Does Keeping Your Legs Crossed Prevent Pregnancy? Surprising Results.

Shocking: "Keep Your Legs Crossed, Sluts" Sex-Ed Strategy Fails

Posted by Jill Filipovic, Think Progress at 8:41 AM on December 30, 2008.


The U.S. government has spent more than $1.5 billion on abstinence programs. What a terrible waste. Not only was the program a miserable failure, it prevented millions of horny teenagers from enjoying some of the most high quality sex they will ever have in their lives. A newly formed group of angry, celibate young people is demanding reparations from the federal government for falsely inducing them to believe that "just not doing it" was best and they would be helping their country.

"I saved my virginity until I was 21 years-old," said Loretta Smith, of Kew Gardens, N.Y., who joined the Bush-Republican pledge of abstinence when she was 16. "And for what? That's five miserable years of needless celibacy when I could easily have enjoyed hot, raunchy sex at least 1400 times. Because I'm multi-orgasmic that translates into 4000 missed orgasms, which now are irretrievably lost. And that affects 1400 partners as well who were blameless."

Using the figure of $200 a trick for an average hooker, Ms. Smith, shown above, and her attorney, Carolyn Gotones, claim the federal government owes her a minimum of $280,000 in lost opportunity costs. A spokespimp for the National Association of Latino Pimps (NALP)agreed with Ms. Smith's numbers and pointed out that most pimps take at least 50% of their own prostitute's fees. Such losses in pimp income have a ripple effect as the demand for pork pie hats, gold bracelets, and pointy toed black, patent leather shoes falls.

Teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence and are significantly less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control when they do, according to a study released today.

The new analysis of data from a large federal survey found that more than half of youths became sexually active before marriage regardless of whether they had taken a "virginity pledge," but that the percentage who took precautions against pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases was 10 points lower for pledgers than for non-pledgers.

A critic of the study and of abstinence, pointed out that the failure to use contraceptives among the virginity freaks was just another example that they were stupid to ever agree to the no sex pledge so it was to be expected that they wouldn't think about rubbers when they decided to break the pledge and do what felt right.

I suppose abstinence-only education has one thing going for it: It threatens that sex will bring disease and unwanted pregnancy, and for abstinence-pledgers, that threat is more likely to be realized. Now that is one of the dumbest statements I ever read. Nine out of ten U.S. teenagers do not want to contract syphillis, herpes, AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease. I had a dose of the clap once, as a teenager, and believe me it was no bed of roses.

The U.S. government, as noted, under the guidance of George W. Bush, who himself never practiced abstinence, has spent more than $1.5 billion on abstinence programs. A lot of that money goes to local anti-choice and religious groups, which provide curriculum telling students that sex tears the petals off of their beautiful roses and that AIDS is spread by sweat and tears. What petals? The average teenager has genitals that are as ugly as adults and they sure don't smell like roses. Let’s hope Obama cuts off that gravy train quickly. We need more young men and women getting a head start in unregulated, federally subsidized sex if we are to continue to lead the world in unprotected sex and STDs.