Friday, September 30, 2011

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Public Defecation And DUI's For Montana Man

Sept. 26, 2011

A Montana man with two DUI warrants was accused of defecating in public in the parking lot of the Lewis and Clark Library in Helena. After making the unauthorized deposit, the homeless man then stumbled to his Toyota Corolla and drove away from the scene.

He was stopped by police and blew a .271 on an intoxilator, more than 3 times the legal limit, indicating he was very, very smashed. These two represent his 4th and firth DUI's, both felonies.

The man is Stanley Gerald Percival, 62. An officer smelled alcohol and spotted a beer can in the car, according to a Justice Court affidavit.

He was also charged for driving without insurance or a valid license.

He is homeless and unemployed, according to his jail booking report.

Police later returned to the parking lot to collect the evidence, shown here, for DNA testing.

His total bonds now amount to $70,000. Like the sign to BizarreStuff says: Percival now is in deep shit.

Toe Sucker Now Sucking On Jail Bars

Sept. 26, 2011

Somewhere Near Vilonia, Arkansas

An Arkansas man with an admitted foot fetish, who was previously convicted and sentenced to prison for threatening to cut a woman's feet off and suck her toes while she bled to death, was back in jail Monday after two women told police he wanted to suck their toes as well.

Michael Robert Wyatt was arrested after two women he had approached about sucking their toes picked his photo from a police lineup.

One woman said the man stared at her while she was shopping, then approached her and "told her he loved her toes and they were so long and beautiful." He told her he had a "foot fetish" and wanted to suck on her toes.

Two days later, another woman called police to say she was approached at a pet supply store by a man who began commenting on her feet, police said. The man introduced himself to the woman as Mike, the report said.

Wyatt, 50, is being held in county jail on $1290 bond.

Police cautioned women not to permit unknown men to suck their toes no matter how enticing they made it sound.

"These bastards are crazed goons," according to a spokesperson who was unauthorized to speak, who also said it might be ok if it were your husband or partner.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Blood Sport On The Way Out - The Long Overdue Demise of Bullfighting

And the bull walked around Ole!
Sept. 25, 2011
Catalonia, Spain

Applauded by PETA, other animal rights organizations worldwide, and civilized nations generally, the Spanish province of Catalonia has officially banned bullfighting. The ban, opposed by matadors, blood-thirsty spectators, fight promoters and breeders, marks the first serious inroad into an eventual total ban on the wanton killing of magnificent Spanish bulls, bred solely for the purpose of being publicly slaughtered.

For the present, bull fights still can be staged in other parts of Spain, especially in the Moorish dominated south, including Andalucia and the cities of Seville, Cordoba and Cadiz, plus dozens of smaller Spanish towns and of course Pamplona. But Catalonia's move puts mounting pressure on these other regions to ban the brutal spectacle, too.

Hailed internationally by "tough guy" writers such as Ernest Hemingway, the so-called sport, in which the bull's only fate is to die in the end, bull fighting's opponents are succeeding in marshaling international opinion against the spectacle and the Spanish government is under increasing international pressure to end the practice, throughout the nation.

Viva el Toro.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Pope Benedict XIV Zips Past Jesus As He Jets To Krautland For A Home Visit

In the original the jet airliner could be seen in the sky in the upper left hand corner of the photo.

September 24, 2011

Pope Benedict XIV whizzed past Jesus nailed to a cross on his holiday visit to his home country, Germany. It is not known whether the Holy Father, who has no children of his own, had noticed the large cross with Jesus's carcass nailed to it or if he was taking a nap or quaffing a glass of holy wine at the time.

When asked by a reporter on landing if he had seen Jesus on the cross the Pope, who was on his game, said, "No, that was 2,011 years ago and photography had not yet been invented." The reporter was flummoxed and asked no follow up questions.

Other reporters present tried to stone the irreverent reporter but were repelled by spike helmeted, jack booted German cops, shouting Zeitgist.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Frugal, Cash Strapped State Of Texas To End Condemned Prisoners' Customary Last Meal

Anywhere, Texas

In the new age of Governor Rick Perry's induced budget cuts Texas prisoners condemned to death by lethal injection will no longer be permitted to request a last meal of their favorite foods.

It seems one such prisoner ordered a large amount of various foods and then failed to eat them. This enraged one Texas state representative, one of the many Neanderthals who are members of that low rent organization, so he decided no condemned prisoners ever again should be permitted to request a last meal of their choosing before facing death. They can eat whatever is on the prison daily menu: cheap, gristly cuts of meat, canned vegetables, stale bread, and apple sauce for dessert. The Houston legislator provided the world another, vivid demonstration of compassionate conservatism at work. Punish all future executees for the actions of one, even if unintentional.

The longtime tradition of a condemned person's last mealaame to a halt Thursday when Department of Criminal Justice executive director Brad Livingston yielded to demands from a prominent state senator, John Whitmire, who blasted the practice as "ridiculous" and "illogical." Like killing someone isn't "ridiculous" and "illogical." Brad Livingston is a coward who is not qualified for his position if he caves in to the irrational demands of a single legislator.

Maybe the guy who ordered too much food the day before facing death suddenly lost his appetite at the thought of a needle in his arm slipping him a cocktail of deadly drugs. One wonders if the legislator who was so outraged ever lost his own appetite when he learned his wife had just found out he was having an affair with his secretary, a young man?

At an average cost of $15 for a condemned prisoner's last meal (they usually order cheeseburgers, fries and a milkshake), this will represent a cost saving of $12 ($3 for the usual fare) per executee, or $2,808 for the 234 Texas prisoners executed during the 11 year tenure of Rick "Killer" Perry, the current Texas governor, who looooves seeing prisoners put to death.

More importantly, this $2,808 saving over an 11 year period, or $255.27 per year, could go a long way toward balancing the Texas state budget.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Einstein Blows It Again With Pesky Neutrinos

CERN, a scientific research lab near Geneva reported that a neutrino beam fired from a particle accelerator near Geneva to a lab 454 miles (730 kilometers) away in Italy traveled 60 nanoseconds faster than the speed of light. Scientists calculated the margin of error at just 10 nanoseconds. (A nanosecond is one-billionth of a second.) Holy bologna!

Given the enormous implications of the find, the researchers spent months checking and rechecking their results to make sure there were no flaws in the experiment. They consumed 840 bottles of Chianti during the research.

A team at Fermilab had similar faster-than-light results in 2007, but a large margin of error undercut its scientific significance because researches there were drinking vodka.

If anything is going to throw a cosmic twist into Einstein's theories, it's not surprising that it's the strange particles known as neutrinos. These are odd slivers of an atom that have confounded physicists for about 80 years and led to numerous cases of alcoholism among researchers.

The neutrino has almost no mass, comes in three different "flavors," may have its own antiparticle and has been seen shifting from one flavor to another while shooting out from our sun, said physicist Phillip Schewe, communications director at the Joint Quantum Institute in Maryland.

Columbia University physicist Brian Greene, author of the book "Fabric of the Cosmos," said neutrinos theoretically can travel at different speeds depending on how much energy they have. And some mysterious particles whose existence is still only theorized could be similarly speedy, he said.

Fermilab team spokeswoman Jenny Thomas, a physics professor at the University College of London, said there must be a "more mundane explanation" for the European findings. She said Fermilab's experience showed how hard it is to measure accurately the distance, time and angles required for such a claim.

Nevertheless, Fermilab, which shoots neutrinos from Chicago to Minnesota, has already begun working to try to verify or knock down the new findings.

And that's exactly what the team in Geneva wants.

Gillies told The Associated Press that the readings have so astounded researchers that "they are inviting the broader physics community to look at what they've done and really scrutinize it in great detail, and ideally for someone elsewhere in the world to repeat the measurements."

Alcoholic beverage producers are offering millions for continuing research, saying the speedy little neutrinos have proved to be a shot in the arm for the alcohol industry.

No pictures of the neutrinos are available because they cannot be seen or photographed. They are too tiny and too fast. No one can be certain they even exist which makes the measurement of their speed even more difficult.

Bear's Home Invaded By Trespasser - Bears Have Rights Too

Yellowstone grizzly that may have killed tourist is captured

Kitty Bean Yancey & the BS Editorial Staff

A grizzly bear has been captured near the site where a Michigan hiker was fatally maimed in Yellowstone National Park. DNA samples were taken to determine if the 420-pound male was responsible for the death, the Associated Press reports.

After park staffers set bear traps, the male was captured Friday, the AP says. Hair samples were taken for analysis and a special collar put on the bear so that he can be found again and killed if responsible for the death of the 59-year-old man, who was hiking alone.

Kill the bear? For what? Leave the bear alone. This is a no brainer. People need to stop invading bears' homes.

Park press releases warn hikers to travel in groups of at least three, make a lot of noise and carry bear spray. If they can't follow these simple rules they are on their own. But don't expect the bear to be killed out of revenge. This was only the second fatal bear attack there this summer. Two out of a zillion isn't bad. Yea! Bears.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Self-Taught Mortuary Trainees Discovered Driving Around With Corpse Of Friend In Car

"Dead Man Driving"

Tthe Denver Police on Friday, Sept. 16, 2011 arrested Mark Rubinson, 25, left, and Robert Young, 43. The men are accused of driving around with a dead friend, using his ATM/debit card and visiting a strip club, in a less-amusing real-life version of the film ''Weekend at Bernie's.'' It is unclear how the friend, Jeffery Jarrett, died, but it appears he may have been involved in a gunfight before his friends picked him up and took him joy riding. His 'friends' have not been charged in his death.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

French Wife Tells Husband - Fuck Me Or Pay Me Damages

Frenchman ordered to pay wife damages for lack of sex

What a cretin for not fucking this lovely woman!

A Frenchman has been ordered to pay his ex-wife £8,500 in damages for failing to have enough sex with her during their marriage.

The wife blamed the break-up on her husband's lack of activity in the bedroom.

Sep 2011

The 51-year-old man was fined under article 215 of France’s civil code, which states married couples must agree to a “shared communal life”.

A judge has now ruled that this law implies that “sexual relations must form part of a marriage”.

The rare legal decision came after the wife filed for divorce two years ago, blaming the break-up on her husband’s lack of activity in the bedroom.

A judge in Nice, southern France, then granted the divorce and ruled the husband named only as Jean-Louis B. was solely responsible for the split.

But the 47-year-old ex-wife then took him back to court demanding 10,000 euros in compensation for “lack of sex over 21 years of marriage”.

The ex-husband claimed “tiredness and health problems” had prevented him from being more attentive between the sheets.

But a judge in the south of France’s highest court in Aix-en-Provence ruled: “A sexual relationship between husband and wife is the expression of affection they have for each other, and in this case it was absent.

“By getting married, couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other.”

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Fat Slob Sues Restaurant For Not Having Booths Large Enough For His Gross Carcass

NY man sues White Castle saying booths too small

Sep 13 2011

COLUMBUS, Ohio — In and absurd law suit a New York man is suing White Castle, claiming the booths in one of its hamburger restaurants are too small.

Martin Kessman says in the federal lawsuit filed last week that he was embarrassed in 2009 when he tried squeezing his 6-foot, 290-pound frame into the seating at a White Castle in Nanuet, N.Y. He says he slammed his knee into a metal post under the table and was in pain.

Kessman didn't bother to explain what all he had eaten to get him to such a gross, unhealthy weight. Would he have the whole nation redesigned to fit his gross, ugly, obese body. Pigs can't fit into White Castle booths, either, so should this Kessman pig be treated any differently?

The lawsuit claims the restaurant could not accommodate a customer of Kessman's stature, in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act. The suit seeks an unspecified financial judgment. The only disability Kessman has is his unwillingness to stop eating like a pig.

Spokesman Jamie Richardson at White Castle headquarters in Columbus, Ohio, says the restaurant is being replaced and that the new one will have roomier seating. This sad capitulation to one fat pig is a testimonial to how absurd some of these disability suits have become. Someone 9 feet tall will demand the redesign of all aircraft so he won't have to bend over.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Stars Need To Be On The Lookout For Black Holes

A wandering star, caught napping, drifted too close to a black hole (where gravitational forces are so dense not even light can escape, hence the name black hole) and was gobbled up by the hole, reducing the star to a singularity (a pinpoint). Hopefully, no extra-terrestrial life inhabited the star because if so they became very, very small in a nano second.

But doesn't it appear that a piece of the star broke off and escaped and went sailing on by?

Be sure to watch the accompanying video that explains how black holes are formed and what it would be like to go inside one.

After watching this video be sure to check out the baby alien allegedly discovered by a Mexican farmer, perhaps after drinking too much pulque. Lab tests so far are inconclusive.

Drunk Moose Gets Tangled In Tree

Seemingly drunk moose found stuck in tree

A moose with a tree size hangover was discovered sleeping it off in a tree. It is not known what beverage the moose was drinking but some locals were interested in determining the source of his binge.

It was not known how the animal got into the tree and the moose wasn't talking.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Bizarrestuff Honors Vow To Publish The Bizarre, No Matter How Bizarre

When BizarreStuff was inaugurated, in October, 2008, the blog made a pledge to itself and to its readers never to shy from the truly bizarre, no matter how horrifying and disgusting. That's why it did not cringe at reporting a woman in Melbourne, Australia, who unwittingly ate her own feces, disguised as a dollop of chocolate on her ice cream dessert served at an upscale restaurant in that city. Nor did BS back off publishing the story of a man videotaped by his neighbor having sex with his own patio table or a man caught pleasuring himself with the vacuum cleaner at a car wash, and the man who carried on an incestuous sexual affair for years with his sister, or a man who deliberately decapitated himself with a metal cable wrapped around his neck.

At first blush, BizarreStuff was so disgusted and appalled by the following story that its initial impulse was to ignore it. But it is so bizarre, so outside the realm of human conception, that BizarreStuff was compelled to add it to our long list of the truly bizarre. Fortunately, BizarreStuff has no accompanying video to show here, although apparently a video of the heinous act was made. So here is the sorry tale.

Ohio mother charged with raping infant son

Sep 10 2011

COLUMBUS, Ohio — An Ohio woman is accused of raping her 10-month-old son, videotaping it and sending it to her Michigan boyfriend.

Ashley N. Jessup, 24, was indicted in Columbus on Thursday on two counts of rape, one count of child endangerment and one count of pandering sexually-oriented material involving a minor.

Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O'Brien says the rape charge could land her life in prison.

O'Brien tells The Columbus Dispatch ( that Jessup emailed the videos to her boyfriend in Battle Creek, Mich., where his ex-girlfriend discovered them and contacted police.

Jessup is being held in the Franklin County Correctional Center in lieu of $1 million bond. Court documents do not list an attorney for her.

The newspaper reported that it wasn't immediately clear who has custody of the child.

Mexican Man Charged With Imprisoning and Sexually Abusing Two Step Daughters For Five Years - Mother Knew About It

Jorge Iniestra, Mexico Man, Arrested In Shocking Sex Captive Horror Case

September 9, 2011

By Associated Press

MEXICO CITY -- Mexico City prosecutors have arrested a man who allegedly kept his two teenage stepdaughters captive for five years, fathered five children with one of them, then killed the other young woman and one of the babies.

Jorge Iniestra, a 32-year-old taxi driver, beat one of the teens to death in 2009 and asphyxiated a 3-month-old boy he fathered with her sister by forcing the baby to nurse from the dead girl's body, prosecutor Miguel Angel Mancera said.

Prosecutors said Iniestra kept the bodies in his mother's home in the poor, crowded borough of Iztapalapa for a month, and then he and a brother dumped them on a road leading to neighboring Mexico State.

Jorge Ferman, Mexico City prosecutor for crimes against children, said Wednesday that authorities rescued a 3-month-old boy who had been severely beaten and is in critical condition. They also freed the surviving sister, now 21, and three other children, ages 2, 4 and 5, she had with Iniestra.

"This is an imprisonment story, a story of captivity," Ferman told reporters during a visit to the filthy room where Iniestra allegedly kept the two girls and five children.

The teenagers' mother, Claudia Tapia, was Iniestra's girlfriend and she recently denounced him to police, Ferman said.

Police arrested Tapia, Iniestra, his mother and several of his siblings Monday. They arrested Tapia for covering up the abuse.

Tapia, a 44-year-old school janitor, began a relationship with Iniestra in 2004, when he moved in with her, her two teenage daughters and a son, Ferman said. He said Iniestra forced the boy to work and often beat him with a belt for not bringing home enough money.

Tapia told reporters that Iniestra was manipulative and told her that he belonged to the middle class and that men of that status could have several women living with them.

Ferman said Iniestra faces up to 30 years in prison. He has been charged with homicide, kidnapping and child and domestic abuse.

Friday, September 9, 2011

In Eastern Europe You Can Sip Your Own Bath Water

Ukraine Beer Baths Become Latest Alternative Medicine In Eastern Europe

Two men are shown taking an internal beer bath>>>


David L. Stern, GlobalPost

KONOPKIVKA, Ukraine — Here at the Medobory Sanatorium in western Ukraine, visitors come not only to take “the waters,” but also “the beer.”

Not to drink, but to bathe in.

Beer baths are just one of many unorthodox theraputic procedures offered by this no-frills, post-Soviet spa just 12 miles outside the regional center of Ternopol.

The former Soviet Union is a mecca for such off-beat healing methods.

That’s partly because the level of medicine in these countries often lags far behind that found in the West, so people turn instead to homeopathic and other unconventional remedies.

Also, there is a strong tradition of "home cures" in the countryside, where people have retained many of their traditional ways, and are not always as well-informed about modern medical practices.

Westerners might scoff at the idea of some of these techniques, some of which seem positively Dickensian. For example, cupping, in which heated drinking glasses are applied to the patient’s bare back to create a vaccum. Or a mustard poultice: a cloth covered in a fiery mustard paste, which is then placed on a person’s chest in order to “burn out” a cough.

Dr. Richard Styles, medical director of the American Medical Center in Kiev, said he was aware that unusual therapies are sometimes used in this region. Generally, he said, trials and medical research in the former eastern bloc are often not conducted according to as stringent standards as are customary in the West.

"But we have to recognize that not all medicine is evidence-based,” he said. “Some of it is anecdotal, and some doctors use their own evidence. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong."

According to Medobory’s promotional materials, immersing oneself in beer helps the kidneys, and aids digestion. The yeast bacteria in the swill rejuvenates the skin and calms the body, as well, it says.

It seemed to me that simply drinking it might produce at least some of those results.

But in the interests of journalistic truth, I decided to test Medobory’s theory.

I stripped down as Mariya, one of Medobory’s white-smocked personnel, turned on two large faucets and began to fill up a spacious, white-marble bathtub with hot water and what smelled like a decent, unfiltered pilsner.

She gestured and I slipped into the pungent water.

The foam quickly subsided, and I got used to the aroma. It felt pretty much like the thousands of baths that I had taken before — except for perhaps the first time in my life, I was tempted to take a sip of the tub’s contents.

“I should have brought a straw,” I said to Mariya, a cheerful woman of indeterminate age with hair the color of dry straw.

She laughed. “Next time, tell us you’re coming and we’ll have one ready,” she said.

Later, I asked Styles, the Kiev doctor, what he thought of the beer therapy. Styles said he hadn’t seen any studies that support Medobory’s claims. Still, he admitted, "the idea does appeal."

But if reeking like a beer vat is not your thing, you can opt for the dozens of alternative “therapies.” Some may be familiar to Western spa goers, others less so.

You might, for example, choose to be covered in swamp mud to accelerate the healing of broken bones, relieve allergies and soften scars.

You could submit yourself to dozens of bee stings to stimulate the nervous system, ease joint pain and boost the immune system. Sometimes, for unclear reasons, patients are told to eat honey at the same time.

And then there’s the carbon-dioxide “bath,” administered through what looks like an iron lung.

Most visitors to Medobory come for a more familiar, prosaic cure, such as bathing in or drinking waters saturated in minerals like sodium chloride and sulphur.

The natural springs located here have long been popular for their reputed healing powers, and were a playground for the local aristocracy before the Soviet era.

Chief doctor Vasil Martynyuk, who has worked at the sanatorium since it opened, claims that post-procedural tests show that the majority of visitors show tangible results.

Everyone I talked to assured me that they sensed an improvement in their health, whatever treatment they had chosen.

According to Martynyuk, more than 90 percent of the patients are return clients.

And there is no denying that the staff is enthusiastic about their work.

“You should stay a little longer,” Martynyuk said as I was leaving. “The man who works with the leeches is coming in a couple of hours.”

Cop Busted On Video Surveillance Camera Banging A Woman On The Hood Of A Car

Officer Caught In Surveillance Photo Having Sex On Car: Report (GRAPHIC PHOTO)


A video photo of a uniformed police officer having sex with a woman on the hood of a car has caused an uproar in New Mexico.

The Huffington Post could not confirm independently that the man in question is a law enforcement officer, but Albuquerque, N.M. TV station KOB 4 and the Albuquerque Journal both identify the man as a uniformed officer.

The Santa Fe Sheriff's office released pictures to KOB in response to a public records request. The photos were taken from security footage at the Santa Fe Canyon Ranch.

Santa Fe County Sheriff Robert Garcia told the Journal that the photos were taken by a camera set up to catch graffiti artists or other crimes.

Other uniformed policeman have been caught having sex on the job. Earlier this month, a Louisiana state public safety officer was suspended for reportedly having sex in his patrol car.

In January, a veteran officer resigned after he allegedly did the deed in his cruiser.

But until now no one has been caught in broad daylight, in acto flagrante, on the hood of a car.

When questioned, the officer said "it wasn't what it looked like." But when pressed he was unable to explain what it did look like. All other viewers of the video said it looked like a police officer having sex with a woman on the hood of a car.

New Mexico State Police have not said whether the man pictured on the hood of the car will face any disciplinary measures, according to the Journal.

Local prostitutes said it was a common practice used in their profession to avoid being busted for solicitation. "It's a trade-off," said one hooker.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Every Man's Nightmare In Holland

Dutch woman calls ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in 12 months

Painting of a Dutch woman by Salvador Dali>>>

Sep 08 2011

AMSTERDAM — Dutch prosecutors are charging a 42-year-old woman with stalking after she allegedly called her ex-boyfriend 65,000 times in the past year. That's 178 calls a day or one call every 8 minutes around the clock.

The 62-year-old victim from The Hague filed a police complaint in August due to the persistent phone calls. Police arrested the suspected stalker Monday, seizing several cell phones and computers from her home in Rotterdam.

Hague prosecution spokeswoman Nicolette Stoel said Thursday the woman argued to judges at a preliminary hearing she had a relationship with the man and the number of calls she placed to him wasn't excessive. The man denied they had a relationship.

The Dutch have a reputation for being stubborn but this appears to go beyond gross stubbornness.

The court ordered her not to contact him again.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Would Be Mississippi Shoplifter Gets Rude Surprise From Live Lobsters Stuffed In His Pants

Shopper arrested with live lobsters in shorts
Sep 07 2011

D'IBERVILLE, Miss. — A man in southern Mississippi is accused of trying to walk out of a D'Iberville grocery store without paying for food items he'd stuffed into his cargo shorts including live lobsters.

Police Chief Wayne Payne says 35-year-old Nathan Mark Hardy was arrested Saturday after allegedly being caught stuffing food into his cargo shorts including two live lobsters. The purloined lobsters did not have their claws bound shut, which must have come as a profound surprise to the would be thief.

Payne says Hardy, of Biloxi, tried to escape by throwing a pork loin at employees at the local Winn Dixie but fell while running away. He was arrested at the scene, begging to have the lobsters removed from his shorts.

The shoplifting charge is a misdemeanor, but Hardy remained jailed Wednesday in the Harrison County jail with no bond pending a hearing on a probation violation.

Rabid Pit Bull Terrier Seizes Stage And Delivers Message At Texas Tea Party Event

JEFFERSON CITY, TX - A rabid Pit Bull Terrier tore loose from his owner's grasp and jumped on stage at a Tea Party rally in Texas on Labor Day. He barked and groweled at the crowd for nearly twenty minutes before attendees and organizers realized he was not a candidate.

The dog, later identified by its owner as "Mister Vicious," held the crowd spellbound as he barked, growled, and frothed at the mouth, eventually receiving a standing ovation for his performance.

Gwendolene Beehive, 42, a Tea Party supporter from Jefferson City, was one of the dozens on hand who were convinced that the Pit Bull was an actual Tea Party candidate until he was outed as a dog.

"I still liked what he had to say," she said. "He reminded me of Glenn Beck, only more vicious."

The Pit Bull's canine identity finally became clear when he lunged at a man in the front row and ripped a hamburger from his right hand, taking two of the man's fingers with it.

While the discovery that Mister Vicious was not a Tea Party candidate disappointed many in attendance, Ms.Beehive held out hope that, dog or no, he might consider running for office at some point.

"I liked the way he bit off that guy's fingers and the way he did his business in the middle of the stage," she said. "We need more of that in Washington. Really vicious shit," she said.

Mr. Vicious' owner told reporters he had been approached by several large U.S. corporations who want to offer Mr. Vicious the position of CEO of their companies. They like Mr. Vicious' approach to unappreciative employees and feel he could boost productivity by biting lazy employees in the butt. The really unproductive ones might get individual, special attention from the CEO.

Monday, September 5, 2011

100 Pound Woman Has Enormous Stomach

"Black Widow" eats 183 chicken wings in NY contest

Photo is not the actual woman but a real black widow spider.

Sep 04 2011

BUFFALO, N.Y. — The "Black Widow" of eating contests scarfed down 183 chicken wings in 12 minutes to break her own world record set last year in Buffalo, N.Y.

Sonya Thomas took home first place Sunday at the tenth annual National Buffalo Wings Festival. She beat eating sensation Joey "Jaws" Chestnut, who came in second with 174 wings.

The two recently won titles at the July Fourth hot dog eating contest on Coney Island.

The 100-pound Thomas of Alexandria, Va., is the reigning wing-eating champion. She downed 181 wings to win the 2010 contest. Chestnut of San Jose, Calif., settled for second with 169 wings.

The winner gets $1,500. The runner-up wins $750, and third place gets $300. All contestants get a huge case of indigestion.

Thomas is called the "Black Widow" becomes she often beats male competitors in eating contests.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Remnants Of Huge Sex Orgy Uncovered Outside Ohio Town

Hundreds of panties turn up along Ohio road
Published - Sep 01 2011 07:44AM EST

LANCASTER, Ohio — Authorities in central Ohio are trying to solve a panties puzzle: why hundreds of pairs of mostly women's underwear were dumped along the side of a road.

Fairfield County Deputy Gary Hummel said Thursday the undergarments were found in trees and on hillsides in several spots this week on a road in Berne Township, about 30 miles southeast of Columbus.

It is suspected these are the detritus of a massive sex orgy and that the organizers of the orgy needed to dispose of all the undergarments of the participants involved in the sex-a-thon, as a health and safety measure.

Some of the panties were still folded the way they'd come in packaging, while others appeared to have been worn, if only briefly. There were nearly 1,700 pairs in all, in a mix of colors and patterns. Hummel says when collected, they filled 10 large trash bags, which made disposal a problem for the orgy organizers. They apparently decided to simply dump them alongside the road.

Investigators claimed to be "baffled" as to where the panties came from.

Duh! They came off of the asses of hundreds of orgy participants and probably included some of the investigators and/or their wives or girlfriends. The depicted photo is probably one of the orgy participants who lost her panties but the editor is not certain.