Saturday, April 25, 2009

Okay Honey, That's it. That's the Worse Damn Haircut and Color I've Ever Seen.

Police chief busted for allegedly tasering wife

Apr 9, 2009 OAKWOOD, Texas - The police chief of a tiny Texas town was fired and thrown in jail because, it is claimed, he shot his wife with his own taser. He apparently was upset when his wife came home from a hair dresser with her her hair died a ghastly red, said a neighbor, who asked to remain synonymous. Since she did not know the correct word, anonymous, the reporter had no duty to respect her privacy so her name is Betty Davis. Ms. Davis said she heard the suspect tell his wife she looked like a cheap hooker.

Oly Ivy (his real name) is now in Leon County Jail, and is charged with aggravated assault. Bond was set at $100,000. The ex-chief told his attorney he only had about $53 in his checking account and had just been fired, so he guessed he would be spending some time at county expense.

Ivy, 30, was arrested near Palestine on Monday. The city council fired him that night. One of the councilmen offered a motion to have Ivy tarred and feathered, but the motion failed 3 to 2.

Ivy's lawyer told a TV station in Waco that his client "is taking these allegations very seriously." He said he intends for Ivy to be treated the same as anybody else who tasers his wife. "There are two sides to every story," said a transient, being held in the County Jail for vagrancy. "It's not unusual for a man to taser his wife if she gets too far out of line. Around here they call 'em wife prodders," said the anonymous, semi-literate vagrant.

Ivy was hired in February to be the lone full-time officer in the town of 500 residents about 100 miles southeast of Dallas, giving the town a ratio of one police officer per 500 residents, well within the recommended ratio of 1 to 4 cops per 1,000 people. The police department secretary said the town actually only needed one-half of a police officer to meet the recommended number. The department has two reserve officers, used only for riot control, according to a local barber, Charley Barley, who refused to give his name without a court order. We got it off the front door of his barber shop.

When asked if there were frequent riots in Oakwood, to warrant two reserve officers for that purpose, Barley said the last riot was in 1874 but it was better to be safe than sorry. "It's almost free, anyway," he said, "These guys don't get a salary. The town only pays for any bullets used to conrol a riot. Hasn't cost the taxpayers one thin dime, since 1874," said Barley. "Lots of guys around these parts are just itching for a chance to carry a gun and shoot somebody without having to do any time. They'd pay cash money for the job."

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