July 4, 2009
In a startling display of air-headedness and 45 year-old-going-on-16 gushing, burbling and rambling, Governor Sarah (The Witch of Wasilla) Palin announced she would resign her position as governor of Alaska for reasons totally unfathomable from her public statement. Her comments were reminiscent of her inane interviews and misinformed statements during her disastrous run for Vice President with John (The Mysogynist) McCain. Suspicions of another scandal brewing in the overactive loins of Republican political candidates were fueled when Governor Palin began hugging and kissing a man other than her husband, Todd (The Rod) Palin, at the conclusion of her announcement.
Alternately appearing loopy, severe, morose, like a frightened fawn, a snapping turtle, or simply out of it, Governor Palin adopted yoga poses, stripper stances, ramrod straight Sunday School teacher posture, and cheating wife moves during her disjointed remarks.
Reporters huddled together after her departure, in a group effort to make sense of anything she had said. "You gotta hand it to her," said one of the reporters. "She's hotter than a dime store pistol." During Governor Palin's campaign with Vice Presidential candidate John McCain, at least one man indicated he was voting for the Governor "because of her boobs." After the election, pollsters were analyzing the results to try to isolate "the boob" factor in the final count.
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