Bizarre Car - Lamborghini Takes the Low Road

March 10, 2011
Arlington, TX

Italian automaker, Lamborghini, which makes its cars in France, announced a sell out for the next 12 months of its most ostentatious, bizarre, over-indulgent, over priced, outrageous and totally useless vehicle ever, the all new Aventador supercar, guaranteed to make your sensitive friends gasp in horror and to insure the starvation of 8,000 infants in poverty stricken countries throughout the world.

The new Lamborghini will develop 700 horsepower (yes, that's the equivalent of having 700 full grown horses crowded under the hood and will produce roughly the same quantity of offal), yet get 20% better gas mileage than the outgoing model, which means it will get up to 0.13 mpg all the way to the corner grocer and back, if you can make it. The low slung salon, with a ground clearance of only 2 inches, must be trailered on any surface less smooth than polished glass, limiting its usefulness to almost zero.

The biggest obstacle faced by owners of the new car will be having enough fuel to make it to the next petrol stop. (That's Brit-speak for gas station.)

It has been only a week since the supercar's debut at the Geneva motor show, but Lamborghini says its Aventador LP 700-4 is already sold out for the next 12 months.

The new Lamborghini presents a sinister image. It resembles a car from outer space, operated by space aliens intent on burying the planet earth under the detritus of its own (f)ilth.

Lambo, as the car is affectionately known among morons, has "an exceptional order bank" for its new 12-cylinder flagship model, which gives it 6 cylinders more engine than it has any conceivable need for up to 260 mph in town.

"We confirmed our long-term strategy, which calls for stable and significant investments in new products even in difficult times. We see a slow and steady recovery of the market," said Stephan Winkelmann, CEO of Lamborghini in Italy, before being led away by several men in white smocks.

As bad as that all sounds, bear in mind that a huge production tally at Lambo isn't quite what you'd expect to find at just about any other automaker. Lamborghini delivered only 1,302 cars last year, (that' right, only 5 cars per day; the French take long lunch breaks)down from 1,515 in 2009, on total sales of 155 billion Euros.

The U.S. remains Lambo's largest market, there being more morons with more money than they know how to spend there than in any other country on the planet. But the second largest buyer may come as a surprise: China. Last year, 209 Lambos were delivered there, a 150% increase over 2009, evidence that China is rapidly catching up to the U.S. in number of rich morons per 100K population.

The price of the new "Rambo" Lambo will not be released, reflecting Lamborghini's long standing policy that if you have to ask how much it costs you can't afford it.