Thursday, September 30, 2010

Lawyer Feels Cheated Because of "Lousy $41 Million Fee" He Was Paid



Ex-Associate Testifies PI Lawyer Disappointed by ‘Lousy $41 Million’ in Fees


A onetime associate who worked for personal injury lawyer George Fleming revealed in courtroom testimony Wednesday that his onetime boss was disappointed about “a lousy $41 million” in fees earned in a fen-phen case.

Jim Doyle testified Wednesday about fees and expenses in a fen-phen settlement obtained on behalf of 8,100 plaintiffs represented by Fleming, the Houston Chronicle reports. Ten of the former plaintiffs have sued Fleming, claiming they didn’t learn until after the settlement that the plaintiffs were charged for echocardiograms performed on 35,000 people who were rejected as clients because they were healthy.

Doyle said he left Fleming’s firm because he disagreed with the decision to charge the fen-phen plaintiffs for tests given to rejected clients, the story says. He also recalled that Fleming was disappointed because he had earned only $41 million in fees after expenses in the case. "He said he had worked too long and too hard for a lousy $41 million," Doyle testified.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Mexican Recall Election Ousts Smalltown Mayor


Small-town mayor stoned to death in western Mexico


Sep 27 2010
By GUSTAVO RUIZ - Associated Press Writer




(AP Photo/Agencia Quadratin)

In this photo taken Dec. 13, 2009, Gustavo Sanchez, mayor of the small town of Tancitaro, Mexico, is depicted prior to the successful recall election that removed him from office. The bodies of Sanchez and an aide Rafael Equihua were discovered on a dirt road near the city of Uruapan, Mexico, on Monday Sept. 27, 2010. According to a spokesman for the Michoacan state Attorney General, the men were stoned to death.

Questions were being asked about the legality of the recall election because no one could be found who had signed the recall petition.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Women's Bra Doubles As Twin Gas Masks


Pantego, TX

September 26, 2010

The Emergency Bra is a protective garment that transforms into two respiratory face masks in case of an emergency.

www.Ebbra.com

The Emergency Bra is a protective garment that transforms into two respiratory face masks in case of an emergency.

Caught in a disaster? You should be wearing the Emergency Bra. Simply unsnap the bright red bra, separate the cups, and slip it over your head -- one cup for you, and one for your friend.

Dr. Elena Bodnar won an Ignoble Award for the invention last year, an annual tribute to scientific research that on the surface seems goofy but is often surprisingly practical. And now Bodnar has brought the eBra to the public; purchase one online for just $29.95.

"The goal of any emergency respiratory device is to achieve tight fixation and full coverage. Luckily, the wonderful design of the bra is already in the shape of a face mask and so with the addition of a few design features, the Emergency Bra enhances the efficiency of minimizing contaminated bypass air flow," explains the eBra website.

It sounds silly, but Bodnar, a Ukraine native who now lives in Chicago, started her medical career studying the effects of the 1986 Chernobyl nuclear plant disaster. If people had had cheap, readily available gas masks in the first hours after the disaster, she said, they may have avoided breathing in Iodine-131, which causes radiation sickness.

The bra-turned-gas masks could have also been useful during the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, and for women caught outside during the dust storms that recently enveloped Sydney, she said.

Sexual Deviant Atlanta Pastor Backed By Demented Congregation


(AP Photo/John Amis, Pool)

Bishop Eddie Long prepares to speak at a news conference, Sunday, Sept. 26, 2010, at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Atlanta. Bishop Eddie Long, the pastor of a Georgia megachurch accused of luring young men into sexual relationships, has told his congregation of thousands that all people must face painful and distasteful situations.

LITHONIA, Ga. — Casting himself as the Bible's ultimate underdog, Bishop Eddie Long went before thousands of faithful supporters at his megachurch Sunday and promised to fight accusations that he lured four young men into sexual relationships.

"I feel like David against Goliath. But I got five rocks, and I haven't thrown one yet," Long said in his first public remarks since his accusers filed lawsuits last week claiming he abused his "spiritual authority." He stopped short of denying the allegations but implied he was wronged by them.

"I have never in my life portrayed myself as a perfect man. But I am not the man that's being portrayed on the television. That's not me. That is not me," he said.

Long's brief addresses to the congregation at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church were met with thunderous applause and an outpouring of support during services that were equal parts part rock concert and pep rally. The sanctuary was nearly filled to its 10,000-seat capacity for both the 8 a.m. and 11 a.m. services. Many lined up two hours before the doors of the church opened.

Long became one of the country's most powerful independent church leaders over the last 20 years, turning a suburban Atlanta congregation of 150 to a 25,000-member powerhouse with a $50 million cathedral and a roster of parishioners that includes athletes, entertainers and politicians. And there was almost no sign Sunday that his flock wanted to turn him away.

Followers prayed, sang and embraced one another as they rallied around their senior pastor. Wearing a cream-colored suit as he exhorted the crowd into a frenzied state of denial, the Reverend Long told his flock, "The devil made me do it."

Expert on Taser Defense Fails to Stop Cops


Wyoming man douses himself in paint to avoid Taser

Sep 25 2010

CHEYENNE, Wyo. — A Cheyenne man who doused himself with white latex paint in hopes of avoiding a police Taser was hit with the stun gun anyway.

The Taser chase happened Sept. 16, when Cheyenne police went to Brian Mattert's home on a domestic violence call. The Wyoming Tribune Eagle reports that when police arrived, Mattert thought they'd use a Taser on him, so he hastily covered himself in paint and told officers that if they shot him with the stun gun, he'd die.

Officers told him the paint wouldn't affect the Taser's capability but hosed him down to remove the water based paint. According to police, Mattert scuffled with officers and climbed a fire escape ladder in an attempt to get away. That's when he was hit with a Taser twice before officers handcuffed him.

He faces several criminal charges, including indecent exposure. Police say the officers' uniforms had to be cleaned.

___

Information from: Wyoming Tribune Eagle - Cheyenne, http://www.wyomingnews.com

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Entire Mexican Nation Killed in Massive, Nationwide Drug Cartel Shoot-Out.



Mexico Killed In Drug Deal

September 20, 2010

Partial scene of the crime in Sinaloa

MEXICO CITY—In the latest incident of drug-related violence to hit the country, all 111 million citizens of Mexico were killed Monday during a shoot-out between rival drug cartels. Knowledgeable officials estimated that it took slightly less than 3 hours to kill the 111 million victims. Two Guatemalan assassins were called in to kill the still-standing shooters of the Mexican population in order to make it a clean sweep. There were no Mexican public officials available to comment on the tragedy because of their own deaths.

Many thousands of Americans and Europeans with vacation plans in Mexico, many of these prepaid, expressed outrage that the nation had disappeared and with it their dreams of an inexpensive Mexican holiday. Some vowed never to return. Antonio Cartablanca, an Italian citizen, expressed the sentiments of most tourists in remarking that any country that was incapable of remaining alive to serve foreign tourists should be boycotted.

According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, the violence was sparked by a botched drug deal involving an estimated 20 kilograms of marijuana, a dispute that led low-level members of the Sinaloa cartel to open fire on local dealers in Culiacán. Within seconds, the gunfire had spread to Chihuahua, Michoacán, Morelos, Puebla and the Yucatán, and, minutes later, the other 25 Mexican states, leaving every person in Mexico dead.

"We're still piecing together details, but it looks as though the incident began as an act of retaliation against Sinaloa by two foot soldiers from the Los Zetas cartel," DEA administrator Michele Leonhart said. "The Gulf and Tijuana cartels then responded before being ambushed by La Familia Michoacána and Los Negros, a gang of white foreigners who had become prominent in Mexican drug dealing. At that point, with their dying gasps for air, witnesses reported hearing roughly 357 million gunshots, during which time the Mexican populace was caught in the crossfire and killed."

"A four-gram bag of cocaine was also recovered by agents," Leonhart added, making another dent in the flow of illegal drugs from Mexico."

Leonhart said the DEA has sealed off the 761,606-square-mile crime scene, which is littered with bullet-riddled bodies and assault rifles, and splattered with blood.

The DEA investigation has so far determined that 20 million of the victims were murdered in the shoot-out while driving, biking, or walking to their homes, and that stray bullets killed another 8 million people watching the violence from their windows or balconies. An additional 1 million sons who set out to avenge the deaths of their fathers and mothers were annihilated in the final minutes while attempting to settle the score.

Authorities also confirmed that a number of Mexican residents were immediately taken hostage by gangs, but all 20 million were murdered execution style when relatives failed to pay their ransom to local drug lords due to their own deaths.

Several tourists who managed to escape the violence by hiding in the ruins of Templo Mayor in Mexico City were stunned by the gruesome aftermath.

"We just heard some shouting at first and then a bunch of what sounded like firecrackers," said Allan Curtis, who was on vacation with four friends. "It probably only lasted for a few minutes, and we thought it was a wedding celebration, but when we came out there were like 8 million bodies in the streets. At that time we realized this was something much bigger."

In response to the violence, Mexican president Felipe Calderón had declared a state of emergency before being gunned down at the podium by his own body guards, all members of the Mexican Mafia. But the state of emergency quickly fell apart because there was no one left alive to enforce it.

Mexican law enforcement struggled to maintain order during the first hour of the massacre, with 4 million police officers taking point-bank shots to the face while attempting to collect bribes; others were reportedly driven out to the desert where corrupt partners slit their throats and stole their movie passes.

"We are doing our best at the moment to locate any Mexican police or military officials who are still alive so that we may work hand-in-hand with them to combat the growing problem of drug violence in Mexico," Leonhart told reporters. "Episodes like this are simply unacceptable and will not be tolerated by the United States government. Mexico was one of Latin America's leading nations in the Organization of American States, and had no right to leave abruptly without notice. We intend to seek sanctions against them for this violation of organization bylaws."

After being informed of the tragic loss of its southern neighbor, President Obama vowed that the U.S. never again would permit one of its Latin American neighbor nations to be totally killed. "There are better ways to cope with population growth than killing an entire nation," said a White House spokesperson to apparently no one after flying on a U.S. Air Force plane to Mexico City to console the dead.

At press time, U.S. drug dealers said they were not sure how or when the vast supplies of marijuana left behind by the Mexican cartels would reach their intended consumers, but they wished to assure the American public that they are doing all they can to maintain the steady supply of illegal drugs from Mexico to the U.S. Tens of thousands of Americans depend on drug trafficking for their livelihood and this senseless act will result in even greater unemployment and poverty in the U.S., according to a prerecorded study of the Congressional Budget Office in Washington.

++Heimlich Maneuver contributed to this story from Bonn, Germany

*The guts of this story were lifted from an article in the Onion but it was significantly changed and misreported so as not to constitute any violation of copyright. For example, Heimlich Maneuver is not a real person.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Human Bomb Used By Robbers in Florida Bank Heist


US bank robbers strap bomb to teller


September 25, 2010

Armed police surround the Bank of America in Miami that the robbers targeted / AP Source: AP

A BANK teller was kidnapped from his home by robbers who strapped a suspected bomb to his chest and used him to steal money from a Bank of America branch near the University of Miami.

The suspected explosive device was safely removed from the teller and authorities were working to detonate it.

"The device has been taken off. It is contained within the bank," Lieutenant Janette Frevola, of the Coral Gables Police Department. told reporters.

A major South Florida thoroughfare, US1, was closed for hours in both directions at the height of rush hour. Three local schools were on lockdown as a precaution and the University of Miami sent out a campus-wide alert warning students and staff to avoid the area, although classes continued as usual.

The incident began yesterday with a home invasion at an apartment complex in the suburb of Kendall, where the bank teller lived, said FBI spokeswoman Judy Orihuela.

The robbers took the teller to the Coral Gables bank, used him to steal an undetermined amount of cash and then made a getaway in a stolen red Ford Mustang.

Lieutenant Frevola said police were questioning the teller and would not reveal his identity. They were still investigating whether he was involved in the crime or just a victim.

Initial reports that there were hostages in the bank appeared to be unfounded, but the incident triggered a massive police response because of the possible explosive.

Bank of America said in a statement: "The safety of our associates is our highest priority and Bank of America is working closely with law enforcement to assist in the situation."


Read more: http://www.news.com.au/world/us-bank-robbers-strap-bomb-to-teller/story-e6frfkyi-1225929172967#ixzz10VoMM7oN

Lawyer Severely Punished For Failure To Conscientiously Represent Client During Trial


Lawyer Gets 2 Days in Jail for Snorting Coke at Courthouse During Client’s Trial



A Wisconsin lawyer, pictured here, who was caught snorting cocaine during the trial of his client, was punished with a harsh sentence of 2 days in jail. Other cocaine snorting lawyers have come to the jailed attorney's defense, arguing that many of their own clients snort cocaine or even shoot up heroin during their trials, so why shouldn't their lawyers have the same privilege. One of the lawyers claimed snorting cocaine could make your mind sharper, providing a better defense for their clients at no additional charge.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Michigan Man Pisses On Police Station - Pisses Off Cops - Issued $250 Citation


Cops: Man urinates on police station, walks in

Sep 21 2010

ROYAL OAK, Mich. — Authorities said a man urinated on the side of the Royal Oak police station, and then walked inside one afternoon last week. Lt. Gordon Young told the Detroit Free Press that "after urinating, the suspect entered the station in an attempt to file a police report on an undisclosed matter."

That's when witnesses informed the police at the front desk of the man's activities while outside. The man said he needed to pee and couldn't wait until he got inside.

Deputy City Attorney Mark Liss said the man was issued a citation and likely will serve no jail time but pay a fine and court costs of $250.

The undisclosed matter the man sought to report was his knowledge of the perpetrators of a recent rape in the neighborhood.

___

Information from: Detroit Free Press, http://www.freep.com

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Crooked California Elected and Public Officials Charged By LA County DA



Bell residents Jaime Luna, left, and Susanna Villela, center, celebrate in front of City Hall. Los Angeles County Dist. Atty. Steve Cooley filed charges against eight current and former Bell officials Tuesday, alleging that they misappropriated $5.5 million in public funds. Robert Rizzo, Bell's former city manager, has been charged with 53 counts of misappropriation of public funds and conflict of interest. The mayor, city manager, assistant city manager and members of the city council have been paying themselves huge salaries, paid for by the generally lower income residents of the small California town. With salaries in the hundreds of thousands of dollars for little or no work, these officials were bleeding their fellow citizens, the same ones who elected them.

Monday, September 20, 2010

A Drink at All Costs



Improvising to get drunk is never a good idea

September 15, 2010

Three employees of Russia's legendary Sukhoi aircraft maker died in Indonesia at Sultan Hasanuddin airbase. The three men were working in the country providing technical servicing for the fighter jets, which Indonesia had purchased from Russia. Sergei Voronin, Alexander Poltorak and Viktor Safonov arrived at the Indonesian airbase on September 5th and died on Monday, September 13th.

Agus Sapriyatna, the commander of the Indonesian airbase, told the local media that the body of Alexander Poltorak had been found in his hotel room, under the bed.

Forensic experts of the Indonesian police stated that pathologists had found traces of methanol, or industrial alcohol, in the blood of the men, RIA Novosti reports. As soon as the news about the death of Russian specialists appeared, Indonesian newspapers said that the Russians had most likely poisoned themselves with surrogate alcohol. Anonymous sources at the Russian aviation industry said that it could be possible indeed, because such incidents had happened before.

The traces of methanol, which were found in the blood and internal organs of the three Russian engineers, testified to the fact that the men had taken a lethal dose of the substance.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

German Man Blows Up Apartment in Major Goof


German blows up his own apartment in attempt to repair leaking airbed

A German who tried to fix his leaky air mattress blew up his apartment instead, the fire brigade in the western city of Düsseldorf said on Wednesday.

Rufus Doofus, a 45-year-old man used tire repair solvent to plug a hole in his airbed and left it to dry overnight.

When he tried to inflate it the following day it blew up. Kabloom!

"A spark from the electric air pump ignited it," a fire brigade spokesman said.

The blast was so strong it pushed his living room wall into the building's stairwell and caused extensive damage to walls, windows and furniture. The apartment manager immediately handed Mr. Doofus a notice of eviction.

Fire fighters evacuated the 12-apartment building and a neighbouring housing block while they checked for structural damage.

The man suffered burns on his arms, while a three-year-old girl suffered first degree burns.

Air Travellers Told to Prepare to Die in Error


"We're about to crash," British Air passengers told by mistake.


LONDON (Reuters) – British Airways apologised to passengers after an emergency message warning they were about to crash into the sea was played by mistake.

About 275 passengers were on the London Heathrow to Hong Kong flight on Tuesday evening when the automated message went out. The plane was flying over the North Sea at the time.

Cabin crew quickly realised the error and moved to reassure the terrified passengers.

"We all thought we were going to die," Michelle Lord, 32, of Preston, told The Sun newspaper.

Another passenger was reported saying: "I can't think of anything worse than being told your plane's about to crash."

A spokesman for British Airways said an investigation was under way to discover whether it was human error or a computer glitch.

"We apologise to passengers on board the flight for causing them undue distress," he added in a statement.

"Our cabin crew immediately made an announcement following the message advising customers that it was an error and that the flight would continue as normal."

(Writing by Avril Ormsby; Editing by Steve Addison)

Lawyer Screws Client's Wife - Suspended for Three Years

A Michigan lawyer receives a three-year suspension for having sex with his client's wife.

Gregory A. Mikat of Fenton, was accused of having an affair with the wife of a man he represented in a separate maintenance action she had filed against his client and then failing to disclose the relationship when his client sought his advice about his suspicions that his wife was being unfaithful.

The client only found out about the relationship after seeking the advice of another lawyer, who hired a private investigator who confirmed the man's suspicions.

Mikat's three-year suspension by the Michigan Attorney Discipline Board was upped considerably from the 179-day suspension previously imposed on the lawyer by a hearing panel, the Legal Profession Blog reported.

In its opinion (PDF), the discipline board cited what it said were two aggravating factors that apparently were overlooked by the hearing panel: the emotional vulnerability of Mikat's client, who had tearfully come to him for advice about his suspicions that his wife was having an affair; and Mikat's apparent inability or refusal to acknowledge the wrongful nature of his conduct.

It cited Mikat's testimony at a hearing before the hearing panel in which he apologized both to his client and to his client's wife, whom he said he may have hurt more than the client.

"With this statement, respondent demonstrated yet again that the loyalty he should have owed to his former client was overshadowed by his feelings for his client's wife," the board wrote in its opinion.

The board also ordered Mikat to pay his former client $5,000 in restitution.

The case was one of two disciplinary actions reported this week on the Legal Profession Blog concerning lawyers accused of having sex with their clients' wives. In the other case, the South Carolina Supreme Court issued an anonymous admonition to a unidentified lawyer who admitted having an affair with the wife of a man he represented in three legal matters and stated that having a sexual relationship with the spouse of a current client is a per se ethical violation.

The South Carolina bar, which is comprised mainly of inbreds, according to an anonymous and unverified reporter unfamiliar with the S.C. bar, filed an amicus brief in support of the screwing lawyer.

Dog Poop Showdown At The OK Corral


Ill. woman charged in dog poop-infused meltdown

Sep 17 2010

Not the real Ms. Miller - a Stand-In

NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Dog owners, beware: If you live in suburban Chicago and don't pick up after your pet, you might get tossed an unpleasant reminder. Police in Naperville said a woman who stepped in dog feces outside her apartment appears to have retaliated by heaving it at the door of her neighbor who owns a dog.

Susan Miller was charged with disorderly conduct after her bizarre protest Wednesday.

The Naperville Sun reported that police say Miller also uprooted a sign telling residents to pick up dog waste and placed it on the neighbor's patio. Miller was arrested after the neighbor called police.

An unapologetic Miller said that if she can pick up the poop from her 80-pound dog, her neighbor can pick up after a 20-pound dog.

Naperville is about 30 miles west of Chicago. It is a hotbed of violent confrontations between non-scooping dog owners and the dedicated pooper scoopers, led by Ms. Miller.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Bizarre Act of Oregon Woman Who Splashed Acid in Own Face

Sep. 18, 2010

FILE - This image provided by the Legacy Emanuel Medical Center shows Bethany Storro prior to surgery in Portland, Ore. Vancouver, Wash. Police Chief Clifford Cook said that Bethany Storro admitted to fabricating a story about the attack in which she suffered severe burns on Thursday, Sept. 16, 2010. Storro threw acid in her own face in an apparent desperate attempt to draw attention to herself or garner sympathy. Cook said he does not know the exact motive for Storro's actions, but added she is ''very remorseful.''

After the incident, Storro made several media appearances, but a planned interview on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" was canceled. She said she had received correspondence from people around the world concerned for her well-being.

The manufacturer of the acid used by Storro to disfigure her face declined an interview with reporters but did say through a spokesman that the product had specific written instructions on the label that the acid was not to be used as a facial cleanser. The manufacturer did offer Storro a full refund with proof of purchase.


Teen Girl Tricked Into Having Sex On Multiple Occasions


Cops: Teen Tricked Girl Into Sex

Bizarre scheme involved alleged threats from “drug dealers”

Ryne Anderson

AUGUST 27--A North Dakota man is facing felony charges for hatching the most harebrained scheme to get his ex-girlfriend to have sex with him.

Ryne Anderson, 18, dated the woman for “a period of time and then broke up,” according to a Grand Forks Police Department report. Over the subsequent months he told the woman, now 18, that his “life was in danger and that he needed help.” He claimed that drug dealers were watching both of them and that their lives were in danger unless “certain demands weren’t met within a specific timeframe.”

“It turned out that some of the demands were sexual in nature,” reported cop Travis Jacobson, who added that the victim was told that if “she didn’t go through with these demands that people would be hurt or even killed, including her and her family.”

Police and court documents provide no insight into why these purported drug dealers would want Anderson and the woman, who was 17 at the time, to engage in sexual activity (or how the victim fell for what seems to be a preposterous story). Anderson is pictured in the mug shot at left.

In February, Anderson arrived at the teen’s house and “stated that they better do what they needed to do.” The pair then engaged in sexual activity, which resulted in the filing of felony counts charging Anderson with sexual imposition and terrorizing.

Since the sexual encounter occurred when Anderson was 17, he was originally charged as a juvenile. But the case against him was transferred last month to District Court, where he will now be tried as an adult.

Anderson, who starred on his high school's baseball team, is scheduled for a September 27 preliminary hearing.

TSA Goes Voyeur-Porno in Scam to Use Scanners to View Flyers' Privates



September, 2010

A TSA employee went ballistic after taking a test drive on one of the full body scanners now employed by TSA voyeurs to examine passenger genitalia. The scanner revealed the employee has an exceptionally small penis. Co-workers began to tease him with various taunts and comments about his manhood. The employee finally broke and attacked his main tormenter in the parking lot after work, with a police baton which he used to pound his co-worker about the neck, shoulders and back. The co-worker filed assault charges against Mr. Negrin. (shown left and right)

The full body scan of Mr. Negrin shown here makes clear the extent to which the TSA and Secretary Napolitano have lied to the public about the invasiveness of the new scanning technology, which is a veritable peep show for TSA workers.

If you don't care to have your privates examined by a gang of voyeuristic, porno TSA workers, you need to use an alternate form of transportation. Vivre toujours le tren!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Prosecutor of Battering Boyfriend Tries to Hit On "Hot" Victim


Sheriff's Department)

This June 27, 2009 photo provided by the Calumet County Sheriff's Department shows Stephanie Van Groll, a domestic abuse victim whose ex-boyfriend Shannon Konitzer was charged with nearly choking her to death. A police report says Calumet County District Attorney Kenneth Kratz sent repeated text messages trying to spark an affair with Van Groll while he was prosecuting her ex-boyfriend.

The DA told her she was hot and could be a good partner for him. He emphasized that he was "the main prize" in the arrangement, with a $350,000 house and a position of respect and power. But she needed to act quickly because the offer would not be open that long.

Stephanie reported him to his superiors and said she felt pressured by him to have sex with him. A legal committee found he had not acted inappropriately and the DA now claims he's is the victim of a smear campaign and the voters could determine next election if he deserved to keep his job.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Newest Entrant To Dumb Criminals Hall of Shame

Police seek Darth Vader-masked robbery suspect


Watch the Video

FERNDALE, Mich. -- Ferndale police are seeking a man who wore a plastic Darth Vader mask before pulling a butcher knife and robbing a convenience store. Authorities said the holdup happened about 1:35 p.m. Monday at the Get & Go store in the Detroit suburb north-northwest of Detroit. Police said the man fled after demanding all the cash from the register. (Isn't that what robbers always do, flea?)

But Lt. William Wilson told The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak the suspect made a "significant mistake" because he was in range of a store surveillance camera before he donned the mask. Holy Moley.

Police described the suspect as a white male, 5-foot-10, 180 pounds, with dark hair and a goatee. He was wearing a blue V-neck sweater with a gray T-shirt and dark pants.

This description could fit about 100,000 white males living in the Detroit metro area so police are expecting a quick call from a friend, relative or deadly enemy, to report the robber. Police also to plan to appeal to the crook, via television and the distribution of leaflets in the neighborhood where the robbery occurred, to turn himself in because the area is so dangerous that police officers frequently sign out for patrol duty of the area but go for coffee and donuts instead. The city is banking on the new plan where criminals can turn themselves in, thereby conserving valuable public safety resources to use in the fight against criminals who will not take advantage of the voluntary confession process to avoid a confrontation with cops which could leave them dead or severely crippled.

The Ferndale chief of police, a petite woman who weighs only 92 lbs., said she was unwilling to confront the robber for fear of bodily injury. Instead, she proposed to make a public appeal on local TV to the robber to return the stolen money, turn himself in to police. and plead guilty to a life sentence without chance of parole. "It's a win-win outcome for everyone," she said.

Other sectors of the population felt the chief's plan was an act of cowardice, designed to protect her own ass and her double DD breast implants, a claim vehemently denied by a spokeswoman for the chief, who pointed out that the implants were only double CCs and that the chief always wore chest armor, which helped her to appear more imposing and to back down cereal killers in bread lines at the homeless shelter.

___

Information from: The Daily Tribune, http://www.dailytribune.com

Monday, September 13, 2010

How To Arrest An Alligator - A Field Guide to the Prevention of 'Gator Education


Florida Cops Hog-Tie and Cuff Young Alligator Trying to Enroll in School

Sep 13 2010

OLDSMAR, Fla. — Cops in Florida sucker punched a young alligator and then tied it up and handcuffed it in a display of unnecessary force. The 7-foot-long, immature 'gator was spotted by a crossing guard at a Tampa-area school where it tried to enter the school with some papers, which later turned out to be an enrollment application. School officials said they would not have enrolled the 'gator even if the cops had not taken the 'gator out. "The state would not pay us to educate an alligator," said a member of the school administration who spoke only on condition of redundancy. "The state would not pay us to educate an alligator," he redunded.

As the crossing guard and three heavily armed cops waited for a trapper to arrive, the alligator started walking toward the school with the other children. The cops then roped the gator's neck and tail as it rolled and thrashed. Its tail broke off chunks of stucco from a nearby wall. None of the other children were roped or otherwise deterred from entering the school.

Cops later secured the 'gator's mouth with black electrical tape and handcuffed its back legs. Florida Fish and Wildlife officials took custody of the 'gator until the trapper arrived. When the cops drug the 'gator into the bed of his truck the trapper examined the 'gator's enrollment application and shook his head silently, apparently sympathizing with the 'gator's wish to get an education and move out of the swamps, which now are heavily polluted in Florida.

Florida Meeks contributed to this article from Senegal

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Of Boobs and Identities


FL woman gets breast implants with stolen identity

September 12, 2010

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (KSLA) – A Florida woman, right, is being charged with credit card fraud after allegedly stealing another woman's identity, and then using it to pay for bigger breasts.

Florida police say that 29 year old Shatarka Nuby (interestingly, the diminutive of "nubile"), stole the identity of another woman. The victim discovered she was over 19 thousand dollars in debt on five fraudulent credit cards that had been opened in her name.

Nuby used one of the five cards in Fort Lauderdale to have her breast implants replaced with larger ones and to have her arms thinned by liposuction.

According to police, Nuby has a history of trouble with the law over identity fraud. She had to serve just under a year in a county jail on fraud charges in three incidents just in 2008.

The physician has asked for restitution, stating, "They're not Nuby's boobies, they're mine!"

Meanwhile, Shatarka is disappointed with her efforts to make a herself into a new woman. Despite the slimmed down guns and amped up gals, she now finds herself, once again, flat broke.

What U.S. Movie Goers Should Do

Woman Sues Theater for Wasting Her Time


Friday, September 10, 2010


A woman in China has done what many of us would like to do. Chen Xiaomei, a lawyer in Xian, Shaanxi province is suing a movie theater and a film distributor for wasting her time by playing twenty minutes of advertising before a film.

Chen Xiaomei claims she was unreasonably treated by the cinema’s owners and the distributors of the film she went to see, because she was not warned there would be 20 minutes of adverts prior to the screening of the main feature. She is demanding a full refund (35 yuan), an extra 35 yuan in compensation for emotional damages and a written apology, reports the Xinhua agency.

In addition, Xiaomei is calling for the Polybona International cinema in the northern city of Xian to publish the length of advertisements on its website, in the lobby or on its customer hotline. In total, they should be less than five minutes, she says.

U.S, filmmakers and theatre owners are taking advantage of "captive" audiences to bombard them with commercials, w'hich are not what movie goers pay to see.

The film was Aftershock, a big hit in China. Chen’s lawsuit has been accepted by the People’s Court in Xian. Link


Friday, September 10, 2010

New Google Gadget

BizarreStuff has added the Google Gadget tool to facilitate the transfer of videos, etc. from the Web directly to the blog.

Naked Yoga Videos - Nude Yoga Video - Sara Jean Underwood's Nude Yoga in Playboy

The ancients were not uncomfortable with the public display of the human body. They wrestled nude, danced nude, ran nude and exercised nude. The original Olympic games were conducted in the nude. Naturally, this included Yoga, with its parallels to the Kama Sutra.

After centuries and the introduction of Western notions of modesty, Nude Yoga is making a comeback. The following video features Sara Underwood, illustrating several common Yoga poses in the nude. Note the gracefulness and fluidity of Ms. Underwood as she moves through a series of Yoga poses similar to the Yoga routines found in most Yoga Clubs and Salons throughout the U.S., widely known as Hatha Yoga.

The staff of BizarreStuff hope you find this video not only beautiful and graceful, but enlightening, in Ms. Underwood's recognition that the human body can be a thing of beauty, not a source of shame, and the athletic uses to which it can be applied.

Naked Yoga Videos - Nude Yoga Video - Sara Jean Underwood's Nude Yoga in Playboy: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

The Graywolf

Pa. Woman Takes Workplace Feud To The Limits

Police: Feuds led Pa. woman to shoot colleagues

Sep 10 2010

MARYCLAIRE DALE - Associated Press Writer

PHILADELPHIA — A Kraft Foods plant worker was suspended from her job because she was feuding with colleagues, then returned minutes later with a handgun and fatally shot two of them and critically wounded a third, police said Friday.

Yvonne Hiller, 43, was escorted from the plant after being told of the suspension about 8:30 p.m. Thursday. But she returned from her vehicle with a .357 magnum, threatened a guard with her gun to get past security, and made her way to the third floor, where she found her victims in a break room, police said.

Hiller told one woman she was free to leave, then fired just three shots, one at each victim, Homicide Capt. James Clark said.

Hiller had been involved in a series of arguments and a few physical altercations in recent years in the mixing area where she worked, police said.

After leaving the break room, Hiller went down a hallway and fired shots at the supervisor who had suspended her along with an employee who was using a walkie-talkie to alert police and co-workers to her whereabouts, police said. She missed both of them.

Hiller then went to a second-floor office, where she called police to tell them what she had done. She had put her gun down by the time officers found her there, Clark said.

The victims were identified as Tanya Renee Wilson, 47; Latonya Sharon Brown, 36; and Bryant A. Dalton; 39, all of Philadelphia. Wilson and Brown died at the plant.

Dalton, shot in the neck, was in critical condition at Jefferson University Hospital, police said.

Hiller was charged with two counts of murder, one count of attempted murder, aggravated assault and other charges. She had a permit to carry the gun, authorities said.

Hiller has worked for Kraft for about 15 years. The Northfield, Ill.-based company makes Oreo cookies, Philadelphia cream cheese, Oscar Mayer bacon and other products.

Naked German Busted For Trespassing On Railway Property


German man's stress-calming naked walk backfires - Get's busted for trespass?

Sep 10 2010


BERLIN — A German man's habit of taking naked walks to reduce his stress levels backfired when his latest escapade triggered a police search and closed down a rail line. Police in the western city of Solingen said Friday that a woman out walking her dog saw the man, who jumped onto the train tracks and fled. She found his clothes nearby and reported the sighting to police. An unconfirmed report indicated the woman was sniffing the man's clothing when approached by the police.

Police closed the rail line for 1 1/2 hours Thursday night and sent up a helicopter to try and locate the man. He eventually turned himself in, saying he panicked after being seen and fled home.

The 42-year-old told officers he often took naked walks because it helped him combat stress.

The man could now face a fine for trespassing on railway property.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Koran Burning Crusader Backs Down - Wants a Piece of the Action


Would you trust this man to be your pastor and spiritual advisor? Not if you are a Muslim. Probably not unless you were a brain dead southern bigot. Meet the Right Reverend Terry Jones, self-proclaimed pastor of a tiny Pentacostal church in Florida, who is an avowed hater of Islam and Muslims.

To demonstrate his hatred of Islam and its followers he scheduled a special "prayer day," on Sep. 11, the anniversary of the World Trade Center destruction, to burn a stack of Korans, the Bible of the Muslim faith. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a Koran for a Bible.

As part of his 15 minutes of infamy, the Right Reverend was persuaded by U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, in a personal phone call, to cancel his book burning. The heavily mustached minister with the stand-up crew cut hair had refused all previous entreaties to call off his "show." Quoting grammatically incorrect scripture, Jones said God didn't approve of Muslims and he was God's emissary in Florida.

Bullying himself further into the NYC Mosque controversy, an issue about which he is totally ignorant and unqualified to comment, Jones now says he wants to meet personally with the Iman who heads the Mosque construction effort, no doubt for a "friendly exchange of ideas." His 16 or 17 congregants back in Florida will doubtless be saddled with the expense of his trip to the Big Apple, as the self-proclaimed spokesman for American Christianity.

*In late breaking news, Pastor Jones claimed the New York Iman had agreed to move the mosque but the Iman said there was no such agreement, so Jones said he might continue with his Koran burning plan, just not on Saturday, 9/11. Meanwhile a Texas evangelist said he had bought a ticket for Jones to fly to NY on Friday night, possibly to meet with the NY Iman. At least Jones' parishioners won't have to foot the air fare for Jones' publicity generating trip to NY.

J-Lo Triggers Assault-Arson in Dispute Over Ass Size

Another Reason to Avoid Movies Starring Jennifer Lopez, If You're Married To A Jealous Woman With a Big Butt


Meet Shannon Wriska, to your right.

The Florida resident, 34, is facing arson and battery charges after a dispute with her husband over a Jennifer Lopez movie escalated into her allegedly torching his go-kart and boat.

According to a Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office report, Wriska's husband told cops his wife "is very jealous and did not like him seeing Jennifer Lopez in the movie.” Cops noted that Wriska and her husband Robert bickered about the curvy Latina actress throughout last Wednesday night before heading to bed.

At one point, when Robert asked Shannon to move over in the bed, she yelled, “So you’re saying I’ve got a fat ass?” She then stormed out of the couple’s home. When Wriska, pictured in the mug shot at right, returned the following afternoon, witnesses reported seeing her push and scratch her husband before setting fire to his belongings. As she fled the scene, Wriska, a mother of three, threatened to put the couple’s dogs to sleep.

Investigators did not disclose which Lopez movie triggered the argument between the Wriskas, in an effort to keep down the number of assaults and arson in the county. An unauthorized, unnamed source with little credibility told anyone who would listen that he believed Ms. Wriska does, in fact, have a fat ass, one of the fattest in Santa Rosa county.

Ms. Wriska had no comment because she wasn't asked.

Way Up There On the Stupid List - Pythons At McDonalds?


Two dolts charged in Australia after python wrestling demonstration

Sep 09 2010

MELBOURNE, Australia — Two men were arrested after bewildered diners at a McDonald's spotted them wrestling a 5-foot python named Boris in the restaurant parking lot, police said Thursday.

Victoria state police say the men stole the 8-year-old black-headed python and a lizard from a pet shop on Wednesday. They then brought the snake to the McDonald's parking lot, where they began wrestling with it in front of puzzled customers, police said. No one had any idea why they were doing this.

The men, aged 22 and 24, were arrested and charged with burglary and theft. Police didn't release their names or their IQ's which clearly were sub-moronic.

"In all honesty, it's just a case of dumb and dumber," Detective Sgt. Andrew Beams told Australian Broadcasting Corp. "Anyone who gets out there with a one-and-a-half meter python in a McDonald's car park _ they're pretty dumb." The men did not even offer the python a Big Mac or fries, according to a police spokeswoman who declined to provide any further information about the incident or her name, on the grounds her name was nobody's business. Frustrated reporters shot her the bird, which she returned.

The snake also was returned to a relieved Jodie Graham, owner of the Totally Reptiles pet shop, who immediately began hugging and kissing the bewildered snake. First wrestling, then kissing. The lizard is still missing.

"He (Boris) was a bit cold and stressed so I have him in the tank warming up," she said. "I am just glad to get him back." Boris declined any further comment until he had eaten a pair of live mice.

Black-headed pythons are native to northern Australia. They are not venomous, and aren't likely to bite unless they're hunting prey or being forced to wrestle in a public parking lot.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Lustful Residents of Lustful Court Oppose Street Name Change - Urge Uptight Neighbors To Join Them in Lustfulness


Some Lustful Court residents tire of sinful street name, others not so much

Sep 08 2010

MACON, Ga. — Some residents of Lustful Court in a central Georgia community say they're tired of being kidded and want the street's sin-friendly name changed. Others oppose the name change, opining that it truthfully reflects the activities of its residents.

Bibb County Commissioner Lonzy Edwards brought up a possible name change Tuesday after receiving complaints.

Lustful Court resident Michelle Washington (see photo insert) says the name sparks laughter and confusion when she tells people where she lives. She said she makes a good, honest living in her current employment and doesn't think the name adequately reflects that.

Yoshonda Patterson says she thinks the name gives people the wrong idea about the neighborhood on the east side of Macon. She claims it makes strangers think the residents are engaging in sexual intercourse. When asked how she could explain the numerous children playing in their yards, Patterson says they all are adopted. She insists no one on the street has intercourse with anyone.

After listening to residents, commissioners decided they'll consider the change if enough neighbors start a petition. The commissioners pointed to the costs of changing the street name sign, residents having to purchase new stationary, and the ease of selling houses on the street because of the street name's appeal to lustful buyers. "There's a large market of sinful buyers out there, eager for the chance to make their mark with a dirty street name," said a local Realtor who declined to identify herself on the grounds of anonymity. A phone call to a local realty office revealed that the Realtor's name is Dusty Bottoms and she exclusively sells homes on Lustful Court.

The street is in a subdivision and no one could recall where the name originated. An elderly bystander claimed the subdivision developer chose the name after discovering his secretary fornicating with a potential buyer in the bedroom of the model home. With the cooperation of the secretary the subdivision sold out in record time.

When interviewed, several of the couples living on Lustful Court admitted to doing it in the road while observing the street sign. They claimed the street name was like an aphrodisiac which they did not want to lose. A few said they could see the sign from their bedroom window and used it as a sexual stimulant when their own lust level was running low.

Ms. Washington said she believes Dusty Bottoms is employing the same techniques as the developer's secretary to market homes for sale on the street.

Macon is about 90 miles south of Atlanta.

American Hunk Attracts Hot Young Women At Public Beach


Hot hunk attracts sexy young women with cool beach chair maneuver

Sep. 8, 2010

An unidentified American male was spotted at a beach where he was attracting the attention of some very hot young women. When queried about his technique for gaining the attention of women he indicated that all you need do is eat, eat and then eat more. Though his diet sounds bizarre, you can't argue with the results. A picture says a 1,000 words and this one is no exception.

He also explained the chair maneuver. "All you have to do," he said, "is sit down for a few minutes and then stand up. Anyone can do it if they eat enough."

The young women depicted were reciting a primitive love chant commonly used in the South Pacific islands. They were chanting: "Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck," in unison. It's not hard to get the message from the chant, just by changing one letter. The unidentified hunk was quick to pick up the hint.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The United States Supreme Court Justices' Great Apostrophe War


Sep. 7, 2010

Washington D.C.

With too much time on their hands due to the diminishing number of cases being accepted for review by the Roberts Court, the Justices have returned to one of their longest running disputes, the correct use of the possessive apostrophe following nouns that end in "s."

Three dissenting justices—it used to be four—are breaking with their brethren on the apostrophe issue.

Frank Wagner, the soon-to-be retired reporter of decisions for the Supreme Court, revealed the split in a two-part interview with the National Law Journal. The job of his office includes checking opinions for typos, misspellings, grammatical errors and deviations from Supreme Court rules.

But there’s no use in changing apostrophes of dissenting justices who disagree with the court's prevailing rule on possessives that requires an apostrophe only after the final “s” in “Congress.” Wagner tells the NLJ that over the years, four justices informed his office that they preferred “Congress’s” and he sees no reason to impose conformity. One of the dissenters has since left the court, leaving only three holdouts. Wagner declined to name the members of either the double apostrophe faction or the single apostrophe group.

Wagner uses the example to illustrate differences over plural possessives, although the word “Congress” would likely come under the Associated Press’ rule governing singular proper names ending in “s.” (Its rule also calls for a single apostrophe.) AP’s headache-inducing entry on apostrophes is more than 6,200 words long.

In the first part of the interview, the NLJ notes a prior split over whether the more formal word for pot should be spelled “marijuana” or “marihuana.” Wagner’s predecessor asked the justices to vote, and the “j” spelling won out, NLJ Supreme Court writer Tony Mauro wrote in the Green Bag.

The accompanying photo of the justices, taken 10 years ago, is not a reflection of the apostrophe split, but of another great split of recent vintage, one that almost brought the nation to its knees with the resulting rogue wars, fat cat tax cuts, lax regulation of financial institutions leading to a financial meltdown, dedicated neglect of the environment, a huge increase in unemployment, large increases in inequality and poverty, turbulent upheaval in the housing sector, and diminished reputation and standing of the U.S.in the global community.

Hottest in a Bikini Contest: Demi Moore vs. Dave Days



Sept. 7, 2010
Somewhere, USA

Recently, Demi Moore, the hot, toned 47 year-old American actor, published a photo of herself in a bikini bathing suit on one of the popular people sites. A young man, Dave Days, also posted a photo of himself wearing Demi Moore's bikini. Demi Moore told the young man she thought he wore the bikini better than she.

So, here at BizarreStuff, we decided to conduct a poll of our followers to determine how many think Demi Moore looks better in her bikini and how many think Dave Days looks better in Demi's bikini. We plan to send the results of our poll to Demi and Dave and mayhe Ashton Kuchner, Ms. Moore's younger lover.

Cast your vote by making a comment to this post which says either Demi or Dave. Please identify yourself as either female, male or something else. Do not vote for both candidates as this will invalidate your vote. This procedure will insure no phony votes are cast, unless it doesn't work.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Allegedly Partially Brain Dead Teenager Tries To Finish the Job - Fails



N.H. teen who zapped own nipples during shop class sues


The Associated Press

DOVER, N.H. —

A New Hampshire high school student shocked so severely in shop class that his heart stopped beating is suing his teacher, the school district and the city of Dover.

Kyle Dubois and his parents claim teacher Thomas Kelley did not warn Dubois and other students of the dangers of the electrical demonstration cords in their electrical trades class.

On March 11, Dubois attached an electrical clamp to one nipple while another student attached another clamp to the other. A third student plugged in the cord.

Dubois was critically injured. His hair was immediately permanently curled and his eyebrows singed.

The New Hampshire Union Leader says Dubois' suit contends he suffered permanent brain damage. The defendant School District responded that Dubois already had partial brain damage prior to the incident. It further contends this was caused by the teen's protracted use of drugs which it purports to demonstrate with the above photograph. Dubois's attorney has objected, saying the teenager in the photo is not his client but is Michael Phelps, the U.S. Olympic swimming sensation.

Kelley resigned from his teaching position about a month after the incident. He declined to comment on the lawsuit on the advice of his sister-in-law, a housewife in Ardmore, Okla., who declined an interview on the advice of her nephew.

And Now, For the Good News: Stoning On Hold, Lashing In, Possible Hanging For Adulteress


Iran woman who faces stoning death to be lashed 99 times, possibly hanged.

Sep 06 2010 Typical Stoning>>>>>>>>

TEHRAN, Iran — The son of an Iranian woman who faces death by stoning for adultery says authorities have imposed a new sentence of 99 lashes (this normally kills an average, 165 pound male in good physical condition) after a British newspaper ran a picture of an unveiled woman and mistakenly identified it as his mother.

Sajjad Qaderzadeh, 22, said Monday he did not know whether the sentence had been carried out.

The Times of London corrected the erroneous photo caption that identified the unveiled woman in the picture as 43-year-old Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani.

"Publishing the photo provided a judge an excuse to sentence my poor mother to 99 lashes on the charge of taking a picture unveiled," Qaderzadeh told The Associated Press.

Iran has delayed the stoning sentence after an international outcry, waiting for things to cool off a bit.

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS UPDATE. Check back soon for further information. AP's earlier story is below.

PARIS (AP) _ French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner says he is willing to "do anything" to save an Iranian woman sentenced to death on an adultery conviction and has offered to travel to the Iranian capital to plead her case.

Bernard Kouchner calls Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani's sentence to death by stoning "the height of barbarism" and says her case has become a "personal cause" for him

Kouchner told reporters Monday after meeting with one of the woman's lawyer's in Paris that "I'm ready to do anything to save her. If I must go to Tehran to save her, I'll go to Tehran."

Iran lifted the stoning sentence for the 43-year-old mother of two after an international outcry. She could still be hanged.

A poll of Iranians revealed that most Iranian citizens think the Muslim clerics who sentenced her should be stoned, lashed and hung instead. An informal poll of about 100 Iranian clerics said they disagreed with the public and would sentence those responsible for the poll of the infidel Iranians who were against them to 50 lashes each, to teach them a lesson. Those responsible for the poll immediately booked flights for places such as Kabul, Coral Gables, Fla., Uzbekistan, Las Vegas and Ardmore, Okla.

Winging It In Buffalo


Va. woman devours 181 chicken wings in NY contest

Sep 05 2010

CRISTIAN SALAZAR - Associated Press Writer and an unidentified co-author




(AP Photo/National Buffalo Wing Festival, Brian Kahle)

In this photo provided by National Buffalo Wing Festival, Joey Chestnut, left, competes with Sonya Thomas, center, at 2010 Wing Fest in Buffalo, N.Y., Sunday, Sept. 5, 2010. Thomas, The Black Widow of eating contests gobbled up nearly 181 chicken wings in 12 minutes, devouring the national championship record.

NEW YORK — In an incredible display of gluttony, Sonya Thomas, The Black Widow of eating contests gobbled up nearly 181 chicken wings in 12 minutes, devouring the national championship record in Buffalo on Sunday.

The diminutive Ms. Thomas, who stands only 5 ft. tall and weighs 105 pounds, has a habit of knocking off much larger men in eating contests. Thomas bested world eating sensation, Joey Chestnut, by eating 4.86 pounds of wings in 12 minutes to win the contest at the ninth annual National Buffalo Wing Festival.

Buffalo, about 300 miles northwest of New York, is said to be the birthplace of the wings, typically fried and covered in tangy vinegar and hot sauce.

Chestnut, America's No. 1 professional eater, was favored to win Sunday's competition. He came in second after eating 169 chicken wings, or 4.55 pounds.

This was the first time Thomas, of Alexandria, Va., and Chestnut, of San Jose, Calif., faced off in a chicken wing eating contest. They went at it "neck and neck," said Drew Cerza, the founder of the festival, which was inspired by the 2001 Bill Murray comedy "Osmosis Jones," about a compulsive eater.

"They pushed each other really hard," Cerza said. "Joey is so strong. He's got great jaw strength. But Sonya's so fast with the hand."

Thomas, who calls herself the Black Widow because she often defeats bigger male competitors _ Chestnut is 6-foot-2 and weights 230 pounds _ in eating contests. She set the previous wings record in 2005, when she ate 174 in 12 minutes.

She also holds eating records for oysters, hard-boiled eggs, cheesecake and jalapeno peppers. She won her first competitive eating event in 2003.

During the public contest, in front of thousands of people, Thomas twirled the wings in her small fingers while quickly tearing off the meat with her teeth and lips.

Her cheeks were covered in a sheen of orange Buffalo sauce by the end.

But she said she was still hungry afterward, calling the wings "an appetizer." About an hour later, she made a guest appearance in the Ridiculously Hot Buffalo Wing Eating Contest and ate 20 more wings.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Two Public Idiots Square Off In Dispute Over Islamic Influence - Death Threat Made



Muslim cleric calls for beheading of Dutch politician Geert Wilders

DUTCH anti-Islam MP Geert Wilders, the country's most heavily guarded politician, has denounced an Australian Muslim cleric's reported call for his beheading for denigrating Islam.

"This is really terrible news and a very serious threat, unfortunately," the firebrand politician told AFP by email in response to the threat reported in the popular Dutch daily De Telegraaf.

Wilders, who campaigns for an end to Muslim immigration and a ban on the building of new mosques and the Koran in a bid to end the "Islamisation" of the Netherlands, has been under 24-hour protection since 2004.

According to De Telegraaf, Sydney-born Muslim cleric Sheik Feiz Mohamed called on extremists in an internet chatroom to "chop off his head" and accused Wilders of "denigrating" Islam.

An interview with Wilders recorded in June was aired by SBS TV in Australia on Sunday. He called Islamic culture retarded and violent.

Satanic skirts

Mohamed, as the head the Global Islamic Youth Centre in the Sydney southwest suburb of Liverpool in 2005, gained notoriety for a speech at the Bankstown Town Hall in March of that year in which he told the audience a rape victim has "no-one to blame but herself".

Women teased men and appealed to their "carnal nature" by the way they dressed in "nothing but satanic skirts", the imam told the crowd.

In 2007, he was named by national security sources as one of at least 10 hardliners who were preaching fundamentalist messages in Australia, propagating a Wahabi ideology espoused by al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden.

In the same year, Mohamed, who was believed to be living in the Middle East, came to the attention of Australia's attorneys-general when his lectures were included in a box set of DVDs which urged young Muslims to kill non-believers.

The Dutch intelligence service, AIVD, which is understood to have a copy of his latest speech, said Mohamed is considered on a par with US Muslim preacher Anwar al-Awlaki, who is seen as the brains behind a failed attack on a plane flying over Detroit.

Wilders told De Telegraaf, which published a recording of the speech on its website, that he is shocked by the death threat.

The newspaper claims to have a sound recording of the appeal by Muhammad, who it said had links with terrorists and was influential for Western Muslims.

Anti-terrorism

Wilders' Party for Freedom wants to restrict immigration from Islamic countries and considers Islam a violent ideology rather than a religion.

It is currently involved in protracted negotiations to support a minority centre-right government of free-market liberals and Christian Democrats.

Wilders said he would seek "clarification from the Dutch Minister of Interior/ Justice why the secret service and anti-terrorism unit NCTB have not informed me" of the reported threat, and "what the consequences will be for me".

"The information that has come to the fore will be included in the threat analysis for Mr Wilders," said NCTB spokeswoman Judith Sluiter, who added: "We had contact with Mr Wilders last night. We have permanent contact."

Dutch authorities would not confirm the threat or elaborate on possible steps to be taken.

Barred from entering Britain last year to stop him spreading "hatred", Wilders is known abroad for his 17-minute anti-Islam commentary, "Fitna", which was termed "offensively anti-Islamic" by United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

His Party for Freedom came third in June 9 national elections, nearly tripling its number of parliamentary seats to 24.

Wilders is set to go on trial in the Netherlands in October on charges of inciting racial hatred against Muslims.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Another Good Reason to Ban Tasers


Police: Pa. woman zaps self, brother with stun gun

Sep 03 2010

Not the real Newara but a good approximation


NORTH EAST, Pa. — Police said an Erie-area woman somehow managed to zap both herself and her brother with a stun gun during a drunken dispute. Darlene Newara, 45, will have a hearing Oct. 18 on charges including driving under the influence, disorderly conduct for fighting, and public drunkenness in the Aug. 8 incident.

State police said they responded to a disturbance outside an Erie-area store about 6 p.m. to find that Newara had been arguing with her brother and stunned him with the device, then accidentally shocked herself with it.

Police said she was intoxicated and had several unopened bottles of liquor in the vehicle with her three sons, who were not hurt but were getting a pretty good example of how not to be a role model for your kids.

The Associated Press could not immediately locate a listed phone for Newara. It would not have mattered because Newara was too drunk to speak coherently.

___

Information from: Erie Times-News, http://www.goerie.com

Really Dumb-Ass Montana Teen


Montana teen accidentally texts sheriff to buy pot

Sep 03 2010

HELENA, Mont. — General rule of thumb: when trying to buy marijuana, don't text the sheriff. Authorities said a Helena teen entered a wrong number and inadvertently sent a message to Lewis and Clark County Sheriff Leo Dutton, saying "Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I can buy right now?"

A detective pretending to be the dealer organized a meeting at a time when the boy knew he and another teen would be at a particular store.

The detective spotted two teenage boys and one of the boy's fathers _ who was unaware of what was going on _ at the store. He called the phone number three times to make sure he had the right person. Dutton said when the detective showed the teens his badge, one of the boys fainted.

No citations were issued after the parents of the boys, who were 15 and 16, got involved. They promised to "whup those boys within an inch of their lives," according to a prerecorded message made by a local radio broadcaster who is friends with the boys' parents. After reviewing the message CPS moved to take the boys into state custody until they reach the age of 18.

___

Some, not all, Information from: Independent Record, http://www.helenair.com

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Pigs Can Fly But Apparently Not Goats


HELENA, Mont. — Two young goats wandered onto the thin ledge of a railroad bridge and spent nearly two days high above the ground until rescuers in a towering cherry picker plucked them from their perch, hungry but safe.

These teeny little goats can barely be seen in the accompanying photo. They look like insects on the narrow ledge, just beneath the nut case person leaning out to try to see the goats. He or she is pretty damned lucky they didn't fall off that bridge and break some bones. Whoever it was, was taken to a mental hospital and held for observation for up to a month.

The rescue occurred Wednesday 60 feet above a little-trafficked rural roadway in southern Montana between Billings and Roundup, after a caller told the Rimrock Humane Society the goats were stranded on the 6-inch ledge.

Some observers just wanted the goats left there, to see what they would do. Others (the Palin faction) wanted to shoot them with high-powered rifles and videotape their falling carcasses. A childless couple from Laredo, Texas, offered to adopt the goats if they could be Fed Exed to them in Laredo.

There really is nothing especially bizarre about this story. Goats do this sort of thing all the time, and there are goats that can do some rather bizarre things, like the goat that either wandered onto or was dumped on my farm. That goat was very destructive and had some perverse sexual habits, too, that upset some of our women guests.

Obsessed Doctor Offs Self in Failed Chimney Entrance To Boyfriend's House


BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — A doctor whose decomposing body was found in a narrow chimney suffocated after she tried to get into the home of her boyfriend, authorities said Wednesday.

The body of Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac was found Saturday _ three days after she slid feet first down the chimney of the Bakersfield home, police said.

"The pressure being placed on the chest wouldn't allow her lungs to expand and she suffocated," Kern County sheriff-coroner spokesman Ray Pruitt said after an autopsy.
"She was not a happy camper when she realized she couldn't breath and was going to die in that chimney," said an unidentified by stander who listens to police radio all day so he can go to the site of the latest tragedy and watch. It's his hobby.

The coroner's office also ruled the death was accidental. Foul play was not suspected, although the contents of Dr. Kotarac's stomach revealed she had just eaten fowl, a chicken. Dr. Kotarac had a long history of acting like a lunatic and was sex crazed about the boyfriend, who was nothing to write home about.

Police said Kotarac, a 49-year-old internist, wanted to confront the man with whom she had an "on-again, off-again" relationship.

Her corpse was discovered when a house-sitter noticed an odor coming from the fireplace. People in the home had noticed nothing until then, police said.

Kotarac was reported missing Thursday when she failed to show up for work, Bakersfield police Sgt. Mary DeGeare said.

The night before, she tried to get into the house with a shovel (how, by digging up the foundation? by digging up the foundation?) then climbed a ladder to the roof, removed the chimney cap and slid down. police said. That was her last slide, ever.

Meanwhile, the man she sought left unnoticed to avoid a confrontation and slept like a baby elsewhere that night, authorities said. He was a smart man but still had a big cleaning bill for getting the rotting corpse out of his chimney.

Firefighters spent five hours tearing up the chimney to extract the body that was wedged about two feet above the top of the interior fireplace opening.

Not only did the crazed M.D. do herself in, she also destroyed a perfectly good fireplace and chimney in the process. A local lawyer said her estate could be sued for the damage to the house and the cost of the fumigators to rid the home of the stench of decaying flesh.