Police seek Darth Vader-masked robbery suspect
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FERNDALE, Mich. -- Ferndale police are seeking a man who wore a plastic Darth Vader mask before pulling a butcher knife and robbing a convenience store. Authorities said the holdup happened about 1:35 p.m. Monday at the Get & Go store in the Detroit suburb north-northwest of Detroit. Police said the man fled after demanding all the cash from the register. (Isn't that what robbers always do, flea?)
But Lt. William Wilson told The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak the suspect made a "significant mistake" because he was in range of a store surveillance camera before he donned the mask. Holy Moley.
Police described the suspect as a white male, 5-foot-10, 180 pounds, with dark hair and a goatee. He was wearing a blue V-neck sweater with a gray T-shirt and dark pants.
This description could fit about 100,000 white males living in the Detroit metro area so police are expecting a quick call from a friend, relative or deadly enemy, to report the robber. Police also to plan to appeal to the crook, via television and the distribution of leaflets in the neighborhood where the robbery occurred, to turn himself in because the area is so dangerous that police officers frequently sign out for patrol duty of the area but go for coffee and donuts instead. The city is banking on the new plan where criminals can turn themselves in, thereby conserving valuable public safety resources to use in the fight against criminals who will not take advantage of the voluntary confession process to avoid a confrontation with cops which could leave them dead or severely crippled.
The Ferndale chief of police, a petite woman who weighs only 92 lbs., said she was unwilling to confront the robber for fear of bodily injury. Instead, she proposed to make a public appeal on local TV to the robber to return the stolen money, turn himself in to police. and plead guilty to a life sentence without chance of parole. "It's a win-win outcome for everyone," she said.
Other sectors of the population felt the chief's plan was an act of cowardice, designed to protect her own ass and her double DD breast implants, a claim vehemently denied by a spokeswoman for the chief, who pointed out that the implants were only double CCs and that the chief always wore chest armor, which helped her to appear more imposing and to back down cereal killers in bread lines at the homeless shelter.
Information from: The Daily Tribune, http://www.dailytribune.com