Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Resurrection of Marian Branflakes

Police swarm Arizona town after biker shootout

Aug 21 2010

Sheriff on Harley

CHINO VALLEY, Ariz. — Dozens of Arizona law enforcement officers have flooded into a small Arizona community after an apparent shootout involving motorcycle gang members. According to legend, the town acquired its name either by: a)the wearing of the popular chino pants a few decades ago or, 2)because several hundred Chinese (Chinos) settled here around 1850 and were subsequently run out of town by white Republicans when the land became more valuable.

Two rival gangs, one Republican and the other Democratic, the latter led by the Robinhoodesque Marian Branflakes, descended on the small, peaceful community, busily engaged in the round-up of Mexican illegal immigrants for fun and profit, and began shooting everything in sight.

Yavapai County sheriff's spokesman Dwight D'Evelyn, who has a girl's last name, said four or five people were shot and injured Saturday. One was flown to a Phoenix-area hospital. Their conditions were not immediately known.

No deaths were reported as the bikers insisted on shooting whilst riding their bikes which caused them to miss most of their targets.

An unknown number of people have been detained, possibly between 100 and 8,000, according to D'Evelyn.

Television images show several hundred men and two women dressed in biker garb outside a rural home in the Chino Valley area with motorcycles parked alongside. Heavily armed law enforcement officers watched over them, some praying for the bikers' souls.

D'Evelyn says sheriff's dispatchers started receiving calls about the shootings shortly after noon. Deputies were not dispatched until dark in the hopes the bikers would quit shooting everyone of their own accord when they no longer could see. This turned out to be an extremely flawed decision.

Some local residents immediately began circulating a recall petition for the sheriff, who they accused of being "soft" on bikers. The sheriff's wife was once a biker chick and the sheriff chose a big Harley for himself rather than the traditional police cruiser used by former sheriffs. He also wears faded jeans, Harley-Davidson Tee shirts and black, leather boots, in lieu of the traditional sheriff's uniform. The sheriff defends the bike and his clothing by pointing out that it facilitates a lot of his work under the covers.

1 comment:

  1. Pretty fucking funny - a girl's last name, tough to shoot while you're riding, profiteering on rounded-up Mexicans and the Sheriff's ex-biker wife. Has the Chino Valley Chamber asked you to spiff up their marketing material?