British Official Employs Novel Method To Get Rid of Unwanted Wife

Photo of Possible Pakistani Terrorist Women

British Immigration official fired for putting wife's name on terrorist watch list

1/31/2011

An immigration officer put his own wife on a terrorist watch list – ­so she could not get home from a trip to Pakistan.

The officer was so sick of his partner that when she was visiting family overseas he added her name to the register of people banned from flights into the UK.

When she went to the airport for her return flight officials told her she could not board the plane and would not ­explain why.

She called her husband, who told her he would look into it – but his "look" took THREE YEARS. He was dismissed after his bosses found out about his activities.

In defense of his actions, the fired official offered the above photo as proof of his wife's terrorist activities. He told British officials his wife was the woman wearing a veil. He said he was protecting the British people from terrorism.

Immigration officials were skeptical of the man's story and the photo and pointed out that the officer should have gone through the proper channels. An immigration source said: “A lot of people may dislike their other halves but to do this takes it to the next level."

The immigration source added: “He may have lost his job but he is a bit of a legend in immigration circles. It will be talked about for years as the officer who hated his wife so much he put her on a watch list.”

The wife claimed confusion when she got to the airport and said she had never been involved in anything criminal or terrorist related. Evidently, her British husband had reason to think otherwise and believed he was acting in defense of the Crown. God save the Queen.

It was not immediately clear what became of the wife. It was rumored she had been "taken in" by the Taliban for re-education after being tainted by her infidel way of life in England. A spokeswoman for the Taliban said the woman probably would be caned with 30 to 40 strokes and left to beg in the streets of Islamabad, which used to be Karachi before the Taliban, but definitely would not be stoned to death. The Taliban is working on its international image.

Toxic Candy - The Ultimate Terrorist Attack On American Freedom

Tuesday January 18, 2011

U.S. authorities issued a recall for a brand of Pakistani-made confectionery called Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge Chew Bars. Obsessed with truth in advertising it turns out the sweets actually are toxic. Tests showed that the cherry flavoring in the bars contained very high quantities of lead.

It is suspected the candy was manufactured by a Pakistani company owned by al Qaeda and was intended as a low key, stealth terrorist attack. Homeland Security and the F.B.I. took over the investigation from the F.D.A., when it learned of the possible terrorist connection. An additional $3 billion was added to the Homeland Security and FBI budgets to continue the investigation. A part of this new spending will be recovered (an estimated $850)and the toxic candy will not go to waste. The withdrawn sweets will be donated to the federal Bureau of Prisons and state prison systems in states with the death penalty. It will be served as dessert for prisoners on death row. Several civil rights groups denounced the move and planned to sue prison authorities pursuant to the 8th Amendment, which prohibits the use of cruel and unusual punishment. Several death row inmates interviewed for this story applauded the move, indicating they would prefer to die a natural death from toxic poisoning than be subjected to the circus atmosphere of death by lethal injection.

Proponents of the use of the candy for prisoners on death row defended the candy as providing a taste treat from standard prison fare and pointed to the cost savings obtained by minimizing the amount of time the inmates had left to live, thus cutting inmate maintenance costs. The toxic candy's manufacturer also lauded the use of the candy to feed prisoners and offered to increase the toxicity levels to obtain even greater cost savings. They pointed out that by having death row inmates die before their scheduled executions,the purchase of expensive chemicals used to kill the inmates could be eliminated and electricity bills cut in those states still employing the electric chair.

Congressional Representatives from 3 states announced plans to introduce a bill requiring that Guantanamo detainees also be fed the toxic waste bars for dessert. This also was denounced by civil rights groups who pointed out the detainees have never received trials and remain unconvicted of any crime. A DOJ spokeswoman, who requested bulemia because she was unauthorized to comment, said, "So what?"

Woman to Avoid in Pool Hall Brawl

Cops: Woman attacked patron with pool cue - major damage

Elizabeth Dinan and several others of unknown identity

January 28, 2011 11:34 AM

PORTSMOUTH — A Greenland woman is charged with a felony alleging she attacked a man with a pool stick, causing a laceration to his face that required nine stitches to close.

Arrested on a felony count of second degree assault, Haley Hansler, 24, of 542 Portsmouth Ave., is accused of splitting the man's face with a deadly weapon, the pool stick, at Legend's Billiards & Tavern.

Due to Ms. Hanslers' reputation and a large mole on her face 4 officers were dispatched to the 80 Hanover Street bar on Dec. 23 at 12:20 a.m. On their arrival they found a very large bouncer, who weighed maybe 300 lbs., sitting on top of Hansler who was prone on the bar floor. It was not immediately clear how she got there but the bouncer was concerned she might get up. Immediately after the incident the bouncer resigned to take a job in a local bakery making cup cakes.

Back at the bar the victim was in another area of the bar holding a bloodied towel near his left eye and had “large amounts of blood on his face and hands.” The bloodied man told police Hansler accused him of being someone who raped her friend several years ago. When he objected to the claim Hansler became enraged and split the man's head open with a pool stick. Hansler claimed the man was her friend's rapist, who “came at her” and she feared for her safety so she swung the pool stick in self defense.

The victim refused medical treatment at the scene, but later went to the hospital where he received nine stitches and reported he was nauseous, couldn't focus properly and was having trouble with his depth perception. He declined to identify himself other than Joe Blow and paid cash.

Hansler is free on personal bond. The man she bashed is reportedly in hiding in Western Canada where he will seek political asylum. Hansler's court appointed attorney took out a peace bond against his client during the pendency of his representation of the woman, citing her reputation for violence.

According to news archives, in 2005 Hansler was charged with facilitating an underage house party after 22 people were taken into custody following a riot at her Portsmouth Avenue home. No one was severely injured and all refused to testify against Hansler, citing fear of being hit with a pool stick or a baseball bat.

Hansler's photo was so dangerous looking that it would not upload or we would have shown you what she looks like. Take our word for it, it was frightening.

Mexican Gangs Catapult Pot into US

Jan 27 2011

Mexican gangs using catapults to hurl pot into the United States of America - Arizonans fight back by smoking the contraband. Mexicans pissed off.


HERMOSILLO, Mexico — Drug smugglers are using an ancient invention as a new way to move marijuana across the border from Mexico to Arizona.

The discovery of two "drug catapults" in the Mexican state of Sonora marks the latest twist in the cat-and-mouse game traffickers play with authorities.

U.S. National Guard troops operating a remote surveillance system at the Naco Border Patrol Station say they observed several people preparing a catapult and launching packages over the fence late last week.

A Mexican army officer says the 3-yard (3-meter) tall catapult was found about 20 yards (20 meters) from the U.S. border on a flatbed towed by a sports utility vehicle.

The officer says the catapult was capable of launching 4.4 pounds (2 kilograms) of marijuana at a time. He says soldiers seized 35 pounds (16 kilograms) of pot, the vehicle and the catapult.

The smugglers left before they could be captured. The surveillance video of them using the catapult was released Wednesday.

A second catapult was discovered Thursday in near Agua Prieta, another border town. Another army officer in that area said an anonymous tip led soldiers to the scene and the catapult was similar to the first.

Mexican officials say it is the first time they have seen this smuggling method used by local traffickers.

Mexican traffickers have previously used planes, tunnels, vehicles, boats and couriers to smuggle drugs into the United States. Colombian drug traffickers have even used homemade submarines.

Argentina Woman, A Failure In Life, Also Fails in Attempted Suicide

"BUENOS AIRES, Argentina — Witnesses saw a woman throw herself from the 23rd story of a Buenos Aires hotel Monday and survive.

The woman, who was distraught over her life failures, failed yet again in her attempt to end her own life. After plunging from the top floor of a 23 floor hotel, she only succeeded in landing in a sitting position on the roof of a taxi whose driver got out just before the impact deeply dented his roof and shattered the windshield.

The woman, a 30-year-old Argentine, was rushed to the nearby Hospital Argerich, where she was being operated on for injuries including internal bleeding and broken hips and ribs, Alberto Crescenti, director of Argentina's Emergency Medical System, told the government news agency Telam. He estimated that she fell nearly 100 meters (330 feet).

The taxi driver, Miguel Cajal, told the C5N television station that he jumped out of the car because he saw a policeman stopping traffic and looking up. Moments later, the driver's side of the car was smashed by the woman's body.

Another taxi driver, Juan Carlos Candame, told Associated Press Television News that he saw the woman climb over a railing at the edge of the building and appear to exchange a few words with someone before jumping into the void.

'I looked up and I saw a girl that was going over the railing while another person was talking to her,' Candame said. 'Then she walked to the edge, went back to talk to the other person, then she turned around and she jumped.'

The woman plunged from the top of the Hotel Crown Plaza Panamericano, where a restaurant overlooks the landmark Obelisk in downtown Buenos Aires.

New York Man Sues Vegas Escort Service For Non-Consensual Sex

Claims stripper took advantage of him while drunk

A New York man filed a federal lawsuit against a Las Vegas escort service for providing him an unsolicited sex act while he was drunk.

The man, Hubert Blackman's pro se complaint suggests remedial work is needed in English. His complaint reads: “An excort had did an illegal sexual act on me during her paid service to me. The excort had broke the law.”

Black told a Vegas newspaper that local police threatened to arrest him when he complained to them about the escort service's illegal services. He was disappointed because the stripper provided by the service didn’t stay the full hour as promised. He also said he was so drunk that he was unable to make an informed decision about what services the stripper was to provide and didn't want to be charged with engaging in illegal sex acts.

Blackman asked the court to close the business, identified as Las Vegas Exclusive Personals, refund his $275 payment and award him $1.8 million in damages for the “tragic event that happened.”

Officials for the escort service told local media it is not involved in prostitution and that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and the lawsuit was filed in federal district court in Reno.

Lowest Cost Diet Around

Indian Yogi Lives Without Food and Water for Over 70 Years- receives his energy from space.

Pravda

Prahlad Jani, an 82 year Indian yogi is used to living with empty stomach. He claims that he receives his energy from space.

At first medics thought him to be a swindler, but when they examined him they were of a different opinion. The unique yogi was placed in a hospital for observation. The first results shocked scientists and now they are trying to find out if other people can be taught to live without food and water.

Prahlad Jani says he has been living without food and water for over 70 years. He said that when he was eight he was homeless and lived in a cave near a Hindu temple where he was allegedly visited by an Indian goddess. She felt sorry for the child and bestowed these wonderful capabilities on him. Since then all he needs to survive is a drop or two of magic nectar sent to him by a goddess every day. The nectar penetrates his body through a special channel on the roof of his mouth. Scientists have no comments about it.

The unique yogi has been in complete isolation in the hospital for a week already and he is observed 24/7 with specially installed cameras. He has not been eating or drinking for the entire week. Every day doctors examine him trying to find signs of weakness or dehydration, but to no avail. They found that his brain cells are at the level of a 25-year old person, and his body is strong and young.

The doctors say they are dealing with a biological miracle because within 108 hours in the hospital he has not eaten or drunk and has not used a restroom even once. This raises complex questions . A human being can live without water and food up to 12 days. There were cases when people lived without food for 16 and even 30 days, but they drank water on the 8th day.

Jani is studied by 35 doctors. They say that yoga practice caused biological changes in his body. He explains it with the “life energy” given to him by the Indian goddess. This “energy” is especially interesting for military doctors.

The doctors are hoping this case will help them to research the ways of survival in extreme conditions without food or water. They believe it could be a real breakthrough in their attempts to send piloted spacecrafts to Mars. The unique patient will be examined for two more weeks. It will take the scientists another two months to meticulously study the results. Only then it will be obvious whether this is a coax or sensation.

Posted by Clavin

Road Warrior Drags 78 Year-Old Woman Through Parking Lot With His Car

Jan. 20, 2011

In a bold move, a purse snatcher in a parking lot escapes by dragging an elderly woman with his car.

Look for the accompanying video of the old woman hanging on for life by following the Road Runner link below.

Road Runner News - Road Runner: "- Sent using Google Toolbar"

The Truth, the Whole Truth and All That Jazz

Bizarrestuff blind-sided by Dead Serious

Jan. 19, 2011

Consistent with BizarreStuff's "on again off again" commitment to the truth (we only adumbrate certain stories to make them more catchy and entertaining but never at the expense of misleading or willfully dissembling to any of our loyal and dedicated readers who count on us for accurate and honest reporting of bizarre stuff.

One of BizarreStuff's recent posts, Jan. 11, 2011, concerned a mortuary worker who was impregnated by a corpse she was bathing that experienced a post mortem erection. The female worker allegedly took advantage of the situation for her own sexual gratification. The gist of that post was taken from one of our sister publications, Dead Serious, a fine journal of satire and disrespect.

One of our loyal readers brought to our attention that this story had been reported as false by Snopes.com. A heartfelt thank you to our perceptive reader.

And to all our readers, sorry!

The Editors

Honey Buns in Prison

Joy in Florida's Penal System

January 17, 2011

To be locked up is to live the life of bare survival in many cases, and that means one must barter with any available makeshift currency. Cash, of course, can be scarce behind prison walls. But as the St. Petersburg Times reports, in the counter-culture world of Florida's incarcerated, if cigarettes are considered money, then honey buns are gold.

Florida inmates purchase 270,000 honey buns a month, the Times said, selling more than tobacco, envelopes and Coke cans. Although the pastries have little nutritional value, they are used for everything from improvising wines to settling bets. In Orlando's Lake Correctional Institution, a man was shanked to death over, among other things, an accusation of a stolen honey bun.

But why all the fuss over a high-calorie piece of fried yeast with glaze on top? Because prison food is so bland and designed for nothing else but very basic nourishment. That makes the treats look good when compared with the dull, repetitive food that makes up routine prison cuisine. When an inmate can get his hands on a Honey Bun, it's a real pick-me-up. Besides, it makes the convicts feel like cops at Shipley's.

Even in cases of prisoners dealing with addictions, honey buns have served inmates when they are striving to finally get that monkey off their backs. "Many people in jail are addicts or abusers of substances," Hernando County Jail administrator Maj. Mike Page told the Times. "Alcohol is based in sugars generally, and the human body will receive some satisfaction of cravings from the honey bun as a substitute for the sugar."

Posted by Clavin

Woman Knocked Up By Corpse Plans To Sue His Estate For Child Support

Dead man in mortuary impregnates woman

November 11, 2010 by Dead Serious News

Dead Man in Casket With Contented Expression

The Rolling Stones said it best, “You, you make a dead man cum.” A 38 year old female mortuary worker is being held on $250,000 bond after becoming pregnant by one of her clients-a dead man. The alleged crime took place at the Mourning Glory Mortuary just outside of Lexington, Missouri. Police have charged Felicity Marmaduke with desecration of the dead and necrophilia.

According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged victim experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed. Being alone, Marmaduke straddled the dead man and proceeded to have sex with him. Much to her surprise, the corpse had an orgasm after several minutes. Reasoning that if the man was dead so were his sperm Marmaduke douched, took a shower and forgot about it.

A few weeks later, during a routine medical exam Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test. Upon telling her doctor the circumstances leading to the conception, the police were notified. Marmaduke was arrested without incident at her dilapidated trailer home a few blocks from the mortuary.

In a bizarre twist, Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support.

Marmaduke's attorney said he was looking into the possibility of the fetus inheriting from his father, the corpse.

An Easily Made Mistake When Searching For Weapons of Mass Destruction

TSA boob job results in settlement with exposed boobs


JANUARY 13--The woman who sued the Transportation Security Administration after her breasts were exposed during a frisking at a Texas airport will receive a “nominal” payment from the government as part of a legal settlement.

The settlement was disclosed in documents filed last week in U.S. District Court in Amarillo, where Lynsie Murley last year filed a lawsuit accusing the TSA of negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress in connection with the May 2008 boob exposure incident at the Corpus Christi airport.

Murley’s lawyer, Jerry McLaughlin, declined to disclose the exact amount of money that his client is receiving, but termed the payout a “nominal settlement.” Asked if the amount hit six figures, McLaughlin laughed loudly and said the negotiated payment was “way less than that. It wasn’t a whole lot of money.” Murley, he said, “was never interested in the money,” and would not have filed a lawsuit if TSA officials had simply sent her a letter of apology.

Murley is pictured above in a photo from her Facebook page.

Woman stripped from waste up by zealous TSA inspector

The 24-year-old Murley alleged that after being “singled out for extended search procedures,” a TSA agent frisked her and “pulled Plaintiff’s blouse completely down, exposing Plaintiff’s breasts to everyone in the area.” Her complaint noted that, “as would be expected,” Murley was “extremely embarrassed and humiliated.”

Murley charged that TSA employees “joked and laughed about the incident for an extended period of time.” After leaving the security line to be “consoled by an acquaintance who had brought her to the airport,” Murley returned to the line, where a male TSA worker said that he had wished he was there when she first passed through. The employee, Murley recalled, added that “he would just have to watch the video.”

The court settlement was reached shortly after government lawyers deposed Murley. The agreement, McLaughlin said, “got her some justice.” (5 pages)officials had simply sent her a letter of apology.

The 24-year-old Murley alleged that after being “singled out for extended search procedures,” a TSA agent frisked her and “pulled Plaintiff’s blouse completely down, exposing Plaintiff’s breasts to everyone in the area.” Her complaint noted that, “as would be expected,” Murley was “extremely embarrassed and humiliated.”

Murley charged that TSA employees “joked and laughed about the incident for an extended period of time.” After leaving the security line to be “consoled by an acquaintance who had brought her to the airport,” Murley returned to the line, where a male TSA worker said that he had wished he was there when she first passed through. The employee, Murley recalled, added that “he would just have to watch the video.”

The court settlement was reached shortly after government lawyers deposed Murley. The agreement, McLaughlin said, “got her some justice.”

Romanian Witches Fight Taxation With Cat Shit

Tax Fight Escalates as Romanian Witches Turn to Cat Excrement and Dead Dogs to Plead Their Case

Jan. 14, 2011

Romanian witches, angered by a new law that will make it harder for them to avoid paying income taxes, are engaging in some brinksmanship in their struggle with the legislature. Two weeks ago the witches were casting spells involving black pepper and yeast, but according to reports they are now threatening to escalate to "a particularly effective concoction of cat excrement, a dead dog and a chorus of witches."

Exact details of how the concoction would be used were not made clear in an interview conducted with two of the witches in their den. Note the Good Hands emblem of Allstate Insurance on the table.

New, 13th Zodiac Sign Called Obscene By Critics

Jan 14, 2011
N.Y., N.Y.

A new set of Zodiac signs, familiar to Eastern nations but not used in the West contains one additional, or 13th sign, Ophuchus, pronounced, Ohfuckus. The new sign runs from Nov. 29 to Dec. 17, and has angered many church leaders and local chambers of commerce because it conflicts with the prime shopping days before Christmas.

A spokesperson for the Rev. Billy Cupcake, 102, said Mr. Cupcake had tried to contact the advocates for the new Zodiac calendar but his calls were refused. An annoyed Mr. Cupcake retorted, ophuchem and went to play golf with his regular foursome: Judas, Stang, and the Archangel.

New York Inmate Sues Nassau County Over Rat Bite To Penis

Jailed NYer's lawsuit: Rodent bit me you-know-where

Jan 13 2011

FRANK ELTMAN - AP


GARDEN CITY, N.Y. — A man who says a rodent bit him on the penis while he was being held in a New York jail can proceed with a federal civil rights lawsuit claiming county officials should have had better pest control, a judge has ruled.

Peter Solomon claims in his lawsuit against Nassau County that a rodent came out of a hole in his mattress and bit him while he was jailed in February 2007 on a charge of menacing his wife. He's a Vietnam veteran who says he was already suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Solomon sued the following year, claiming "deliberate indifference to his health and safety in failing to adequately protect him from rodents." Solomon claims he suffered emotional distress, and his attorney said Thursday that Solomon now has "complete sexual dysfunction."

U.S. District Judge Arthur Spatt recently denied Nassau County's motion for dismissal, ruling that Solomon had raised enough issues about the county's pest control procedures at the East Meadow jail for the lawsuit to proceed. The ruling was first reported Thursday in the New York Law Journal.

"The county is in trouble," declared Ambrose W. Wotorson, one of Solomon's attorneys. "There was a long-standing practice and pattern of not taking complaints about rodents seriously. I guess because they are inmates."

Solomon, who is in his 50s, was treated at the jail's medical clinic and later received a rabies shot. In his ruling, Spatt noted "there was no significant blood loss and the wound did not require stitching." He was released from jail the next month.

The county has sought to have the lawsuit dismissed, arguing there was no proof of "a substantial risk of serious harm" and contended there was no evidence of rodents at the jail.

But Solomon's attorneys noted there were 11 formal inmate grievances about rodents in the 23 months leading up to his injury. They also cited a petition by 50 inmates complaining about rodents.

Spatt said Solomon's attorneys raised enough issues for the case to proceed.

Nassau County Attorney John Ciampoli predicted the county would prevail.

"I am sure the correctional center's procedures were sufficient to protect the inmates," Ciampoli told The Associated Press. "We are preparing for trial and are ready to confront the issues and win the case."

Wotorson said a federal jury would determine whether Solomon is due damages and if so, how much. The next court date is expected to be in February.

Baby Survived Twister, Crashing Cow

Lucky Child Likely to become a Gambler Later in Life

January 13, 2011

WADENA, Minn., Jan. 10 (UPI) -- A Minnesota woman says her new baby was named Skylar to note the time last summer when she and her unborn daughter were hit by a flying cow during a tornado.

Skylar Scwab was not only the first baby born in Wadena this year but can also be considered the youngest survivor of the twister that hit the town in June.

"We figured 'Sky' was too short, so we chose Skylar," new mom Samantha Wittstruck told KSAX-TV, Redwood Falls, Minn. "It was a big part of her life and she survived it."

Samantha was knocked cold during the June 17 storm and woke up with a cow on top of her, KSAX reported Monday. She was only a month pregnant at the time but feared she could lose the baby due to the bizarre trauma.

But Skylar emerged apparently no worse for wear this month at 7 pounds, 9 ounces.

As her due date approached, however, residents of the devastated town chipped in with clothing and a quilt sewn from fabric decorated with cows.

Posted by Clavin

Human Smiley Face Tom DeLay Convicts Texas

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Former House Speaker and Dancing With the Stars dropout, Tom DeLay, who was rumored to have had plastic surgery to fix a permanent smile on his face, accused the State of Texas for his conviction, saying it was all a bunch of liberals out to get him. DeLay doesn't question his conviction; claims he never should have been tried, and that jury foreman was a member of Greenpeace.

U.S. Border Patrol Agent Caught Running Operation To Assist Illegals In Entering the U.S.

San Diego border patrol agent flips, assists illegals to enter the U.S., including own father, shown in video clip. Agent also involved in methamphetamine trafficing

 

Hunt On For Cross-Eyed Opossum In Texas

How do you find a cross-eyed opossum?

January 12, 2011
Coyote, TX




Becky Oglethorpe, of San Angelo, examines the grill of her car in hopes of finding a slightly injured opossum that could be nursed back to health and used to claim a $25 reward.

Not to be outdone by Germans, loyal Texans vowed to search for a cross-eyed opossum in every nook and cranny of the vast state. The newly created (yesterday)Texas National Opossum Society (TNOS), dedicated to the protection of the homely creatures, was announced in Coyote at the first ever World Opossum Festival.

Organizers of the hastily organized Opossum Festial, attended by a throng of 7 or 8 persons, announced plans to open a 10,000 acre opossum preserve near Coyote. Edgar Huckingson, a local rancher, has offered to lease 10,000 acres of his Rocky Raccoon Ranch to the TNOS at nominal cost. It was hoped by the TNOS's newly appointed Director, Claudette Crammerstone, that revenues from the expected 1,000's of tourists would bring a bonanza of spending to the region sufficient to eliminate the county property tax.

In her first official act, Crammerstone announced the formation of a committee consisting of all unpregnant adult residents of Coyote to find a cross-eyed opossum residing in Texas, similar to the one in the Leipzig Zoo. (See photo) A $25 reward was announced for the first person to locate a cross-eyed opossum and bring it to the 10,000 acre Opossum Animal Preserve.

The mayor of Coyote said this was the biggest thing to happen in Coyote since the original coyote, for which the town is named, dropped dead in the middle of the road, in 1946.