How to Spot a World Big Shot - The Comb Factor

Scientists discover strong correlation between public hair combing and global political leadership

Deer Park, TX July 26, 2009

Following several months of intensive research in an underground cavern selected for its remote location and secrecy (only 30 million people worldwide know of its existence) scientists may have discovered an almost perfect way to determine who will win in major contested elections. And the discovery hold true everywhere, cutting across national and ethnic boundaries except in the Middle and those countries where men wear turbans. The discovery also is not applicable to female candidates, who still must go to the powder room, to freshen up.

Big name male political figures have the virtually infallible characteristic of combing or brushing their hair in public.

Scientists studied more than 300 closely contested elections in a random sample of political leaders from around the globe and discovered that 92.4% of candidates winning major elections were combers. Despite 10's of millions of dollars spent on political campaigns, including TV spots, billboards, bimbos, mailings and telephone banks, a simple, black pocket comb, available in most convenience stores for $1.29, can decide the outcome of a major election.

One of the principal scientists involved in the research, who declined to give his name because he is bald, also indicated it was too soon to draw such a conclusion from the data, but it would appear this is one of the major factors why women are vastly outnumbered by successful male political candidates.

Pictured above are six successful political figures from around the world who are public combers. Some combers hire consultants to show them just how to comb their hair in public to maximize their likeability among voters.

It is believed that there are many other political figures who are closet combers but who are afraid to come out with public combing. This research may change the minds of many political aspirants.

A spokesman for the company that manufactures the Ace brand pocket comb, said the company predicts an uptick in sales for its more popular models of combs and hopes to bring out newer models in time for the next U.S. presidential election, in 2012. "Unkempt, unruly hair has been in vogue since the 60s and 70s but the more slicked back and greased look is making a comeback," said the company spokesman.