Saturday, May 23, 2009

U.S. Soldier Fights War in Pink Underpants and Flip Flops

WASHINGTON - U.S. Army Specialist Zachary Boyd was awakend by enemy fire in Afghanistan. Pausing only to grab his helmet, body armor and rifle, he rushed to his post to return fire, clad only in pink underwear and flip flops from the waist down. Across his butt was printed 'I Love New York.' Boyd is from Ft. Worth, TX.

The new, more fashionable military attire has not yet caught on, as the Pentagon continues to order and issue boring, plain white army underwear to the troops, along with the standard issue traditional army boots. "No Doc Martins or flip flops here said a spokesmas for the Army Quartermaster Corp," on condition of anonymity and mendacity.

Specilist Boyd's pink derriere was captured by an AP photographer and carried on the front page of the New York Times. Copies of the Times were snapped up in Kabul where they were used for target practice by Taliban sharpshooters.

Boyd and his comrades in arms initially were concerned that the photo would make them look bad. But their camp, located on a steep mountainside is no place for formalities. Many of the soldiers' uniforms have holes in them and some of them wear flea collars at night to ward off the bugs that infest their beds.

The photo drew a wide response on the Internet. A handful of irksome commentators found it an undignified representation of America’s fighting forces but they were viciously assaulted for their views and sent packing, to a chorus of boos.

Department stores throughout the nation saw a strong uptick in sales of pink boxer shorts, helping pump new life into sluggish retail sales. Some Wall Street analysts were forecasting a rise in the Dow Jones on Tuesday, when the stock exchange re-opens after the Memorial Day holiday. "Those pink underpants might be the beginning of a broad market rally," said one analyst, who was later terminated by his employer for gross stupidity, but was still able to cash in on a $2.6 million dollar termination bonus he earned for remaining at his desk during the near financial collapse of his employer.

Ismael Talibanister reporting from Kabul and Brooklyn.

No comments:

Post a Comment