News For All Those Rat and Snake Lovers And Fans of Sarah Palin

Happy news for Rat Island and Snakeville?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Two places that belong in the Disgusting Infestation Hall of Fame have reason to celebrate today.

This week there was news about a police station in Sierra Leone that was overrun by venomous snakes. Happily, soldiers with AK-47s and firemen with power hoses have attacked the slither-fest, and killed about 250 of the 400 snakes.

Imagine how much safer folks will feel now, with a mere 150 snakes left!

Meanwhile, off the Alaska coast there is important news about Alaska’s Rat Island, which has been run by rats for 229 years ever since a shipwreck spilled rampaging rodents onto the remote island. Suffice it to say as an island tourist destination, Rat Island hasn’t been giving Maui any sleepless nights.

The rats, on the other hand, have loved the beautiful, green, lush, almost tropical looking island and have flourished on their very own private island get-away. Until: Dum de Dum Dum, here comes the government.

Now the place appears to be rat-free, thanks to a government program of dropping poison from helicopter-hoisted buckets. The first remaining question is what to call the place. The second is will it ever be habitable again? It is rumored that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin wants to transform the former rat paradise into a resort for convicted and disgraced Republican former lawmakers and public officials.

"What a wonderful place for the Republican National Party to hold its national convention," said the Governor, winking and flashing more than a little of her now familiar cleavage. "It would be like homecoming for all the rats, and a tribute to the former inhabitants," she continued before falling down,face first,drunk. The Governor was quickly removed in a large wheelbarrow by a state maintenance crew. A maintenance official, speaking on condition of bulimia, said he was not authorized to make a statement.

Three helpful suggestions for a new island name:

* The Putrid Stench-Pit Formerly Known as Rat Island
* Take that you dirty rat, you. (James Cagney)
* Palin Swingers' Paradise - Swing With Sarah and Todd, and Maybe Bristol, Too.