Man Outduels Python Using Cell Phone to Summon Help - Python Claims Foul - Demands Rematch

Epic struggle between man and snake....and camel? WTF? What is that camel doing here?

April 16, 2009

A Kenyan man bit a python that wrapped him in its coils and hauled him up a tree in a struggle that lasted hours.

Farm manager Ben Nyaumbe was working in Kenya's Malindi area at the weekend when the snake struck, apparently hunting for livestock.

"I stepped on a spongy thing on the ground and suddenly my leg was entangled with the body of a huge python," he told the Daily Nation newspaper.

When the snake coiled itself round his upper body, he resorted to desperate measures.

"I had to bite it," he said. "I bit down hard on the snake's neck, near its head."

The python then dragged him up a tree, but when it eased its grip, momentarily, Nyaumbe was able to take a mobile phone out of his pocket and phone for help. While waiting, Nyaumbe continued his deadly wrestling match with the python. The python was winning.

When his supervisor came with a policeman, Nyaumbe smothered the snake's head with his shirt, while the rescuers tied it with a rope and pulled.

"We both came down, landing with a thud," said Nyaumbe, who survived with damaged lips and bruising.

The snake escaped from the three sacks into which it was bundled and slithered off into the jungle. The men were unable to determine the sex of the snake. Female pythons are known for squeezing their male victims near the genital area until their testicles pop out of their protective sack. The testicles then are consumed by the snake, which apparently considers them a delicacy.

In one of the photos above a python is seen entering the trousers of a newsman in an apparent bid to make off with the man's testicles. Only the newsman's quick reaction saved him from a painful experience.

Mr. Nyaumbe asked not to be photographed for this story, citing reasons of personal privacy.

Gluttons Go At It Again, Dogging It Out On New York's Coney Island

Joey Chestnut, of San Jose, Calif., defending champion of the Nathan's Famous July 4th Hot Dog Eating Contest, celebrates his victory over former champion Takeru Kobayashi of Nagano, Japan, Saturday, July 4, 2009, in New York. Chestnut logged his third consecutive win in Coney Island's annual hot dog eating contest with a world-record 68 franks.

It's the same Joey Chestnut, the U.S. King of Gluttony, who only a few weeks ago, on May 30, came in second in the California-based World Calzone Eating Contest. His arch rival, the cavernous-mouthed Kobayashi, edged him by one-half of a calzone, 5.5 to 5. Each calzone weighs approximately one pound. Thus far, it's been a see-saw battke between the two heavyweight eaters, whose rivalry goes back several years, when Kobayashi took the New York event with a record number of wolfed weenies.

It was not clear whether either or both contestants had gone to the men's room at the end of the contest, to hurl. Hurling during a contest results in immediate disqualification and forfieture of the bond each contestant is required to post prior to the start of the eat-off, for clean-up charges. Mr. Kobayashi looked a little green around the gills as time ran out, and can be seen in the photo above, bending forward as if he were about to puke. But he was able to keep it down, in public.

Neither contestant is very large, and the piles of hot dogs on the contest tables appeared larger than the eaters themselves. Dieticians and medical personnel familiar with eating disorders say the two men are rare and could be genetic throwbacks to ancient times when it frequently was necessary to eat enough food to last for a week or more between meals. Both men are said to be light eaters by family and friends, except when Tobayashi binge eats for several weeks in preparation for an upcoming eating event. Tobayashi, 31, has indicated he plans to retire after this year, and stick to salads and sushi.

"We'll have to wait and see what happens if the African Safari Society (ASS) decides to hold a hippopotamos eating contest," said Bud Bulbous of Brooklyn, apparently a spokesman for no one and hence free to say whatever he feels like.

Irate Dad Goes Too Far: Disciplines Son With Chain and Mace

Texas teen says father wrapped chain around his neck

Jul 05 2009

Authorities in Texas have accused a man of wrapping a 20-foot chain around his teenage son's neck and spraying him in the face with Mace.

Texas City police arrested 48-year-old Ira Danner on Saturday and charged him with assault to a family member.

Police Capt. Brian Goetschius (Get-chess) said Danner's 15-year-old son ran to a neighbor's house Saturday morning with a towing chain around his neck. There was a combination lock on the chain. And the teenager told police his father also sprayed Mace in his face twice.

Police say Danner told them he was frustrated because his son was misbehaving and being physically dominant over him.

Online records did not show an attorney who could speak for Danner, who had been released on bail.

The son was staying temporarily with undisclosed friends in Duluth, Minnesota.

AND IT'S..... SARAH, THE INARTICULATE SNOW SNOB

July 4, 2009

In a startling display of air-headedness and 45 year-old-going-on-16 gushing, burbling and rambling, Governor Sarah (The Witch of Wasilla) Palin announced she would resign her position as governor of Alaska for reasons totally unfathomable from her public statement. Her comments were reminiscent of her inane interviews and misinformed statements during her disastrous run for Vice President with John (The Mysogynist) McCain. Suspicions of another scandal brewing in the overactive loins of Republican political candidates were fueled when Governor Palin began hugging and kissing a man other than her husband, Todd (The Rod) Palin, at the conclusion of her announcement.

Alternately appearing loopy, severe, morose, like a frightened fawn, a snapping turtle, or simply out of it, Governor Palin adopted yoga poses, stripper stances, ramrod straight Sunday School teacher posture, and cheating wife moves during her disjointed remarks.

Reporters huddled together after her departure, in a group effort to make sense of anything she had said. "You gotta hand it to her," said one of the reporters. "She's hotter than a dime store pistol." During Governor Palin's campaign with Vice Presidential candidate John McCain, at least one man indicated he was voting for the Governor "because of her boobs." After the election, pollsters were analyzing the results to try to isolate "the boob" factor in the final count.

Man Severely Beaten for Pleasing His Girlfriend

Police: Conn. teens misinterpret sex screams, beat man with fists and a bat

Jul 02 2009

By DAVE COLLINS - Associated Press Writer


A 16-year-old girl thought she heard her mother being assaulted by her boyfriend and rounded up some friends who beat him up, only to learn later that the couple actually were having sex, the woman and police said. The girl misinterpreted her mother's amorous screams, and she and four other teens went to her bedroom to help her in the Torrington home on June 6, police Lt. Bruce Whiteley said Thursday.

One of the teens beat the 25-year-old man with a bat and others punched him, police said. He suffered a black eye and several bruises.

The girl, two 17-year-old boys and Dilyen Langdeau, 19, of Torrington, were arrested Tuesday night and arraigned in Bantam Superior Court on Wednesday. Langdeau was charged with assault and conspiracy; the teens face similar counts. The fifth teenager was not charged.

A judge sealed the police report. The names of the girl and the two boys were not released because of their ages.

The 34-year-old woman, Melanie Arnold, told The Associated Press on Thursday that the girl is her daughter. Arnold denied she was screaming, and said her daughter thought she heard a slap and believed an assault was happening. She said the man was slapping her buttocks as part of some "rough" sex.

"Instead of asking what was going on, they assumed and took matters into their own hands," Arnold said. "Now they have to learn a lesson."

The teens knocked on the bedroom door and Arnold opened it, according to the couple, who recently broke up. The man had come to her home, seeking a reconciliation, and the pair had gone into the woman's bedroom to try to work things out. While they were working it out was when the man was slapping her buttocks and she was screaming with pleasure, according to Dick Tracy, a detective working the case.

When Arnold opened the bedroom door the teens rushed into the room and the man, Roger Swanson, said he didn't have a chance to explain himself. He said he tried to get away, but the teens chased him down and started beating him in the house.

He said he knelt down over a chair and tried to protect his face, but got hit in the eye and in the back. He said Arnold covered his back to try to protect him, but the teen with the bat started hitting him in the legs. Then the youths left.

"What if they fight someone else and those guys don't walk away? What if they kill somebody?" he said. "Then they're going to spend the rest of their lives in jail. These kids need to learn, go through the court system and see if you do something to somebody, you see what happens."

Swanson indicated he believed this incident was going to make any reconciliation between him and Ms. Arnold all the more difficult.

Subliminal Suggestion?

Elk Grove, CA July 2, 2009

A Northern California elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, only the DVD included six seconds of her having sex on a couch.

Officials at the Elk Grove Unified School District asked families of the teacher's 24students to get rid of the DVD after the unintended clip was found spliced in a scene where children were sharing stories in class.

"Just destroy them," said spokeswoman Torrey Johnson.

Johnson said the teacher, whose name isn't being released, sent the DVD home with her students from Isabelle Jackson Elementary on the last day of class Friday. She learned of the mistake after a parent called her. She then called all the parents to ask them to destroy the DVD.

The teacher, who is married, declined to provide the name of her partner in the clip.

The school district, located just south of Sacramento, initially sent a letter home to parents asking them to return the DVDs, but then asked parents to simply destroy them.

Several of the childrens' fathers decided to keep the DVDs, as a precautionary measure.

Burn Baby Burn!

Burning Manure Mountain Has Neighbors Fuming, Nebraska Wanting Solution

Posted: 01-17-2005
Updated: 06-14-2007
Associated Press


MILFORD, Neb. (AP) -- A huge pile of composting manure burning for almost two months has neighbors upset and state officials looking for a way to put it out.

Concerned about emissions, the state's Department of Environmental Quality will make its recommendation by the end of the week, said spokesman Rich Webster.

David Dickinson, who owns and operates Midwest Feeding Co. near this town about 20 miles west of Lincoln, said he has tried to spread the pile out and douse it with water but the weather has slowed his efforts.

Webster said Dickinson will have to do something to put the fire out.

From a distance, the fire looks like steam rising from the large cattle feedlot. But when the winds pick up, it's more than a vapor to neighbors, who can smell the result from as far as 9 miles away. At a restaurant one mile north of the pile patrons comment on the stench, said manager Wilma Roth.

``There's a lot of people who complain about it when they come in,'' she said.

The fire began, Dickinson said, when grass clippings spontaneously combusted. He had accepted the clippings from the city to continue the pile's composting. Dickinson knows it is troublesome and he wants to put it out within a month.

``The only way to put it out is to string it out, which takes an enormous amount of space,'' he said.

In the meanwhile there is a mountain of cow manure, 2000 tons of it, and 54,000 tons a day being added. That's a lot of cow poop.