Thursday, March 10, 2011

Wave Of Child Duct Taping Sweeps Nation

Authorities: Toddler and infant duct taping to furniture, walls, becoming newest child care technique and adult entertainment fad.

The U.S.of A.
March 10, 2011

In the latest fad in child care and adult entertainment, American moms and their (usually) boy friends are taping infants and toddlers to the walls of their homes and to furniture. Authorities are indifferent to the trend, releasing the children to their moms after only a few days or weeks, to concentrate on updating computer equipment in their offices to keep accurate records of these instances for file sharing with other agencies and for improved census data collection. "Ten years from now we'll have the most thoroughly documented data base of child abuse by duct taping in the world," said a census official.

In one such incident, a mom was trying to prevent her daughter from falling out of a chair. In another, a young couple, high on crack cocaine, were using the mom's toddler for entertainment, trying out novel positions against the wall. In one incident a couple taped the toddlers favorite toy to the wall, just out of reach of the child and recorded his anguished screams.

One of the duct taping moms is shown in the photo above right.

The boyfriend of one of the moms indicated he planned to submit a video of her child to America's Favorite Home Videos, in the hopes of winning a vacation to a Caribbean island for the couple.


  1. Positively absurd!

  2. It's good to know the test results were positive but why would that be absurd?

    It's just another use of duct tape, albeit a bit bizarre.