Sunday, February 28, 2010

Aussies Bare All In Demonstration Of Love

SYDNEY— About 5,200 naked people embraced each other on the steps of Sydney's iconic Opera House for a photo shoot by Spencer Tunick.

Tunick, who is known for his nude group photos in public spaces, posed participants for more than an hour in a variety of positions Monday.

"It was difficult to get the straight participants to embrace the gay participants and vice versa," Tunick said. "So I was very happy that that last set up finally got done and everyone came together (in a) united, friendly kiss, a loving kiss in front of this great structure."

Nineteen-year-old student Art Rush said he was thrilled to participate.

"I'll never get a chance to do this again, it's not worth being inhibited," Rush said. "It doesn't feel sexual, it just feels tribal, a gathering of humanity."

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Surprise Honey, We're Going to My Mom's Vacation Condo For the Night. Wait Until You See What I Have Planned Especially For You.

Wife blindfolded husband for 'surprise,' then began hitting him in the head with a hammer

SLC woman pleads guilty to aggravated assault in 2007 attack.

May not be the right woman.

By Stephen Hunt

The Salt Lake Tribune

Updated: 02/24/2010

A 37-year-old Salt Lake City woman on Tuesday admitted hitting her husband in the head with a hammer three years ago after blindfolding him and promising him a "surprise."

Amy Teresa Ricks was charged in 3rd District Court with second-degree felony attempted murder for the May 4, 2007, attack.

She pleaded guilty to aggravated assault, which is also a second-degree felony, but prosecutors have agreed to reduce the conviction to a third-degree felony after Ricks completes probation.

Prosecutors also agreed to allow Ricks to seek expungement of the crime after seven years.

Defense attorneys Susanne Gustin and Gilbert Athay called the expungement agreement a crucial part of the plea deal because of HB21, which is legislation that would no longer allow the expungement of any violent felony.

Sentencing is set for April 19 before Judge William Barrett.

Gustin said Ricks has no memory of the hammer attack because she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. But she knows she did it because she told a dispatcher about it during a 911 call, Gustin said.

Court records indicate the defense was preparing to claim at trial that Ricks was the victim of Battered Spouse Syndrome. Gustin on Tuesday declined to comment about trial strategy.

According to charging documents, Ricks and her husband, Joel Ricks, were out on a date when she drove him to her mother's Holladay condo.

Saying she had a surprise for him, Ricks blindfolded her husband and led him to the basement, where she spun him around, told him to count to 100 and then began striking him with a hammer, according to court documents.

After suffering several blows, Joel Ricks removed the blindfold and grabbed the hammer, although he was unable to get it away from his wife, who continued trying to hit him.

He fled to a neighboring condo, where he asked the residents to call 911. Amy Ricks, who went looking for her husband, also called 911. She was arrested about two miles away.

Joel Ricks, who suffered only minor injuries, told sheriff's deputies that sleeping bags had been spread on the floor under his feet, and that nearby he saw a 9-inch-long kitchen knife inside a plastic bag.

It was that element of apparent premeditation that prompted prosecutors to file a charge of attempted murder.

Gustin said the case took nearly three years to resolve because of defense efforts to obtain Joel Ricks' mental health records. The defense took its records request to both the Utah Court of Appeals and Utah Supreme Court without success.

Gustin said Tuesday's resolution will provide closure to both spouses, who are still married but are separated.

Police Arrest Butcher For Unauthorized Display of Meat

Louisville Safeway employee accused of 'indecent exposure' behind the meat counter

Vanessa Miller

Posted: 02/18/2010 03:26:28 PM MST

Nicholas Lorenzo (Boulder County Sheriff's Office | via Camera)A Louisville man suspected of masturbating while working behind the meat counter at a Louisville Safeway is headed toward trial.

Nicholas Lorenzo, 25, was arrested Jan. 31 after a woman told police that she was shopping in the Safeway at 707 South Boulder Road with her infant when she approached the meat counter and was asked by an employee if she was finding everything, according to an arrest affidavit.

The woman told investigators that she noticed some motion from behind the glass door, and then saw the employee — who was later identified as Lorenzo — "holding his penis," the affidavit said. The woman said he was masturbating while talking with her, and when he saw the shocked look on her face, he put his penis back in his pants, according to the affidavit.

When police confronted Lorenzo about the allegations, he admitted to "having his penis out of his pants," the affidavit said.

When he appeared in court on Feb. 1 he pleaded not guilty to one charge of indecent exposure and is scheduled for a pre-trial conference on March 17

Read more:

Florida Couple In Domestic Brawl Over Husband's Urine

WESLEY CHAPEL, Fla., Feb. 18 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a late-night drunken brawl between a couple began when the husband got out of bed to use the restroom and missed the toilet.

Pasco County Sheriff's deputies said they arrived at the mobile home of Deanne Elsholz, 44, and David Elsholz, 50, in Wesley Chapel late Monday night and found both spouses drunk and with slightly different accounts of the evening's confrontation, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Thursday.

Deanne told deputies she asked her husband what he was doing when she heard his urine splashing on the floor and he struck her in the head with a towel. She said she then threw the glass that struck him in the nose, causing blood to flow onto his chest and arms.

The deputies' report says Deanne then "ran into the bathroom and slipped on David's pee." She then claims he kicked her in the ribs while she was on the ground.

David's account differs in that he denies hitting his wife with the towel, saying she threw the glass at him while he was attempting to go back to bed. He also made no mention of kicking his wife.

Deanne Elsholz was deemed the aggressor in the conflict and arrested for domestic battery, a charge David has faced twice in recent years. Deputies said she was examined by a doctor who determined her ribs were not injured.

Hot Canadian Teachers Cooled Off

Teachers Suspended After Performing Lapdance at School

February 24, 2010

(YouTube Link)

Two teachers in Winnipeg, Manitoba were suspended from their jobs after performing a lapdance at a high school pep rally:

WINNIPEG — A pair of teachers engaging in risque business set off a media riot after a video of a simulated lap dance from a school event went viral.

The video, taken last Wednesday during a well-attended pep rally for Grade 9 through 12 students at Churchill High School, shows students giggling, gasping and screaming as a female teacher receives a strip club-style lap dance from a male teacher.

By Thursday afternoon, students were spreading a minute-long video of the dance among each other on Facebook. On Monday afternoon, clips from the video were aired on CBC television.

Tuesday night, one parent of a Churchill High student groaned after learning that the video had gone national. “They so, so crossed the line,” said the parent, whose daughter showed her the video last week.

Link — Thanks, Jeremy Barker!

Friday, February 26, 2010

Octogenerian Burglar Busted

80-year-old burglar gets 3 years in Calif. prison

Feb 25 2010

(AP Photo/Torrance Police Department)

TORRANCE, Calif.— An 80-year-old woman with a criminal record stretching back to 1955 has been sentenced to three years in state prison for ransacking and stealing cash from a Southern California medical office. Doris Thompson thanked a judge Wednesday for not sending her to Los Angeles County jail, which she doesn't like, and said she deserved a longer sentence. She also told the judge, "God bless you."

State records show Thompson, who has used 27 aliases, has repeatedly been arrested during the past 55 years, mainly for petty theft and burglary. She's gone to jail several times.

Thompson slipped into the medical office on Dec. 19 and stole money from drawers. She pleaded guilty to burglary and was ordered to pay about $1,400 in restitution. She will be eligible for parole in about 18 months.


Information from: Daily Breeze,

It's My Daughter's Honor At Stake - I'll Cut Off Their Bloody Heads

Drunk mom runs through school with sword

Feb 25 2010

Might not be actual mom

MEMPHIS, Tenn.— Police said the mother of an elementary school student drank a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor before brandishing a sword in her child's school. The woman, 32, apparently intended to confront the parents of another child who had been in a spitting match with her child the previous day.

According to court records, an employee at Riverview Elementary School in Memphis reported a drunk woman armed with a sword was running through the halls of the school and had threatened to cut her.

Officers who arrived on the scene retrieved a black cane that concealed the blade.

The woman was charged with aggravated assault and having a weapon on school property.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Woman Claims Love Handles Saved Her Life

Says flab protected her

Feb 23 2010 08:17PM CST

In this photo taken Monday Feb. 22, 2010, Samantha Lynn Frazier, 35, of Florida, talks about a gunshot that hit her in the abdomen at the Egg Harbor Township, NJ, home where she is staying. Frazier was shot while entering an Atlantic City bar to get a drink early Saturday morning. (AP Photo/The Press of Atlantic City, Vernon Ogrodnek) MANDATORY CREDIT (You got it, Vernon.)

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J.— A Florida woman said her love handles saved her life when she was shot entering an Atlantic City bar. Samantha Lynn Frazier said she heard two pops when she walked into Herman's Place early Saturday. The 35-year-old then felt pain and saw blood on her hand after she grabbed her left side. Atlantic City police said Frazier was an innocent bystander.

Detective Lt. Charles Love said the gunman was aiming for a man who escaped with a bullet hole in his down jacket.

The suspect remains at large.

Frazier told The Press of Atlantic City that 'I could have been dead. They said my love handles saved my life."

Frazier also told the newspaper that she had been "hollering" that she wanted to lose weight. She now said "I want to be as big as I can if it's going to stop a bullet."

A spokesperson for Jenny Craig Weight Loss Centers had no comment.

52 Year-Old Woman Outwits Couple in Kids for Cocatoo and Cash Swap

Woman admits selling 2 kids for 1 bird and $175

52-year-old Louisiana resident sentenced to 15 months of hard labor

Donna Louise Greenwell, 52, is shown in this handout booking photo.

Feb. 23, 2010

VILLE PLATTE, La. - A 52-year-old Louisiana woman has pleaded guilty to two counts of sale of a minor, for trading two children to a couple in exchange for an exotic pet bird and $175.

Donna Louise Greenwell received 15 months of hard labor on each count on Monday, which she will serve concurrently.

The Evangeline Parish Clerk of Court's Office tells The Advocate newspaper that Greenwell will begin serving her sentence March 25.

The couple, Paul James Romero and Brandy Lynn Romero, each pleaded guilty to the same charges in October.

Greenwell was accused of selling the couple a 4-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy in return for the cash and a cockatoo. Both children were in Greenwell's care after their biological parents had left them with her.

When asked why she sold her own grandchildren to two strangers, Greenwell reportedly told reporters that cockatoos were easier to care for and could be kept in cages.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

A Bad Weekend For Women Losing Their Heads

Woman's Severed Head Found in Backpack


February 17, 2010

(Photo: Courtesy Barstow police dept.)

BARSTOW, Calif. -- An investigation is under way after a human head of a woman was found inside a backpack in the San Bernardino County desert. Barstow police say a man collecting cans made the discovery last week in an area in close proximity to several truck stops and just west of a residential neighborhood in the unincorporated community of Lenwood.

Lenwood Road is a connecting route between I-15 and Ca State Hwy 58.

The head was that of a brown-haired woman, police said, adding that it was wrapped in plastic grocery bags with the store labels "Fiesta Foods" and "Walgreens."

Authorities are working to identify the remains.

DNA samples and X-rays have been sent to the state.

No identifiable scars, marks, tattoos or other distinguishing features were discovered.

Anyone with information is asked to call Detective Keith Libby at 760-255-5134. If any woman you know or meet has a missing head try to keep her in conversation or otherwise occupied until you can call the above phone number or render her unconscious and put her in a cab.

A Real Life (or death) Example of Losing Your Head

Battle of brains rages in Colorado dispute.

Feb 20 2010

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo.— A Colorado family and an Arizona nonprofit are fighting in court over who gets the head of a woman who died this month, along with a $50,000 annuity she left to care for her head.

At issue is whether 71-year-old Mary Robbins' head and brain will be preserved by cryonics _ extremely cold temperatures _ in the expectation that future technology may be able to bring her back to life and restore her health.

Lawyers for both sides appeared in probate court Friday but the case hasn't been resolved.

A family friend attempted to have introduced as evidence at the hearing, representations of Ann Bolyn, one of Henry VIII's wives who he ordered beheaded so he could sleep with her younger sister, or maybe her cousin, before and during the moment of her decapitation. The judge ruled the documents, reproduced above, inadmisable because no one is currently alive to authenticate them and the executioner is wearing a Halloween mask.

Robbins, of Colorado Springs, died Feb. 9. Her family said she was suffering from cancer.

In 2006, she signed documents giving the Alcor Life Extension Foundation of Scottsdale, Ariz., the right to cryogenically preserve her head and brain. She also agreed to give the nonprofit foundation a $50,000 annuity to cover preservation costs.

Her daughter, Darlene Robbins, said her mother changed her mind in her last days because of the procedures that preservation would have required before she died, including tubes in her throat and nose, intravenous lines and medications. Darlene also felt the $50,000 annual annuity would permit her to get a new luxury car every year so her family would be safer driving in winter on Colorado's icy roads. She said she just knew her mother would prefer her daughter's and grand-children's lives to be safer rather than have her old, worn out head preserved.

With the loving assistance of her daughter, Mary Robbins signed new paperwork that would give her family the annuity, the daughter said.

Darlene Robbins said she opposes a suggestion by Alcor to take her mother's head and that the family get custody of the body. Whoever gets custody of the head also gets the $50,000 annuity and Darlene insists her mom wanted to keep her head attached.

"I want to have closure. I want to be able to grieve for my mom in a normal way without fighting a legal battle; give me back my mother," she said. As if to emphasize her point Darlene left the courthouse driving a battered, rusty, 1966 Ford Falcon station wagon with temporary dealer license plates, according to her publicist.

Eric Bentley, an attorney for Alcor, said Mary Robbins didn't sign a written notice rescinding the 2006 agreement. He said Alcor wants to honor the wishes she expressed in that document, and get the $50,000 annuity. "When Mary is revived sometime in the future she could be the first, real live "talking head," said a janitor at Alcor who requested anonymity because she was not authorized to speak and was immediately fired when she did because she forgot to say, "Mother may I?"

"Alcor is not a cult and it's not a fly-by-night operation. It's a science-based medical organization," Bentley said. Alcor's Web site said the foundation was formed in 1972 and was only open during normal business hours.

Robbins' body is stored on dry ice at a Colorado Springs mortuary until custody is settled, but it's not clear when that might be. "The dry ice bill alone is rapidly threatening to swamp the annuity, the foundation and the family," said a disinterested by-stander who asked to be identified but was turned down by a reporter because she felt the witness was grandstanding to get his name in the paper.

"I've never tried a case where we're talking about the dismemberment of a body and fighting over pieces of a body," said Robert Scranton, an attorney for the family.
"It seems like everyone wants a piece of Mary," said a court clerk recently released from a sexual disorder clinic in Tierra del Fuego, Argentina,

Friday, February 19, 2010

Idiot Has Butt Branded With Greek Letters

Police: Student willingly had his buttocks branded

Feb 19 2010

BRECKENRIDGE, Colo.— Breckenridge authorities said a Texas Christian University student who suffered burns when his peers branded his buttocks participated in the act willingly and no charges will be filed.

Authorities said Thursday they made the decision not to pursue charges after reviewing statements from Amon Carter IV and a dozen TCU students. The Summit Daily News reported that Carter had Greek symbols from his fraternity and a sorority branded on his buttocks Jan. 8 during a trip to Breckenridge and needed surgery after suffering second-and third-degree burns.

Investigators said what happened was not part of a fraternity initiation because Carter was already a group member.

Burn Baby Burn Says Son To Dad

Son attacks dad with blowtorch "Take that, pop">>>>

Feb 17 2010
TAMPA, Fla.— A Tampa man has been charged with trying to set his father on fire with a makeshift blowtorch. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office reported a 52-year-old man doused his 77-year-old father with gasoline Sunday night. Then the son reportedly made a blowtorch with a can of bug spray and a lighter. Deputies said he sprayed it at his father but missed.

The son was arrested the next morning and charged with aggravated assault on someone older than 65 and battery on someone older than 65. He was being held without bail set.

Authorities said the father and son had been arguing over money and women.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Drunk, Horny Girlfriend Demands Jail Sex With Jailed Partner

Woman who demanded conjugal visit charged with DUI

Feb 16 2010

BUNNELL, Fla.— A woman was charged with driving under the influence after showing up at the Flagler County jail and demanding a conjugal visit with a specific inmate. The sheriff's office reports that a 45-year-old woman had a visitation appointment but was turned away because she was late. Also, the jail does not allow conjugal visits.

The woman drove away but reportedly returned a short time later. Jail guards called road patrol, because they suspected the woman had been drinking.

Deputies found the woman sitting in her car. She reportedly failed a field sobriety test, and a breath test showed her blood-alcohol content was 0.256 percent. Florida law considers a person impaired at 0.08.

The woman was charged with DUI and later released on $500 bail.


Information from: Orlando Sentinel,

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Doctors Claim Surgery Patient Was Too Long - Seek Return of Lost Surgical Tool

Czech doctors left foot-long instrument in patient

Feb 15 2010

PRAGUE— It took five long months for a Czech woman to discover the reason for her pain: Doctors had left a foot-long medical tool inside her abdomen.

This month, doctors at a clinic in the southeastern town of Ivancice discovered their colleagues had forgotten to remove a wrench-like surgical instrument from the woman following gynecological surgery in September.

Top regional official Michal Hasek apologized to Zdenka Kopeckova, 66, and said Monday that the region, which is in charge of the clinic, plans to compensate her.

Clinic head Jaromir Hrubes blamed "a series of individual failures" and said four employees had been punished, one shot.

The team of surgeons conducting the operation countered that the woman, who is 6 feet tall, was too long, causing the surgical instrument to slip down in the abdominal cavity where it could not be readily seen amidst all the blood and gore.

CT24 news television reported that the woman, who complained repeatedly to her doctors about the pain, plans to sue. G=Clinic lawyers said they would counterclaim against the woman for excessive length and for recovery of the surgical instrument, which costs $85 E. The odd looking instrument, which closely resembles an ordinary pipe wrench, was used to loosen the woman's "pipes" according to a nurse who was not present for the surgery and said she was only guessing.

This sort of thing happens frequently in the smaller, more poorly staffed clinics, said a spokesman, Valerio Nonchalant, on condition of blasphemy. He said about a year ago a golf cart was left inside the abdominal cavity of a large man. The man couldn't understand why fellow golfers kept wanting to ride him.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Enraged British Teen Tries to Run Down Bicycling Police Official

Road Raging Teen Pelts Bicycling Cop With Rocks and Oaths

Not the actual cop - a caricature

February 12, 2010

I think we’ve all been annoyed at the bicyclist dodging game that you have to do when someone decides to ride his or her bike through a busy street, but that doesn’t mean you should attempt to run them off the road and scream at them about how you’re going to kill them while hurling rocks, like 18-year-old Benjamin Harrison did. After all, you just might be hurling rocks and bumping your car into police inspector and bicycling enthusiast DI Martin Melvin, like Benjamin Harrison did. Whoops. As it turns out, authorities frown on trying to run down bicycling cops.

For Harrison’s road rage incident, he got a pretty stiff, but fair, punishment. He’ll be in jail for nine months, get two years probation, 12 months of supervision, and 100 hours of community service. Oh yeah, he’s also banned from driving for two years, which means he’ll be doing a lot of bicycling to get to his court-ordered work.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Holy High in Pennsylvania

Pa. police: Priest caught buying cocaine

The priest depicted above is only a philanderer

Feb 12 2010

PHILADELPHIA— A Roman Catholic priest from northeastern Pennsylvania is facing drug possession charges after police say he was caught buying cocaine in Philadelphia. Philadelphia police said Friday that 50-year-old James B. Shimsky, a priest in the Diocese of Scranton, was arrested last month.

Narcotics officers said they saw a man in a Jeep engage in a drug transaction the morning of Jan. 30 on a North Philadelphia street. Police said they stopped the vehicle and found a small amount of cocaine inside.

Diocesan spokesman William Genello said Shimsky is pastor of St. John Vianney Parish in Scott Township, Lackawanna County, and has been on a leave of absence since his arrest.

A phone listing for Shimsky could not be found and he couldn't be reached for comment

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

See It, Hate It, Smash It - Hey, This Guy Looks Familiar

Man walks into Wal-Mart, smashes 29 TVs with bat

Feb 10 2010

LILBURN, Ga.— Police in Georgia say a 23-year-old man grabbed a baseball bat inside of a Walmart and smashed 29 flat-screen televisions. Police in Lilburn near Atlanta have charged Westley Strellis with 29 counts of criminal damage to property in the second degree. Witnesses tell police he grabbed a metal baseball bat from the sporting goods section Wednesday, walked to the electronics department and destroyed the TVs on display.

He was arrested not long after that.

Police say the televisions are valued at over $22,000. Police say they do not know whether Strellis has an attorney.

So.................What's The Problem?

John Mayer apologizes for Playboy interview

Feb 10 2010

By RYAN McLENDON - Associated Press Writer

NEW YORK— John Mayer is apologizing for his mouth. The Grammy-winner took to his Twitter page to make amends for his latest inflammatory comments _ this time, in the March edition of Playboy.

In it, he calls former girlfriend Jessica Simpson "sexual napalm" and says Jennifer Aniston is a technophobe who wishes she could go back to her career prime in 1998. He also uses the N-word.

On Twitter Wednesday afternoon, he apologized for the racial epithet and said he has to stop "trying to be so raw in interviews."

"It started as an attempt to not let the waves of criticism get to me, but it's gotten out of hand and I've created somewhat of a monster," Mayer tweeted. "I wanted to be a blues guitar player. And a singer. And a songwriter. Not a shock jock. I don't have the stomach for it."

There were plenty who didn't have the stomach for his remarks in Playboy, in which he talked about Simpson's sexuality, his problems with Aniston, his love of porn, why he doesn't date black women and being beloved by the black community.

"Someone asked me the other day, 'What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?' And by the way, it's sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass,'" he said, then added: "But I said, 'I can't really have a hood pass. I've never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, 'We're full.'"

Mayer said he should have never have used the N-word in any context and will never say it again.

"And it's such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there's no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged," he said.

The racial comments were hardly the only explosive comments in the interview. He said he still loved Aniston, but then noting their age difference (she just turned 41), he said: "I can't change the fact that I need to be 32."

He also said she didn't appreciate new technology: "The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter. I think she's still hoping it goes back to 1998. She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction. And I always said, 'These are the new rules,'" he said.

Of Simpson, he talked about her sexual ability, and said: "That girl, for me, is a drug ... That girl is like crack cocaine to me."

In the interview, he also explained why he didn't date black women, comparing his genitals to "a white supremacist."

Mayer _ known for his loose tongue _ has made a habit out of outlandish comments. Last month, he gave an interview with Rolling Stone where he talked openly about his love life, including sex with other women _ and himself.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Man Steals More Lotion Than He Can Run With

Where'd You Get All That Lotion Man?

Massachusetts man busted after stuffing 75 glass bottles in his pants

FEBRUARY 5--A Massachusetts man allegedly stuffed 75 bottles of lotion in his pants during a shoplifting tear at a Bath and Body Works store, police charge. Chamil Guadarrama, 30, was busted Wednesday at the Eastfield Mall in Springfield as he sought to flee with the hot lotion. Guadarrama, pictured in the mug shot at right, was quickly apprehended by security guards. Police noted that Guadarrama "had a hard time running and was extremely bowlegged." While the items each contained eight ounces of lotion, they likely weighed about a pound each due to their glass bottles (to keep the lotion from sliding out the bottom of his pant legs, Guadarrama had tied string around his ankles). Police reported that the lotion haul, seen in the above evidence photo, was worth $787.50. Guadarrama was charged with larceny in connection with the foiled lotion heist.

When asked by arresting officers why he had grabbed so much lotion when there were more expensive colognes on counters next to the lotion, the man said he had been suffering from a severe genital rash for six months but couldn't afford all the lotion needed to control his itch. A jailer offered to bring the suspect a steel brush from his home. Yikes!

Crack Cocaine - No Money Down, No Interest or Payments Until January, 2012

Police: Man tries to buy crack with credit card

Feb 08 2010

FLINT, Mich.— Authorities said a man accused of stealing a car then reporting it stolen remains in custody after telling police he was robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy crack cocaine with a credit card. The Flint Journal said the man reported Thursday night that a 2003 Chevy Malibu had been stolen.

Police reports indicated the vehicle was previously stolen out of Lapeer, about 50 miles north-northwest of Detroit.

A call was made to the detainee's credit card company, and it was confirmed there had been a charge of $450 to the card by a merchant named Big Bruiser, for over the counter, non-prescription drugs. A quick check revealed no merchant in the Flint metro area named Big Bruiser. So police lodged additional charges against the man for trafficking in a controlled substance.

The suspect is being held at the Genesee County Jail. His request to see an attorney was postponed until the suspect could be beaten with a rubber hose and water-boarded in an effort to obtain a confession before the suspect could get lawyered-up. "We already knew he was guilty, we were just encouraging him to acknowledge it to himself," said a police spokesperson with advanced training in torture. "It makes it a lot easier on everyone involved if a suspect will just confess," said the torturer.

No further details were released.

But Osiffer; It Just Felt So Right - It Was Calling Me

Teen crashes car into school, drives down hall

Feb 08 2010

SHORELINE, Wash.— Sheriff's deputies said a 17-year-old boy crashed his parents' car through the doors of Shorecrest High School in Shoreline, then drove it down the hall. The car finally stopped 75 yards later when it hit a security office. Two school workers were still on the property and heard the crash.

Police found the teen on school grounds about an hour and a half after the crash late Friday night. He was taken into custody and then brought to Harborview Medical Center for a mental evaluation. Investigators said they do not believe drugs or alcohol played a role.

The boy, from Lake Forest Park, is a student at the school. He was not injured and requested a math test.

An unidentified person who was not authorized to speak said federal authorities are considering felony terrorist charges against the boy. He said the nearest FBI office has never had an opportunity to charge someone as a terrorist in Shoreline because it's such a quiet, friendly town. An FBI spokesmoron said, on condition of using someone else's name, Walter Bolton, that conditions were ideal to give the Patriot Act a trial run in Washington state. "To remain vibrant, and alive" said Bolton, "a criminal statute should be exercised frequently before it is forgotten and eventually discarded on the great dung heap of silly statutes."

Monday, February 8, 2010

How Not To Succeed As A Robber

Mumbling, fumbling, bumbling robber fails twice

Feb 05 2010

MEMPHIS, Tenn.— Communication skills were clearly lacking in a woman who police said tried to rob two Memphis credit unions. She fled empty-handed both times. The Commercial Appeal reported the suspect is a short, thin black or Hispanic woman dressed in dark clothing with a red scarf.

A teller couldn't understand the would-be robber's mumbled commands in her first attempt Tuesday. Police said the woman threw a holdup note at the teller, then ran from the building.

A few hours later at another credit union, a teller asked a woman several times if she needed help as the woman fumbled in her purse, then handed over a note. When she also pulled a gun, the teller left.

The woman ran outside, tripped and fell, dropped her gun _ then got into a car and left.


Information from: The Commercial Appeal,

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Ships In the Night Narrowly Avoid Colliding?

U.S.Navy Chief of Staff Reports Quick Response Averts Deadly Collision

Jan. 25, 2010
Southern Pacific Ocean

A huge US naval vessel traveling in heavy seas and fog at night in the Southern Pacific Ocean picked up another ship's signal on its radar. The captain quickly radioed the other ship and advised it to change course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. The response came back, "No, you are advised to immediately change course 15 degrees to the south to avoid disaster." The captain fired back, "This is the captain of the USS G.W. Bush, the U.S. Navy's newest and largest aircraft carrier, largest vessel in the world. You are strongly warned to change course or risk a deadly collision with the loss of your ship and crew!" This time the response came back: "We are a lighthouse. It's your call, Captain."

Cops On Lookout For Melon Felons

Attempt to smuggle drugs into jail inside melon foiled


An attempt to smuggle contraband into a Washington jail failed this week when law enforcement officials discovered Oxycodone pills and tobacco hidden inside a hollowed-out cantaloupe. The melon was included among surplus food items that were intended for use at the Chelan County Regional Justice Center (the cantaloupe had been left at a drop-off point by two unidentified young female donors). Jailers were quick to seize the cantaloupe, which appeared to have been cut open at its top. As seen in the police evidence photo, the fruit was found to contain a dozen tobacco packets, rolling paper, loose tobacco, and several pills of Oxycodone, the powerful painkiller. Wenatchee Police Department investigators are probing the attemot to smuggle the items into the jail, which houses about 300 inmates and is a tobacco-free institution.

"It was dumb," stated a jailer named Sam Catterwall,38, with curly brown hair and a large mole on his left ear, who requested and was promised anonymity by reporters, which turned out to be a hoax. "There's no smoking allowed in this facility, which is a green jail, and the minute you light up one of them suckers the shit's gonna hit the fan.""Sometimes the prisoners trade the jailers, many of whom are sado-masochists,for sexual favors, like being tossed into one of the giant washing machines used to wash prison linen," said the jailer who now is a marked man among his fellow jailers and is not expected to live more than a week or two. "That is why he wanted anonymity," said an inmate, on condition of anonymity.

Sarah Palin Finally Makes Police Mug Shot in Florida Bust

Sarah Palin in shocking police photo

Tarpon Springs, Fla. Feb 6, 2010

Sarah Palin, the ubiquitous ex-beauty contestant, ex-model, ex-Mayor, ex-Governor, ex-Repubnican Vice Presidential candidate, ex-briber, ex-student, ex-motivational speaker, ex-fundraiser, ex-mother-in-law, ex-endangered species hunter, ex-poster child for the Repubnican Party, and soon to be ex-Fox news commentator, may soon be able to add ex-con to her all-exes report card.

In the photo to your left, an unidentified man,arrested and charged with domestic battering is a long-time supporter of Ms.Palin. When asked by a reporter how he felt about Ms. Palin becoming the next U.S. President, he responded, "Well, she'll still have them great 'knockers' which is why I voted for McCain. This country needs more good eye candy in the White House and the cabinet. Madelyn Albright, Condoleeza Wright-Wing, Nancy Bela-Pelosi, and Hillary Dillary Dock just won't cut it. We need broads like that French President's wife, Carli Bruno or that ex-hooker who's a member of the Italian parliament That will put an end to all the bickering and back biting. All them pompous cabinet officials and Wall Street bozos will be too focused on Sarah's boobs, Carli's caboose, and the Italian ex-hooker's book-of-little tricks-to-tantalize your man, to give a fat rat's butt about policy."

Thursday, February 4, 2010

King of Sweat Charged in Arizona Deaths

AZ sweat guru pleads not guilty in sweat deaths

Feb 04 2010

FELICIA FONSECA and AMANDA LEE MYERS - Associated Press Writers, with assistance from your editor.

(AP Photo/Matt York)

CAMP VERDE, Ariz.— Motivational speaker James Arthur Ray has pleaded not guilty to three counts of manslaughter in the deaths of three people at an Arizona sweat lodge ceremony he led last year.

Sweating profusely, Ray was indicted and arrested on Wednesday for the deaths, which occurred at an Oct. 8 ceremony intended to be the highlight of his five-day "Spiritual Warrior" event. The ceremony was held at a retreat center he rented near Sedona. Lunatics pay him tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege of sweating to death in a make-shift Indian tee pee. When informed by a member of his staff that clients were passing out in the lodge, Ray reportedly told the employee to toss a couple more hot, steaming rocks in the lodge and not to worry.

Ray's lawyer entered the plea Thursday on his behalf.

Ray is being held in the Yavapai County, Ariz., jail on $5 million bond and faces a minimum of 3 years and a maximum of 12 1/2 years on each count.

Ray's attorneys call the charges unjust and say they're confident he will be exonerated. "If these old buzzards don't have the common sense to leave the lodge after they pass out, they shouldn't blame our guy," said one of Ray's self-designated defenders, who spoke on condition of triangulation.

Ray isn't so sure, which is why he was sweating.


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Four Women Take Revenge On Man's Genitals

Prosecutor: Women wanted to break his balls

The Associated Press

Possibly the wife or another woman>>>>

February 2, 2010

CHILTON, Wis. -- A Wisconsin woman who tied up a cheating lover and glued his penis to his stomach said Tuesday that she didn't mean to hurt him and only overreacted because he had tried to contact her 12-year-old daughter.

Therese A. Ziemann, 48, of Menasha, said she and three other women only meant to confront the married man about his cheating ways. Her decision to grab the bottle of nail glue from her makeup bag was "a stupid spur-of-the-minute decision," she said.

"I had just found my daughter's number in his cell phone," she said outside a Calumet County courtroom. "It was just a warning from me to him, to stay away from the kids."

Ziemann, her sister, another lover and the man's wife were all sentenced Tuesday to one year probated plus community service for their roles in the revenge plot. A judge also imposed and stayed jail sentences of 60 days for Ziemann and 30 days for the other three, meaning they would only serve the jail terms if they violate the conditions of their probation.

Ziemann, a mother of six, and unable to keep her underwear on, acknowledged that she lured the 37-year-old man to a motel last July after the man's wife contacted her and told her he was seeing other women. First she tied the man up and blindfolded him under the guise of erotic play. Then she summoned the other three women with a text message, according to court documents.

She told police she slapped the man in the face, cut off his underwear and used the glue to attach his penis to his stomach. The other three women arrived, and several berated and belittled the man. Eventually he worked his way out of his restraints and the women fled.

The gluing caused the man "no permanent physical injury," said Calumet County district attorney Ken Kratz. The Associated Press is not naming the man or his wife to protect his identity as a victim of sexual assault.

The other three women were charged with being parties to the crime of felony false imprisonment. Two agreed to plead no contest to a lesser charge of misdemeanor disorderly conduct.

Michelle M. Belliveau, 43, of Neenah, told the judge she was "extremely sorry" and apologized specifically to the victim. "We got caught up in something bad," she told him tearfully. Belliveau is Ziemann's sister.

Wendy L. Sewell, 44, also apologized, saying she didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. She said she only meant to confront the man by catching him in his cheating ways.
"I wanted to say what I got to say and leave and never look back," said Sewell, of Kaukauna.

The felony charge against the wife was initially dismissed after the man told police she was in the motel room but didn't actively participate. But Kratz said he obtained jail telephone recordings made when the man was in custody on unrelated child-abuse charges. In the tapes, the man and wife collaborated on "concocting" her story, he said.

So Kratz charged the 31-year-old wife with disorderly conduct. She pleaded no contest Tuesday and was also sentenced to probation and community service. She declined to comment before sentencing.

The judge acknowledged a possible double-standard with the sentencing. If the incident involved a man who committed similar acts against an unwilling woman, that man would doubtless face prison time, Judge Donald Poppy said.
But in this case the victim and his "bad behavior" were partly to blame, he said.
The victim "started the ball rolling, philandering with others besides his wife, who was putting bread on the table and taking care of his children," the judge said.
After the sentencing the victim and his wife walked out of the courtroom together. The man directed obscene gestures with each hand toward the handful of television cameras.

Outside the courthouse, as he got into an SUV with his wife, he told The Associated Press he felt bad for all four women. He acknowledged that his own actions contributed to the situation, and he said he had no "hard feelings" toward any of them, at least not any longer.

Love For Sale or Sex For Tuition

New Zealand virgin auctions herself for tuition

Feb 03 2010 02:21PM CST

RAY LILLEY - Associated Press Writer

Not the NZ girl - a substitute prostitute

WELLINGTON, New Zealand— A New Zealand teenager who says she auctioned her virginity online for $32,000 to raise tuition money did not break any laws but it might be risky for her to follow through on the deal, police warned Wednesday.

The anonymous 19-year-old student offered her virginity to the highest bidder on the Web site under the name "Unigirl," saying she would use the money to pay for her tuition. She said in a post that more than 30,000 people had viewed her ad and more than 1,200 had made bids before she accepted an offer of more than New Zealand dollars 45,000 ($32,000).

Unlike similar New Zealand Web sites, bidding and correspondence between buyers and sellers on the ineed site is private so it is not known what bids Unigirl's offer received.

Web site owner Ross McKenzie said the site's policy was that as long as an ad was legal and did not offend the general standards of society, "it was OK." He confirmed Unigirl was a member on the site.

Prostitution is legal in New Zealand under laws considered more liberal than many countries. Prostitution among consenting adults is allowed in brothels and on the streets, and offering sexual services in print ads and online is also legal.

National police spokesman Jon Neilson said no law appeared to have been breached.

But "we would suggest it's not a safe practice," Neilson told The Associated Press. "There are definitely issues of personal safety" in using chat rooms, social dating networks and other Internet sites that can be used to arrange meetings between strangers.

Unigirl, in her initial post, described herself as attractive, fit and healthy. She did not post a photograph of herself, and bidders did not appear to have a way of confirming any of the details of her posts.

Unigirl said she was desperate for money to pay university fees.

"I am offering my virginity by tender to the highest bidder as long as all personal safety aspects are observed," her ad said. "This is my decision made with full awareness of the circumstances and possible consequences."

The internet has increasingly been used for offering and arranging sex services, and security concerns have quickly followed.

In the United States, 23-year-old former medical student Philip Markoff has pleaded not guilty to killing a masseuse he met on the Craigslist classified advertising site, and raping a stripper and robbing another woman he met in the same way.

Virginity has also been offered for sale online. British newspapers reported last week that a 16-year-old girl in Ireland had offered to sell her virginity on an online classified advertising site but recanted after a reporter posing as a bidder identified himself as from the media. A 22-year-old student in San Diego says she has received bids of up to $3.7 million for her virginity, which is being offered for sale through a brothel in Nevada, CNN reported.

Last year, a Philadelphia woman was charged with promoting prostitution after posting an ad online offering sex for tickets to a World Series baseball game.

Catherine Healy of the New Zealand Prostitutes' Collective, a group that represents sex workers on health and rights issues, said the New Zealand teenager had entered into sex work by offering herself online.

"The amount of money is absolutely huge _ and that puts her under enormous pressure to perform all sorts of acts," she said.

But Healy said it was also possible that the successful bidder wanted to "save" the teenager and would not ask her to have sex.

She said the teenager would still have the right to refuse to have sex with the bidder if she changed her mind, and that the bidder could claim his money back.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Bizarre Things Women Do To Their Vaginas

The Six Weirdest Things Women Do to Their Vaginas

By ANDY WRIGHT (a woman) Jan. 30, 2010

What the hell is vaginal rejuvenation? Who would want their vagina bleached? Here's a list of the strangest ways to make your genitals meet the demands of the beauty industry.

Advertisement What's wrong with your vagina? If you answered "nothing," you are probably wrong. According to the beauty-industrial complex, it's ugly, and it smells bad. But don't worry-- it's nothing that money can't fix.

1. Problem: Your Vagina Smells Bad
Solution: Vaginal Deodorant

In the seventies, Massengill tried to marry feminism and its vaginal deodorant spray ("With Hexachlorophene") in an ad that declared the product to be "The Freedom Spray." It was "...the better way to be free to enjoy being a woman. Free from worry about external vaginal odor." Because you're going to need that time you used to spend worrying about your vaginal odor to flirt your way through the glass ceiling. Oh, and Hexachlorophene? It's a disinfectant that can be lethal when absorbed through the skin. In 1972, it was added to baby powder in France due to a manufacturing error and killed thirty-six children.

In case you think vaginal deodorant is a relic of the past, just take a trip to the drug store. (I did, and I took notes. The staff of my local Walgreens is convinced that I'm both very thorough and that my vagina smells really bad.) There are several kinds of vaginal deodorants still for sale (Walgreens even manufactures a generic version). You can buy scented vaginal suppositories called Norforms in Island Escape and Summer's Eve Deodorant Spray in Island Splash. (Norforms contain something called Benzethonium chloride, which is also used as a hard surface disinfectant for fruit and classified as a poison in Switzerland. Exotic!) And you can buy FDS (Feminine, Discreet, Sensual) Spray ("For the woman who cares.") in a myriad of scents including Sheer Tropics and Fresh Island Breeze.

Because if you really cared, you'd make your vagina smell like a poisonous island.

2. Problem: Your Vagina is Dirty
Solution: Douching

Douching, the act of forcing a mixture of fluids up into the vagina with a tube and pump, was first promoted as a form of birth control (it doesn't work) and has continued to be used for vaguely medical reasons: to prevent STIs (sexually transmitted infections), to clean the vagina after menstruation and, of course, to rid it of that disgusting vagina smell. Douching has been repeatedly discouraged by the medical community, which not only doesn't attribute any health benefits to the act, but believes that it can actually harm women. A government Web site run by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services discourages douching by answering a series of hypothetical questions, one of which is: "My vagina has a terrible odor, can douching help?" The answer: No. Get thee to a doctor.

Despite health concerns, manufacturers still churn out vaginal douches. Pick up a box of Summer's Eve Douche, and you'll find warnings that douching has been associated with PID (Pelvic Inflamatory Disease), ectopic pregnancy and infertility. Right next to the suggestion that women douche after their menstrual period, after using contraceptive jellies and creams and to "clear out any vaginal secretions." So basically, any time your vagina isn't as dry as a British sitcom.

3. Problem: Your Vagina is Too Loose
Solution: Vaginal Rejuvenation

Let's face it. Nature really screwed up when it made the vagina. Never mind that it accommodates the birth of a child or that it's fundamentally better designed than male genitalia. (Who wants to carry their most sensitive reproductive organs on the outside?) While nature was busy dishing out things like multiple orgasms, it forgot to make vaginas vice-tight. Luckily, plastic surgeons have stepped in to put an end to womankind's collective suffering.

Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation is a trademarked phrase that refers to a practice developed and popularized by Dr. David Matlock, who's made several appearances on the E! channel's plastic surgery reality show, Dr.90210. Matlock and other doctors who carry out LVR claim that the $4,000 to $20,000 procedure makes women's vaginas tighter, thus increasing sexual pleasure.

But many doctors disagree. The American Urogynocology Society won't endorse it. And the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists cautioned in a 2007 statement that women seeking "designer vaginas" should be "informed about the lack of data supporting the efficacy of these procedures and their potential complications, including infection, altered sensation, dyspareunia, adhesions, and scarring." Sexy!

4. Problem: Your Vagina is Ugly
Solution: Labiaplasty

If your vagina is tight enough (and let's face it, it's probably not) you've still got to deal with the labia. And by "deal with," I mean remove. Labiaplasty drastically reduces the labia, the protruding lips that surround the opening of the vagina. Why would you want to do this? Because your labia are "unequal," "elongated," "large," "irregular," "floppy," and "unfeminine." These are just some of the unflattering adjectives bandied about on the Web sites of surgeons who offer this procedure. Luckily, with the use of lasers and scalpels, your vagina can be made "prettier," "better proportioned," "youthful," and achieve "the true Playboy aesthetic look." How much will it cost you to make your labia proportional and feminine? About $5,000 or more.

5. Problem: Your Vagina Tastes Bad
Solution: Vaginal Mints

If your partner is reluctant to give you oral sex, it's not because of a pervasive cultural belief that cunnilingus is complicated to the point of being impossible and that vaginas are inherently icky (thus the need to uncomplicate them and un-ickify them with, oh, say, labiaplasty) it's because your vagina tastes bad. Enter the Linger Internal Vaginal Flavoring, or Altoids for your vagina. Linger assumes you already feel bad about your nether regions, stating on its Web site that the mint-flavored pill "decreases self-consciousness" and tosses out the unattributed statistic that 72 percent of women feel self conscious about their taste and odor. Dubious marketing practices aside, the Linger mint isn't just a harmless, if asinine, oddity. Mother Jones magazine did some digging into the origins of Linger and discovered that the vagina mint is no different from a regular mint. In other words, it's made out of sugar. And putting sugar-based mint directly into your vagina is a recipe for a mint-flavored yeast infection.

6. Problem: Your Vagina is the Wrong Color
Solution: Vaginal Bleaching and Dying

Many women are under the impression that it's OK to have a vagina colored vagina. They're wrong, of course. Vaginas should be pink, and exceptionally so. What's a woman with a vagina colored vagina to do? Bleach it. Accomoclitic Laser and Wax Studio in Lakewood, Colorado, purveyors of an anal bleaching product called "Pink Wink," also sell something called Bleach Babe, a cream that promises to do away with the "natural discoloration surrounding the exterior of the vagina." Bleach Babe contains Kojic acid, the same ingredient that keeps salmon meat pink. South Beach Solutions sells a similar lightening product with Sodium hydroxide, which can also be found in drain decloggers and septic tank cleansers.

If bleaching fails to render your vagina the color of a Barbie Dream House, you can try My New Pink Button, billed as a "Genital Cosmetic Colorant that restores the "Pink" back to woman's genitals." Because vaginas that aren't vibrantly pink are old and sad. My New Pink Button is meant to be painted onto the vagina (it comes in powder form and must be scooped up with a moist Q-tip like device) and lasts 48 to 72hours. After which, one supposes, users must reapply in order to maintain the youthful status of their genitals.