town dances has settled the case for $275,000.

The Asheville Citizen-Times reported the settlement, which won’t allow plaintiff Rebecca Willis back into the dance hall in Marshall, N.C.

Town officials banned Willis from the dance hall in December 2000, citing her provocative dancing. In May, the Richmond, Va.-based 4th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals said there is evidence that Willis was singled out and her trial could go forward.

“I won my lawsuit,” Willis told the Asheville Citizen-Times. She was represented by Jon Sasser, a lawyer hired by the American Civil Liberties Union.

Naked Biking

Oregon Biker Beats Rap for Naked Ride; ‘Symbolic Protest’ is Protected, Judge Says
Posted Nov 14, 2008, 01:32 pm CST
By Martha Neil

Because an annual World Naked Bike Ride in Portland, Ore., has created a tradition of protesting in this manner, a Multnomah County judge has dismissed an indecent exposure case against a man who tried the stunt on his own a few weeks later over the summer.

In 1985, the Oregon Court of Appeals held in City of Portland v. Gatewood that public nudity, while prohibited by law for sexual gratification, can nonetheless be a protected form of free expression and hence its legality must be determined based on the facts of each individual case, explains the Oregonian. So Judge Jerome LaBarre held two days of hearings before dismissing the criminal case against Michael "Bobby" Hammond, 21, finding that he let it all hang out as a "symbolic protest."

Pulled over because of his nudity, "I just want to ride my bike," Hammond told police at the time, as a bystander recorded in a video. "I'm wearing a helmet."

He testified that he had ridden his bike naked as a protest of excessive gasoline consumption and the Iraq war, among other issues.

Deputy District Attorney Ryan Lufkin argued that Hammond has pointed the way for virtually anyone charged in an indecent exposure case to beat the rap with a similar claim that he or she was making a protected political protest.

He Got Run Over By a Train

It's been a slow weekend for bizarre. Since my birthday was November 16, I would have thought there would be more stuff going on. I did find one bizarre tale about the fattest town in America, Huntington, West Virginia, but I couldn't copy it for some reason.

So I had to settle for some dude who got run over by a train. What puzzled me was the final sentence. I wonder why someone didn't ask him. The only thing that occurred to me is he was taking a nap.

HUNTSVILLE, Ala.(AP) A north Alabama man is alive after being run over by a train on Thursday afternoon. Huntsville Fire and Rescue officials said a train engineer spotted 61-year-old Arnold Romine lying across railroad ties. Witnesses said the conductor sounded the horn and tried to stop the train.

Firefighters said by the time the coal train was stopped, 8 rail cars had passed over Romine's body.

Miraculously, he suffered what appeared to be only minor injuries. He was later treated and released at Huntsville Hospital.

Its unclear why Romine was lying on the tracks.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Graywolf Threatened Again

A.P. News Alert: November 11, 2008

The Bush administration, in one of its final acts of vengeance and retribution against Democrats, has proposed that Jim Cornehls, controversial, yet mild-mannered professor at UT Arlington, aka the Graywolf, be removed from the Endangered Species List. When contacted in northern Montana, the Graywolf stated he was currently staying close to the Canadian border, in case he is forced to make a "run for the border."

In this file photo, taken recently in Yellowstone National Park, where the Graywolf and his mate and two pups have been residing, the Graywolf was preparing to leave for Montana. With heavy snows reported in Montana, all the way to the border, Jim told his friends, associates and two game wardens, who came to see him off and wish him well, that he would be back. He expressed relief about the election of Barack Obama as the new President and thought the chances were very good that he would be re-included in the Endangered Specices Act, if Bush should succeed in having him removed prior to January 20, 2009.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Rebirth of a Democracy

It's official. The long nightmare of George W. Bush and the Neocon administration in America is drawing to a close. There is hope, in America, and around the globe that the U.S. can regain its dignity, its humility and its humanity.

The first official act should be to restore the civil rights of all Americans and residents in the nation. The repeal of the Patriot Act would be the defining step in that direction. The PAT, fashioned in the back rooms of the Pentagon and sprung on the American people, literally, in the dead of night, stands as a monumental barrier to restoring the best of the U.S. and a rejection of the politics of fear and bigotry.

The Graywolf

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Nude Voting

Florida, Nov. 4, 2008

B. Bare

A 350 member nudist community in Florida sought a polling place where individuals who wish can vote in the nude. The nudists argue that current obscenity laws prevent them from exercising their Constitutional right to vote unless they conform to the dress code of others. "It's the equivalent of a literacy test." said one member of the group. A spokeswoman for the nudists said they are not making any extraordinary demands, they would be satisfied if an existing voting site were made "clothing optional." "We don't object to others wearing clothes while they vote; we just want the same rights." A spokesman for the Florida Elections Commission declined to comment.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Kiss Me Babee

AP News
October 28, 2008

A woman was approached by an amorous ostrich in Texas. The ostrich pretended to look the other way, but when the unsuspecting woman averted her own gaze the amorous ostrich stole a quick kiss.