Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Rabid Pit Bull Terrier Seizes Stage And Delivers Message At Texas Tea Party Event
JEFFERSON CITY, TX - A rabid Pit Bull Terrier tore loose from his owner's grasp and jumped on stage at a Tea Party rally in Texas on Labor Day. He barked and groweled at the crowd for nearly twenty minutes before attendees and organizers realized he was not a candidate.
The dog, later identified by its owner as "Mister Vicious," held the crowd spellbound as he barked, growled, and frothed at the mouth, eventually receiving a standing ovation for his performance.
Gwendolene Beehive, 42, a Tea Party supporter from Jefferson City, was one of the dozens on hand who were convinced that the Pit Bull was an actual Tea Party candidate until he was outed as a dog.
"I still liked what he had to say," she said. "He reminded me of Glenn Beck, only more vicious."
The Pit Bull's canine identity finally became clear when he lunged at a man in the front row and ripped a hamburger from his right hand, taking two of the man's fingers with it.
While the discovery that Mister Vicious was not a Tea Party candidate disappointed many in attendance, Ms.Beehive held out hope that, dog or no, he might consider running for office at some point.
"I liked the way he bit off that guy's fingers and the way he did his business in the middle of the stage," she said. "We need more of that in Washington. Really vicious shit," she said.
Mr. Vicious' owner told reporters he had been approached by several large U.S. corporations who want to offer Mr. Vicious the position of CEO of their companies. They like Mr. Vicious' approach to unappreciative employees and feel he could boost productivity by biting lazy employees in the butt. The really unproductive ones might get individual, special attention from the CEO.