Science Will Prove It Every Time!!

OUCH! AAGAH! HOLY SHIT! MOTHER FU.....

June 6, 2009

A Montana scientist with the Department of Natural Resources claims to have discovered a foolproof method to determine one's best friend. "We have done extensive empirical testing with this technique and it worked 100% of the time. That's unheard of in scientific measurement. There is normally at least a small margin of error in any scientific experiment but in this rare instance it is zero," he said. His paper reporting the results has been accepted for publication in the Journal of UnNatural Science.

The scientist, who requested anonymity because his wife is a member of the extremist wing of the National Organization of Women, which advocates gang attacks by women on males caught on the streets alone at night. The group claims to have cut the incidence of mugging and rape of women at night in half in less than a year of operation.

Men are getting the message, said a spokesit for NOW. "Stay off the street after dark or risk being neutered," it said.

The Pizza delivery industry has been hard hit by this policy. 95% of pizza deliverers are male and owners of pizza establishments are being forced to discontinue home delivery. "No man wants to risk having his jewels cut off for $8 to $10 an hour," said a spokesman for the Pizza Delivers Association of America (PDAA). "We've learned it's the wives and girlfriends who are urging them to quit the business, stay home, and take care of business."

The following is a brief summary of the scientist's discovery.


WHO IS YOUR REAL FRIEND?



This really works...!

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment yourself. Anyone can do it at home with no special equipment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, notice which one is really happy to see you?

(Experimenters are cautioned to use protective gear when conducting this experiment, especially the use of a steel cup held in place by a high quality athletic supporter. For an example of what to expect, see photos above. These women are not your best friends.)