Wednesday, September 23, 2009

New Fab Diet Guaranteed to Reduce Your Weight to Zero

All new total weight loss program unveiled.

Tuscaloosa, Alabama
Sep 23, 2009

If you've ever wished you could just lose all your weight and not have to worry about it ever again, this may be the diet plan for you. It isn't easy and it will cost a bundle but you will never have to look a scale in the face again.

Throw away all those calorie counters and tasteless substitutes for food. All you will need to do to lose all that excess weight, and more, is dig to the center of the earth!

That's right, with a good quality shovel, a rugged pick axe, a portable jackhammer, a box of dynamite sticks and detonators, a heavy duty insulated fire suit, and a bag of peanut butter sandwiches with a thermos of Kool-Aid, and you'll be on your way to a new, slimmer, healthier you. Here is the detailed plan.

First, you’ll dig 18 miles (30km) through earth’s crust (see illustration at the top of the globe above), then 1800 miles (3000km) through the rock mantle, (this is where the jackhammer and dynamite are really useful), then through 1200 miles (2000km) of molten iron and nickel,(thank your lucky stars for those fireproof coveralls), then 600 miles (1000km) through solid rock (the jackhammer and dynamite again) to reach the center, which is sort of like a giant sauna at temperatures of 8132°F (4500°C). By the time you reach your destination you already will have lost several pounds. But the real bonus is that at the center of the earth the forces of gravity will be equal on all sides of you, canceling each other, meaning you’ll weigh nothing. Good luck.

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