Sunday, December 12, 2010

Uptight Las Vegas County Commissioners Kill Spirt of Naked Christmas

LAS VEGAS, Nov. 11, 2009 and Dec. 11, 2010

A Plexiglas truck giving new meaning to the Las Vegas "Strip" drew the eyes of passersby and the ire of county commissioners.

The "stripper-mobile," which features scantily-clad women performing pole dances in the back of the Plexiglas truck while it drives up and down the Las Vegas Strip, was slated to be a topic of discussion at next Tuesday's (2009) Las Vegas County Commission meeting, the Las Vegas Sun reported Wednesday.

Larry Beard, marketing director for Deja Vu Showgirls, which has run the truck up and down the Strip during the wee hours for the past 11 days, said it had already doubled business at his clubs.

"It's just a great idea that really works," Beard said.

However, critics have raised questions about the decency of the marketing technique as well as the safety of having such an eye-catching spectacle in the middle of traffic.

"You could have 10 of them out there pretty quick and a million people just staring," Commissioner S.Anonymous said in a gross exaggeration. The Neanderthal Commish argued that the county had to get a handle on this before too many adult people are allowed to actually see half naked women. "That's somewhere in the Constitution I'm pretty sure," said the Commish.

This nation was founded on the bedrock principle of no nakedness. The Commish said he had been married 24 years and had never seen his wife naked. "She's the mother of my children, for Chisake, and that would ruin her whole image for me if I ever saw her naked. Making babies was intended to be done in the dark. That's why we have light switches."

In an unscientific poll conducted by a couple of homeless men, most people asked said they didn't mind the Strip-mobile but had numerous alternate suggestions for the commissioner which can't be printed here. We can reveal that the comments centered on allegations the commissioner was romantically (sexually)linked to the truck used to transport the strippers.

This year the owners of Deja Vu said they were going to do the Christian thing and use the stripper mobile to deliver toys to needy tots in Las Vegas instead. From their hospital beds, where they were recovering from a recent mugging, they indicated they were not caving in to pressure from the Commissioners but just felt it was something they should do, for the sake of their families.

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