Convicted Financial Guru Roger Scaramouch Named New Chairman of Goldman Sachs

Oct. 9, 2011
NY, NY

In a surprise weekend move that caught the financial world off guard, Goldman Sachs, the financial behemoth responsible for most of the financial meltdown and world-wide chaos in financial markets that occurred in 2008, shortly after the election of Democratic President, Barack Obama, announced a new chairman and head of financial operations for the firm. Goldman Sachs, which only survived the results of its own financial wrongdoing by accepting a bailout package paid for by U.S. taxpayers, said it had selected its new chairman with a view to projecting the image of the firm it felt represented the best of Goldman Sachs.

The new chairman, Roger Scaramouch, twice convicted for financial fraud, served 18 months in a federal country club at Hilton Head South Carolina in 2006-07 for his earlier misdeeds. He announced his principal goal as chairman was to restore the mega million dollar annual bonuses paid to hot shot traders who had creatively perfected financial instruments that were intrinsically worthless and then sold these, bundled with worthless mortgages, to unsuspecting investors, reaping billions in phony profits for the firm prior to the financial collapse.

Mr. Scaramouch, who has since undergone plastic surgery, is pictured here in a mug shot taken by the FBI prior to his financial fraud conviction. He is now said to resemble an older Roger Vadim, a French film director and former husband of Jane Fonda. Scaramouch refused to pose for photographers at the press conference announcing his new appointment.

When asked about the "Occupy Wall Street" movement currently underway in New York and other U.S. cities, Mr. Scaramouch said that while he understood the frustration of average investors who had lost their life savings, they should be jailed for blocking traffic in lower Manhattan which had cost him an additional 15 minutes to get to work. "There is only so much wheeling and dealing and financial manipulation that can be done in the back seat of a limousine," said the new chairman.