Monday, January 12, 2009

The Last World War - The Womens War

Sometime last summer - AP News

A lot of politicians and other officials, who should not be authorized to speak publicly, talk about ending all wars. But that's all it is, talk. After talking for two or three weeks at an international meeting in someplace like Mozambique, which lacks the capability to carry on a war with grasshoppers, promises are made, non-aggression treaties are signed and everyone adds two more days to the end of their official trip in order to get a mini vacation at public expense. The next week one of the signatories to the non-aggression treaty invades its neighbor, also a signatory to the treaty, about a border dispute over a tiny swath of barren, rocky, God forsaken land that no one in their right mind would want, that has been going on between the two countries since 1853.

But an informal group of women, who met at a Tupperware convention in Birmingham, Alabama, decided to take real action to end the devastating wars that kill and maim hundreds of thousands of people, and even more animals, and destroy the productive apparatus of entire nations. One day everything in the world is ok and the next day you can't get a cup of Starbucks Latte because of a new war.

The women assembled at Pompano Beach, Florida, or one of those other places in Florida with the word beach in it, to demonstrate their plan to end all wars. Actually, you can still hold wars, under their plan, but no one would get hurt and no property destroyed.

The plan, which is fairly easy to understand just by looking at a sample, live war; (see above photo) consists of women with little or no clothing, shooting one another with water pistols. (See photo) There is an unlimited supply of ammunition (the ocean) for both sides and a minimal amount of equipment is needed because the women (soldiers) hold the war on a warm beach where they can wear tiny regular bikinis, string bikinis or no bikinis at all, the preferred field dress. Actual, war looking clothing, like heavy boots, helmets, and bullet proof vests are banned, as are men on the field of combat. Men always want to vanquish their opponent and will start substituting.45 caliber automatics for the toy water pistols, to try to gain an advantage, and then the whole thing is shot to hell.

The only details about this new form of peacefare which have yet to be worked out, are how to determine when the "peace" is over and which side won. Public input is welcomed but stay off the battlefield to minimize casualties.

A spokesMAN for the women's army made the point that while current wars can cost up to a billion dollars a day, the new women's peace wars can actually make money, because spectators (mainly males) will pay to watch the war, probably as much as $50 a pop, which could be used to fight world hunger.

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