Saturday, February 21, 2009
Woman Stupped by Santa Claus?
Woman sues Santa, claiming he fell on top of her, and more.
Published - Feb 20 2009 07:39PM CST
Call it the case of the overserved Santa. Antoinette Basso filed a lawsuit Thursday against a man in a Santa suit who she said stumbled and fell on top of her on a sidewalk outside a Chicago restaurant.
Basso claims in the Cook County Circuit Court lawsuit that she suffered "pain ... disability and disfigurement." She claims that because of the extreme cold her ass stuck to the cement and her butt is now disfigured. She's asking for damages in excess of $50,000.
Basso alleges that Santa appeared intoxicated at the time of the Dec. 7 incident. She's accusing him of negligence, negligent battery, rape, and premature withdrawal.
Santa could not be reached for comment because he was taking a long winter's nap.
Mrs. Claus, pictured above, speaking on condition of senility from their North Pole home, dismissed the woman's claims as frivolous. Mrs. Claus explained that over the course of their lenghty marriage Santa has fallen on her countless times, drunk and sober, and that each time had been extremely pleasurable. "The Santa I know is well endowed and any woman would be proud to have him or top of her. She's just a cheap hooker, looking for a way to make a fast buck from one of history's sexiest men. I couldn't begin to tell you how many naked moms greet Santa every Christmas just as he steps into her living room, and says, 'Shoo, my husband's in bed and I've always fantasized about doing Santa.' Always willing to bring xmas cheer, he's worn out by the time her gets home. We're a generous, giving family and I don't mind. I've done the elves enough times when Santa's away to know it just adds a liitle zest to your life. If anything, she owes Santa for stuffing her with a nice fat Christmas sausage."