Washington: January 20, 2009
In a bizarre turn of events, newly inaugurated Democratic President Barack Hussein Obama almost succeeded in killing off two key Democratic Senators at an inaugural luncheon. Democratic Senators Edward Kennedy and Robert Byrd both suffered seizures during the luncheon and had to be carried out of the banquet hall. The Secret Service immediately removed all food from the banquet hall and sent it to an undisclosed lab in Bora Bora for testing. An unconfirmed rumor was circulating late Tuesday afternoon that Republican V.P. candidate Sarah Palin, who was not invited to the luncheon, had been spotted lurking in the kitchen area where the food for the luncheon was prepared. But a Republican spokesperson, who spoke on condition of imbecility, said Governor Palin was on an extended Safari in the Sahara Desert where she was tracking desert rats to shoot with a flamethrower. The Governor was accompanied by a tall, muscular African guide, two small, undernourished African bearers, and a Burmese python named "Snake."