Thursday, April 29, 2010
Flea infestation caused by lack of cleanliness shuts health department
Head of human flea - above....................... Cat flea - above right
Apr 28 2010
LANCASTER, Ohio— A county health department in Ohio has closed because of a hygiene issue under its own roof: an infestation of fleas.
Officials with the Fairfield County Department of Health said Wednesday that its offices would be shut down through the weekend so the building can be cleaned thoroughly and fogged with insecticide.
Fleas can transmit disease, but county Health Commissioner Frank Hirsch says he does not believe the bugs have posed a health risk at the department in Lancaster, about 30 miles southeast of Columbus. He says they've mostly been an annoyance for his employees, who can be seen scratching themselves furiously at their desks. The fleas have been a recurring problem for years, as they are transported by Public Health workers to their own homes and families. Their children then take the fleas to school with them and soon half the county is scratching.
Health officials always assumed it was something in the air, blown pollen or something similar that provoked the constant scratching among Fairfield County residents. A local reporter once penned an article about the problem, naming Fairfield County the ichiest county in the U.S.
Thankfully, several public programs scheduled at the health building this week have been postponed until Monday.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Police barred from penis enlargements (their own, we assume)
Fri Apr 23, 2010
JAKARTA – Forget about getting a job as a police officer in Indonesia's Papua if you have had your penis enlarged. An applicant "will be asked whether or not his vital organ has been enlarged," said Papua police chief Bekto Suprapto, quoted on local website Kompas.com.
"If he has, he will be considered unfit to join the police or the military. We will only consider applicants with naturally small penises."
The ban was applied since the unnatural size causes "hindrance during training," said police spokesman Zainuri Labis in Jakarta, quoted by news portal Dedik.com. "Jumping, climbing, running, and certain calisthenics are made much more difficult with an over-sized phallus. While we acknowledge that, statistically, there is a strong correlation between an officer's weapons' accuracy and penile size and weight, it does not compensate for other shortcomings."
Indonesia's remote easternmost province is home to Papuan tribes, many of whom are known for wearing penis gourds. This practice is more common among men than women.
According to local authorities, "A low-level separatist insurgency has waged in the resources-rich part of Indonesia for decades and there is a heavy police and military presence there." [ed: Our translator also translated the above as "Anxious eunichs, angry over their lost semen donation revenue, experienced increased hostility toward the well-endowed police force." We chose the former, despite our not fully understanding it.]
Papuans use a local technique to achieve the enlargement, according to a sexologist quoted by local newspaper Jakarta Globe, wrapping the penis with leaves from the "gatal-gatal" (itchy-witchy) tree so that it [i.e., the penis] swells up "like it has been stung by a bee," the expert said. Purveyors of gatal-gatal have also been fined for excessive spamming, promising similar apian-stimulated results for obsessed male pseudo-pharmacology consumers.
The expert was unwilling to explain his familiarity with bee-stung members and denied any beehive proclivities.
A PowerPoint diagram meant to portray the complexity of American strategy in Afghanistan succeeds in that aim. No one has been able to understand it, including the makers of the PPt.
Panel of Nonentities warns that PowerPoint is the new, unsuspected enemy of the world.
April 28, 2010, Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Uzbekistan
A group of uneducated, illiterate volunteers, randomly selected from the mean streets of Istanbul, issued a strong report today that struck a blow at the heart of the non-communications revolution. The Urchins of Istanbul, the official name adopted by the Istanbul illiterati for themselves, challenged Microsoft Power Point and its most prestigious practitioners to prove the popular product could clarify anything worth clarifying. The Urchins offered to duplicate anything Power Point could do with a writing tablet and a No. 2 pencil.
Microsoft insiders said the Power Point division of Microsoft was divided about whether or not to accept the challenge. "It is time for Power Point to put up or shut down," said one avid opponent of the wildly popular computer program.
Power Point presentations have insidiously wormed their way into the information systems of almost every large corporation on the planet, most of the world's standing armies, and even the Vatican. The Holy See is said to be preparing a giant PPt presentation to replace the Pope's traditional Easter message to the faithful, who ordinarily must wait for hours beneath the balcony of the Pope's chambers. "With Power Point the Pope can reach out to the entire city of Rome instantaneously, and maybe even Corsica" said Lyle Dicky, the Archbishop of Faith Driven Communications, a new division in the Vatican hierarchy created last May by the College of Bluebirds.
Archbishop Dicky, whose previous position was Head of the Vatican Council for the protection of the rights of gay priests accused of molesting 1,000's of altar boys, said he hoped to blend the two agencies to produce virtual lifelike portrayals of child sex abuse that could be deployed for use in abuse trials. These PPts can be used to demonstrate to jurors the altar boys actually enjoyed and profited from the abuse. "These groups of molestees have provided a steady source of new recruits to the priesthood, which recently has fallen on "soft" times as the current ranks of abusers have aged, become impotent, or have been committed to prison for life," according to Dicky.
Others emphasized the dangers of too heavy reliance on PPt, pointing to the recent example of a Power Point presentation that deployed a division of U.S. Marines to Salerno instead of Iraq, resulting in the deaths of 7,000 innocent civilians vacationing there. A Pentagon spokesperson, defending the invasion, said in times of war there always were going to be minor mistakes made by both sides, that were one of the expected costs of war. "Wars are designed to kill people," she said, "No dead, no war...it's as simple as that."
"We live in a complex world," said an unauthorized Vatican spokesman who was immediately beheaded by the Vatican Secret Service, an ecumenical collection of brigands, murderers, forgers, rapists, arsonists and cartographers, "and should be at the forefront of making it more complex," gurgled the dying spokesman whose throat had been slit with a stiletto sterilized by dipping it in Holy Water.
Contributing to this story from Cleburne, Texas was Bubba Wallace, a part time bull rider on the Texas rodeo circuit.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Man believed to have stolen dozens of fire hydrants
Apr 23 2010
SAN BERNARDINO, Calif.— A man was arrested for allegedly stealing dozens of fire hydrants to sell for scrap. The 45 year-old perp was nabbed by coppers on Wednesday and remained in the slammer on Friday. The dude is thought to have purloined 45 hydrants. He posed as a repairman, shut off the water, unbolted the 80- to 100-pound hydrants and made off with them in broad daylight.
The perp was caught because a suspicious water district employee in San Bernardino spotted the crook based on a description provided by witnesses to the thefts.
The pilfered hydrants were cut up and sold for scrap for about $150 to $160 per hydrant whereas they cost up to $1,800 to replace - bad economics.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Cops: Ill-timed potty break lands suspect in jail
Apr 23 2010
SUFFOLK, Va.— An ill-timed pee break landed a dude accused of robbing a Suffolk convenience store behind bars. Police said 43-year-old Sean Almond was found urinating behind a Kangaroo Mart minutes after a clerk reported the store had been robbed Thursday night. Police said Almond was carrying the stolen cash.
Almond was charged with one count of armed robbery. Charges of assault and urinating in public are pending.
When told of the incident, an unemployed psychiatrist diagnosed the suspect with terminal lunacy, a type of brain illness that frequently kills its victims. The psychiatrist, who asked not to be publicly identified, is Alexander Goldthwait of Virginia Beach, whose last employment was as an elephant mucker for a small Hungarian circus, currently touring the U.S. as part of a United Nations' cultural exchange program. The circus' manager, Victor Hrychtlrkz, had no comment.
Friday, April 23, 2010
SEC Staffers Accused of Watching Porn on the Job
April 23, 2010
WASHINGTON — Senior staffers at the Securities and Exchange Commission spent hours surfing pornographic websites on government-issued computers while they were being paid to police the financial system, an agency watchdog says.
The SEC's inspector general conducted 33 probes of employees looking at explicit images in the past five years, according to a memo obtained by The Associated Press. The number of cases jumped from two in 2007 to 16 in 2008. The cracks in the financial system emerged in mid-2007 and spread into full-blown panic by the fall of 2008.
SEC spokesmen defended the practices. "This was an extremely stressful time for our office. We were working long hours and the pressure was overwhelming. Naturally, there were times staffers needed a release valve, and, simply, we needed them at their desks, not curled up in a fetal position in a third floor bathroom stall."
Besides the improved morale derived from the perk, staffers claimed it was also highly instructional. "We knew what was going down," said one staffer. "Do you have any idea how many ways there are to either screw or get screwed? The whole country was in for one hell of a ride, and we were key players. We had to learn how to make sure that all the right people, from the big guys to the little guys, would get screwed just right, whether from behind, from the side, on top, on bottom, or hanging from the ceiling. Watching these videos ensured that we knew we were managing the situation just right."
Another staffer was a bit remorseful. Times have changed from those panicked days, and new tools would now have been available to them. "The Supreme Court only recently established that other training material could have been made available to us. We could have learned a lot by watching a bunch of little peckers and nut jobs get squashed by women in six inch spike-heeled Dolce Gabanas."
SEC Chairman Mary Schapiro is reviewing each case individually.
Posted by Contributing editor Clavin
Feces-Covered Naked Man in Bizarre Pool Romp
Police Blame Booze - BizarreStuff Blames Shit
Buck Wolf, About.com Guide
One of the woes of owning a backyard pool is the occasional weirdo who sneaks in for an uninvited dip.
But one resident of Stuart ,Florida received an unexpected extra, courtesy of his poor invader. Not only was the pool invader naked, he was also covered in feces, according to police. Officials say 21-year-old Robert Stark Higgins, shown in the accompanying mug shot, broke into the pool Saturday night, but grabbed a towel and fled when a resident in the home came out to confront him. He then was chased by a police dog, which kept snapping his testicles because of their fragrance. Police say Higgins told them only that he had been drinking beer and vodka.
The man offered no explanation for how he became covered in feces. The arresting officers did not press him for an answer.
Apr 22 2010
ALBION, Ind.— Police said that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought they'd lost the man until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion.
Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. A team of deep sea divers were called in to extract the man from the shit. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun. He calmed down when officers threatened to put him back in the manure pit overnight.
The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia and hosed down in a utility shower before being taken to jail. Officers drew straws to determine who had to take him to jail. Several nearby cellmates complained throughout the night of a broken sewer line in the jail, unaware that the odor was emanating from the cell of the "Shit Man."
A Steuben County magistrate on Wednesday ordered the suspect held without bail because he missed court hearings in February and March and ordered that the man be bathed daily with lava soap prior to his next hearing date.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Films Depicting Cruel and Unusual Torture and Killing of Small Animals Protected By the First Amendment - SCOTUS
SCOTUS agrees to allow the making and distribution of snuff films of small animals
Washington April 20, 2010
The United States Supreme Court, with Chief Justice John Roberts writing for an 8 to 1 majority, struck down a law that bans the making and distribution of films depicting women stomping small live animals to death with their bare feet or while wearing spiked heels. Roberts wrote that the law was over broad and violated the First Amendment right to free speech.
The law at issue establishes a criminal penalty of up to five years in prison for anyone who creates or sells a depiction of animal cruelty for commercial gain. It defines animal cruelty as intentionally maiming, torturing, wounding or killing an animal if the conduct is illegal where the creation or sale takes place. An exception is allowed for depictions with serious educational, journalistic or artistic value
The majority opinion (PDF) by Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. stressed that the government had power to bar actual acts of animal cruelty, but not their portrayals, SCOTUSblog reports. Roberts said the law was overbroad and violated the First Amendment.
The court left open the question of whether or not the filming and distribution of films that depict the crushing of buffalo, elephants, and rhinoceroses with bulldozers would be accorded the same protections.
Only one member of the Court, who remained temporarily sane during the proceedings, objected to the practice in a separate dissenting opinion.
Justice Sam Alito, in a sharply worded dissent, said the other 8 justices had gone mad.
Police: NJ man purposely vomited on Phillies fans
Apr 16 2010
An undated photo released by the Philadelphia Police Department, depicts Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J. who was charged with assault for intentionally vomiting on an 11-year-old girl and her off-duty cop dad during a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game on Wednesday, April 14.
Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J., was charged with assault, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and related offenses for the incident at Wednesday night's Phillies-Nationals game. His bail was set at $36,000.
Clemmens' buddy had been booted from the stadium for unruly behavior. In retaliation, Clemmens vomited on the pair as they sat in the stands.
Michael Vangelo, the target of Clemmens' throw-up described the incident as: the most vile, disgusting thing I've ever seen. This pig has two fingers down his throat, and he lunges forward and vomits on me and my 11-year-old.
As Vangelo attempted to push his children safely behind him, Clemmens punched him in the face. Four or five fans rushed to help, Vangelo said. They held the puker until police arrived. One of the fans punched Clemmens in the face when he tried to break free, and another officer was also hit with vomit.
Clemmens, a big, fat dude probably unloaded two pizzas, four cheese coneys, a box of popcorn, an Eskimo pie, some nachos and two quarts of beer according to one witness. "He outta be forced to scoop it up with a spoon and re-eat it," said the witness, who asked to remain anonymous. He is Joseph Corleone, of Hoboken.
Clemmens' listed phone number is disconnected. We wonder why.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Police: Thong thief apprehended with 79 pairs of women's underwear
April 16, 2010
EAST LANSING, Michigan -
A student at the Michigan State University is facing charges in connection with the theft of 79 pairs of women's panties. All 79 pairs were thongs.
The suspect was apprehended whan another student saw the man taking thongs from a dryer in a dorm basement laundry room. The student suspect, who has not been named thus far was taken into custody on April 7.
When arrested in his dorm room, the suspect reportedly was seated in his bed with all 79 thongs surrounding him. He was rolling in the thongs, pausing occasionally to sniff the crotch of one of the thongs.
The arrest of the suspect was the culmination of an intensive police investigation that began on March 22, after it was reported that 15 pairs of panties had been pilfered from the same laundry room.
The suspect denied having any kind of sex addiction to women's underpants and claimed it was merely a prank. He then was released by the police.
One of the victims who reportedly told police she had been forced to "go commando" for more than a week, wants to file charges against the suspect. But that is a decision for Ingham County prosecutors.
The victims all requested the return of their panties. But police said they had to maintain the thongs in police custody until it is determined if the suspect will be prosecuted.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Python found in toilet of Nevada Hotel Shocks Unsuspecting Guest
April 17, 2010
LA Niebla, Nev.— A guest who had just checked into a Hammerhead Inn and needed to use the facilities, sat on the toilet seat of her hotel room, expecting only to relieve her bladder. Just as she was finishing she felt something soft, nuzzling her "nethers" and attempting to enter her vagina. She screamed, rape, and jumped up from her perch, to discover a large python relaxing in the toilet bowl.
The woman's screams for help were heard by her partner, who was unloading their luggage. The man grabbed a .357 magnum he carries with him on trips, and rushed to his partner's assistance, yelling he would kill the bastard who raped his wife. He found his wife crumpled on the floor of the room, unable to speak but pointing at the bathroom. The husband, whose name is being withheld at this time by local authorities, pending a psychiatric evaluation, began shooting wildly at his presumed rival in the toilet, shattering the toilet and sending the snake deeper into the drain pipe out of sight.
The couple were quickly moved to another room on the opposite side of the hotel and offered a fruit basket and chocolate chip cookies by the hotel staff.
The Nevada Humane Society was called and came to retrieve the python, which measured approximately 5 feet in length. The snake was lured from its temporary lair by dangling chunks of dead mice and squirrels over the toilet bowl. The Society then tracked down the owner of the python found in the toilet of the hotel room. They said the owner reported she had panicked when she was unable to locate the python and left without alerting management. The python was found the following morning by the next guest, the panicked woman transferred to another room.
The snake's owner has not been cited. The owner had the snake officially registered and Nevada apparently has no law against leaving pythons in hotel rooms on departure.
Hotel officials declined to comment.
Georgia sheriff says gorilla-man terrified a group of young people on their way to a costume party.
Atlanta April 17, 2010
A Georgia man in an unincorporated community 20 miles S.E. of Atlanta, depicted in the accompanying police photo, was arrested and charged with impersonating a gorilla. The man, who apparently only intended to frighten a group of teenagers when he saw them in costumes, jumped out from behind a fence, roared and began beating on his chest while making menacing moves towards the young people.
One of the women, 16 year-old Beverly Merkle, fainted from the shock. Another, apparently trying to imitate the actress, Fay Wray, who starred in the original King Kong movie, tried to leap into the "gorilla's" arms but was summarily dropped to the sidewalk by the gorilla-man, who was beginning to show alarm as he realized at least some of the youngsters actually thought he was an escaped gorilla. He tried to explain the misunderstanding but one of the teenagers pulled out a handgun and pointed it at him, at which point the gorilla-man fled. Police discovered him later a half mile from the scene of the incident, trying to hide inside a dumpster in the parking lot of an apartment complex. He offered no resistance and was led away to a waiting police van and transported to the county jail for arraignment. He was brought into court in heavy shackles by several armed deputies, one with a tazer.
When the man began to speak and presented his identification (drivers license, credit cards, voter registration) to the magistrate, he was ordered released immediately from the shackles and then was released on his own recognizance, pending a hearing to be set later in the month, to determine his guilt or innocence to the charges of impersonating a gorilla and menacing. The latter, a more serious charge, is a felony, and carries penalties up to five years in state prison.
In a brief statement after the arraignment, the magistrate, Judge Felix Lambert, who requested not to be identified, said this was a case of first impression for him and that he previously was unaware of the statute making it a crime (misdemeanor) to impersonate a gorilla. "What about Halloween?," said the judge. "And what about a gorilla impersonating a man? Is that a crime, too?"
Saturday, April 17, 2010
April 17, 2010
The Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTF) unanimously approved the creation of one of two proposed markets that backers say would allow movie studios and financiers to hedge the risk of their investments in motion pictures.
The CFTC noted that speculative derivatives have repeatedly proven their societal value in housing, oil, and electricity. By extending these derivatives to the movie industry, regulators believe that Hollywood bomb-makers can be insulated from their actions, while still protecting the industry's wealth. Moreover, unsuspecting consumers can continue to pay increasingly astronomical theater prices for increasingly awful movies. Horrendous movies can be bundled with mediocre movies and resold in a secondary market. The magically evaporating risk can then free producers to try newer, riskier movies.
"This is really a wonderful development for us," stated Elaine May, writer and director of Ishtar. "I've already had discussions with Warren [Beatty] to package Reds and Ishtar together. We think that Martin Brest will also be very interested in packaging Gigli with these two movies. Buyers will be thrilled at this new product."
Other Hollywood moguls were less than enthusiastic. The Motion Picture Assn. of America has waged a campaign to stop futures contracts related to the movie industry. They have argued that the markets are ripe for manipulation and will create negative publicity for films before they are released. Movie critics have jumped on board with this argument, pointing out that it is their responsibility, not the consumers', to doom movies prior to release.
Posted by Contributing Editor Clavin
Friday, April 16, 2010
Chinese “Nude Reporter” Wins Award
The People’s Republic of China isn’t a place renowned for civil liberties, however an artist there has won national and international acclaim for his nude self-portraits.
Ou Zhihang started his pet project 10 years ago, photographing himself nude doing push-ups in locations where newsworthy events had taken place. He did this despite the difficulty of getting naked in a public place that often had a heavy police presence. For example, just after the Tibet riots several years ago, Zhiyang traveled to the restricted area and took nude shots of himself in Lhasa. He also did the same after the Szechwan earthquake.
The 51 year old Canton-born “Nude reporter”,as he’s known, was recently given a World Press Photo award for his work. Not only that, but Zhihang is now working as a real television reporter in his native city.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Strip club visit leads to arrest
AP April 13, 2010
A suburban Dallas man faces child endangerment charges after police said he left his 3-year-old and 9-month-old children locked in the car while he visited a strip club.
Michael Galloway, 36, of McKinney was in the Dallas County Jail on Tuesday on bonds totaling $10,000. Dallas police said a tow truck driver discovered the children late Friday across the street from Pandora’s Men’s Club. The car was parked illegally.
According to police, Galloway said he was inside for 20 minutes. Witnesses told police he was drinking inside for at least an hour. Galloway's comment: "Only a really bad dad would take his kids into the club. The right thing to do was leave them in the car where they'd be safe."
Posted by Clavin: Contributing Editor
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Police: Man sets home ablaze with pot bong
Apr 14 2010
LAS CRUCES, N.M.— A 30-year-old man in Dona Ana County was busted for using his own marijuana bong to set his own mobile home on fire. It seems the perp was using alcohol to clean his bong when he deliberately ignited the alcohol and set fire to the curtains in the home, in San Isidro.
An off-duty deputy sheriff saw the homeowner driving away from the scene. He notified authorities and the man was busted after a wild police chase through the community.
Fortunately, no one else was home when the man set the blaze, which destroyed the home but caused no injuries.
In a colossal understatement the perp acknowledged being distraught and suffering from a drug addiction. Yeah, who would have guessed?
Hockey player an 'asshole,' but not guilty, says judge
April 9, 2010
Chris Doyle (aka The Asshole) entering court on March 24. (CBC)
Junior professional hockey player Chris Doyle was found not guilty of assault Friday, but received some harsh words from Prince Edward Island Judge John Douglas.
"If he was charged with being a colossal asshole, I would find him guilty," said Douglas, chief judge of the provincial court.
"Of assault causing bodily harm, I find him not guilty."
Doyle had shown up drunk at his ex-girlfriend's apartment in Charlottetown last September. Testifying in his own defence, he admitted punching a door, which then hit a woman in the face and broke her nose.
But he said he didn't know the woman was there, and it was an accident.
Doyle plays for the Victoriaville Tigres of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, following a trade in December. He had played with the P.E.I. Rocket for nearly four years.
Doyle had already pleaded guilty to a charge of mischief, in connection with breaking a laptop at the apartment. He will be sentenced for that offence June 7.
The punching of the door was part of a series of events described at the trial. Doyle's former girlfriend testified he came into her apartment uninvited when she had left the door unlocked because she was expecting her roommate.
Doyle was swearing and calling her names, she said, and shoved past her, looking for a man in her bedroom.
The incident with the door occurred when the woman and some friends had talked Doyle out of the apartment and he was trying to get back in. The ex-girlfriend's roommate was struck by the door.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Apr 07, 2010
Wis. prosecutor: Teachers risk arrest over new sex-ed classes
A Wisconsin district attorney has warned schools in his county that if they proceed with new state sex-education courses, teachers could face criminal charges for encouraging minors to have sex, the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reports.
Juneau County District Attorney Scott Southworth said a new state law that requires students to learn to use condoms and other contraceptives "promotes the sexualization — and sexual assault — of our children." In his March 24 letter to five school districts, Southworth, a Republican nitwit, said teachers could be charged with contributing to the delinquency of minors. He urged school officials to suspend the program, which takes effect in the fall, and transfer the anatomy curriculum to a science course.
Here are a couple of excerpts from his letter:
"If a teacher instructs any student aged 16 or younger how to utilize contraceptives under circumstances where the teacher knows the child is engaging in sexual activity with another child -- or even where the 'natural and probable consequences' of the teacher's instruction is to cause that child to engage in sexual intercourse with a child -- that teacher can be charged under this statute" of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. ...
"Forcing our schools to instruct children on how to utilize contraceptives encourages our children to engage in sexual behavior, whether as a victim or an offender," he wrote. "It is akin to teaching children about alcohol use, then instructing them on how to make mixed alcoholic drinks."
He said in an interview with the Journal Sentinel that he could not say how likely he would be to file charges, saying it would depend on the specifics of any case.
"I'm not looking to charge any teachers," he said. "I've got enough work to do."
The paper spoke to a co-author of the legislation. She called the DA's letter "irresponsible" and said it was "laughable to think teachers could be charged for telling students how to use contraception."
"Using condoms isn't a crime for anyone," said Rep. Kelda Helen Roys, D-Madison. "This guy is not a credible legal source on this matter, I'm sorry to say. His purpose is to intimidate and create enough panic in the minds of school administrators that they'll turn their backs on young people and their families."
The new law continues to let parents remove their children from sex-ed classes, and schools can also not offer such instruction. One district that received the letter said it had not taught sex ed for years.
(Posted by Michael Winter)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Air Comet flight attendants have a creative solution to recouping the month's worth of unpaid wages they say they're owed by their employers. Specifically, they decided to strip.
The Spanish airline was grounded late last year after reeling under massive debt loads. Reuters spoke to Adriana Ricardo, one of the Air Comet workers who appears in the calendar, who said, "We are just demanding our rights to receive what is ours, we each have eight or nine months of unpaid salaries."
The airline sought to capitalize on this unexpected bonanza, and began charging passengers an extra $35 for the private showing. Some of the attendants were tipped by male passengers, as much as $250 in one instance. An airline spokesman said making the stripping attendants permanent features on all its flights was under consideration by senior management, which promised to share the additional revenue with stripping attendants who were owed back wages. One airline executive, Alfredo Cojones, who requested anonymity, said many of the company's employees were taking otherwise empty seats and flying whereever the aircraft was going. He said groping or other sexual displays by passengers and company employees alike were strictly prohibited.
An informal poll of passengers found 77% favored keeping the attendants unclothed. More than half of those polled said they would like to strip also during flights. One well-preserved and well-endowed woman, age 67, actually stirpped in the airline's main office in Madrid, in an effort to persuade the airline to go clothng optional.
The calendar has been making its way through the European media, and Reuters has a nice video on the story, not reproduced here out of naked fear.
jbo, Editor in Chief
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Ex-judge pleads guilty to keying neighbor's car
© 2010 The Associated Press April 8, 2010, 11:39AM
HOUSTON — A former state district judge in Houston must pay a $1,500 fine after pleading guilty to misdemeanor criminal mischief for keying his neighbor's car.
The Houston Chronicle reports that Woody Densen entered his plea Thursday. In return, prosecutors are dropping a felony criminal mischief charge returned by a Harris County grand jury in June.
Prosecutor Matthew Peneguy says Densen has made restitution for the damage he caused to neighbor Adam Kleibert's 2006 Range Rover. The May 2009 vandalism was captured on surveillance video.
The 70-year-old attorney was an elected state district judge in Harris County from 1983 until his 1994 defeat. He then served as a visiting judge throughout the state until 2007 when the Harris County Criminal Lawyers Association filed a complaint against him with the State Commission on Judicial Conduct. The commission later dismissed the complaint.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Typo costs prisoner 3 extra years in Indonesia
Apr 08 2010
JAKARTA, Indonesia— A Thai man has been released from an Indonesian prison after spending three extra years behind bars because of a typo in his paperwork, a report said Friday.
Kamjai Khong Thavorn, 53, should have been released in 2007 after serving a 20-year sentence for heroin possession but a clerical error wrongly stated his first year in prison as 1997 instead of 1987, the Jakarta Globe reported.
Kamjai was released Thursday after he told Indonesia's justice minister of the mistake during a chance meeting on the minister's tour of the maximum security prison in Central Java, it said.
"We realized the mistake that was made, so he was released unconditionally," the prison's warden, Sutrisman, told the newspaper.
Kamjai was taken to the Thai Embassy in Jakarta, the warden said, where he apparently was shot by an embassy guard who mistook him for a terrorist.
Officials at the justice ministry and prison could not immediately be reached for comment Friday. Komjai's dying words were: "I shoulda stayed in that stinkin' prison; it's better than what I've got here."
Cops: Pa. dad left pot in kindergartner's Elmo bag
Apr 08 2010
UNIONTOWN, Pa.— Police say a Pennsylvania father went to his son's elementary school to retrieve nearly four ounces of marijuana from the kindergartner's Elmo backpack.
State police say Ronald Washington called Menallen Elementary School in Uniontown on Thursday morning to ask if his son had arrived at school. Police say Washington told school officials he needed to fetch something from the boy's backpack, prompting school officials to search it.
Police say school officials called to say they had found pot in the bag. Troopers were waiting to arrest Washington when he arrived shortly before 9 a.m.
Online court records don't list an attorney for the 33-year-old Washington. He was unable to post $100,000 and jailed.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Man calls 911 after hooker fails to deliver in fast food bathroom
APRIL 5--Meet William Ferris. The Ohio man yesterday paid a prostitute $50 with the understanding that he would receive a full menu of sexual services in the bathroom of a White Castle in Cincinnati. However, when the hooker only performed oral sex on him, Ferris--who was also expecting vaginal sex--contacted police to report that he had just been robbed.
When Hamilton County Sheriff's Office deputies responded to Ferris's 911 call, his "story began to fall apart," according to an arrest report. Ferris admitted that he was not, in fact, robbed by his unidentified paid date. In an interview, a frustrated Ferris told TSG that he expected "all of it for $50," but just got "kissing and sucking" during the 20-minute bathroom encounter.
He added that the hooker picked the White Castle for their assignation since its bathroom locked (not because of the eatery's tasty belly bombers). The unemployed Ferris, charged with solicitation and making a false police report, was scheduled to be arraigned today on the misdemeanor counts. He told TSG that he will be charged with trespassing if he returns to the White Castle on Harrison Avenue.
The former co-owner of a Houston medical equipment company has been convicted of bilking Medicaid of nearly $1 million in a scheme involving adult diapers.
Fred Jessie Cole Jr., 44, pleaded guilty to 14 counts of health care fraud connected to a scam to file fraudulent claims for incontinence supplies. Cole, who is free on bond, is scheduled to be sentenced Aug. 11. He faces up to 10 years in prison, a fine of up to $250,000, up to three years of supervised release, and a lifetime of ridicule as the "Pee King."
Federal officials said Cole, who was co-owner of Crusade Integrated Health Services, admitted to submitting fraudulent claims to the Texas Medicaid Program for diapers that were neither delivered, nor wanted, nor needed, by the Medicare participants. Cole had submitted $1,068,387 worth of claims for diapers to Medicaid and was paid $937,567 for those claims, federal officials said.
Though he initially denied the charge, prosecutors suspected he was simply full of it. Federal authorities said he eventually admitted to submitting claims to Medicaid for the delivery of 1,338,466 units of diapers and briefs when he only purchased 314,571 units and to forging the signatures of Medicaid beneficiaries on delivery tickets.
Cops: Man went to wrong house for 'group sex'
April 6, 2010
WEST HARTFORD -- Police say an ad for group sex led to the arrest of a man who allegedly entered the wrong house and groped an 18-year-old woman.
Richard Zeh, 29, of Newington was responding to the Craigslist ad yesterday when he let himself into the wrong house, where a woman repeatedly asked him to leave, police said.
Zeh then went to the address in the ad, but was told to leave by residents who say they didn't place the ad, police said. Zeh then went back to the first woman's house and allegedly groped her, police said.
Zeh was charged with misdemeanor sexual assault, burglary and other crimes. He was held on $250,000 bail. A woman who answered the phone at his home this morning told reporters she had no problem with group sex herself, but still declined to comment.
Police say they're trying to find out who placed the ad.
When Zeh returned the reporter's call he said he was still trying to find the right house and wanted to know if the reporter knew.
Monday, April 5, 2010
(AP Photo/Kamran Jebreili)
Families enjoy swimming at a public beach in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, Sunday April 4, 2010. This photo has nothing to do with the story appearing below. It was just lying around the office, being wasted.
This is the story. See what I mean?
A Dubai appeals court today upheld a one-month prison sentence for a British couple convicted of kissing in a restaurant. The pair landed in court after an Emirati woman complained about the public kiss, which the couple insisted was just a peck on the cheek. They were arrested in November and convicted of inappropriate behavior and illegal drinking.
Black Holes Come in Many Colors According to Scientists Who Look at Them.
April 5, 2010
In the interest of using bizarre stuff to further our readers' knowledge whilst entertaining them, BizarreStuff has decided to post educational bizarre stuff now and again. This is the first in a most likely erratic series.
Black holes are formed when a massive star collapses from the force of its own gravity, resulting in a dense mass of matter whose gravity is so powerful that even light cannot escape. Hence, the name Black Hole. The gravitational force is so strong that if you were to fall into or be sucked into a black hole, your body would instantly be compacted to the size of a speck,a dust mote, i.e.,unbelievably small.
The Black Hole depicted above is mainly blue with a black hole in the center. But it is still called a black hole, possibly because a black hole sounds more mysterious and sinister than say a pale yellow hole.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Some of the women wore expensive frocks and some were dressed in tubular socks, but everybody was steaming hot when all the fun commenced. People were screaming and hollaring and jumpin' and yellin'; bottles were flying and the fish was smelling.
The people was having the time of their life, and Jim was jiving Jill, his wife, and over in the corner was a beat-up grand being played by a one-armed piano man. (He could only play bass, with his left arm.)Then way up above all the noise they made, somebody hollared, better get outta here Bub; this is a raid.
All of a sudden the lights went low, and everybody scrambled for one of the doors. But the MAN had 'em blocked from the front and the back and they was puttin''em in the wagon like potato sacks. They took 'em to jail in a dazed condition and booked each one of them on suspicion. My woman came down and went my bail and finally got me outta that stinkin'jail. And then, by then the joint was empty, with the lights all out and nobody in it. But the heads outside who by now were fried, were unconvinced and kept shootin' within it. Here's what it looked like:
Wife suffers tonsil injury from oral sex
April 02, 2010
By Diana Fasanella
A young woman from Moscow received emergency treatment after suffering a serious injury to the mucous membranes in her throat while performing fellatio on her husband.
The 19-year-old woman, who was not identified, was treated for injury of the mucous membrane of her right tonsil when she woke up with blood in her mouth after a night of wild passion, Pravda reports.
The couple has been married only a short time, which probably explained how the injury occurred, medics said. Aggressive oral sex was cited as the cause.
Man climbs through McDonald's drive-thru for fish
Apr 02 2010
SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J.— Police said an impatient customer slapped a drive-thru worker at a New Jersey McDonald's because he was tired of waiting for his Filet-O-Fish sandwich. The man paid for the sandwich at the first window at the restaurant on Route 1 in South Brunswick early Sunday.
Surveillance video obtained by WNBC-TV in New York shows the man climbed out the back window of a vehicle and into the pickup window.
Police said the man told an employee he would be waiting for him, slapped him in the face and walked out of the store with the sandwich.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Ruling OK's Tasering Pregnant Woman Three Times
Seven-months-pregnant Malaika Brooks suffered repeated 50,000 volt shocks for refusing to sign a speeding ticket, and a federal court of appeals ruled it justified.
April 2, 2010
Query: You are a police officer on traffic patrol and you pull over an irate driver who refuses to admit she was doing 32 mph in a 20-mph zone. She won't sign the speeding ticket, not even when you call for backup. Also, she is pregnant. What do you do?
a) Finish writing the ticket, making note of the fact that the driver refused to sign, and send her on her way, perhaps admonishing her in the process.
b) Grab the keys from the ignition, tase her three times, force her out of her car, and arrest her.
In the minds of three Seattle police officers in 2004, b)was the reasonable course of action when they stopped seven-months-pregnant Malaika Brooks -- and last week, a federal appeals court agreed.
In a 2-1 ruling, Judges Cynthia Holcomb Hall and Diarmuid F. O'Scannlain of the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit ruled the officers were justified in their use of force, because of the threat that Brooks might somehow "retrieve the keys and drive off erratically," and because the third tasing allowed the officers to "finally extract her from her car and gain control over her."
The decision was met with outrage -- not the least of which came from the dissenting judge in the case, Judge Marsha Berzon, whose opinion reminded the court that, after Brooks was tased, "the Officers then dragged Brooks from the car, laid her on her stomach in the street, and held her down while they handcuffed her, despite her protestations that she was pregnant and they were hurting her stomach.
"The Taser left burn marks on Brooks's thigh, shoulder, and neck. It also left scars, including a scar on her arm that is probably permanent," she wrote.
"I fail utterly to comprehend how my colleagues are able to conclude that it was objectively reasonable to use any force against Brooks, let alone three activations of a Taser, in response to such a trivial offense."
Writing about the case, Digby, who often blogs about Tasers, argued: "What these judges seem to be saying is that there is no lawful reason that an officer cannot taser a citizen as long as he is barking some order and they fail to comply quickly enough.....hat's scary."
'How Pregnant Are You?'
Two days before Thanksgiving, in 2004, Malaika Brooks was rushing to drop off her son at school at the African American Academy in Seattle, when she was pulled over speeding in a school zone. Her son got out of the car and headed for school; meanwhile, Brooks, seven months pregnant and stressed out, told the officer she was not speeding and refused to sign her name to the ticket.
The police officer, Juan Ornelas, was joined by his partner, Ofc. Donald Jones, who threatened Brooks with arrest if she did not sign the ticket. When she still refused, they called for backup; Sergeant Steven Daman pulled up, ordering the officers to arrest her.
According to court documents, "initial attempts to arrest Ms. Brooks were unsuccessful." They tried to forcibly remove her from the car using a "pain compliance hold" -- twisting her arm up behind her back -- but she "stiffened her body and clutched her steering wheel."
"Ofc. Jones then brandished a taser and threatened to use it on Ms. Brooks," according to court documents. "He 'yelled' at her, and asked her if she knew 'how many volts' the taser had."
"I also informed Brooks that the taser was fifty thousand volts and that the taser was going to hurt extremely bad if applied," Jones said in a statement.
Ms. Brooks told Ofc. Jones that she was pregnant, and was two months away from her due date. According to Ms. Brooks, Ofc. Jones asked "How pregnant are you?" Ofc. Jones demonstrated the arcing of electricity between the two contact points of the taser, but this did not persuade Ms. Brooks to leave her car.
After discussing where to tase her -- eventually "deciding on her thigh" -- "Officer Jones discharged the Taser against Brooks's thigh, through her sweat pants, which caused Brooks 'tremendous pain.' She began to yell and honk the car's horn."
Within the next minute, Officer Jones tased her two more times, against her shoulder and neck, the latter being the only area of exposed skin. Brooks was unable to get out of the car herself during this time because her arm was still behind her back. The third tasing moved Brooks to the right, at which point Officers Ornelas and Jones were able to extract her from the car through a combination of pushing and pulling.
Brooks was arrested and charged with failing to obey a police officer, for her refusal to sign the ticket, as well as resisting arrest. (She was also given medical attention "immediately.") Two months later, she delivered a healthy baby girl, named Taria.
Six months after her arrest, the Seattle police "adopted a new policy on Taser use," according to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, "that guides officers on how to deal with pregnant women, the very young, the very old and the infirm." The new policy emphasized that "the need to stop the behavior should clearly justify the potential for additional risks."
Around the same time, in May 2005, Brooks was convicted of the first charge; the second charge was dropped after the jury could not make a decision. During her criminal trial, Officer Ornelas admitted that Seattle Police Department rules did not actually authorize him to arrest her for refusing to sign the ticket, a fact that would be disputed in subsequent court documents. (In 2006, the Seattle legislature amended the law books to forbid police officers from arresting motorists for failing to sign their tickets.)
Malaika Brooks sued the officers for violating her constitutional rights. In June 2008, U.S. District Judge Richard Jones ruled that the lawsuit could go to trial. "Any reasonable officer would have acknowledged numerous factors limiting the degree of force he could use against Ms. Brooks," he wrote. What's more, "Ms. Brooks did not pose a danger to the public or to the officers, and there was no danger she would flee the scene." (The officers had taken her keys out of the ignition.) "Throughout the standoff between herself and the officers, Ms. Brooks did not use force against the officers or threaten to do so."
"Using a taser to inflict extreme pain to effect the arrest for a minor regulatory offense of a non-violent pregnant woman already under police control is a Fourth Amendment violation," the judge concluded. The Ninth Circuit ruling overturns this conclusion.
Have Cops -- and Courts -- Lost Their Minds?
Malaika Brooks is not the first pregnant woman to be tased, nor is she likely to be the last. Such episodes have been documented with disturbing regularity -- from an Ohio woman who was tased in a police station lobby in 2007, to a backyard picnic in Virginia last year, where the pregnant mother of two boys celebrating their baptism was tased in the back after trying to help a guest who was also tased by police. (She was charged with assaulting a police officer.) As Scott Thill wrote for AlterNet last year, thanks to their classification as "non-lethal weapons," "cops have nearly lost their minds using it on everyone from children, the elderly, and pregnant mothers to the mentally unstable and physically disabled." Just this week, Indiana police officers used a stun gun on an "unruly" 10-year-old child.
The latest ruling in the Brooks case might suggest that the courts, too, have lost their minds when it comes to the appropriate use of such weaponry on civilians. Yet, in December, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit -- the court that just ruled in favor of the Seattle police officers -- issued a ruling, heralded as a landmark decision, which held that police officers could be held individually liable for using a Taser on a person without reason. "The objective facts must indicate that the suspect poses an immediate threat to the officer or a member of the public," the court ruled.
"The federal finding substantially changes the landscape of Taser usage," Raj Jayadev and Aram James wrote for New America Media earlier this year, "and may signal the end of Tasers for law enforcement agencies who are now more vulnerable to civil and criminal action then ever before."
Of course, this can only be true if judges presiding over such actions see Tasers as the potentially lethal torture devices that they are, rather than a natural extension of police power. (Not to mention a finite concept of said power.) "As police officers, they could have hurt me seriously," Brooks told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer in 2005. "They could have hurt my unborn fetus. All because of a traffic ticket. Is this what it's come down to?"
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Police: Calif. robber holds up 11 people, nets $6
Police artist's sketch of perpetrator.
March 10, 2010 THERMAL, Calif. (AP) --
A Sheriff's Department statement said a woman, armed with a semi-automatic pistol entered the La Chicanita Market in the town of Thermal on Tuesday afternoon.
Deputy Herlinda Valenzuela says the woman confronted 10 customers in the store and also demanded money from one person who was entering the market. She collected a total of $6 from the hapless store patrons, then fled in an old car.
Nobody was hurt.
After interviewing several of the victims a police sketch artist prepared the above composite picture of the woman, which was being circulated to law enforcement officials in Los Angeles, Sacramento, and Bismarck, No. Dakota. Police said the woman was armed, considered extremely dangerous and should be approached with caution.
Income from larceny is believed to have fallen by more than 25% in the area, which in turn has impacted cocaine and marijuana sales while numerous topless clubs have been forced to go bottomless, too, in order to maintain revenues.
A spokeswoman for the California Nude Dancers Association, who refused to provide her bust size, said if the recession doesn't ease up soon many female strippers and exotic dancers might have to go back to work at Wal-Mart, Target, Family Dollar or Sacs Fifth Avenue.
Police: NJ teen sold stepsister, 7, for party sex
Mar 31 2010
BETH DeFALCO and AARON MORRISON - Associated Press Writers
(AP Photo/Rich Schultz)
Rowan Towers at 620 West State Street, in Trenton, N.J., is shown on Wednesday, March 31, 2010. The building was the site of a party where police say a 15-year-old sold her 7-year-old sister to have sex with as many as seven men and boys. Police say the child later put on her clothes and two strangers walked the crying girl home. She was treated at a hospital. Police say the teenager, who stayed behind, also took money to have sex with others at a party in the Trenton apartment on Sunday. The older girl is charged with aggravated sexual assault, promoting prostitution and other crimes. Her name was not released because of her age.
TRENTON, N.J.— It started with a party invitation to a 15-year-old girl from some men she knew. She took her 7-year-old stepsister to an apartment down the street from their home near the Statehouse, where the girls had been hanging around outside on a Sunday afternoon.
For the younger girl, police say it quickly descended into a horrifying ordeal in which she was gang-raped by as many as seven men as her sister not only watched but got paid by those who did it.
Their parents, none the wiser, thought maybe they had run away.
"We're talking about a kid who told her sister to go into an apartment and let people rape her," said Trenton police Capt. Joseph Juniak. "It's unfathomable."
The teen has been charged with aggravated sexual assault, promoting prostitution and other crimes. Her name was not released because of her age, but the county prosecutor plans to ask the court to try her as an adult. In the meantime, she is being held at the Mercer County Youth Detention Center.
The 7-year-old had wanted to tag along because she was worried about the 15-year-old's safety, Mayor Doug Palmer said.
When the girls didn't return home by 4:30 Sunday afternoon, their parents called police, believing the older one had run away from home and taken her younger sister with her.
In fact, they were down the street inside a 13th-floor apartment at Rowan Towers, a high-rise complex so dangerous that police are hired as security guards at night.
"They keep it clean on the outside, but it's what's on the inside that you have to worry about," said neighbor William Johnson, who says police are coming out of the building all the time.
Inside apartment 13-C, police said, the 7-year-old was soon left alone as her sister headed to a back bedroom to sell sex to several men. When she came out into the living room, she handed her 7-year-old sister money and encouraged her to let the men touch her.
"It went from touching to straight out assault and rape," Juniak said. "They threatened to kill her if she screamed or told anyone."
Afterward, the child put on her clothes and left. Her sister stayed behind with the men.
Two women found the child crying outside the apartment and walked her home, where police were waiting.
The child told them what happened and was treated at a hospital. When police located the 15-year-old later that night, she also told them what happened and was arrested.
Palmer said the crimes are among the worst he's seen in 20 years as mayor.
"It's sickening," he said. "The police are taking this personal. I know there's a place in hell for all the people that participated in this and I'm sure they will get there."
"Personally, as a father with a 7-year-old daughter, I can't imagine the horror," Palmer added.
Lauren Kidd, a spokeswoman for New Jersey's Children and Families department, said state and federal confidentiality laws prohibit the agency from commenting about possible prior involvement with the family. But Juniak indicated the department may have had previous contact with the older girl.
Police are now scouring video surveillance from lobby and elevator cameras to try to identify everyone at the party. They believe there were about a dozen people in the apartment, mostly teenage boys and men who police say likely broke in _ a fairly common occurrence in the crime-plagued neighborhood that sits in the shadow of the Statehouse's golden dome.
Last week, police responded to a home invasion there and a shooting just outside the lobby.
Police Director Irving Bradley Jr. said the building's management company, Interstate Realty Management Co., has been working with police to curb the violence.
"This is incredibly disturbing," said Laura Zaner, a spokeswoman for IRM.
Two private security guards man the lobby doors during the day. At 5 p.m., two police officers take over.
Bradley said the company is installing more cameras and had just hired a third officer to work the night shift to allow two officers to do hourly hallway patrols. He said Sunday may have been the first day they were supposed to have started the patrols.
Chalia Johnkins, who lives around the corner from the Towers, said gatherings of men are commonplace and police should have known something unsavory was happening.
"The police who were supposed to be on patrol should be held responsible," she said. "They could have prevented this. These weren't regular guards. They were police and they still didn't see the baby crying?"
Annette Lartique, the city councilwoman who represents the area where the crime occurred, said the community would expect nothing less than the prosecution of everyone involved to the fullest extent of the law.
"I know we are going to send a message on this one," she said. "Everybody will pay a price _ from the person who opened the door to the person who pushed the elevator button."