Georgia Teacher Fails In Attempt To Give Students An Eyefull, With Third Eye

Cops, 'Enlightened' teacher arrested

APRIL 28--A teacher who stripped off his clothes and walked naked around a Georgia elementary school gave cops a New Age explanation for his behavior, claiming that he had achieved a “new level of enlightenment” and “wanted everybody to be free now that his third eye was open," according to a police report.

For allowing others to see his third eye last Friday afternoon at the B.C. Haynie Elementary School, Harlan Porter was charged with public indecency. The 31-year-old educator, pictured in the mug shot, was booked into the Clayton County Jail on the misdemeanor charge and released after posting $2000 bond.

Since Porter’s April 22 stroll--which came at about 3:20 PM--was not witnessed by any students, who had been dismissed, he avoided more serious charges.

After Porter told a Morrow Police Department officer about his enlightenment, the cop reported that, “I then explained the obvious problem with his third eye being opened in public.” While acknowledging that his education career would be damaged by the bust, Porter said that he still desired to teach, except “on a new level, with hands in the earth, gathering the essence and learning how to love one another and fully appreciate the spiritual realm.”

Police reported that Porter had “several books in his belongings that appeared to be on topics such as spirituality and transcendental meditation.”

According to cops, fellow teachers reported that Porter “did not drink sodas or other canned beverages and maintained a strict vegan diet” and was not known to take drugs or drink alcohol. “However on the date in question they noticed that he was drinking a coke and had gone to taco bell to get tacos for lunch,” reported Officer Khari Reed.

It is unknown what role, if any, the Mexican food may have played in Porter’s ill-advised decision to unveil his third eye, though Reed did note that the teacher “had recently learned that his employment contract would not be renewed.” Reed also reported that Porter had previously been “diagnosed schizophrenic,” though the school’s principal told cops the educator had never exhibited “strange behavior.”

Horny Kangaroo Upstages TV Announcer

Unabashed Kangaroo Pleasures Himself in Front of Audience

Somewhere, Somewhere
Date: Anytime

An unknown and unembarrassed Kangaroo put on a show for spectators listening to commentary from a TV announcer. It is unknown what the announcer was saying but clearly the Kangaroo was unimpressed.

King Solomon: Don't Split the Baby, Split the House

NYC couple who split house with wall get divorce---after six years

Apr 28 2011

KAREN MATTHEWS - Associated Press

NEW YORK — A feuding couple who built a wall through their house because neither husband nor wife would give it up were granted a divorce after six years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in attorneys' fees.

But the legal battles may not be over for Simon and Chana Taub, whom the media likened to Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner's warring spouses in the 1989 film "The War of the Roses."

Chana Taub is unhappy with the judge's order to sell the divided Brooklyn house, plus two others, and split the proceeds with her soon-to-be ex-husband, said her lawyer, Neil Iovino. She plans to appeal.

"She's now in a position to be dispossessed," Iovino said. "She was most upset that the properties in her name and especially the property she lives in should be sold."

Simon Taub's attorney, Abe Konstam, said Chana Taub has a history of filing frivolous legal actions.

"Everything has been dismissed, time and time again, and she comes back for more," Konstam said. "At some point this has to come to an end."

The wall dividing the Taubs' three-story brownstone in the Borough Park neighborhood is one of the more unusual aspects of their protracted divorce.

In August 2005, a judge said Simon Taub, whom Chana had forced out of the house, could move back in after building the wall. Chana Taub appealed and managed to prevent construction. An appeals panel then allowed the wall, which went up in December 2006.

The wall separates the first-floor living room from a staircase inside the Taubs' three-story rowhouse. She had the top floor and part of the second floor. He got the first floor and part of the second. A second-floor door is barricaded on both sides so that they don't run into each other.

Chana Taub still lives in her portion of the house, Iovino said. Konstam said Simon Taub lives on his side as well.

Shocking Economic News Alert - Unbelievable News, in Fact

U.S. Economic Growth Slows to 1.8% Rate in First Quarter

April 28, 2011

Man demonstrates where economic forecasts belong

In a stunning news release it was revealed that the American economy slowed to a crawl in the first quarter. For no demonstrable reason economists are hopeful the huge setback will be only temporary.

Total output grew at an annual pace of 1.8 percent last quarter, the Commerce Department said Thursday, after having expanded at an annualized rate of 3.1 percent at the end of 2010. Most economists had forecast growth of 2 percent in the first quarter, based on herd mentality.

The shocking disparity of two tenths of one percent sent many economists reeling, with some retreating to their back offices to try to recalculate the numbers or recalibrate their computer programs to push the rate down to the Commerce department's 1.8 percent. At least one Wall Street economic forecaster leaped to her death from the window of her 40th floor office when the news was announced. Her own personal forecast had been for 2.1 percent, effectively ending her forecasting career, according to sources unfamiliar with the woman or the economy. "You just don't make a 3/10ths of one percent mistake and live to tell about it in this profession," said one veteran forecaster, whose own forecast, 2.0 percent, was squarely in line with the herd forecast, thus preserving his own overpaid job.

The female forecaster, whose identity was being withheld while company officials searched for her name in company personnel files, was said to have been distraught for several weeks at the prospect of losing her overpaid, $375,000 a year sinecure for doing essentially nothing other than running a computer program invented by someone else and bought and paid for by her employer. But she did hold a Ph.D. from Yale.

She had misplaced a decimal point whilst copying numbers from a computer print out, leading to an overstatement of more than $5 billion in net profits for her employer in the fourth quarter of 2010.

"She already was toast over the decimal point," said one of her colleagues and best friend, who is slated to move up to her vacant position now that she has offed herself. "Bad forecast for her, good job opportunity for me," said her former friend.

The economic slowdown was largely attributable to Donald Trump's off-the-wall claims that President Barrack Obama is not the legitimate president of the U.S., leading to a loss of confidence in U.S. manufactured products and a resulting widening trade deficit, due to foreign governments' loss of confidence in America and in federal government spending and higher commodity prices, which reduced the amount of pocket money that households and businesses had available to spend, even though none of the above made any sense whatsoever.

A veteran Wall Street investment banker, who now is an alcoholic living on skid row in the Bowery, said "there was no telling what the hell was going on anywhere by anyone and that the forecasts were little more than a crap shoot, using real crap," i.e. human feces. He said all economic forecasts belonged in the crapper.

Donald Trump Revealed As Blithering Idiot

Donald 'The Chump' Trump publicly humiliated again

April 27, 2011

Donald Trump, the scumbag NYC real estate scam artist, was revealed today to be the low-life blithering idiot and attention grabber he is when President Barrack Obama's official birth certificate was revealed once again (it's been freely available for anyone with an IQ of greater than 80, which apparently is higher than that of the Chump Trump, for 3 years) to the American news media and the public in a time wasting exercise in futility caused by loudmouth Donald's strident screaming and posturing for a suck up media that knows better.

Trump, who is 3/4 idiot and 1/4 imbecile, appeared with egg dripping from his face, but still tried to put on a show by claiming the President's birth certificate, certified by the Hawaiian state government, could be a fake document and that he, the Chump Trump, would like to examine it himself, utilizing his vast forensic expertise, acquired by shooting off his mouth while fondling his own crotch.

Trump should be sued by the federal government on behalf of the American people, for the costs of disproving his hare brained claims, advanced solely to garner publicity for his own imbecilic run at becoming a candidate for the presidency in 2012, on the Stupid Party ticket.

The $223 Boob Flash

Meet Andrea Musser, breast flasher

The 19-year-old Ohio woman was arrested Tuesday night for exposing her breasts outside a jail she had just exited following a visit with a male inmate.

Jail personnel observed Musser waving and calling up to someone inside the Erie County lockup. She then lifted up her shirt and exposed her breasts, presumably for the benefit of her 19-year-old incarcerated friend (and perhaps some of his fellow inmates).

Musser was nabbed outside the jail’s fenced perimeter. She pleaded guilty yesterday to public indecency and received a 10-day suspended jail sentence. She was also fined $223.

Gideon Stepped Out & Berkowitz Stepped In - Meet Adam n Steve

Pink Cross Publishing: A gay-friendly bible in every motel room

April 19, 2011 by Dead Serious News

Adam and Steve Pink Cross Publishing, flush with cash after the success of their gay-friendly bible, has promised to put a copy of the controversial book in every motel room in North America.

Maury Berkowitz, the owner of Pink Cross Publishing, has an ambitious plan. “Our gay-friendly bible will be resting comfortably with Gideon’s bible in the nightstand of your motel room by the end of the year,” states Berkowitz. “We’ve been picketed by Christian groups and that has only emboldened our efforts.”

Motel chains are reluctant to put the gay-friendly bible in their rooms due to mounting pressure from conservative Christian groups. Berkowitz plans to sue any motel chain that bars the gay-friendly bible from their rooms. “We have sold enough gay-friendly bibles to be able to give away hundreds of thousands of them to motel chains, as well as fund our legal efforts to ensure the books are accepted,” added Berkowtiz.

A children’s version of the gay-friendly bible is in the works, but it will not be for sale. “Our children’s bible will be donated to schools and public libraries across the United States,” according to Berkowitz.