Cops: Three crooks make out with 3/4 of a million rubbers
Feb 17 2011
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia — Malaysian police have arrested three suspects involved in the heist of 725,000 condoms, which have not yet been found. The men told police the condoms were for their own personal use.
Mohamad Shukri Dahlan, the police chief of Malaysia's northern Perak state, says the heist was "an inside job," an expression he got from watching American crime shows. He said Friday the suspects work for the firm responsible for transporting the condoms from the factory to the port, where they were to be shipped to Japan. The Japanese Ministry of Fornication (JMF) said the loss of so many condoms was a blow to the Japanese birth control program and will create a temporary spike in the Japanese birth rate. "This represents a significant economic loss to the nation which will have to support an estimated 500,000 additional people from conception to death," according to an anonymous source who works for the JMP, Mr. Takura Shikago.
Sagami Rubber Industries Co., one of Japan's biggest condom makers, said 85,000 boxes of ultra-thin condoms vanished last month in the heist. The merchandise was worth $1.5 million, $10 billion in psychic costs.
The suspects intended to sell the condoms in Malaysia, but were surprised to learn Malaysian women refuse to have sex with their husbands, boyfriends, brothers, uncles and neighbors who use condoms. "All they can be used for now is to make balloons for birthday parties, party favors for adult parties, or as water wings for small toddlers," according to the anonymous Mr. Shikago.
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