Saturday, November 29, 2008

Killer Cat Explodes in Montana - Reverberations Felt in Rio de Janiero, Brazil

Imgart, Montana

A.P. November 29, 2008

A monster cat, weighing 12 pounds, which two days earlier devoured the putrid remains of a Burmese Python and an alligator, with a combined weight of 1200 pounds, in the Florida Everglades, somehow managed to get a ride to rural Montana where she exploded while attempting to eat a live Grizzly bear, weighing more than 1,000 pounds. The ferocious feline managed to eat the entire left hindquarter of the Grizzly before exploding. The blast also killed the hapless Grizzly, which was overpowered by the 1212 pound pussy cat.

A local veterinarian said the cat's explosion was inevitable. "Anytime you have an animal eating 100 times its own body weight at a single sitting, you are going to have pressure build-up in the abdominal cavity.....the abdominal wall of the domestic house cat was just not strong enough to withstand the pressure. The additional mass of the Grizzly's hindquarter pushed the cat beyond her limits."

Dr. and Mr. Susan Allen, of Methane County, MS, the owners of "Killer" Allen, as the feline was affectionately known to Methane County residents, planned a small ceremony for a tissue sample of their pet. Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour, announced that he would have his own cat, Larry Craig, euthanized in honor of "Killer." A teary-eyed Dr. Allen told reporters she did not understand "Killer's" bizarre behavior. "Before all this she had never eaten anything larger than our neighbor's St. Bernard."

1 comment:

  1. Killer will be sad to hear of her untimely devise. I had to break the news to her this morning whilst feeding her.