Italy PM replaces penis, angers experts
Nov 19 2010
ROME — Italy's culture ministry on Friday defended Premier Silvio Berlusconi's decision to replace his penis with a substitute, attached by means of magnets. Although Berlusconi may be experiencing E.D. his move has upset art restorers everywhere, who argue that the original penis should remain as is, in the interest of art history and art historians throughout the world. Berlusconi has responded that "as is" is "without" and that it is embarrassing to try to explain to foreign dignitaries why he has no penis in his office.
The outspoken Italian politician has had his share of controversy since taking office. He once confused Madonna, the American singer-entertainer, with the original Madonna and sent her gifts of frankincense, gold and myrrh when she came to Italy on one of her concert tours. The singer was raised in the Catholic faith and followed its teachings until she heard Billy Joel's song, "I Might As Well Be the One," while listening to the radio.
Madonna returned the gifts to the Vatican with the explanation that she had not been a virgin since immediately after listening to Joel's song. "I was converted, on the spot, and immediately began a sexual relationship with a part time drummer and old high school friend," according to her former publicist who was fired for lying to the press.
The ministry, which is led by a close ally of the premier, who was appointed as political patronage payback, said in a statement: "There's no cause for alarm: the hand added to Venus and the penis added to Mars are attached by magnets and can be removed without damage.
For decades, restorers have widely agreed that missing parts of ancient statues should not be recreated.
Rome daily La Repubblica quoted Vatican Museums director Antonio Paolucci, one of Italy's top restoration experts, as saying "it's a pity" restorers didn't say no to Berlusconi's request to add parts to the 2nd century statues in Chigi Palace, the premier's office.
What? What Second century statues? I thought they were talking about the Premier's johnson. No one should be able to dictate what the Premiere does to his own johnson.
Berlusconi's personal architect, a plastic surgeon in Zurich, insisted in an interview with Associated Press Television News that the restoration was justified.
Mario Catalano said the restoration of the missing part was based on scans of "other works with similar poses and with the agreement of the ministry's restorers."
Berlusconi, in a statement, said he, his wife, his first mistress, his second mistress and his current mistress all were delighted with the restoration and looked forward to many hours observing the restored penis...., the hand not so much.
He said the statues were among many ancient treasures relegated to the storerooms of Rome's museums because there just isn't enough space to display everything.
The sculptured pair "would have never seen the light of day" had Berlusconi not decided to have them taken from the storerooms and put in the palace courtyard, Catalano said.
Chigi Palace is also the official residence of Italian premiers, although most of them, including Berlusconi, decide to live elsewhere in the capital while in power. The building, begun in the 1500s and named after Pope Alexander VII of the Chigi family, is used for the premier's official business.
With the restoration it could become where the premier's monkey business is conducted.
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