Boys Will Be Boys and Parents Will Be Prosecuted

January 7, 2009

In two unrelated incidents, authorities in Kansas reported that an eleven year-old adopted boy disappeared from his home ten years ago but no one thought to report him missing until now. The adoptive parents said they just assumed he had gone back where he came from. His 17 year-old sister said that was not a very good excuse. A manhunt for the former boy has now been initiated by authorities. The adoptive parents say they feel real bad about not reporting him missing before now. "We just kept putting it off," said the woman. When police arrived to arrest the parents, they asked if the whole matter couldn't just be forgotten since it had been such a long time ago. They pointed out in their defense that they couldn't even remember what the boy looked like. One of he arresting officers hit the man in the face with a car jack, flattening his nose, splitting his forehead open, and turning his face into a bloody pulp, as shown in the above mug shot taken after his arrest and booking.

Meanwhile, in Virginia, a six-year-old boy's mother did not get up in time to take him to school after he missed the school bus. The boy took his mother's car and drove himself almost to his school, crossing a large suspension bridge and making several left turns successfully, before losing control of the vehicle and crashing into a utility pole. The boy got out of the car and continued on foot toward the school. He was picked up by authorities before arriving and charged with leaving the scene of an accident. His mother and father were charged with reckless endangerment of a child.

The entire states of Kansas and Virginia were charged by federal authorities with gross stupidity, under a law enacted in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. The Kansas attorney general said the law probably could not be applied retroactively to the missing kid case. Federal authorities said the law could be used against Kansas because the adoptive parents had not reported the boy missing until 2009. If a jury should find Kansas guilty, every Kansan would receive a framed official letter of stupidity signed by the Governor.